by Erin Zak
“That might be it.” Stevie hated to admit an eleven-year-old kid was probably right, but dammit, Harper hit the nail on the head. She bent at the waist and looked at Harper, at her adorable face and very, very curly hair. She clearly inherited those kinky coils from her dad’s side of the family. And her dimples were ridiculous. She was going to be so beautiful when she got older. “I’m good now, though. It’s okay.”
“Stevie?” Harper whispered.
“Yes?”
“Do you think we could hang out after the museum? Maybe we could go eat or something.”
Stevie chuckled as she stood and adjusted her skinny jeans. “Yes, we can totally do that.”
“Pizza? Please? Come on!”
“Yes, pizza. For sure.”
* * *
“Okay, so which dinosaur can eat up to four hundred kilograms of food?” Stevie asked, her pen poised to write the answer. The dinosaur exhibit was one of her favorites at the museum. As a child, she’d always loved learning about the massive reptiles. But she had no idea how deep Harper’s feelings were about dinosaurs. Stevie quickly learned her love for the prehistoric beasts was nothing compared to Harper’s.
Harper was reading the signs along the wall at the start of the exhibit. “The brachiosaur.”
Stevie scribbled the answer. “And what is four hundred kilograms in pounds?”
“Math is the worst,” Harper said under her breath. “Okay, here.” She underlined the answer on the wall plate with her finger. “Eight hundred and eighty pounds. Geesh. That’s a lot of food.”
“That’s how much pizza we’re going to eat tonight.”
Harper started to laugh. “That’s a lot of pizza, Stevie. We’re gonna need to pace ourselves.”
“You’ll have to get a wheelbarrow to get us back to Gram’s.” Stevie loved Harper’s kid laugh, the way her giggles echoed through the exhibit. She wished getting adults to laugh was always that easy. But nothing with adults was ever easy. They continued going through the worksheet, answering questions, and laughing about things Stevie said. Harper would rattle off details about dinosaurs and it would completely blow Stevie away. There was no way they were from the same family.
“Stevie, look. You can see SUE from way up here.” Harper was gazing at the skeleton of the Tyrannosaurus rex. “She is so awesome. Did you know she’s one of the most complete skeletons ever found?”
Stevie did as requested and peered over the railing of the second floor to the lobby. “You should go to college to be a paleontologist. Have you considered that?” Stevie asked, and when Harper nodded enthusiastically, she smiled. “You’d be great at it.”
“Yeah, I mean, I love dinosaurs and fossils. It’s different than math, where I feel like I’m so stupid. I guess because you have to read about them to understand them. Does that make sense?”
Stevie stared straight ahead because she couldn’t believe how much sense it made. “Yeah, it makes perfect sense.” This kid was wise beyond her years, which made Stevie almost feel like an idiot as she looked out over the giant carnivore.
“Let’s go turn in my worksheet. I’m going to win.” Harper spun around, took off, and collided with someone as she turned the corner.
“Oh my goodness—are you okay?” Stevie heard the woman ask as she rushed over to Harper.
“Bernadette?” Stevie was completely beside herself. “Holy cow. Are you okay?”
Bernadette looked up at Stevie and then down at Harper, pure confusion written all over her face.
“This is my cousin Harper.” Stevie knelt down and with both hands on Harper’s arms, looked her in the eyes. “Are you okay, Harp? You can’t go sprinting off like that. There are people everywhere.”
Harper nodded her head. “I know. I’m sorry.” Her voice was soft. “I ran into you hard,” she said to Bernadette. “Are you okay?”
Bernadette smiled. “Oh yes, I’m completely okay.”
“What are you doing here?” Stevie asked as she helped Bernadette up first, then Harper, who was completely unaffected by the whole ordeal.
“I was interpreting for an elementary school class this morning. What are you doing here?”
“Chaperoning,” Stevie said as she motioned to Harper, who was now walking way ahead of them as they made their way through the darkened museum hallways. “My mom’s sister’s kid.” Stevie smiled when she nonchalantly eyed Bernadette. She was wearing navy blue skinny slacks, a cream top, and a brown tweed blazer. “You look nice. And really beautiful.”
