by Melody Anne
Maybe he’d gotten the gifts for Billy to try to ease his conscience. He didn’t seem to know anything anymore. One thing that he did know for sure was that this holiday season was certainly becoming his loneliest one ever.
He could have spent Christmas with his family, or at least the family that was in town, but he was too caught up in himself, in his feelings of freedom. Everyone he knew and loved was just beginning to really heal for the first time, and he hadn’t had the decency to join in, to remember what Christmas was all about.
“Thank you,” he told the woman when he realized he’d been standing there too long without speaking. He handed her the gifts and turned to leave.
“I’m sure this will mean a lot to Billy.”
Tanner didn’t turn around and acknowledge the woman. He wasn’t even sure why he’d shown up. He should have just left well enough alone and walked away from this life he’d been forced into for the past few weeks.
That’s exactly what he would do. Time healed all wounds, or some crap like that. He’d heard people say it a thousand times, so didn’t that mean that it had to be true? He was just going to assume it was. Feeling better already, Tanner revved up the motor on his car and decided to take a long drive. There was nothing like going over a hundred miles an hour to get your blood flowing.
He knew he was in even deeper trouble when the usual thrill he felt driving way too fast didn’t happen. But he could do this. He was determined to erase the past month from his mind, and he headed toward home. He would forget Kyla and Billy too!
* * * * *
New Year’s Eve.
As always, the office building had been dead, and Tanner himself felt like the walking dead — no, the sitting dead — as he stared out the window and pretended to work. Finally giving up and stepping into his sleek sports car, he started the engine. But he didn’t move, and the car didn’t either. He was just sitting there. He didn’t want to go home to his cold condo, didn’t want to be alone on yet another big holiday.
When he finally pulled out into traffic, he found himself moving in the opposite direction. Tanner crossed the long bridge onto the island one of his uncles lived on, and he soon pulled up to Joseph Anderson’s colossal home.
On Christmas last year, the castle had been lit up with colored lights and it sported a giant wreath on the massive front door. And when Tanner had gone inside, he’d followed the sound of laughter coming from what he’d later learned was Joseph’s favorite sitting room. Tanner had stood in the doorway and watched the activity unfolding before him.
Joseph was sitting on his huge chair, a couple of children on his lap at all times, and several more perched at his feet while he read a Christmas story. Tanner’s cousins were mingling happily with his siblings, and his father could be found laughing at something his brother George said more often than not. That was last year.
Tanner had missed all of that this year. The decorations he saw outside the mansion now weren’t about joy to the world. They were about endings and beginnings. The excitement was of a different sort. Did he really want to face this? He thought seriously of turning around and leaving, but that didn’t happen. He walked from his car and moved up to the front steps.
Once again he followed the sound of laughter, and this time he was in the big ballroom, with masses of balloons overhead. Those balloons seemed oppressive enough in his dark mood, but even more upsetting was what was beneath them.
Seeing the couples locked in each other’s arms was too much for Tanner, who suddenly felt more alone than he could ever remember feeling. And that made no sense. He didn’t need another person in his life to make him happy — he hadn’t felt that way for years, not since his childhood — so he didn’t understand this absurd sense of sadness that seemed to be washing through him.
He’d made a mistake in coming to this place. He turned around, planning to sneak back out before anyone spotted him. But he was too late.
“Tanner! I can’t believe you actually made it!” Crew was quickly approaching, his beautiful wife, Haley, sweetly glued to his side.
“I’m so glad you did,” Haley said. “We really missed you at Christmas, but I figured the ladies’ man would be too busy with his lady friends.” She detached herself from her husband, threw her arms around Tanner, and gave him a big hug.
“Tanner doesn’t go for ladies, exactly,” Crew said. “He likes his women a little more down and dirty.”
“Shut up, Crew. It’s good to see you again, Haley.” He turned to his brother when she released him. “I’m not staying long. I just thought I would stop by, bro.”
“Oh, nonsense,” Crew said. “What in the world is more important during the whole Christmas season than family? Better late than never. Anyway, we’re just about to have dinner. And there are a few single ladies nearby who wouldn’t mind giving you a kiss at midnight to ring in the New Year.” After nudging Tanner in the back, Crew led him to the bar and had a drink poured for him.
For the first time in what felt like at least a week, Tanner’s lips twitched. He knew without a doubt that there was one single lady who wouldn’t let him get his lips anywhere near hers, no matter what time of the year it was, and no matter how many other couples were kissing all around them.
Tanner had gone back to the jeweler and purchased the box Merinda’s necklace was in. And then he’d written her a note — a clever note, if he did say so himself. He could almost — almost, but not quite — picture the rage flaring up in her eyes when that lid came open and she read his words. He’d simply placed an identical plastic necklace in the box, one designed for a child, and thanked her for reminding him about the true meaning of Christmas. A donation in the amount of one hundred fourteen thousand dollars was being donated to the Seattle Mission, the exact cost of the necklace she’d more than hinted that she wanted.
