“Hi, guys,” Casey called from the connected kitchen. “Come in and make yourself at home, Kennedy.”
Asher pushed past her and stretched out on the couch. “Ahh, this is where I want to be.” He shot Kennedy one of his lopsided grins.
“Asher, go ahead, make yourself at home,” Casey quipped.
The lighthearted interaction took place in front of her, not with her included. Standing separated and detached came naturally to her, she knew that, but she’d not been aware of its pervasiveness. It just happened. She’d viewed it as necessary, a form of protection she’d gotten expert at using over the years of living with the Novaks. Now, in this warm moment, it felt intrusive. It kept her isolated even when she didn’t need to be.
A blond-haired young woman walked into the kitchen from another hall. Her long ponytail swished across her shoulders as she walked to Kennedy. Without missing a beat, she pulled Kennedy into a light embrace. “I’m Michelle. I bet you don’t remember me. I haven’t been around since your rescue. Come in the kitchen, I could use your help.”
She laid out some fruit and handed Kennedy a knife. “Would you mind cutting these up for a fruit salad? Dinner is about ready.”
Kennedy let her gaze slip over Michelle’s face as she took the knife. “Sure.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been missing these two weeks. I keep a pretty hectic schedule.” She pulled out of the oven a pan of baked chicken and a dish of rice. By the scent that wafted to Kennedy’s nose in delicious puffs, she guessed it was saffron rice. “I work for Aegar Investigations and run a cat rescue, Cats Alive. Keeps me pretty busy.”
Still amazed at Michelle’s easy manner, Kennedy prepared the fruit, all the while her brain caught up in the brief hug Michelle had given her. Michelle had seemed so sure it wouldn’t repel her. How did Michelle know a hug was the exact thing Kennedy longed for? Was she perceiving my emotions?
Michelle turned a direct gaze on her and pursed her lips. “Listen, Kennedy. I need to tell you that I’m not a were-lynx. But I do have special abilities, you could say. I’ve always had visions of possibilities to come. And along with that, I’m very sensitive to environmental input. I can pick up emotions that are floating around. We can talk about it later, but I wanted you to know I could feel you reaching out, very subtly, for acceptance. I took a chance that hugging you would be accepted, appreciated.”
“Oh, well, you were right.” Her voice was low and sounded telling to her own ears. Her vulnerability chittered in her heart, slyly slipping into the open in her voice and mannerisms. And the more she acknowledged it, the more intense her craving grew for genuine, one-on-one relationships. “Thank you.”
Casey’s booming voice called from across the room. “I smell something delicious. Dinner ready yet?” A rumbling growl rose from his throat. “I know I’m ready to eat.”
They each took a seat at the table and helped themselves to food as it was passed around. The four of them conversed about the run she and Asher had taken, how Cats Alive was doing, and more lighthearted topics. But Kennedy didn’t add much to the conversation. Instead, she took in the easy camaraderie they shared, Michelle’s kindness, and Casey’s intellect. But mostly, she kept shifting her attention to Asher. His presence beside her incited her senses. She’d know his spicy scent as all his own from across the room, but coming from beside her, it filled her head with sensual ideas.
While she took bites of the chicken, her awareness of his presence blossomed inside her, opening her heart like a flower. The warmth emanating from his body sent her pulse racing. Her breaths came in shallow pulls.
Kennedy wiggled in her seat, refocusing her thoughts. The sensations gliding throughout her body made her shake her head. No. This wasn’t real. She turned to steal a glance at Asher, expecting to catch his gaze and confirm that his ability to nudge her was at the bottom of her swirling feelings. In which case she’d punch his face.
But Asher was leaning forward, engaged in an earnest conversation about the growing population of big cats in the Midwest.
“Humans decimated their numbers in the Midwest, and now that a few cougars have been seen in parts of that area, you can bet hunters will eliminate the strides that have been made.” Asher shook his head. “Or habitat intrusion will leave these animals with nowhere to go and nowhere to hunt. It makes me sick.”
