by Parnell Hall
“And what of Marty Haskel? Felicity Roth spoke to him too. Does that mean he knew something of Judy Vale’s death? And, if so, why isn’t he dead?
“Or Billy Pickens, for that matter?”
Cora smiled. “To get at the truth, I decided to work backwards. I said to myself, never mind who wanted to kill Judy Vale, let’s see who wanted to kill Paul Thornhill.
“A surprising number of people had motives.”
Cora pointed to the TV cameras in the back of the room. “Thanks to Harvey Beerbaum, the winner of this tournament will be profiled on television.
“Would a person kill for fifteen minutes of fame?
“You bet.
“People have killed for a lot less.
“So who profits from Paul Thornhill’s demise? All the contestants who thought they couldn’t beat him in the finals. Or who were afraid they wouldn’t get into the finals.
“These include Ned Doowacker, Craig Carmichael, and Marty Haskel.
“Of the three, Marty Haskel would seem the best bet. Mrs. Roth talked to him at Fun Night. He hated Paul Thornhill. And he’s local. The other two weren’t even in town when Judy Vale was killed.
“And yet …
“Last September Harvey Beerbaum threw a barbecue. The celebrity contestants were all there. That night, some of them, including Paul Thornhill, Craig Carmichael, and Ned Doowacker, went out to the Rainbow Room.
“And met Judy Vale.
“Does that make them more suspicious than Marty Haskel?
“It might, except he was there too. And actually lost a game of pool to Paul Thornhill.
“With Judy Vale looking on.
“Reason enough for murder? Maybe not. But flash forward to the tournament planning meeting, when Harvey Beerbaum introduces his celebrity contestants. Paul Thornhill stands up and takes a bow. Marty Haskel is immediately on his feet, objecting to professionals competing in the tournament. And no sooner has he had his say but who should stand up and start shooting the tournament down but Judy Vale. The same attractive young woman who saw him lose to Paul in the Rainbow Room. And now she’s bad-mouthing the tournament. Suggesting it be shut down.
“Well, think how that sounds to Marty Haskel. He doesn’t want the professionals there, but if they are, he’s gonna do his best to beat ’em. But by God, he wants the chance. He doesn’t want some silly girl who has no personal interest in the tournament mucking things up on a whim. And in the normal course of events, she wouldn’t be a problem.
“Except something happens. Women picket the town hall, protesting the tournament. Marty Haskel is sure Judy Vale is behind it. She isn’t, it’s merely a coincidence, but Marty doesn’t know that. He’s furious, and he strikes.”
Marty Haskel, to his credit, heeding Cora’s earlier admonition to Joey Vale, glowered in silence.
“Which explains Mrs. Roth. She knows Marty’s the killer and confronts him at Fun Night.
“Bad move. Instead of dancing to her tune, Marty does her in.
“And why does he kill Paul Thornhill? He actually has two motives. Paul Thornhill is the only celebrity contestant he can’t beat. He is in second place. By killing Paul Thornhill, he becomes number one.
“Or—and this is the theory I like—Paul Thornhill knew something about the first murder. And that is why he had to be eliminated.”
Cora smiled. “Case closed? Not yet. There are other suspects. Ned Doowacker was in fourth place, just missing the play-off. With Paul Thornhill dead, he is third. And he was jealous of the celebrity contestants, because he wasn’t chosen as one. He was also in the Rainbow Room and met Judy Vale.
“So did Craig Carmichael, who was in third place, but by a thin margin.
“Is there anyone else? Ah, yes. Zelda Zisk. She was not in the Rainbow Room that night, never met Judy Vale, and apparently had no connection with her whatsoever. In a mystery novel, this would make her the chief suspect.”
Cora took a breath.
“There is one more suspect.
“One more person who must be considered.
“The person who is always the first suspect when a married man is murdered.
“The spouse.
“The wife.
“Jessica Thornhill.”
Jessica Thornhill sprang from her seat. It occurred to Cora that if she was acting she was very good. The tears in her eyes were genuine. “Stop!” she cried, rushing to the microphone. “How can you do this to me?”
Cora caught her by the wrists, held her firm, pulled her up tight. “I have to,” she said. “Don’t you understand? If you want your husband’s killer caught, I have to lay out the facts.”
Jessica sobbed, backed away, and subsided into her seat.
Cora clapped her hands. “Enough with the theories. It is time to name the killer. But first I want to show you the evidence that told me who the killer was.”
Cora reached into her drawstring purse, pulled out three sheets of paper. “Do you see these? They were found at the crime scenes. The police have been withholding them, hoping to trip the killer up with details of the murders only the killer would know. This is no longer necessary, since I know who the killer is.”
At the table Mrs. Thornhill had vacated earlier, Chief Harper looked ready to have a stroke. His face was bright red, and he was sputtering, as if having a hard time catching his breath.
“So what are these papers and why were they left? Well, if you were at Fun Night, you’ll be familiar with two of them.” Cora held one up. “Craig Carmichael’s puzzle, Curious Canines, was found on the body of Mrs. Roth.
