by Erin Zak
When Harper released Bernadette, she smiled finally and placed her hand on the side of Harper’s face. “Tree shopping, of course.” She looked up at Stevie. “I could ask you the same question. We’re in the middle of nowhere. In Indiana. How do you even know about this place?”
Stevie shrugged. “My parents used to bring me here.” She reached forward and moved some stray hairs from Bernadette’s face. She tucked the hair behind her ear and smiled. “This is a surprise.”
“Yes,” Bernadette said softly, but it was clear she was still too shocked to sound normal.
“Are you here with—” Stevie stopped the instant she saw Constance standing on the other side of the small room, staring at them. “Oh, shit.”
“Don’t,” Bernadette whispered. “She can read your lips.” Bernadette’s eyes were pleading.
Stevie knew what she meant. She needed to act as if they meant nothing to each other. They needed to act as if this was not a happy meeting. That they didn’t spend Friday night making out, holding each other, falling deeper and deeper into whatever this was with each other. “Let’s go, Harp,” Stevie said as she put her hand on Harper’s shoulder. “Let’s let Bernadette go.”
“Bernadette?” Harper asked, not letting Stevie pull her away yet. “I have a question.”
Bernadette’s smile was so beautiful. Stevie couldn’t be upset, even though her jealousy was eating her alive. “Yes, honey?”
“Will you go to dinner with me and Stevie again soon?”
Stevie’s heart lodged in her throat. She waited for Bernadette’s response and feared it would be half-assed, not sincere, cold…But Bernadette’s eyes were so happy, and that fucking smile was so beautiful, and when she leaned down to Harper and said, “I would absolutely love to,” Stevie thought she was going to die. She looked up at Stevie and winked, but before she could turn to leave, Constance approached. Stevie saw Bernadette’s face fall, and then the smile reappeared as if on command.
Bernadette turned to Constance. “You remember Stevie?” she signed as she spoke, her hands moving so beautifully. If it wasn’t such an uncomfortable situation, Stevie would have been in a trance.
Connie nodded, signed something, and Bernadette interpreted, “How are you? Are you here for a tree?”
“Yes. And I’m fine. Thank you for asking.”
Stevie thought she’d be able to escape then, but she heard Bernadette say, “This is Stevie’s niece, Harper.” Stevie watched Harper as she spelled out her own name. The same way Bernadette had taught her at Pequod’s a few weeks earlier.
Connie laughed and said, “Wow, Harper, great job.” She gave Harper a thumbs-up and then stared at Bernadette. She signed something and mouthed the words, “Let’s go,” so Stevie knew the jig was up.
* * *
“Care to explain what the hell that was about?” Connie’s eyes were mad while she signed. “You two looked awfully cozy.”
Bernadette sighed as they pushed their way out of the crowded Christmas shop. The worst part about sign language was being able to fight at any moment in any environment because most people would never know what was being said. “You know I took care of it,” she signed. She was lying, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t about to drop a bomb right now. She was so upset with herself, though, for not being able to be honest.
Connie stopped in her tracks and turned so she was facing Bernadette. The girls had gone to the minivan, which now had the tree bound and strapped to the roof. But oh, how Bernadette wished one of them would interrupt right now. She’d pay for it to happen. She did not want to have this conversation here. Or anywhere. “You two are still entangled.” The way Connie signed the word entangled, with her eyes wide and her lips pursed, made Bernadette’s heart clench in her chest. “I told you that you could not see a client. Period.”
“Connie, stop.” Bernadette held her hands out. “We’re only friends. And we haven’t been seeing each other. So stop. Please.” Bernadette was begging now. This conversation was going to go nowhere fast if Connie kept it up.
“Tell her now, then.”
Bernadette’s eyes widened. “What?”
“Go on. Tell her now.”
“Absolutely not.” She folded her arms across her chest and took off in the direction of the minivan. She heard Connie’s fast footsteps as they approached from behind. Before she knew it, she was being stopped by Connie’s hand pulling on the crook of her arm. Her fingers were digging into the thick material of Bernadette’s coat. She glanced down at Connie’s hand and then back up at her. “What are you doing?”
