by Lena Malick
She still loved him. She knew she did, but she found it was getting easier not to acknowledge it to herself. She still craved him at night, sometimes pressing his letters to her face, trying to get the smell of him. But she was coping, and that was enough. Each day got a little easier.
In the spring, Vicky asked where they were going for summer vacation. Nik's next letter arrived that day. It was similar to his other ones, but there was something else included. A plane ticket, with Terra’s name on it.
Terra clutched her heart. It was an open-ended ticket, good until the end of summer, from Detroit to Cancún. Stuck to the ticket was a post-it note, which simply said, come see me. Terra could swear her heart stopped beating.
Chapter 2
Terra tried his cell phone again. Right to voice mail. Again. The airport was less crowded now. She realized the frenzy of people came and went with each flight that arrived or departed. In between it nearly cleared out. Her eyes were aching from searching faces, looking for his green eyes. It had been nearly an hour since her flight arrived.
Just then, she saw him.
He was running through the terminal, toward her. For a moment, time actually stood still, like it does just a couple of times in a person’s life. In that instant, all the love she’d felt for him, all the love she’d been holding back, came flooding forward in a rush. She knew in that instant that she loved him more than anything in the world. It was beyond her. Bigger than her. More than she could contain. Trying to suppress it now was like trying to hold back the tide. The thought was both terrifying and exhilarating.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he panted, taking her hands. She had thought of his brilliant green eyes a thousand times over the last year, imagining them looking at her, but she was still astonished at how clear and vibrant they were. His hair was longer, dark, but with streaks of sun bleached blond. “The motorcycle… broke down.” He was trying to catch his breath. “I called cab, had to keep calling, and my phone died. I’m so sorry. You’ve been waiting. I’m sorry, I—”
“It’s okay,” she said. “It’s okay, Nik.” She looked up at him. He seemed to hesitate a second, then lunged forward and took her in his arms. She wrapped her arms around him as he held her tightly. Neither said anything as they gripped each other.
A moment seemed to transpire between them, like a silent understanding. She felt his heart beating against her. His body was warm and damp.
He breathed into her. She gripped him tighter, not caring if she seemed needy or desperate or was not able to play it cool as she’d planned. It just felt too good to be in his strong arms to pretend.
He finally broke their embrace. With his hands on her shoulders, they looked at each other, as if for the first time. They both broke into goofy smiles. “Did you check in a bag?” he asked. “Yeah. I have my backpack, but they wouldn’t let me take it on board, so I had to check it.” They started toward the escalator that led to the baggage claim area. He naturally took her hand as they walked, like they were a couple. He squeezed her hand. She squeezed back.
They floated down the escalator in silence, just looking at each other, not wanting to break the spell. When they made their way to the baggage claim, they were surprised to find all the passengers from her flight still standing around, waiting for their luggage. “I find out what’s going on,” he said, breaking away from her and going to the information desk. She stood by herself, watching the other people. She was so happy and relieved she thought she might cry.
Then Terra’s old nemesis, Doubt, crept in. Surely he felt what she felt. Right? She could see it in his eyes when he first saw her. He felt it, too. It wasn’t just her. Right?
Wait, what if I’m wrong? What if he’s just being nice, but doesn’t feel the same way? What if he just sees me as a friend?
She looked over at him as he waked back toward her. He smiled, his teeth radiant white.
“They say a delay. Are you okay?” He looked at her, concerned.
“Oh, yeah. I’m fine,” she said.
“About ten more minutes.” The words reminded her of the last time they had sex. A warm flush went through her body. “Here, come. I show you something,” he said, taking her hand.
He led her to the far end of the terminal, near a bank of windows. They could see the brilliant blue of the Caribbean, shimmering in the late afternoon light, spread across the horizon. “It’s beautiful,” she said, then turned and looked at him. She remembered how he always looked at the ocean, like it was what grounded him. His face was serene as he gazed out at the water.
He turned to her, realizing she was looking at him. He pulled her hand, rolling her around so she was in front of him. Her hips pressed against his upper thighs.
Looking down at her, he held her face in his hands. He moved one hand to the back of her head as he slid his other hand down her back. She rose up on her tiptoes. He kissed her. It started as a soft, gentle kiss, but quickly progressed. They both opened their mouths, tongues greedily probing and rolling. Her body quickly lit up. She felt like Sleeping Beauty, asleep for the last year and now woken by his kiss. She was ravenously hungry for him, the passion of all those lonely nights overtaking her.
He broke their kiss, afraid of their rapid progression and where it might lead. They both glanced around, suddenly self-conscious, then turned back toward the window. They looked at the view, shoulder to shoulder, as if afraid to face each other again.
Her pinky reached out and playfully hooked his. They swung hands until she slid her hand into his. She turned to him. His profile was perfect. The window lit his face with a soft glow.
It was astonishing how beautiful he was, as if God had rendered him to some higher version of perfection. It wasn’t just her feelings for him—he really was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. Even walking though the airport she noticed others doing near double takes as they passed. She was sure other women found him irresistible. But he was with her now. Her.