“Well, thank you,” Bernadette said, followed by a deep breath. “Is it me, or do we keep running into each other in the weirdest places?”
“Yeah, you were run into today, though.” Stevie’s heart felt happy when Bernadette chuckled softly. “It’s nice though, right?”
“It’s definitely not bad.”
They moved quietly around the shelves of artifacts. When Bernadette walked, she practically glided, and it made Stevie’s internal temperature rise when she let her eyes wander over Bernadette’s backside and imagined running her hands over all of Bernadette’s curves. She shook the dirty thoughts from her head, hoped she wasn’t blushing too badly, and quickly found an artifact to admire.
“Stevie?” Harper’s voice interrupted her thoughts as she rushed up to her. “I turned in my worksheet. It’s time for Mrs. Vaughn to go over the results. Come on.” Harper grabbed Stevie’s hand, then looked at Bernadette. “You can come, too, if you’d like.”
“Oh, how nice of you.” Bernadette’s smile as she looked down at Harper took Stevie’s breath right out of her lungs. Was she going to accept? Stevie’s day was going to take a turn toward incredible if so. “I couldn’t impose, though. You two have fun.”
Stevie’s heart sank. The feeling was almost too much to handle. She wanted to kick herself. And then, as if on cue, Harper let out a childish whine and said, “Oh, come on. It’ll be fun. Stevie is funny. And I’m cute.”
Bernadette smiled, looked from Stevie to Harper, then back to Stevie. Her eyebrow was arched. “You’re cute, eh?”
Harper bounced on the balls of her feet and nodded enthusiastically.
“Come with.” Stevie nudged Bernadette with her shoulder.
Bernadette looked at Stevie. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” Harper said with a giggle. “Come hang out with us, Bernadette. Please?”
Bernadette’s eyes lightened when she nodded and whispered, “Okay.” Her eyes locked onto Stevie’s, and Stevie couldn’t fight the grin that formed.
* * *
“So you’ve never been to Pequod’s?” Bernadette asked as the server set a red plastic cup filled to the brim with Coca-Cola in front of Harper and pints of Old Style in front of Stevie and her. The restaurant was in Lincoln Park near where she lived with her mother, so she knew it like the back of her hand. It was a classic Chicago establishment, with tons of sports memorabilia on the walls, draft beer always flowing, and wood floors that had seen so much action the varnish in most places was worn clean off. It was her favorite pizza place in the entire city. She laughed when people would go on and on about Giordano’s or Lou Malnati’s. Clearly, they had never had the caramelized crust from Pequod’s.
Harper shook her head from her seat next to Stevie in the big booth. “This is my first time,” she said before she pulled the straw of her Coke into her mouth and happily sipped away.
“Well, small confession to make,” Stevie started and looked down at Harper. “It’s my first time, too. So we’ll be newbies together.”
“I’m shocked you’ve never been here. Didn’t you grow up here? This is the place to go for deep dish.”
“Will you be all weird and chastise me if I told you my grandma was never a fan of pizza, so I rarely eat it?”
Bernadette’s mouth fell open. “You’re kidding me.”
“Nope.”
Harper hummed to herself and then said, “Gram never lets us eat pizza. We eat pizza at my house, though. My mom and dad
like it.”
Stevie shrugged. “Gram is Polish, so she used to cook a lot of Polish food.”
“Do you even like pizza, then? Why are we here?” Bernadette tilted her head. She was definitely skeptical now.
“No, no, no—I love pizza.” Stevie laughed. “I sort of forget about it. Harper here is the one who suggested pizza for dinner tonight.”
“I’m floored that there is a person in my life who forgets about pizza.” When the server came back to the table to get their order, Bernadette ordered a deep-dish cheese pizza and garlic bread. She knew exactly what to get to make the two newbies fans for life. “I’m telling you right now,” she said when the server left, “this pizza will amaze you. It’s an actual life-changing experience. I’m not kidding or exaggerating.”
“Sounds a little embellished.”
