by J. L. Beck
She’s been drinking, that much is obvious, and probably since she left work because she’s still wearing the tight gray skirt she was wearing earlier.
Licking her lips, she exhales a breath before walking over to where I’m sitting, then leans down to peer into my face, our lips a meager distance from each other. If I was half the man I consider myself to be, I’d wrap her up in my arms and kiss her like I’ve always wanted to.
“There’s nothing wrong…” she trails off, looking away like she’s trying to gather her courage, which heightens my curiosity. “I just want to help you. To be the friend you always need.” I don’t miss the emphasis she puts on the word friend. For some reason, the word stings.
“What do you mean be the friend I need? Aren’t we already friends?” Narrowing my eyes, I find myself pulling her against my lap when I should be pushing her away. This is wrong. We’re friends, best friends. I can’t want her ... can I? I can’t cross that line without there being consequences for my actions. If I kiss her, then we’ve crossed into uncharted territory and I don’t know how we’ll survive it.
“We’re friends…” She’s staring at my lips, and I swear she’s going to kiss me. I can feel her sweet breath against my skin, and I want to taste her lips. I want to devour them. “But after today, I wonder if we could bend that line. If I can help you and you can help me.” I rear back and blink, my cock still rock hard and as I try to adjust her so she doesn’t feel it I wonder what she means.
“Help you? What do you need help with? If you need money, I’ll take care of you? Is someone hurting you?” I jump the gun a little bit, sounding more like an overprotective boyfriend instead of a best friend.
Fallon shakes her head and sags against my chest. I wrap my arms around her, smelling the wine that permeates from her pores. It’s sweet and intoxicating, and I almost groan as I inhale her scent.
“What do you mean Fallon?” I’m almost pleading with her to tell me what it is is going on.
“You’re so warm, and your chest is so smooth. You look like you walked off the cover of a GQ magazine.” She hiccups and giggles as she runs her fingertips across my chest and mutters nonsense. I’m flattered, and even a little bit excited that she finds me attractive, but it’s not like she hasn’t said similar things before. Friends can think each other are attractive, right?
I’m petting her now, running my fingers through her silky locks while wishing she belonged to me, wishing she was mine to keep, caress, and pleasure. “I think someone has had a little too much to drink.” As much as I want to let myself take what she’s drunkenly offering, I know she’ll regret it in the morning, and I’m not willing to risk our friendship for one night of ecstasy.
“I could help you,” she continues to ramble, her voice almost inaudible. “I could give you a baby. I want a baby myself, a family of my own. It could be a joint effort.” Fallon’s voice is soft but pleading and my hand stills as I digest her words. Am I hearing her correctly when she says she wants to have my baby? That she wants one, too? How do I not know she wants a child? Her saying she wants a family makes my heart squeeze painfully in my chest.
It takes me a moment to gather my wits, and I clear my throat, unable to look directly at her. “That’s a huge commitment, Fallon, too big a commitment to ask a friend to do. How can we remain friends and have a baby together?” Again I’m left wondering where this came from. Did Ryker her set her up as a joke? I’m certain this isn’t something she thought up on her own, and after the things he said earlier, I wouldn’t put it past him.
She pulls away slightly, her eyes drinking in mine. I swear I can see pain swirling in her deep green depths, but before I can say anything to her she’s off my lap and rushing for the door. I take off after her because I don’t want her to go, not like this.
“I’m only trying to help,” she ends with a small sob. “You don’t have to look at me like you’d rather eat your left arm off than procreate with me.” She sniffs, making it clear my comments upset her, but I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know anything anymore, and the frustration has me gripping the sides of my head and yanking the hair.
“Did Ryker tell you to offer this? Is it some kind of joke?” Fallon whirls around, her face full of disbelief, and as soon as our eyes meet I know my question was a stupid one. Even if Ryker did try to put her up to it, she wouldn’t go along with it if it wasn’t what she wanted.