“Tell her now.”
“No,” she said this time, her voice forceful even though Connie couldn’t hear it. “You do not get to win this one, Connie. Not this time.”
“Win?”
“Yes.” She was glaring at Connie when she noticed Stevie, Laurie, and Harper were walking out of the store. Stevie saw them immediately and stopped both Laurie and Harper with her hands to their shoulders. “You know, I have waited for years for you to finally return the love I have always had for you. Even though I knew it was never going to happen. I still hoped. But not anymore. I get it now. And I’m not going to wait around any longer. Do you hear me?” The irony of her word choice was not lost on Connie as her eyes narrowed, and then her brow furrowed before she turned and stalked off toward the minivan.
“Fuck you,” Connie said before she got into the driver’s side of the van, started it up, and took off, leaving Bernadette standing there with no ride home.
Her shoulders fell as she felt a hand on her back. She turned and immediately fell into Stevie’s now open arms. “Are you okay?” Stevie whispered. Bernadette shook her head as she tried to not cry like a baby in Stevie’s presence.
“I’m fine.” Her voice was stuck in her throat, though, and the words came out strained. “Take me home. Please.”
“Of course.” Stevie pulled back. “Harper is going to be thrilled.”
Bernadette couldn’t help but chuckle at Stevie’s goofy smile and her raised eyebrows. She tried to focus on those things instead of focusing on the fact that Connie was clearly pissed off at her, and a job search was more than likely looming on her horizon. Had she put a five-second relationship with Stevie before a lifetime of friendship with Connie?
Oh fuck…
Chapter Fourteen
“Let me walk you to the door,” Stevie said when she reached her hand out to help Bernadette from the back seat of Laurie’s car. Her heart warmed when she saw Harper was sleeping soundly with her head on Bernadette’s shoulder. Harper had begged Bernadette to sit by her and ended up talking her ear off for most of the ride home. “She always passes out on long car rides. You’re lucky.”
After Bernadette slipped out from under Harper’s sleeping body, she took Stevie’s hand and pulled herself out of the Prius. “Jesus, I feel like I’ve been cramped back there for three days.”
“It’s not a cross-country car.”
“Would you two shut up? It’s not like we went far. It was only two and a half hours,” Laurie said in a hissed whisper as she leaned into the passenger seat. She pointed up at the trees on the roof. “And the trees made it unscathed. Calm the fuck down.”
“Jeez, Merry Christmas, Scrooge.” She winked at Bernadette before she slammed the door as Laurie gasped. “She’s too much sometimes.” She followed Bernadette up to the door of the older brownstone where Bernadette lived with her mom. “Are you doing okay?” She was starting to worry a bit because Bernadette had barely said a word on the way home except to laugh or answer a question Harper asked.
“I’m okay.” Bernadette’s voice was so soft. “Maybe a little worried about what happened. If Connie fires me…”
“Would she really?”
Bernadette shrugged.
“Look, if she does, we’ll figure something out. We can find you something. I know we can.”
Bernadette’s lips finally turned up into a smile. It felt as if it had been days sin
ce Stevie had seen that expression, and it made her feel a little less worried.
“Stevie, honey, I will be fine. I can find another job without any issues. Interpreters are always needed. I just…it’s Connie. Regardless of how weird our relationship seems, she’s my oldest friend, and fighting with her is not easy.”
Stevie knew that was what was wrong, but hearing it still stung. She had no right to be jealous at all. But dammit, she was. She was so jealous. And so worried. She hated seeing Bernadette upset over a woman who clearly only cared about herself.
“Try not to worry about me, okay?”
“I’ll try,” Stevie answered when Bernadette reached for the doorknob. She wanted to kiss Bernadette good-bye, but she knew she shouldn’t. The urge was so great, though. It was driving her nuts. As she was going to say fuck it and lean in and kiss her, the door swung open, and Paul was standing there.
“Stevie! Bernie! You’re home. Come in.”