“I would never embellish when it comes to pizza.”
Harper laughed. “Bernadette, you must totally love this place.”
Bernadette watched Harper take in her surroundings. “I’m Italian. Pizza is in my blood.”
The three of them settled into an easy conversation about Harper’s time at the museum. Harper went on and on about all the different exhibits, what her favorite parts were, and which parts she didn’t love all that much. She told Bernadette about the dinosaurs and how she wanted to be either an archeologist or paleontologist when she grew up, but she wasn’t positive because what if all the bones and fossils were dug up by then?
Bernadette was trying very hard to not watch Stevie while Harper was chatting away, but her efforts were futile. She couldn’t help but notice the way Stevie encouraged Harper, how she held a normal conversation with her as if she was speaking to an adult. And Harper clearly thought Stevie hung the moon. It was all wonderful to watch.
“Bernadette?” Harper folded her arms on the table and propped her chin on them.
“Hmm?”
“Did Stevie tell you that she might be moving to New York City?”
Bernadette tilted her head and peered at Stevie, who was completely embarrassed and looked as if she wanted to crawl under the Formica surface. “No, she didn’t tell me that.”
“Yeah, she auditioned to be on this show called Saturday Night Live. Have you heard of it? My mom and dad don’t let me stay up past ten, and Stevie said it’s on late at night.”
“I do know about that show,” she said with a grin as she continued to keep her eyes glued on Stevie.
“Is it something I would like, Stevie?”
Stevie let out a laugh. “I mean, yeah, I guess so. It might be a tad too old for you, though.”
“Did you watch it when you were my age?”
Stevie smiled. Bernadette saw the word busted float across Stevie’s face. “Yes, but I had to sneak it.”
“Bernadette, we can still hang out when Stevie leaves, can’t we?”
“Yes, of course we can.” She gently kicked her foot out and touched Stevie’s leg. She raised an eyebrow, and all Stevie did in response was offer a very small smile. Bernadette couldn’t shake the feeling inside her chest, like she was pushed off a very tall building. Here she was, opening her heart to this woman, and she was possibly going to leave. And then what? Break her heart? Bernadette was feeling more and more ridiculous as the minutes passed, as she sat there watching Stevie, falling deeper and deeper into whatever was happening between them. Her head knew what she needed to do. She needed to pump the brakes and bail. But her heart was arguing with her head, telling her she needed to live her life instead of always barely surviving.
It wasn’t often she listened to her heart. But Stevie’s eyes were so blue and so clear as she sat across from Bernadette, almost begging her to understand. And Bernadette found herself listening to her heart for once. God, she hoped she didn’t regret it.
* * *
Bernadette fell into bed after washing her face and brushing her teeth. She was so full from dinner and so tired from being up almost the entire night before. As she lay there, she thought back to Stevie’s face when Harper dropped the bomb about her moving to New York City. They didn’t get a chance to discuss it at all. Who was Bernadette kidding, though? Was there even anything to discuss?
The idea of embarking on this relationship with Stevie if she was only going to leave was insane. After years and years of therapy, Bernadette knew she needed to not get involved in things which created a horrible environment for her anxious brain. The proper way to deal with the entire thing was to gracefully bow out. Take that stupid you only live once motto and blast it out of the sky. Taking life by the horns had never been her strong suit. It made her very nervous, and she knew it was only a matter of time before she started to fixate on the negatives. She could feel it happening already. But it was so hard to shut that part of herself off, especially when she felt as if the only way to survive was to assume the worst and jump to the most horrible conclusion. And when it came to Stevie, her heart was already involved. How was she not going to obsess about this? She rolled onto her side as her phone dinged. She reached for the phone out of sheer habit, and when she saw Stevie’s name on the screen, her heart leapt into her throat.
She set the phone back on the nightstand. It was too late. She needed to sleep. She needed to not engage.
Shit.
She needed to see what the hell Stevie texted.
Bernadette grabbed her phone again and tapped the screen.
Hey.
