It would be weird to presume that just because they had sex once, they were automatically in a relationship that dictated they should spend their days lying around naked and feeding each other grapes. That wasn’t his style anyway, but he also had a disease to cure.
Tomorrow, he intended to get up and attempt a new normal. He wouldn’t push their encounter under the rug and ignore it, but he would step back and let her make the next move. After all, she was the one who stood to lose in this game. A lot. The least he could do would be to give her the time she needed to consider what getting romantically involved with him would mean for the long run.
When her breathing evened out, he finally relaxed enough to clear his mind and fall into a deep sleep.
Chapter 14
Blair awoke to the smell of bacon. She smiled as she rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. How long had he been up? She must have been incredibly tired to have slept through their disentanglement and him leaving the room.
After a quick trip to the bathroom, she padded toward the kitchen.
Dade had not only been up a while, but he’d already worked out. She could tell by the line of sweat running down the back of his T-shirt. Sexy as hell.
He turned around, a smile crossing his face when he spotted her. She leaned one hip against the cabinets next to the fridge. “You sleep well?” he asked.
“For the first time in a long time, yes. You?”
“Like a baby.”
“I hear babies don’t really sleep that well.”
He chuckled. “I’ve never actually been around one.”
“Me neither. Except my sister, but I was two.” How did they get on this subject? Jeez. She’d never thought much about having kids. She’d spent most of her adult life avoiding men. That wasn’t conducive to having a baby. It hadn’t been a phase of life she’d thought about often. She’d simply assumed she would never get married and left it at that.
As she watched Dade turn back to face the stove, she pondered a different world in which she spent her life with someone like him and they had kids together.
Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. Maybe if Dade was hers, she could take that kind of step. He was the sort of man who would share the burden. That was for sure.
Even after spending less than two weeks with him, she knew he would always share any burden with her or take on more for himself. Chopping wood. Cooking. Even research. He didn’t make a big deal out of anything. He simply divided the workload in a way that suited them and made it happen. He was nothing like any man she’d ever dated.
“You okay?” he asked, startling her.
“Yes. Sure. Sorry. My mind wandered.”
“Did it go someplace interesting?” he asked, as he filled plates and set them on the table.
“What? No. Just random thoughts.” No way would she tell him she was visualizing the two of them leaning over an imaginary crib. He would freak out worse than he already had.
When he shot her a curious glance, she changed the subject. “So, what’s on the research schedule for today?” she asked, as she slid onto a stool.
“I made you a list.” He pointed at the other side of the table toward a piece of paper next to the second computer Ryan had brought them yesterday.
“Damn, you have been up a while.”
“Like I said, I slept hard. For the first time since we got here. It’s a wonder my back survived that other mattress.”
“Like I said, martyr. What kind of fool suffers night after night on a shitty mattress for no good reason?”
“The kind of fool who knew there was no way he could avoid stealing the virtue of the woman in the other bed if he climbed in next to her.”
She laughed. “Virtue? What year is it? It’s true that I haven’t had many boyfriends, but I wasn’t a virgin.”
“Figure of speech. It sounded better than if I had said I would have fucked you sooner.”
“True.”
“I’ve been thinking. We need to find a way to get my grandfather’s money.”
She nodded and then picked up her fork. “I agree. You never know how much it might be. You could take a vacation or something.” She sounded silly.
He frowned. “Do I seem like the kind of guy who plans to take a vacation right now?”
“No,” she conceded. “But maybe after you get the treatment. You can’t do anything while you’re contagious.”
“So, between the treatment and my imminent death.”
“Dade…”
“Sorry. I’ll try not to be snarky about it, but it’s hard. I think I toss it around like that partly because I’m being realistic and partly because I’m scared out of my mind.”
She stopped eating to look at him.
He didn’t meet her gaze, however. Instead, he pushed food around his plate.
She slid out of her seat and came around to his side of the table. When she reached him, she spun him to the side. Seconds later her arms were around him, and he was hugging her back fiercely.
“It’s okay to be scared. I am too.”
He nodded against her. “Give me some time to adjust. It was hard to face before we slept together. Now I’m experiencing another level of stress entirely.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to contribute to your stress.” It made her chest squeeze to think of her part in his burden.
He eased her back and met her gaze. “You didn’t. Don’t ever think that. I need you to understand that my anxiety has little to do with a fear of dying. I’m not really worried about that. I’m scared to death thinking about how badly it’s going to hurt you. I never wanted this to happen. I tried to keep us at arm’s length. I thought if we didn’t get close, it would help you move on easier.”
She gave him a shake. “I’m sick and tired of hearing that. It wouldn’t have mattered if you’d ignored me for the past week or if you’d married me a week ago. I still wouldn’t want anything to happen to you. I may be tough on the outside, but I’m not unfeeling on the inside.