His only regret was that he wouldn’t be there to see her face. His mood did instantly improve, though, just thinking about it. Enough that he accepted the glass his brother had brought him and he downed it, delighting in the slow burn of fine scotch as it traveled down his throat. He got another one and sipped away contentedly as more family members found him.
“How was your stay at that old apartment building?” his cousin Mark asked.
“It was awful,” Tanner replied. “I’ve never been so happy to leave a place. That judge was seriously out of his mind.”
“It couldn’t have been too awful, not with such a hot neighbor,” Lucas said with a wink.
“A hot neighbor? Something you want to tell me about?” Lucas’s wife, Amy, added a teasing smile to her question.
“Well, of course she didn’t even come close to comparing to you,” Lucas said before grabbing Amy and kissing her, making her giggle.
“Hey, kids. Save it for midnight,” Tanner grumbled.
“Oh, you’re just jealous,” Crew retorted as he planted a kiss on his own better half.
“Ha! I don’t want the marriage-and-kids thing. I like my freedom way too much,” Tanner said. He finished his second glass of scotch and went back for more.
“Yeah, that’s what we all said,” Lucas told his cousin. “I’ve certainly changed my mind about that.”
“It seems all the good women have been snatched up already, so I’ll just have to deal with my sad bachelorhood status,” Tanner said, breaking out an arrogant smile, and hoping it came through just fine. “Or did I mean revel in it?”
“The harder they fight, the more it hurts when they fall,” Joseph said in his booming voice as he joined them.
“Happy New Year, Uncle Joseph,” Tanner said. He’d only known this man for about a year, but the guy was larger than life and Tanner couldn’t imagine anyone on the whole planet who didn’t instantly love him.
“Happy New Year to you, too, Tanner. I’m sure glad you decided to show your face. I was a little offended you weren’t here last week,” Joseph said in his gruff manner, making Tanner feel instantly like a child who was being scolded. “
But you must be so glad to see the last of that apartment and those kids in the mall. At least that’s what your father said would happen.”
“It wasn’t all bad.”
“No?”
“There was someone I met who was really nice. Maybe two people. And I worry about them. But there’s nothing I can do to help either of them. Not now.”
Tanner didn’t even realize he was going to say any of that until it popped from his mouth. Who in the hell was he? When he finished speaking, though, he was surprised to see a gleam in his father’s eyes. Those couldn’t possibly be tears.
“You have grown a lot this past year, son. I’m proud of you,” Richard said.
“You might feel that there’s nothing you can do, Tanner, but you’d be surprised by what can happen when you put your mind to it,” Joseph added.
Tanner shifted uncomfortably on his feet and was relieved when the topic changed. Still, he couldn’t get Kyla from his mind, or Billy, for that matter. Amid all the laughter, he felt even more alone than ever before.
Nonsense!
Pulling himself together, he managed to hold on until the countdown began for the new year. But as he looked out at his relatives, all of them with someone, all happy and in love — or at least that’s the way it appeared to him — he decided he’d had enough. He wasn’t going to watch others lips lock together, not when there was only one woman he wanted to kiss this New Year’s Eve. And it wasn’t going to happen.
It didn’t matter, though, because he was happy with his life, he told himself, refusing to cave in to the depression hanging threateningly overhead.
Kyla was from his past and there was no use in turning back.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Tanner knew he’d lost his mind when he found himself parked in front of the old apartment building a week into the new year. This was the place where he’d been condemned to live for more than three weeks while donning a Santa suit and dealing with a bunch of whiny kids. Why in the world was he subjecting himself to coming back here?
Because this is where Kyla lived, and he couldn’t stop thinking about her.
Two full weeks had passed since he’d left her there alone in her parents’ home, and she’d looked so lost and broken. Should he have stayed? Yes, he felt like a heel for not waiting for her on the front steps. And like a worse heel for actually breaking up with her on the spot. He’d been trying to be kind, but… He snorted. Kind? Scared was more like it.
What if she’d needed him once she’d stepped outside that mausoleum of a home?
He’d just taken her at her word and left. Called a cab and rushed back to his old life. He hadn’t even bothered going back to the apartment building. There was nothing there he’d needed or wanted.
Nothing but Kyla.
He was just going to check on her now. Nothing more. He’d slept with her, after all; it was the responsible thing to do to make sure she was doing well. Just because he wanted to check on her didn’t mean he cared, or that he wanted to have an actual relationship.
He didn’t do relationships. For the past several years, he’d found women who were interested in mutually beneficial sex. That was great — no one got feelings hurt when it was over, usually after one night in bed, maybe two.
Still, he found himself striding down the hallway of the building. As he moved toward Kyla’s door, he was beginning to see the place differently. Maybe there really were some possibilities here. As much as he didn’t want to think it, there was beauty in the moldings and now that the heating was working properly and the place was getting much-needed repairs, he could see some potential. He’d have to meet with his architect.