He turned to Kennedy, flashing agitation and sorrow in his crystal yellow eyes. No steam, no guilt. She was wrong. And her attraction to him in this moment was all hers. A response to Asher.
The concept played in her mind, confusing her. While the idea of being intimate with him should scare her—letting down her guard to be with him so intimately would make her very vulnerable to getting hurt—it mostly tweaked at her lips, lifting the corners into a smile.
“You’ve hardly eaten a thing.” Asher pointed at Kennedy’s full plate. “Are you okay?”
His attention startled her, bringing her back into the conversation. “I’m fine. I’m not very hungry.” She was loath to let the arousal in her body drift away. Her body tingled with life, more alive than she could remember ever feeling. She pulled in a deep breath and let it out. “But the food was delicious, Michelle. Thank you to both of you for the meal and the chance to be a part of this conversation.”
Asher casually fingered a lock of her hair. The gesture sent electric sparks tripping in her chest. “Thank you for the run. It felt good to stretch my legs and have some fun.” His smile lit up his face, and she knew they shared the excitement of the run as only were-cats could. If there were more to it than that … well, she was sure there wasn’t for him.
“It was good. Especially since it was the first snow of the season.” She didn’t dare look at Asher. Her heart beat raw and erratic. Geez, she’d almost said the run was magical.
While each of them helped clear the table, Casey walked up behind Michelle and pulled her in close. “Delicious meal, honey. Asher and I have some things to discuss in the den. I’ll help you with this cleanup after we talk.”
“No problem. Kennedy and I can catch up.”
As Casey led Asher out of the kitchen, he tossed a wink at Kennedy. He’d given her a simple gesture, but it lit up her heart at the same time it assured her everything would be all right. Exactly what, she didn’t know, but the general promise was a gift. It meant he knew her needs and he cared. With a wink, he’d touched her deeply. Her eyes brimmed with tears, and she stood in the kitchen helpless to stop them.
“Kennedy, what’s going on?” Michelle turned away from the counter and stepped up close to her. “Here, let’s go into the family room.”
Kennedy followed Michelle and slumped into the deep cushions on the couch. Michelle sat close, resting her arm across Kennedy’s shoulders. Kennedy’s body was rigid for good reason. In her life with her parents, a soft gesture from them typically came teamed with pain and deception. Perform well and get a hug, followed by a lecture about being haughty—a lecture that would bring her to her lowest and provoke tears. She had never known any other way. Without thought, her body would stiffen in an attempt to lessen the hurt. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” Her feelings melted, and even a stranglehold on her control couldn’t stop them.
“Kennedy, you have nothing to apologize for and nothing to explain. Not until you’re ready.” Michelle dipped her head to grab Kennedy’s gaze with her own. “If you can be present with what you’re experiencing, you’ll get useful information. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s very brave. And I’ll stay with you in that place.”
Kennedy’s muscles resisted relaxing. Muscle memory kept them tight and vigilant. But weariness heavied her heart. She leaned her head against Michelle’s shoulder and breathed deeply and slowly. She savored Michelle’s scent of lavender. It tempted her with thoughts of home, though no home she’d ever known, only dreamed of. Silence filled the room with a palpable sense of acceptance. The clock on the mantel ticked out the time, but neither of them moved or spoke.
• • •
Casey slipped into the chair behind his desk and motioned Asher to take a seat in front of him. Asher had been in Casey’s study before, but it had been a while. He glanced around, taking it all in before Casey spoke.
Tall shelves of books lined the room, giving a sense of being held by words. Asher admired and respected Casey’s intellect. The décor of his study fit his personality from the somber reference books to the playfulness of a collection of antique toys. Expansive windows on one wall brought nature up close. With his keen, were-cat vision, Asher saw into the darkness outside and savored the way the treetops swayed in the wind and snowflakes fluttered down to rest on dry leaves.
“What’s up, Asher? Out with it.” Casey tapped a pen to the top of his desk and slanted his head.
