by Jess Dee
Smoky, hooded eyes absorbed her actions. “We don’t want to miss the, um…whaddaya call it.” A muscle worked in his jaw.
“The beginning?” She took the head of his cock in her mouth and swirled her tongue around it.
“Yeah.” He threaded his fingers in her hair. “We don’t want to miss the beginning.”
“No,” she agreed. “We…wouldn’t…want to…do that.” She opened her mouth wide, sucked in his full length.
It was only hours later that Amy realized they’d missed the entire movie.
…
Amy lay curled on her side on the carpet next to Daniel, his arms wrapped around her, holding her close. Idly, she circled her fingertips over his chest. “S’weird.”
“What?”
“Us. This.”
“S’not weird. S’nice.” His voice was rich and low. “In fact”—he turned his head to kiss her—“it’s perfect.”
She couldn’t have agreed more. “Yeah, but still…you’d think we’d feel, I don’t know, inhibited, maybe?”
“You weren’t inhibited a few moments ago.” A smile stirred his sleepy features.
Amy poked him. “Well, that’s my point. I take one look at you, and all I want to do is fuck you stupid. I can’t seem to keep you at arm’s length anymore.”
“Ah, babe, I don’t know why you ever wanted to.” He kissed her again, a long, slow, lazy kiss. It was so intoxicating she forgot what she’d been saying. His lips drugged her, sending her drifting off to nowhere. When he pulled away, she came floating back to earth.
“You never asked why I was late tonight.”
“I didn’t think about it.” She stretched sluggishly, yawned, and burrowed into his warmth. “I assumed you got sidetracked taking photos.”
“Uh-uh. I was busy. With two things.”
“Two?”
“Yep. First off, I went to the hospital to see Vicky.”
“And?”
“And she’s being discharged tomorrow.”
Amy’s smile matched the one she could hear in his voice. “That’s wonderful news.”
“I know. I’m totally psyched about it. So is her mother. Things are looking up for the family.”
She knew Daniel’s relief was enormous. “I’m happy for her. And for you.” She squeezed his arm. “What was the other thing that happened today?”
“I had a surprise visitor.”
“Anyone I know?” She would have lifted her head to show her interest, but she was too drowsy, content, and happy lying where she was.
“Janine Stillman.”
Amy’s senses sharpened. “From National Geographic?” The journalist was stunning. Drop-dead gorgeous stunning.
“Uh-huh.” His voice vibrated with restrained excitement.
She sat up, suddenly paying close attention. “She’s in Sydney?” Janine lived in San Francisco.
“Yup. On a two-week holiday before she starts a new assignment.”
“For the magazine?” Janine had worked with Daniel on a spread for National Geographic a couple of years back. The two had done a brilliant piece on Sydney, with Janine authoring the article and Daniel providing the pictures.
Daniel nodded. “And guess what?”
“What?” Apprehension prickled the base of her spine.
“National Geographic has offered me a second assignment. They want me to do the photographs.” A grin split his face and his eyes danced.
“That’s fantastic. Tell me more.”
“It’s an article looking at the beaches of New South Wales, from the Sapphire Coast all the way up to Byron Bay. We’ll choose ten of the best. Visit them, film them, interview the locals, get to know the places a bit better, and then come back and put the whole piece together.”
“Sounds amazing.” He’d loved working for the magazine. He would never refuse an opportunity to do a shoot for them again.
“I feel like a kid, I’m so excited.”
“When do you start?”
“If I take the job, two weeks Monday, after Janine’s holiday. I’d be away for about a month. It’s a long time, but we think it would be better if we did all the traveling in one go rather than break it into smaller trips.”
“Where will you stay?”
“The magazine’s organized hotels or bed-and-breakfasts at various towns. We just need to phone with the dates.”
Thoughts popped into Amy’s head. Thoughts of Daniel away on assignment with a gorgeous journalist. There’d be romantic beaches, gorgeous scenery, hotel rooms, beds.