Stevie held her hands up automatically and said, “No, no, no. It’s fine. I was walking Bernadette to the door. My ride is waiting.”
“Invite them in.”
The corner of Bernadette’s mouth was pulling up into a tiny smile. “You can meet my mom if you want.”
“Are you sure?” Stevie looked over Bernadette’s shoulder at Paul, who was grinning and giving her two giant thumbs-up.
“Yes.”
Stevie turned and waved at Laurie, who rolled the window down. “Wake up, Harper. We’re being invited in.”
“Jesus, Stevie,” Laurie shouted as she drove off and parallel parked in the first spot she could find, which thankfully wasn’t far away. “I hope no one steals our fucking trees.” Laurie motioned toward the car as she and Harper jogged up to the house. “If so, Bernadette, you’re paying for them. Deal?”
Bernadette shook her head as she laughed at Laurie. “Y’know, if Stevie didn’t like you so much, I don’t know if I’d be able to put up with you.”
“Oh, really?” Laurie asked with a giant smile. “You have no idea what you’re in for then, Bern.”
Harper had her arms around Bernadette’s waist as soon as she climbed the steps to the door. “Thank you for letting us come over, Bernadette.”
Stevie watched Bernadette smooth her hand over Harper’s cheek and lean down to kiss her on the forehead before they all piled into the house. The entryway was small. There was a very worn bench against the wall to the right. Paul took everyone’s coats and hats and hung them on the hooks above the bench, while they all took their shoes off.
“Everyone in the dining room. We’re having spaghetti.”
Bernadette turned and looked at Stevie. “Oh, lookie there. How convenient.”
“Seriously? Spaghetti?”
“What?” Paul asked as he stopped and turned to look at Stevie. “Do you not like spaghetti?”
“I’ve never had it before,” Stevie answered. She looked around at Laurie, Harper, and Bernadette, whose knowing grin was almost blinding.
“You are such a weirdo.” Laurie shook her head as she pushed her way through the crowd and into the dining room where an older lady was standing at the end of a long table. She marched right over to the older woman and shoved her hand out. “Hi, you must be Bernadette’s mom.”
“Mom,” Bernadette said as she signed from behind Laurie, “this is L-a-u-r-i-e, my…friend, I guess?”
“Oh, come on, we’re great friends,” Laurie said as Bernadette’s mom shook her hand.
Stevie rolled her eyes when she made eye contact with Paul, who was all smiles.
“S-t-e-v-i-e and H-a-r-p-e-r, this is my mom, Phyllis,” Bernadette signed. When she said her mom’s name, she spelled it out with her fingers and helped Harper sign it back to Phyllis. Bernadette was wonderful with Harper, and watching her with her cousin was quickly becoming one of her favorite things.
Harper spelled out her own name, introducing herself. Phyllis was all smiles and absolutely adorable. She was on the shorter side, but she looked sturdy. “It’s nice to meet you, Harper,” Phyllis said with the cutest voice Stevie had ever heard from an older lady. Bernadette was the spitting image of Phyllis, except her gray hair, which was cut in a bob that fell right above her shoulders. She was wearing a white polo and black slacks, and glasses, complete with a beaded chain. She wore a light blue cardigan buttoned almost to her neck, and the collar of the polo was popped. It made Stevie happy to think that was what Bernadette was going to look like in thirty years. “And you, too, Stevie.”
Stevie reached out to shake Phyllis’s hand, but she was pulled into a hug instead. Stevie was taken back by Phyllis’s strength. She laughed when she felt Phyllis pat her on the back like her grandma did. “It’s so nice to meet you.” Stevie felt Bernadette tap her on the arm, so she looked over at her.
“Like this,” she said as she signed something. “Do as I do.” She slid the palm of her left hand over her right palm. “Nice,” she said, then held up each hand as if she was pointing to the sky with her index fingers and touched them together where her fingers were folded. “To meet.” She then pointed at Phyllis but never took her eyes off Stevie. If it hadn’t been a learning moment, Stevie would have been so turned on. Oh, who was she trying to kid? She was so insanely turned on. “You.”