“Seriously?” she squeaks. “That’s a joke, right? It has to be a joke, because for you to actually think I would consider sleeping with you based on something Ryker said? That would mean you don’t know me at all.” Shock radiates from deep within her, and I can sense her anger and sadness.
I hate myself a little more for being a dumbass and asking such a stupid as shit question. She starts towards the front door again, and I call out to her. “Fallon.” Her name falls from my lips in an anguished plea. I’m so ashamed at myself for treating her this way. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just, I didn’t think you could be serious. You’re my best friend, and my father’s stipulation is pretty clear. He wants a baby created between me and whoever I choose, and I can’t risk losing you. I can’t lose our friendship.” I finally say the words I didn’t think I could muster up. I’m a mess on the inside even if I look crisp and cool on the outside.
“But you can’t lose the company either,” she reminds me. I stare at her heart-shaped face, knowing she’s right. I can’t lose the company, that would suck, but I can’t lose her either. Losing her would be unbearable.
“No… No, I can’t,” I whisper, holding my head in my hands. If I take her offer, I risk our friendship ending because everyone knows you can’t be friends and lovers. It’s one or the other. Sex complicates things. But, if I don’t give her what she’s asking for I risk losing her and the company forever. Then there’s what she wants. I can’t have her go looking for someone else to father her child. There’s no way I can live through that.
This is one of those moments where I’m fucked if I do, but damned if I don’t.
Even in my wine induced state I can tell how torn apart Reed is and I want to comfort him, but he’s doing everything he can to push me away with his words. He doesn’t see the love I have for him, and I don’t know how else to show him aside from saying it out loud, which I’m still too chickenshit to do. I want to help him, maybe even open his eyes to more between us, but he immediately assumed I was joking, and that his brother put me up to it. How could he possibly think that? I’ve never done anything intentionally to cause him pain.
“You know what? I’m just going to leave. I don’t know what I was thinking showing up here.” I try my hardest to hide the pain in my voice as I scurry the rest of the way to the door. My heart’s beating out of my chest, tears forming in my eyes as I grip the door handle, ready to pull it open and walk away from this whole miserable night. Why did I ever think offering to have his baby was a good idea?
“Wait,” Reed demands, and I spin around, coming face to face with the man himself. He’s so handsome and there's a feral need in his eyes that reaches out to me. It begs me to stay and give in to the desire coursing through my veins.
“No.” My head starts shaking before I speak. “I can’t be here with you…” The rest of the words are lost as Reed’s full lips press against mine. Pleasure and heat course through my body, and before I can stop myself, my hands are tunneling into his hair while my lips devour his. He nibbles my lower lip, prompting me to open for him, letting his tongue caress mine in a way that has my knees weak and my pussy clenching with want.
That’s when I know for sure he owns me. No other man’s kiss will compare to Reed’s.
His tongue retreats and mine follows. I’m the one being the aggressor now, exploring the inside of his mouth and taking in as much of his unique taste as I can. He tastes a little like the whiskey he’s been drinking tonight, but there’s something else, too. I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s addictive in the best way.
Reed doesn’t let me keep control of the kiss for more than a few strokes. Soon he’s pushing his tongue back inside my mouth as his hands burrow into my hair, tilting my head so it’s in the best position for him to take what he wants.
I’ll give him whatever that is as long as he doesn’t stop kissing me.
I melt further into him, the soft curves of my body pressing against every hard inch of his. We’re touching from chest to groin so I can feel his erection growing against my stomach. The realization makes me moan, and when the sound leaves my mouth, it brings Reed back to the present. I know the exact moment he realizes what he’s doing, what we’re doing.
He jerks away from me so fast I have to sag back against the door to stay standing. When I look up at him, he’s looking down at me with an expression I can’t decipher. It’s like a mask covers his face, something I’ve never seen from him before. We’re always honest with each other, even when it’s hard, but right now he’s hiding from me and as much as I want to ask him why, I can’t bring myself to speak.