“I care about you. If anything ever happened to you for any reason, it would hurt. You can’t stop it by trying to spare me grief. In fact, if you think it would help to backpedal now, you’re wrong.” She didn’t want to pressure him in any way. He needed to be the one to decide how involved he was willing to go with her. Especially because he was the one whose life was at stake.
His brow furrowed. “I’m trying to see things your way. I really am. Give me time. I’m not convinced I’m not hurting you more by the minute.”
She needed to say one more thing, even though it was only going to make his stress increase. She stepped closer, kissed him briefly but boldly on the lips, and then she cleared her throat. “You will be hurting me if you turn your back on me. I’ll step back and give you all the space you need. And I understand you have to spend the majority of every day with your head so deep inside that computer that you don’t even know I’m in the room. That’s understandable. But if you get cold on me and pull away at other times of the day and night, that will hurt. I want this. I want to be with you.”
“Noted.”
“Good. Now, eat your breakfast so you’ll have the energy to cure a disease.” She started to pull away, but he hauled her back.
For several seconds, he just stared at her, his eyes thoughtful, and then he slowly drew her in closer and kissed her more completely. When he pulled back, he glanced down. “I’ll do my best to find a cure for AA2, but I’m gonna need you to put on more clothes.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re so fixated on what I wear. I’m covered. Shirt. Shorts.” She nodded toward her chest, noticing how tight her tank top was and that her nipples were pebbled. Maybe he had a point this time.
He lifted a brow. “I’m usually a serious man fully capable of concentrating on my work without distraction, but you try me. Every day.”
“Every day?” Why did that make her giddy?
“Every day.” He slid his hands down her back and gave her butt a sque
eze. “I’ll make you a deal. You go work out after breakfast while I get started on research. If you come back fully covered, I promise to divest you of every stitch later tonight like a gift wrapped up for me.”
She chuckled. “You’re such a man.”
He swatted her butt as she stepped away. “You’re just now noticing?”
It was afternoon when Blair’s phone rang, and she snatched it up quickly to keep from disturbing Dade. She even eased out of the kitchen quietly as she connected.
The caller was Tushar, and she had barely said hello before he asked to speak to Dade.
“Sure. Hang on.” She turned back around and came to Dade’s side, setting a hand on his shoulder as she often did to get his attention slowly without startling him.
He glanced up.
She held out the phone. “Tushar.”
He took it from her and leaned back in the chair as she headed for the fridge to grab a bottle of water. When she turned around, he was nodding, but his face was pale. He also wasn’t looking at her. He was staring out the window. “Uh-huh… Okay… No, I get it… All right… We’ll talk again then… Sure… Bye.” He set the phone on the table slowly, took a long deep breath, and then lowered his head back to the laptop without acknowledging her.
She didn’t want to be nosey, but what the hell? His reaction had been strange. She also knew Ryan had taken a blood sample yesterday, so she wasn’t crazy to worry about what the results might show. Did they already have results?
Whatever Tushar had said to Dade, he obviously didn’t want to talk about it, so she decided to leave him alone for now. Let him process. He was already typing rapidly again.
He didn’t speak for the rest of the afternoon, but that wasn’t unusual. They did this every day. Now that they had two computers, they didn’t even need to switch places and discuss whose turn it was to use the iPad.
At six thirty, she headed for the kitchen, wondering if she should attempt to cook something or remind him that it was late.
He must have sensed her because the laptop closed and he stood. “Shit. I didn’t realize how late it was. We need to eat.”
“Yep.” She was staring into the fridge, hoping he would take over this task.
He grabbed the door and eased it open farther, not touching her or looking at her. “I’ve got it.”
“You sure? I could help. Give me a task.” She stepped out of the way so he could pull out everything he needed for whatever he had in mind.
When it seemed he’d rather work alone, she leaned against the counter to watch him work. Sometimes he was as zoned while cooking as he could get while researching. Today was worse.
Radio silence.
It was still fascinating to watch him work. He had so many things happening at once but so perfectly timed that everything was finished at the same moment. She loved watching him, both working and cooking. And chopping wood. And resting. And lifting weights.
She loved watching him.
Was he sick?
She feared the answer, but the elephant in the room was crowding the space.
She waited until they were done eating and had the kitchen cleaned. She waited some more because he left the room without a word after hardly saying a thing at dinner. She waited some more while he took a shower in his bathroom and she got ready for bed.
There wasn’t much else to do at night in the dark in this cabin. She usually liked to curl up with a book. Tonight, she wouldn’t be able to read if she wanted to, but she held it in front of her anyway, pretending while she listened closely for Dade to turn off the shower, brush his teeth, and finally join her.
He sighed as he headed to the other side of the bed. “Why am I so tired? It’s only eight thirty.” His back was to her.
A knot formed in her throat as he slid under the covers, several feet…and two thousand miles from her.
He stared at the ceiling.
She set her book aside, turned off the light, and crawled across the bed to reach him. No way in hell was she going to let this go. Luckily, when she eased against his side, he wrapped his arm around her and kissed the top of her head.