When Stevie finished the sign language lesson, she studied Phyllis and the way she was looking at her daughter with such admiration, and felt a little like an intruder on a very special moment. Phyllis finally looked back at Stevie. “You’re a natural,” she said in her kind voice.
“Okay, people.” Paul interrupted the moment and motioned to the seats. “Dinnertime.”
* * *
“Laurie, are you sure you don’t mind running Harper home?”
Bernadette listened to Stevie and Laurie whisper back and forth in the kitchen. Stevie heaved a sigh of relief when Laurie said, “Oh my God, of course not. Are you going to…y’know?” Bernadette heard what sounded like a smack, and then Laurie protesting, “What? I’m only asking!” She hissed the last part, and Bernadette couldn’t help but shake her head slowly as she chuckled to herself.
“Bernie?”
“Yes, Harper?” Bernadette opened her arms and allowed Harper to sit on her lap at the dining room table. “You look very tired, my dear.”
“I am,” Harper whispered. “But I wanted to thank you. For hanging out with us again.”
Bernadette’s heart broke a little at how adorable Harper was. She was such an amazing kid. “I loved every second. Same as the last time.”
“Good. And your mom is so cool.” Harper smiled as she spelled out c-o-o-l and looked at Bernadette for her approval. “Thank you for teaching me how to sign. I really like it.”
“I’ll keep teaching you. I promise.”
“Good. Because even though Stevie is leaving, I still want to hang out with you, remember?”
Bernadette nodded. “How could I forget?”
“Okay, Harper, let’s go home.” Laurie came out of the kitchen after hugging Bernadette’s mom good-bye and giving Paul a high five. If he wasn’t already married, she would have wanted him to be attracted to Laurie, who was sort of growing on Bernadette in a weird, sisterly way. “Bern, it’s been a great day. Thank you so much for the amazing, authentic spaghetti. It was insane how good it was.”
“That’s my grandma’s secret recipe. You should feel very honored.” She stood after Harper slid off her lap. “Bring it in,” she said as she pulled Laurie into a hug. “Thank you for dealing with my breakdown earlier.”
“Oh, honey, thank you for catching Stevie’s eye. It’s been a hot minute since I’ve seen a smile reach her beautiful eyes.” Laurie pulled away from the hug and winked at Bernadette before she ushered Harper out of the dining room to put their coats and shoes on.
“Harper, please, text me when you get home,” Stevie shouted from the front steps after they made their way over to where the car was parked. Both trees were still strapped to the top, and Bernadette cou
ldn’t help but laugh as Laurie did a happy dance before she got into the car and zoomed away.
When Stevie came back inside, Bernadette grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into a hug. “I cannot handle how much I like you,” she whispered into Stevie’s ear. Stevie’s breath brushed past Bernadette’s ear, and it made the hair on her neck rise.
“Are you coming home with me?”
She nodded after she pulled away. “Let me talk to Paul.” She released Stevie and walked into the kitchen where Paul was finishing up the dishes. “Do you think I could leave Mom alone tonight?”
Paul didn’t look up from the dishes. “Absolutely. You know she’ll be fine.”
“I don’t know that. You keep telling me, but I’m not so sure.”
“She can handle it.”
She checked to see if Stevie was still standing where she left her in the entryway, then looked back at Paul. “What if something happens?”
“She can call me, or you, and we can come help her.” Paul turned the water off after he rinsed the last dish.
“It’s not that easy.”
“That’s our Catholic guilt talking, Bernie. Go and see what happens. I promise you, she’ll be fine.” He looked at her. “You need to live your life. Okay?”
She took a deep breath and tried to push her anxious thoughts out of her mind. She couldn’t stop hearing her mother’s words: You are supposed to live your own life. Not mine.
She pushed her nerves regarding her mother to the side and was pleasantly surprised when they were replaced with a whole different set of nerves. Regarding Stevie. More precisely, a naked Stevie.
“Okay, but make sure she knows to call me immediately if she needs me.”