I just kissed my best friend. And even more shocking, kissing me turned him on. I almost want to do a fist-pump in triumph, but I manage to curb the urge. For whatever reason, Reed isn’t feeling the same emotions I am and that hurts so much it damn near brings me to my knees. Coming here tonight was a bad idea, I remind myself yet again.
I shouldn’t have let the bottle of wine I drank at home convince me that if I came over and told him what I wanted he would instantly agree.
Sucking oxygen into my lungs, my eyes lift to meet Reed’s blue ones. Heat rolls off of him and slams into me. He wants this so badly, I can almost taste his need, yet he denies this, denies us. It pisses me off, but the rejection also stings. He made a promise a long time ago that he would never hurt me, yet here he is doing exactly that.
“I should probably leave now.” I speak through swollen lips, feeling like if I don’t turn around right now and walk out of his apartment something horrible might happen. I’m just not sure if it’s going to be me bursting into tears or kicking him in the balls. At this point, it could go either way.
Reed doesn’t say anything. He just stares at me, a menacing look in his eyes and his body hovering above mine, fists clenched at his sides. If I didn’t know Reed the way I do, I’d be afraid of him, but I’m more afraid of what will happen to my heart if I stay. Turning quickly, I flee from his apartment, praying I make it into the elevator before he comes after me.
As soon as I make it to the steps out front, I realize I left my bag inside ...with him. I groan into the autumn air, shivering as a light wind blows my hair around. There’s no way I’m going back in to get it now. I’m too close to a breakdown. If I go back in there, we’ll just fight, and with as upset as I am I might say something I can’t take back later.
Thankfully, I only live a few blocks over, and I keep a hide-a-key hidden in a large potted plant on my porch. It’s not the smartest idea, and all three Winston brothers have yelled at me over it, but I keep forgetting to move the thing. As much as they hate it, I’m grateful for my forgetfulness right about now.
I hurry as fast as I can down the sidewalk. The streets aren’t lit very well, and fear spikes in my belly at the thought of being kidnapped or worse. Then, heavy footsteps slam against the pavement behind me, making my heart beat faster, and I start running, ignoring my shaky legs and the throbbing in my feet.
“Fallon.” Reed’s deep voice meets my ears, and I realize I’m running for no reason. I slow down, but don’t stop. I’m still too mad at him for that, and now I’m even angrier because he scared me half to death. Unfortunately, he’s so much taller than me that each of his steps is two or three of mine, so before I know it he’s beside me.
Reed grabs my arm and comes to a stop, forcing me to do the same. He pulls me around to face him, and I can see the regret all over his face.
But is it the kiss he regrets or the way he treated me? I’m too afraid to ask, so I stay quiet, shrugging out of his hold and yanking my purse away from him. He seems confused as I start back down the sidewalk in the direction of my apartment.
“That’s it? You’re just going to walk home.” Reed sounds pissed and all I can think is finally, finally he feels something.
“Yes, Reed. I’m just going to walk home. It’s what I was doing before you so rudely interrupted me.” I scoff, trying to hide my real emotions, the ones that want me to beg him to kiss me again, and tell me he was wrong and that he wants to be with me.
“In the dark...” He pauses briefly, but then I hear his footsteps faintly behind me and I know he’s going to follow me home. He’s not running to keep up with me again but merely following at a safe distance. With as upset as I am, it shouldn’t make my insides warm, knowing he’s doing what he can to keep me safe.
He could have just brought my purse back to me tomorrow at work, but even though he’s an ass sometimes, he’s an ass who cares about me ... just not the way I wish he would.
“I can’t do anything about it being dark outside, Reed. I don’t control the weather.” I roll my eyes and continue walking. All is silent between us except for a few crickets and the few cars that drive by. I fight the need to turn around and tell him how angry he made me tonight, how much he hurt me. I’m sure he already knows, because while he might be able to mask his emotions, I’ve never been able to.