Tanner found himself in front of Kyla’s door, and his hand went on autopilot. Hell, it wasn’t the first time that had happened. Footsteps on the other side told him she was home.
With the chain in place, she cracked the door open. He would have to tell her that wasn’t a surefire method of keeping people out. Once they had an opening, no matter how small, they could easily force their way in.
“Hello, Kyla.” Hell. Was he an expert on doing lame?
She must have thought so, because she left the door chained. “What are you doing here, Tanner?”
“I missed you.” Tanner didn’t know which of them was more surprised by his words.
“You disappeared,” she said. Her look was clear: Don’t think you have a chance at a repeat of our night together, Tanner. You had your chance, and you lost it.
“I was only ever going to be living here for three or four weeks. But it was an…experience,” he said, pasting on his most charming smile. “Why don’t you invite me in?”
“I don’t understand. Who moves into a place for only that little stretch of time?” The door shut as she unlatched the chain. She opened her door wider, but she blocked the opening, letting him know that he definitely wasn’t being invited inside.
“It’s a long story and I don’t want to get into it,” he told her.
“Everything seems to be a long story to you. You seem to love keeping your secrets. That’s fine with me, Tanner, because I don’t see that we really have anything to talk about. You moved in, we had sex, you moved on. It’s pretty much the end of our story.”
Though she was trying to be flippant, he could see the hurt behind her eyes and in her voice. Kyla wasn’t the type of woman a man slept with and then left with only a few words and no explanations. He’d known that all along, and yet he’d still done it. He was the type of man mothers warned their daughters about.
The thought didn’t sit well with him.
“I would like to take you out on a real date, Kyla. If you come with me, I’ll tell you more of my story.”
“I don’t think so, Tanner. I just…I don’t think we have anything in common.”
“We sure had a lot in common on Christmas Eve,” he said, leaning toward her, taking in her sweet scent and instantly flooded with desire for her. Even without makeup and wearing sweats, she turned him on far more than his last supermodel had during their one-night stand.
“That’s sex, Tanner. There’s a difference between having good sex and having a relationship. Does that come as a surprise to you? No, I didn’t think so. We both knew when we slept together that it wasn’t going to lead into anything more. So I expected not to sleep with you again. But I didn’t expect you to completely disappear.”
“You said you wanted to be alone,” he said in a helpless effort at self-defense.
“I did. Thank you for respecting that.”
“Have you made any decisions?”
“Not yet. I spoke to my parents’ attorney. I think I’m going to sell the house. I just can’t stay there. It would hurt too badly, and the place I loved needs to have people in it who will create their own happy memories. I want to wait until I’m sure, however; I don’t want to do anything rash.”
“I think that’s wise. But it’s time for you to start living again.”
“Yes, I agree, which is why I spoke to the admissions office at my old college this week. I’m hoping to get back to school for spring term, though I’m cutting it close. I’ll have to see if it works out.”
“That’s wonderful, Kyla.” Shockingly, he actually meant it.
“I think you should go now, Tanner. It’s been nice seeing you, though.” She tried to shut the door, but he blocked it with his hand.
“Please. I just want to talk, Kyla.” What the hell? He wasn’t the kind of guy to beg a woman for attention.
Before she could respond, there were footsteps in the hallway, and as Tanner moved around to see who was coming, he heard his name being called.
“Mr. Storm, I’m so glad to find you here. The demolition crew is going back through the building for a new plan to turn into the city, and they need your signature on some papers.”
Tanner turned back just in time to watch Kyla’s eyes widen when reality hit. He knew his chances of getting her to speak to him had just flown completely out the windo
w. His team had told him that they were getting new bids on various costs for what to do with the building, but he hadn’t realized they’d be working as soon as today. For a man whose luck was nearly perfect — could that be only in finance? — today was turning out not to be his day.
“You own this building?” she gasped.
Unless he was prepared to make up a story and lie outright, Tanner was caught. “My father handed it over to me six months ago.”
Her eyes narrowed dangerously. “So you’re the worthless bastard who’s been trying to evict us since you got your greedy hands on the place. What were you doing here, Tanner — or should I say Mr. Storm? Were you scoping out the place, hoping to find proof that it needed to be condemned so you could rip it all down and then come in and build some fancy high-rise?”
At his guilty look, her eyes narrowed even more, if that were possible.
“That’s what I thought. I am such a fool. I knew you were out of my league. I could practically smell it on you, but I had no idea how far out you really were. Did you have fun slumming it with a poor girl down on her luck? You must have really wanted to close the deal — after all, you subjected yourself and your manicured hands to serving food at a homeless shelter.”
“It wasn’t like that,” he said, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.
“I know exactly how it was, Tanner. You were stuck here doing your underhanded snooping, and I just happened to be in front of you. With nothing better on the horizon, you decided to get an easy lay. I’m sorry it took so long. Hell, if I had turned over sooner and hadn’t had that attack of shame, you could have gotten more than just a couple of nights of cheap sex.” Tears filled her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.