Bernadette felt the smile on her lips. All the text said was Hey, and she was like a giddy teenager. She wanted to smack herself. Where had the strong, years-of-therapy Bernadette gone? Right down the fucking drain. That was where.
Hey there. Did you make it home?
Dropped Harper off at Gram’s. She would not stop talking about you. She liked you. I don’t blame her, of course.
Bernadette pinched her upper lip between her thumb and forefinger. “Step away, Bernie, step away.” Her voice sounded so loud in her dark bedroom. She should listen to herself more, but like a million times before, she didn’t heed the very clear warning. She typed out quickly, I’m glad to hear that.
When the response bubble appeared and the text, Are you freaking out? slid onto the screen, she felt her stomach bottom out.
She hated that she was so transparent. Why would you think I’m freaking out? It was a poor attempt, but maybe Stevie would take the bait.
Because my plan is to leave?
Bernadette sighed. Yeah…That scared me a little. She knew she shouldn’t be so honest, but it felt good to not hold it in. So she decided to also text, I like spending time with you. She waited as patiently as possible for Stevie’s response. It took a couple seconds longer than her anxious brain would have liked.
I like spending time with you, too. That’s why I didn’t tell you yet…I didn’t know how. And it’s not for sure. I may never hear back.
So you were going to let me fall for you, then disappear on me? Bernadette pressed send without thinking, then hit the winking smiley emoji and hoped it would come across as funny and not nearly as bitchy as it sounded.
You’re falling for me?
“Shit.” That wasn’t what she meant, but she got carried away, and dammit, now what? I didn’t say that. Bernadette pressed send and willed her entire body to stop tingling.
Would you want to go to the Lights Festival together?
Bernadette read and reread the text a couple times before she sent back, Are you asking me out on a date?
If you would like it to be a date, then yes. If it’s a couple of gals palling around, then that’s fine, too.
I’d love to go. As gal pals. Or whatever. Bernadette then typed out, As my gal pal, you should probably know…I’m newly single. Thought that might be of interest to you.
Oh?
Yes.
I am definitely interested in that.
Good. Bernadette smiled as she typed, Good night, Stevie, and hit send. She set her phone on the bedside table and rolled onto her back.
She couldn’t stop smiling or thinking about Stevie and her eyes and her smile and her hands. She hoped she didn’t get too lost in this relationship. If she could only stay guarded enough to not get her heart broken, she would be fine. Was that going to be possible, though?
Probably not.
Chapter Ten
The Lights Festival was Stevie’s most favorite event to attend in the city. Michigan Avenue would go from fantastic to freaking amazing and live up to its well-deserved nickname of the Magnificent Mile. A parade of floats would make its way from the south to the north, Mickey Mouse in his sorcerer’s robe and hat leading the way, lighting all the trees with more twinkle lights than Clark Griswold used on his house in Christmas Vacation.
Chicago was experiencing a colder than normal start to November, which meant coats and hats and gloves and scarves, and Stevie was thrilled. She loved winter and everything to do with it. She was one of the few people she knew who welcomed the snow with a smile. There was nothing about winter she hated. The gray slush? Sign her up. The below freezing temps? Not a problem. The wind blowing in off the lake making her face freeze? Ecstatic was too tame a word.
When her doorbell rang, she sprinted to the intercom. “Hello?” She was breathless, but she was too excited to care.
“It’s me. I mean, it’s Bernadette.”
Stevie chuckled before she said into the intercom, “I know who it’s me is. Come on up.” She buzzed Bernadette up and then swung the heavy door open to wait for her to arrive. When Stevie heard the elevator ding, she poked her head into the hallway. Out stepped Bernadette from the elevator car, and there went Stevie’s ability to think clearly. She looked amazing even in a long bulky black winter parka. She also wore a black knit cap, black gloves, and a red scarf. Her cheeks were pink, and as she approached, Stevie knew she was smiling like an idiot. “You found the place okay?”
Bernadette nodded before she stopped in front of Stevie’s doorway. “Are you ready?” Bernadette’s breath smelled like peppermint, and when she smiled, Stevie could see a piece of gum inside her cheek.