In the grip of Casey’s gaze, Asher’s reputation as a reckless and inappropriate goofball shone in neon green. He knew that was his reputation, and in the past he’d messed up, but right now he felt misjudged. He pursed his lips, knowing he was not just those things. “I read a small article on the AP wire this morning that made me cringe a bit.”
Casey sat up straight, his back rigid. “What was it about?”
“A small, privately owned company called Phoenix Biosciences has made a large donation to Daren Sage’s campaign fund. The company’s name gave me pause, so I looked it up. It specializes in genome and nanotechnological research, with the stated goal of curing major diseases.”
Casey frowned. “I see why it made you cringe.”
“Right. It could easily be a new angle for The Nexus Group to achieve its goals.”
Casey nodded. “What about this Daren Sage? What’s the connection there?”
“Senator Daren Sage was also backed by William Carter Enterprises.” Asher stood and paced across the carpeted floor. The threat from The Nexus Group crept up his spine, filling him with urgent need to do something. Take action.
Casey stood and strolled in front of Asher’s path. He put a hand to Asher’s shoulder. “This is a good catch, Asher. You’ve got good investigative skills. Do you have time to explore further?”
“I’ll make time. My schedule is always hectic, but I can make time without neglecting my sportswriting.” Determination welled in his chest. “I appreciate your trust, Casey.”
“You’ve earned it, Asher. If you need help, let me know. Asia is a great resource, with her research and writing experience, and of course Sterling and Lacey Aegar are highly skilled investigators.”
Asher nodded, but had little intention of asking anyone for help. This was his opportunity to do something truly meaningful for his colony.”
“Okay, then. You’ll get started right away?”
“I’ll get started tonight.” Energy thrummed within him, urging him to grab onto the flow and use it to learn all he could. And underneath it rumbled the powerful need to make amends for ruining his brother’s life by helping others caught in TNG’s destructive plans.
“I think you should start tomorrow. It’s early. Spend some time with Kennedy, if you want.” Casey gave him a pointed look. “That’s not an order. Just a suggestion.” Casey slanted him a knowing grin.
If ever he’d gotten an approval that counted to court a woman, this was it. It didn’t get any more significant than the leader of his colony. He couldn’t suppress the smile that came from his heart and opened on his face.
He was still wearing that smile when he and Casey walked into the living room to find Kennedy leaning against Michelle, her face somber. The sight of her red-rimmed eyes plucked at his insides. He didn’t want to intrude, but how could he ignore her pain?
Casey took over. “Is everything all right here?” His voice traveled like a beautiful scent across the room, and even Asher let it embrace him.
Kennedy sat upright instantly. “Yes. I was just …” Her words trailed off as though she didn’t have enough strength to continue.
Michelle ran a hand up and down Kennedy’s arm. “She and I were just relaxing.”
Asher’s power reached out to Kennedy to help ease her discomfort. But he shut it down, knowing he needed to get her permission before nudging her. “Want me to take you home to Lara’s apartment?”
She stood and gazed up into his face, her brow knitted.
Casey grabbed Michelle’s hand and pulled her to her feet. “Why don’t we give them some privacy?” With that, the two sauntered down the hall to the study and shut the door.
“Can we talk?” Kennedy slanted her head. “You and me?” She hesitated, troubling her full bottom lip, then took his hand in hers.
Asher’s heart skipped a beat. His skin responded to her touch with tiny goose bumps. Geez, what am I, a kid? He’d been with women, plural, but this touch from Kennedy moved him, traveling through him like a river of light, quieting the buzzing in his head.
Silently, he sat on the couch and pulled her down to sit next to him, her thigh touching his and sending his nerve endings flashing like a Fourth of July sparkler.
But this moment was not about pleasuring himself, taking from Kennedy. He tamped down his libido. His longing to truly be there for her guided him. “You want to talk? About what?”
She turned her head away. Her hand on his leg trembled. Her words came out in pieces of sentences. “Everything in me wants to hide. Hide from the many truths coming forward in my mind and body.” She stopped and dipped her head, staring at the floor.