She tightened her grip on his hand. “How long did they say we’d need to wait?” she asked him. “Ten minutes,” he said. She could see the kiss had really gotten to him. He was breathing harder as he looked at her. His mouth was slightly open, as if needing to kiss her again. He seemed to be fighting to hold himself back. “Ten minutes?” she said. “Yes,” he said, breathlessly, his mouth coming closer to hers.
Their eyes locked. The rest of the world seemed to slowly slip away as she looked into those emerald eyes. They were like a gateway to another place—a magical place. They seemed to grant her a kind of acceptance. Acceptance of all her wants and needs. Desire hit her so strong she thought she might start shaking, as she sometimes did when alone in bed and her need for him was so strong she’d forget to breathe.
“Ten minutes?” she said, squeezing his hand so hard it was like she was trying to hurt him. He nodded, spellbound, unable to speak as he stared at her.
“Nik…” she said. She didn’t finish the thought. She didn’t even know what else she was going to say, but everything she was feeling seemed to come out in just that one word. His name. It was a question, a declaration, a whisper, and a request. Perhaps a command.
He broke their stare and looked around. Then he pulled her hand, quickly guiding her away. Around the corner was a small alcove area with a coffee cart on wheels. The cart was pushed flush to the wall and empty, as if abandoned. Nik pulled it out from the wall and slipped behind it, pulling Terra after him. He was so tall that the top of the cart only went to his shoulders. With his back to the wall, she grabbed his shoulders and pushed him down, sliding him down the wall.
She straddled him, falling on him, kissing him ravenously. She was never the aggressor in anything, much less sexually. But all her limits seemed to just vanish. All she knew was that she wanted this man, and she had to have him. Now.
Their bodies seemed to meld as they fell into a deep, locking kiss, as if feeding on each other. As they kissed, she gathered her long wrap skirt and pulled it up around her
waist. She lifted herself enough for him to quickly unbuckle his belt and undo his jeans.
With one hand she reached behind her and pulled her panties to the side—with the other she grasped him at the base. The strong, firm feel of him was instantly familiar, like it had been imprinted on her brain. She felt an immediate sense of possession, overcome with an ancient territorial impulse to lay claim.
She had to lift herself higher to rub him against her opening. She couldn't believe how wet she was. She squatted, pulling her hand away as she pushed her weight down. He slid slowly into her. She pushed all the way down, lifting her knees, until the full length of him penetrated her.
The suddenness of it shocked her body, but she embraced the pain. He arched his back, his body torqueing, flooded with immediate pleasure. He yelled out, but she put her hand to his mouth, silencing him. She didn’t realize that she’d also made a sound. He put his hand to her mouth as well.
She moved up, then back down, feeling him plunge to her depths. She made another sound. He slid his fingers into her mouth, his thumb going under her chin. She sucked his fingers, clamping down on them to keep herself quiet as she moved forward and back. He made another loud groaning sound. She slid her fingers into his mouth and held his chin the same way. She moved forward and back, then up and down on him. His face tensed up, the tendons in his neck sticking out. They gripped each others mouths, sucking and biting down on each other’s hands to keep quiet.
People walked past, just a few feet away. Someone went by, heels clipping on the hard floor, dragging their luggage on a wobbly wheel while chatting on a cell phone. A family went by with a teenager complaining, the language foreign but the tone universal.
She increased her pace, grinding on him. With his other hand he cupped her breasts, his large hands kneading her. Their foreheads met as they leaned into each other, both breathing rapidly though their noses, knowing that if they took their hands away they’d cry out and be found. She moved faster, the energy inside her building, rapidly rushing forward.
She pressed harder, pushing herself onto him as she thrust herself forward and back, grinding at a furious pace. She felt his body start to shake. She remembered the feeling, knowing he was beginning to orgasm. The force inside her peaked at the same time. She slowed down as they both took their hands from each other’s mouths and quickly locked into a deep kiss.
There was an overhead announcement in Spanish, then English, about arriving flights, followed by a warning in a cheerful voice to not leave baggage unattended.
He gripped her tightly, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing her as his whole body shook. He was hot and wet, clamped to her in a tight embrace, enveloping her in his fierce, masculine strength. She smelled the ocean on him, combined with his own sweet, woodsy scent. His muscles gripped her, locking them together so tight it felt like they were one.
They orgasmed together, in perfect union, their combined energy wrapping them in a cocoon of intense pleasure. They kept their mouths sealed together to keep from screaming out. She felt him spasm inside her, releasing in deep bursts. Her orgasm plateaued and sustained, like a high note that continued to hang in the air. Her body shook as the pleasure rolled through her, feeling his final spasms quiver deep inside her.
Chapter 3
“Can I ask you a question?” she said. They were sitting in the cab, finally getting out of the downtown area and heading up the coast. “Sure you can,” he said. They were holding hands. They hadn’t stopped touching since leaving the airport. She liked the sore feeling between her legs, imagining his seed still inside her. She could feel it, slippery and warm.
“In your letters,” she said as he looked at her. “How come you never mentioned us? I mean, us together. The time we spent together.” She wasn’t sure she should mention it, but she felt compelled to ask. He slowly turned from her and looked out the window.