The thoughts grew, converging with her fears. The beds contained people. Daniel. Janine. Simon. A nameless woman. Simon and the woman together. Daniel and Janine together.
A fist squeezed around her heart, tighter and tighter, causing enough pain to leave Amy breathless.
She blinked the images away.
They weren’t real. They were nothing but remnants of previous hurts and figments of her overactive imagination. Daniel wasn’t Simon. He’d never share a bed with Janine. Not while he was sharing one with Amy.
“What do you mean, if you take the job? Of course you have to take it. It’s an opportunity of a lifetime. You know you want it more than anything else.”
“I’d like the work more than any other shoot. But when it comes to what I want most…that’s you.”
Amy melted.
He looked at her with serious eyes. “I’d be gone for a month. That’s a long time apart when we’ve only just found each other.”
“We found each other seventeen years ago.”
Daniel shook his head. “No, babe. We’ve been friends for a long time. We’ve been lovers for a heartbeat.”
His sentiment was so romantic, so sincere, warmth wrapped around her heart. “You have to do the shoot, Dan. We’re talking National Geographic. It’s not some arbitrary project that wouldn’t matter to you one way or another. Of course you must go.” He’d never forgive himself if he passed up the assignment.
His eyes searched her face. “You sure?”
Had he seen her misgivings earlier? She might have forced the hideous images from her head, but she might not have been fast enough to hide her distress from Daniel. “Of course I’m sure. You have to do it. It’s National Geographic,” she reiterated. “How can you even think of turning them down?”
“I won’t see you for a month.”
“And I’ll miss you. But do the article.” Her voice was smooth enough to hide her jitters. Daniel would be away for a long time. Out of town and away from her. He’d have a wealth of freedom, and if there was one thing Daniel cherished, it was his freedom. He proved that every time he ended a relationship.
“You’re absolutely certain?”
“Absolutely.”
His eyes gleamed. “Okay, then.”
“Excellent.” She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close. He’d made the right decision. This was an opportunity too good to pass up.
His work was more important than their fling. His career would last the rest of his life. Their sexual relationship…probably a lot less. And if being away from her was the catalyst that ended things between them, so be it. Amy had never been under any illusion this was a long-term arrangement. She’d prepared them both for its inevitable demise. She’d cope just fine.
Chapter Twelve
As it turned out, Amy didn’t cope well at all.
For the last week, since Daniel had mentioned the shoot, she’d been on the mother of all emotional roller-coaster rides. From the extreme euphoria of loving Daniel to the profound sense of impending doom, she’d experienced the entire spectrum of emotions.
She couldn’t shake the feeling that their relationship would not survive his trip. Though she cherished every second spent with him, she had no idea how to use their current happiness to ensure their relationship would endure his month-long absence.
She longed to throw caution to the wind and let herself believe they could make it. But every instinct screamed Dan
iel would grasp his freedom and time out with grateful hands.
Why wouldn’t he? He’d be with a gorgeous woman, away from the constraints of everyday life. Who wouldn’t be tempted under such conditions?
This would be the ideal time for Mr. Love Them and Leave Them to leave Amy. The perfect opportunity for him to move on and avoid commitment.
This was the exact circumstance she’d prepared for when she’d placed limits on their physical intimacy, insisting they were nothing more than friends with benefits. Daniel was leaving. She might not be ready to go back to being just friends, but at this point, she couldn’t see a way around it.
Amy could either spend the week before he left and the month he was away paralyzed by her own dread, tormenting herself with unrealistic fantasies, or she could take control of the situation and end the torture now.
Taking control appealed to her. If she called off their physical relationship, Daniel wouldn’t have to worry about letting her down when he ended it. He could have his freedom and enjoy his time away without the sense of being tied down to her in Sydney. If she ended it now, their friendship would survive intact.
If Daniel dumped her sometime later, either while he was away or after he returned, the consequences would be dire. Amy doubted she’d be able to handle the rejection. She’d fall to pieces, like she had after Simon, and so would their friendship.