Asher’s insides quivered. “Truths?”
“That my real parents are alive. That the Novaks didn’t love me. That my trainers from The Nexus Group hurt me.” A sob escaped her. She shook her head, as though trying to shake off the immense implications of facing the truth. “That I need to rethink everything I’ve learned.”
Asher held her hand tight, struggling to control his automatic reaction to nudge her into feeling okay. “I’m here, Kennedy. Say what you need to say.”
Through tears drifting down her cheeks, she grabbed his heart with her soft brown eyes. “To grasp that there are good people who don’t want to simply use me and hurt me. These truths are hard.”
“We all have hard truths to face, Kennedy. And you’re not alone in facing yours.”
She dragged in a deep, ragged breath. “I want to tell you what I’ve been through. I want you to help me.”
“I think if you’re ready, that would be good for you to do. I’ll help you, of course.” He squeezed her hand gently, feeling her pain as though it were his own. He relaxed his grip on the energy of nudging and allowed it to flow freely. With little effort, he guided it to embrace Kennedy, as he suggested in his mind that she was completely safe and she wanted to allow her memories to open to her.
“I don’t know where to start. So many years of training and trying to please and perform well.” She leaned her head against his shoulder.
“Just start. I’m here for as long as it takes. I’ll listen.”
And he did. He listened as Kennedy told of her life with the Novaks. He listened when she told him about when she was seven and she’d spent the night locked in a dark closet because her mother had told her she needed to learn to be fearless alone in the dark. She’d heard noises in the dark, and fear had turned into tears and pleading to be let out. But no one had come.
He listened, his body tight, trying to take it all in when she told him of sleep deprivation when she was nine, and then being forced to work puzzles for hours.
Asher suppressed his growl when Kennedy described her ordeal of fighting with her trainers when she was twelve, as she’d practiced the skills they’d shown her, expecting her to reach expertise in hours. And when she’d beaten them, using her procedural memory, they’d deprived her of food.
A door clicking closed down the hall indicated Casey and Michelle had gone to their bedroom. Asher hadn’t wanted to break his attention for an instant to check the time, but now the clock on the mantel told him it was close to midnight. Her voice hoarse, she continued.
He
listened to her stories of subjugation and oppression, endless striving, and always loneliness consuming all hope of any kind of love.
The wind outside the windows picked up, tossing the tree branches wildly. Snow continued to flutter down and get caught up and tossed in gusts that in the darkness only Kennedy and Asher could see.
Kennedy shifted her position, and Asher took advantage of it to stir the fire in the fireplace, now burned down to small, soft flames.
He sat back on the couch, taking her hand again. His gut a bottomless pit of sorrow and helplessness, he fought back thoughts of using his ability to show Jonathon and Kathryn Novak what the kind of agony they’d subjected Kennedy to felt like.
“It wasn’t all bad.” Kennedy’s voice interrupted his thoughts of nudging the Novaks. “I had a friend when I was a teenager.” Her reflection for a moment lit her face. “His name was Griffin Kreger. We were both eighteen. He lived nearby, and we met while I was out walking. We kept our friendship secret, so we never did much. We just hung out back behind my house in the woods. We had hiding places we could escape to. I’d tell my parents I was going for a run. Of course, the trainers would follow me. I wouldn’t shimmer, but even in human form, I ran faster than them. Running was just another skill I could emulate effortlessly.”
“I bet you kicked their butts,” Asher teased. “But don’t ever do that to me.”
She rolled her eyes and smirked, just before her face turned blank. “We managed to keep our friendship secret for several months. He was such a great friend. Of course, my only friend, but he was a good kid. He didn’t deserve to die.”
“How did he die, Kennedy?” Asher kept his voice low, flat.
“He drowned in a river. My parents told me over and over that my skills made me desirable to many hostile organizations. His death was proof that people were after me and when I let down my guard, terrible things happened.”
Cravings (Fierce Hearts) Page 5