A bolt of fear hit her. Another woman. Was there another woman in his life?
She’d never asked. I hadn’t occurred to her. Or maybe she just didn’t want it to. But why wouldn’t there be? How could there not be? She suddenly felt so young—young and foolish and naïve, only pretending to be a real woman. Caught trying to play grownup games.
Nik turned forward, looking at the back of the cab driver, who was fiddling with the radio as he drove. With a sigh he turned back to Terra and held her hand in his lap. He moved closer to her, their legs pressed together, and leaned close to her face. He talked softly but clearly, choosing his words carefully. “I try to explain. As I best can.” He paused, gathering courage. Terra’s heart beat so hard she thought she might have a panic attack.
He looked into her eyes. “When I first see you, last year, at the diving class. I feel something. Immediately. The second I see… the second I look at you.” He seemed frustrated as he struggled with the words. “Like a bolt. See, I only know the love of family. I have been close with others, but I never feel—I never feel—like when I see you. And that was just beginning. I never knew what it was like to really be alive until I see you. But you don’t live here. It—what’s the word? Selfish. Yes. You’re going to medical school. I have no right to ask you not to live your dream. There is a saying. What is it? If you really care about someone, you must let go. Set them free. Let them go. Something.” His clear green eyes misted over. “I try. I try to let go. To let you go. To live your dreams. I just…” A single tear, like a big orb, pushed out of his eye and rolled down his cheek. He quickly brushed it away. Embarrassed, he turned and looked back out the window.
Terra reached out and took his face, turning it back toward her. She rubbed another tear away with her thumb. She felt one of her own tears roll down her cheek. “There’s no one else?” she asked him in a whisper. He shook his head. “Not since I first see you,” he whispered back. She took his face in both her hands and kissed him, running her hands through his hair as their hot tears blended together.
Chapter 4
The cab would only take them to the old gate on the dirt road. After bouncing along for the last two miles, the driver protested, insisting he wouldn’t go any further. Nik grabbed Terra’s backpack and hoisted it, adjusting the straps for his height. Terra took her shoulder bag and they set out on foot.
Making their way down the trail, they didn’t say much, just held hands as they walked. Once, Nik stopped and pulled her close, kissing her. “I just had to make sure you are real,” he said afterward, as if afraid he was going to wake up from a dream. Terra knew the feeling.
It was early evening when they came to the ledge that overlooked the bay. Terra stopped, struck again by its beauty. She remembered everything about it. The azure blue of the water, the crisp, salty smell of the air, and the bright white of the sand—she’d pictured it in her mind for the last year, keeping it alive. Still, she felt as if she was seeing it all for the first time.
The sun was close to setting, bathing the bay in brilliant, colorful hues. The white cliffs dropped majestically into the water. Large, colorful birds drifted off the cliffs on currents of air.
As Nik led Terra down the embankment toward the beach, he pointed out the progress they’d made on the dive sanctuary. There were a number of building sites tucked along the cliff line, each made to blend into the landscape. She recognized everything from his drawings. The boat dock had been extended. There was now a second boat, with a blue sail wrapped to its shaft, in addition to his sailboat.
He pointed to the buildings. “One is classrooms and offices, and one is research labs. That one is for equipment storage. The other one is for housing. Already people living there. You’ll meet them.”
Terra saw another small building site. “What’s that?” she asked. “I don’t know yet,” he said, squinting his eyes. “I wait to see what else we need.”
They made it to the sand. Terra took her shoes off. The warm sand felt like fine sugar as it seeped between her toes. She felt an immediate sense of peace and serenity. She remembered the feeling from la
st time—the sense that this was a magical place, like a place out of time.
Nik nudged her, looking up. She saw Spidey, the howler monkey, scurry half way down his palm tree. He raced around the trunk, screeching. He stopped and looked at Terra, squealed louder as if berating her, then scampered back up the tree.
“He actually glad to see you. He upset you take too long to come back. He’ll forgive you.”
“Hola,” Terra called up, as a peace gesture. Spidey gave her a final reprimand, then disappeared among the palm leaves.
When they got to the deck of Nik’s house, a man came out and approached them, smiling. He was very attractive, dark skinned, wearing only swim trunks, with an athletic body and dreadlocks past his shoulders. “Hola,” he said to Nik.
“Hey, Carmine, this is Terra,” Nik said. The man’s smile widened. “Ah, the mythical Terra! Hello, hello!” He took Terra’s hand and put his other hand on it, holding it warmly.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Terra said. His soft brown eyes had a gentle warmth to them. “You have been the topic of many a long conversation around the fire with my good friend Nik,” he said. “Stop it,” Nik said, pushing Carmine’s shoulder and looking off, clearly embarrassed. “No, no,” Carmine said, still holding Terra’s hand. He leaned in closer to her. “You have him under your spell. In Jamaica, we call that Majik. It’s like owning a soul. Big responsibility.” He let go of her hand with a knowing nod. “So, what take you so long?” he asked Nik.
“Motor bike broke down.”
“Ah, crap, man. Where is it?”
“I had to leave it in town and get a cab.”