She might be doing exactly what Maggie had told her not to—living her life based on what-ifs—but at least those ifs gave her choices. She couldn’t bear it if Daniel took the options away from her by ending a relationship she didn’t want to end.
Half of her wanted to beg him to give up his dreams and stay and work in Sydney so she wouldn’t have to confront any of this yet. But the other half, the more pragmatic half, knew how selfish that was. Daniel had to follow his dreams. She refused to stand in his way.
Which left her with two options. She could keep sleeping with her best friend for the next few days, knowing their intimacy was doomed and she’d be eaten alive by her fears. Or she could end things now so she could put her terror to rest and the two of them could go back to being just friends.
It was hardly worth debating. Amy couldn’t live like this. She had to end their fling, and she had to do it now, for both of their sakes.
When he arrived at her place, she’d tell him as much, even if it shredded her heart into thousands of pieces.
The doorbell rang.
Her hands shook as she rubbed them over her tired eyes. Taking a deep, fortifying breath to brace for what was about to happen, she let Daniel in.
Why did he have to look so sexy? Why did he have to stand there in the doorway, undressing her with those smoky blue eyes?
“Ah, babe. Seeing you makes me hard.”
Her chest burned. Damn it, couldn’t he say hello like a normal person? Make this easier for her? As it was, the next half hour or so would be one of the hardest of her life. The hunger in Daniel’s expression was only making it worse. Her body ached for contact.
He leaned in close and pressed his lips to hers. “Do we have to make small talk, or can we just make love right here on the floor?” He wound his hand through her hair and slipped his tongue into her mouth.
Pain sliced through her belly. She responded on the most primal level. Her body grew slick with need and her breasts swelled. For a very long time, all they did was kiss, she prolonging what was, in all likelihood, their last one.
He pulled away and pressed a single red rose into her hand.
She clutched the stem. He’d brought her flowers before, but never a red rose. She held it to her nose and inhaled deeply. “Daniel—”
“This rose is the first of many. I intend to have one delivered to your home every day while I’m away. To make sure you don’t forget me while I’m gone.”
Fat chance of her ever forgetting him. She shook her head, almost choking over her words. “Wait. Before you say anything more, we need to talk.”
His smile dimmed and faded. “About what?”
“Let’s sit.” She chose a single high-backed seat, not trusting herself to share a couch with him. “Um…thank you for the flower.” Maybe if they started on neutral ground, she’d find the courage to move on from there.
He knelt in front of her, took her empty hand in his, and looked into her eyes. “It’s not just a flower. It’s a red rose. A symbol of love.”
Her breath caught and struggled to escape. Her lungs felt like they were ready to explode if she didn’t exhale. She couldn’t move. All she could do was wait, suspended in what felt like another dimension, a parallel universe.
“Because I love you.” His eyes shone. Love seemed to pour out of them. She saw it all there—all her hopes and dreams—reflected in his gaze. For a minute, she allowed it to wash over her, soaking up the wonder of being loved by Daniel. It felt like the only thing she’d ever wanted. It made everything right. She loved him, too. For that minute, her world was whole.
Then she exhaled. Her lungs jolted and she breathed again. As the breath left her body, that impossible parallel universe fizzled away. Fresh oxygen hit her brain and brought with it the cold reality of the moment. Daniel might think he loved her, but as much as she wished, wished it were true, she knew better.
…
Amy’s sigh slammed into Daniel’s gut, and he squared his shoulders. Instinctively, he knew he didn’t want to hear whatever she was about to say.
“Danny.” Her eyes were closed. “You’re confusing physical attraction for love. We’re good friends who sleep together. That’s not love, that’s sex.”
He wasn’t the slightest bit confused about his feelings. He loved her. Always had. Always would. “When you and I sleep together, we’re not having sex. We’re making love.”