Everything I feel shows clearly on my face. It’s something I’ve always hated, especially since my feelings for him should be obvious because of it, yet he’s always been oblivious. Or maybe he just chooses not to see. That might actually be worse.
Reed follows me all the way home like he’s my silent protector, and when we get to the sidewalk right in front of my place, he steps closer, stopping when he notices the way my body stiffen.
“Please, Fallon,” he almost begs. “Can I come in? I just want to talk.” He sounds so sincere, but I’m not sure enough time has passed for me to be able to talk about tonight without sobbing and confessing my feelings. It might have only been a kiss but it’s opened something inside me, something I’ve kept hidden for years. Since I was a teenager and realized Reed was it for me.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. In fact, I’d rather not talk about this ever. It’s embarrassing and I don’t want to relive it. Not tonight or any other.” I force a smile and hear his deep sigh of disapproval. I expect him to argue, but when he doesn’t say anything, I start up the walkway to my front door, leaving him standing on the sidewalk watching me. I can feel the heat from his stare on my back as I walk further away from him. Each step hurts, but they’re necessary.
I’m almost to the porch when he finally speaks. “We don’t have to talk tonight, Fallon, but we will talk about this. We will discuss what you offered.” There’s anger in his voice, but also a lot of determination. It’s all I can do to hold back my shiver in reaction to his demanding tone.
He’s never talked to me like that before and it turns me on to hear him taking control, or at the very least trying to. He continues to watch me as I bend to retrieve the hidden key, growling when he realizes what I’m doing, but he stays where he is. He knows better than to push me when I’m upset.
My fingers fumble the key and it takes me three tries to push it into the lock and get the door open. Once I cross the threshold, I turn back to face him but can’t make out his features. It feels like it’s gotten so much darker, even though it’s only been a few minutes. I lift my hand in a small wave, but he doesn’t give me any response. Finally, I slowly close the door, and by the time I make it over to the living room window he’s gone.
Tears prick my eyes when I go over tonight’s events in my mind. I still can’t believe I went over there and offered myself up as basically his egg donor. I’d swear to never drink wine again, but that would be a lie. All I want to do now is collapse on my bed and hope when I wake up in the morning I’ll find this was all a bad dream. Maybe I actually passed out on my couch and didn’t leave the
house.
Yeah ... that’s not likely. I’ll have to face the consequences tomorrow or whenever Reed decides it’s time to talk but for now I can pretend like it never happened.
I’ve given her a week. One whole week. It’s been agonizing to watch her walk around the office and not be able to talk to her about anything other than work, but I did it. I know she doesn’t want to talk about it, not the kiss or the offer she made me but that’s about to change. Tonight, I’m going to make her talk to me about everything, even if I have to force her.
Looking down at the stack of papers on my desk, I know I have a shit ton of stuff that needs to be signed, mailed and faxed and yet all I want to do is recline back in my chair and watch football. Deciding to do just that, I turn on the TV mounted on the wall in my office, cursing inwardly when the squeak of the door opening fills the room. The last thing I want to do is talk to someone.
“Knock. Knock.” Remy’s deep voice meets my ears, and I swivel around in my office chair to grin at him. Of the three of us, he’s the quietest and keeps to himself the most, which is strange being he’s the youngest.
“Hey, what’s up? Dad send you to work on the top floor today?” He’s the only one out of the three of us that works down on the second floor. Ryker and I both hold executive positions, while he prefers development.
He shuts the door before collapsing on the couch, his face a mask as he studies me. “Nah. Just came up to see how you’re doing.”
I rub at my jaw, contemplating if I should tell him about the Fallon shitstorm I made and ask his advice, or just deal with it myself. After all, I’m not really the type to ask my brothers for advice.
“Everything’s good. I’m just exhausted.”
“You sure? It doesn’t have anything to do with Fallon being pissier than normal?” I narrow my eyes, wondering if he’s prying for information or just making conversation.
“Maybe it’s her time of the month?” I try to make it a joke but it falls flat, so I go back to pretending as if I don’t know the problem is me, all me.