by Ian Shimwell
TRENCH: Yes, how did you know there never was a body in the Dreadbury Punchbowl.
OLD TOM: It was all too contrived, Trench.
TRENCH: All right, how did Marcus know I would even meet up with Sawn-Off by the swamp?
OLD TOM: You had already told me that Marcus had an elaborate security system. He knew that Sawn-Off was an occasional visitor and had probably just seen him on camera prior to his obvious Punch and bowl clue.
TRENCH: Brilliant, old timer.
OLD TOM: And the maid, Gemma had to be the missing Emmy. Why call your servant by their Christian name? The aristocracy simply doesn’t do that. It struck me as over-familiarity. The dropped milk, when you first mentioned Emma, Trench. Marcus and his maid were often seen together - and you even saw them kiss, eventually. Also their closeness was the likely reason that Marcus spurned Sally-Anne’s advances in the dead of night…
TRENCH: Yes, I can see the clues building up, creating a near-complete picture.
OLD TOM: And inevitably there’s the clincher.
TRENCH: You’ve lost me, old boy.
OLD TOM: Marcus really was toying with you. He said there was no gee gees at Dreadbury.
TRENCH: Yes, because of Emmy’s apparent allergy to horses.
OLD TOM: No gee gees – odd language, if I may say so. No Gs. Take the G away from Gemma…
TRENCH: And you get Emma, another name for Emmy – of course.
OLD TOM: And if you add the clues to Marcus’ and Emmy’s motivation for being rid of Sawn-Off and the Syndicate, the picture is not only complete, but also framed.
TRENCH: And framed beautifully, may I say? Although we can’t really use this as a story for the Stokeham Herald. Sally-Anne’s forthcoming expose on the Landlord’s shenanigans at the Cock and Pheasant will help a bit, though.
OLD TOM: I’m glad.
TRENCH: So, the manor-house mystery has been solved by the Armchair Detective.
OLD TOM: You played your part well too, Trench. Away in the field, so to speak.
TRENCH: Praise indeed.
OLD TOM: Well, Trench do pop in again if you stumble across another case in desperate need of ‘solvation’.
TRENCH: I will. Goodbye then, Old Tom.
OLD TOM: Before you do go though, Trench - go and make the tea again. You did such a good job last time. You know, through the hallway, turn…
TRENCH: Yes, I remember where the kitchen is.
(We hear TRENCH get up and walk to the kitchen. He turns the kettle on.)
TRENCH: (Who shouts from the kitchen.) Hang on, like last time, we’ll have to wait for the tea to cool down. Which means I’ll be here for ages.
OLD TOM: (Who chuckles.) Yes, young Trench, I suppose you will.
CLOSING MYSTERY MUSIC
NEXT:
The Armchair Detective and the Celebrity Stalker
Old Tom begins to suspect that the stalker of infamous model-turned-actress, Darnia Storm could be a lot closer to her than anyone imagines…
Read more…
Read Escape to the Country, a ‘sideways glance’ which is intended to accompany and compliment this script in an original and thought-provoking way.
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