“Talk to me,” she whispered.
“Not much to say.”
“Say it anyway.”
“It started.”
“Okay.” She figured that. “So we deal with it. What are the first symptoms?”
“Fatigue. Dizziness. Pallor. Headaches. Numbness.”
Her chest tightened. She tried not to react outwardly. “I assume it will be gradual?”
“Yes, but we have no way of knowing how slow or fast.” He smashed his face against her hair, breathing deeply.
She had to fight the tears that wanted to escape. Dealing with her sadness wouldn’t be fair to him. She needed to be strong. “So what do we do?”
“Nothing yet. Someone will come out and take another blood sample in a week and see what changes have occurred. There are medicines that will buy me time.”
Buy him time… God, she hated this. She had hoped to have months before this day came. It hadn’t even been two weeks. She sucked back her own concerns. “I’m here.”
He held her tighter. “I know.” Gradually his grip loosened as he started to relax.
“Are you considering the stem cell transplant?”
“It’s a possibility. We’ll watch the changes closely for a few weeks to see how quickly the symptoms progress.”
She nodded and lay awake with her head in the crook of his arm for hours, breathing in his scent, enjoying the feeling of being held, worrying that what they’d had last night would never happen again. So much for promises of sex tonight. She was much more concerned that what they’d experienced might never be on the table again.
Chapter 15
Two weeks later…
* * *
“They’re going to be here soon,” Dade said from the table without looking up.
“I know.” She was watching out the window, excited for visitors. Ryan had come last week to bring them supplies and take another blood sample. Emily had come with him, which was a wonderful treat since Blair missed having a woman around to talk to.
The bloodwork had shown little change, which was good news. The disease was progressing slowly. Ryan had tossed out several options from blood transfusions to medicines to treat the symptoms to going forward with the cure for AP12 and taking them to the next phase.
Dade still hedged. She couldn’t blame him. She wasn’t sure which direction he should take either.
He had remained distant from her this entire time, and though she hated it, she respected his decision to pull back and keep her at arm’s length. He had a lot on his mind. She couldn’t imagine what he was feeling or thinking. If the roles were reversed, she wasn’t sure she would react differently.
She was certain sex would be the last thing on his mind, however, so she never brought it up. Instead, she took what he gave her and held him tight when he let her.
At night, he slept in her bed, wrapped against her as if drawing from her strength silently. She would give him anything he needed. Though it weighed on her heavily, she never said a word. She didn’t want to push him, physically or emotionally, so she gave him what he seemed to need and didn’t pressure him for more.
When the truck pulled up, she jumped to her feet and headed for the door. Luckily, the weather had cooperated again today. Snow had fallen over the weekend, but it was clearer now, and the roads were passable.
She wasn’t sure who was coming this morning, but she was surprised to see a man she didn’t know stepping out of the back of the truck. He looked very tired. In fact, he struggled to take a single step.
“Fuck me,” Dade murmured from her side as he whipped open the front door and ran past her toward the vehicle.
She watched as his face lit up while he and Ryan flanked the weak man to help him into the cabin. A light bulb went off, and she knew this was Zeke. He had only been awake ten days. He would still be tired and weak. He wou
ld not be infected with AP12 because he got the treatment as soon as he was reanimated.
Blair was shocked that Ryan would bring another person into the fold, exposing their location. But as she watched the way Dade’s expression lit up, she realized the two of them had been very close friends. Ryan knew what he was doing. Maybe he intended to lift Dade’s spirits with the visit.
Zeke was about six feet tall, four inches shorter than Dade, with brown wavy hair and deep green eyes she could see even from a distance.
Blair stood back and held the door open to let the trio inside.
Zeke met her gaze as he took deep breaths. “You must be Blair.” He held out a hand.
“You must be Zeke.” She shook his hand, surprised by his firm grip even in his state of weakness.
He didn’t exactly smile, and she got the sense he rarely did. He met her gaze warmly, but it didn’t extend beyond his eyes.
Dade kept a hand on his arm and led him to the couch where Zeke plopped down with a sigh as if he’d run a mile in under six minutes. “I’ll be glad when I’m able to get around better,” he told the room at large.
Dade sat next to him. “It won’t take long. I came here at two weeks and progressed quickly. Of course, Blair has an amazing home gym.”
Zeke shifted his gaze to her again as she leaned against the armchair, motioning Ryan to sit in it. “Your place is amazing and perfect. Thank you for harboring my friend.”
“Of course.” She smiled, finding she liked him in spite of his seriousness. “My pleasure.”
A slight awkward silence followed, making her wonder if either of these two knew she was more than just a bodyguard or even a friend to Dade. They hadn’t had sex again after that first night, but she still considered them to be something in between friends and a couple.
No way would she do anything to reveal that in front of the others, but she wondered how perceptive they were or if Dade had told Ryan anything.
Reviving Dade Page 13