“No. It just feels that way. It’s easy to mistake passion for love. Especially since we know each other so well. We love each other like friends and desire each other like lovers. It doesn’t mean you love me.”
What the fuck did she think it meant? “I love you and I desire you. What more is there?”
“Nothing. Everything.”
“Care to be more specific?”
“We have to end this…this thing between us. Now, before it’s too late.”
“Too late for what?”
“For us.”
“I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.” But he did. And it was killing him. Everything he’d worked so hard for, everything he’d achieved was about to come crashing down. She didn’t love him. Not like he loved her, anyway.
He hadn’t just dared to hope her feelings for him had changed, he’d come to believe it with all of his heart. Amy had given herself to him totally. Once they’d finally crossed the line and slept together, she’d surrendered her body to him with the ease of a lover and the trust of a best friend. When he and Amy made love, they were closer than they’d ever been. They were like one person.
He’d truly believed she’d fallen in love with him, and they’d made the transition from best mates to soul mates.
Obviously he was wrong. All he’d managed to do was get her into bed—and now she was climbing out, alone.
“If we end it now, we can go back to being just friends. If we don’t, one of us is going to get hurt. If that happens, I don’t think we can save our friendship.”
He was already hurting. Having a knife stuck in his stomach would be less painful.
Didn’t she understand he would never hurt her? “You think all of this between us is just physical.”
She shrugged. “I’m seriously attracted to you, and you wanted to fuck me. The decision to do it was mutual. It was good while it lasted, but it’s over now.”
“You think that’s what this is? A little uncomplicated sex? A quick fuck and then back to being mates?”
“From the night of the exhibition to the day at your pool, you were quite clear you wanted a physical relationship. And the first time we slept together, I told you we were
friends with benefits, nothing more.”
“You’re kidding, right?” This had to be some kind of a bad joke.
Amy shook her head.
Daniel gaped at her. How had she gotten things so wrong? “Think about it, Morgan. Our relationship changed after you met Vicky. Remember that? You wanted to know what I’d discussed with her, and my answer was you.”
A pained look crossed Amy’s face as she nodded.
“What exactly do you think I said to her? D’ya think I told a ten-year-old child with leukemia that I wanted to fuck my friend and what did she think about the idea?”
“I…oh! God, no.”
“Picture it, me sitting with Vicky, telling her every time I saw you I got so horny all I could think about was screwing you. Does that sound like me? Does it?”
Amy stared at him, aghast.
He silently counted to ten, forcing himself to calm down. “Damn it, I told her she inspired me to change my life, to change my ways. I told her that her strength and will to live and enjoy life made me want to live my life to the fullest, and that I could only do that with you.” His chest filled with despair. “A ten-year-old can understand my feelings for you. Why can’t you?”
Her eyes burned bright with tears. Still, he could see the resolve on her face. She was slipping through his fingers.
“We’ve been friends for seventeen years,” he told her. “It’s not enough anymore. I love you and I want more. I want it all. I want to be your lover, your confidant, and your partner. I want you. All of you.”
“Please, don’t say things like that.” A tear slid down her cheek. “I know how emotional you were with Vicky. I know how involved you got, and I’m sure she inspired you. But you’re not being realistic. I don’t think you love me. I think you like the idea of it, though. I know you. You’ll grow bored and move on, and I can’t risk getting more involved with you.”
“You think I’m a risk?” He nodded as realization dawned. Her past was coming back to haunt them. “You’re equating me with Simon. You’re convinced I’ll hurt you like he did.”
“I think you’ll leave. You always do.”
He narrowed his eyes, reluctant to bring her father into the argument but knowing he had no choice. “I’m not your father, either. You’re not your mother. Our relationship is different.” He kept his tone gentle. “I understand you’ve been hurt before. But I’m different. You know that. You know me. I’m the guy you’ve counted on your whole life. The one who’s been there for you when those men weren’t. Bloody hell, you came to me for support when Simon cheated, you came to me for sympathy when your dad left. I was there. I’ll always be there for you.”