“Paul Thornhill’s own puzzle, Apologies, was found on his body.” Cora held up the puzzle. Out of deference to Jessica, she didn’t add that it had been rolled up and stuck in his mouth.
Cora held up the third paper. “The puzzle found with Judy Vale is somewhat different. Here, take a look. It’s just some words that she doodled on a piece of paper. The key word is lover. The intersecting words are Joey jealous, lights out, and or else.
“You can see why this message immediately directed the police’s attention to two people, Judy Vale’s husband and her lover.
“Her husband was rather quickly cleared.
“Her lover was another question. Could he be guilty? If not, what did the puzzle mean?
“And here we have a problem. Judy Vale scribbled her puzzle herself. Mrs. Roth solved her puzzle herself. And who solved Paul Thornhill’s puzzle?”
Cora held it up, pointed to it.
“No one. This copy is solved, but the one on Paul Thornhill’s body wasn’t. It was a blank copy.
“But he did write it. It was his own puzzle. The one he composed for Fun Night. The question is, did the killer leave it for me, or did Paul Thornhill leave it for me, to tell me who killed him?”
Cora smiled. “I know. That’s a very stupid concept. But in point of fact, these puzzles are quite revealing. And one of them tells us who committed the crimes.
“How can we tell which one?” Cora beamed. “Fortunately, we have an expert in our midst. A linguistic genius. A man well-versed in every sort of puzzle. Harvey, would you step up here please?”
Harvey Beerbaum, completely taken aback, gawked at Cora with his mouth open. “I beg your pardon,” he sputtered. “What sort of nonsense is this?”
“Oh, come on, Harvey,” Cora said. “Don’t be so modest. Don’t hide your expertise.” Cora put her hand to the side of her mouth, in the gesture of one sharing a confidence, and said into the microphone: “Harvey and I have a little friendly wager going. He bet I couldn’t name the killer. If I can, he’s gonna do the commentary for the finals. If I can’t, we both are. Come on up here, Harvey.”
Harvey Beerbaum reluctantly and suspiciously got to his feet. “What’s the big idea?”
“Just what I said,” Cora told him. “Here’s the three puzzles. Or the two puzzles and the doodle, if you will. Here, take a look.
“First, we have the doodle by Judy Vale.
&
nbsp; “And Craig Carmichael’s puzzle, solved by Felicity Roth.
“And Paul Thornhill’s puzzle, which had not been solved.”
CURIOUS CANINES
by Craig Carmichael
ACROSS DOWN
1 Ways 1 Fake jewelry
6 Leers at 2 Genus of plant lice
11 B—F connection 3 Chaplin persona
14 Eliot’s cruelest month 4 Robbers’ roost
15 “Arthur” star 5 Congressman and Union army officer Henry Warner
16 Possessed 6 17th century card game
17 Sparring dog? 7 Not bad
19 Bullfight cheer 8 Bagels and___
20 Work record 9 Before (Arch.)
21 German field marshal Rommel 10 Most peaceful
23 Marry 11 Hungry dog?
24 Shore of TV fame 12 Surrealist Salvador
26 Arbiter 13 Paradise
27 Shoeless 18 Stinging insect
30 Fancy dude 22 English flyboys
33 Handwoven wall hanging 24 Risks
34 Tiny Tim’s instrument 25 Retirement funds
35 Fuss 27 Payoff
36 Most kempt 28 Edible pod
38 Gun club 29 Mets or Yankees
39 Sass 30 Fellas cohorts
40 Desert people 31 Change text
41 Cheese 32 Scoreless dog?
42 Work obstruction 33 Saying
44 Clothing chain 36 Carole King album
46 “Goodnight,___” 37 Persia, now
47 Most comfy (Var.) 41 Letter
51 Dames 43 Before, in prefixes
53 Memento 44 Leaves
54 Oil paintings 45 Feature
55 Fashionable dog? 47 Gives up
58 Expire 48 Consumed
59 Hindu princess 49 Angles
60 Detective’s finds (Var.) 50 Curt
61 Corn unit 51 Green gemstone
62 Affirmatives 52 Operatic solo
63 Present, for instance 53 Leg joint
56 Actress____ Dawn Chong
57 Printers’ measures
APOLOGIES
by Paul Thornhill
ACROSS DOWN
1 “Maybe___” (Buddy Holly hit) 1 Confederate general
5 Juniors’ juniors (Abbr.) 2 Video’s partner
10 Alack’s partner 3 “I was too___” (Brenda Lee’s apology)
14 Regulation 4 So far
15 Coffee additive 5 Stupid bore (Var.)
16 Country bumpkin 6 Greek mountain nymph
17 Mine entrance 7 Booty
18 Greeting 8 Angel’s wear
19 Grad 9 With finesse
20 Type of rummy 10 Ali Baba’s land
21 Beginning of Elvis’s apology 11 “To Sir With Love” singer
23 Divinity 12 Border on
25 Mai___ 13 Trucking rig
26 Tint 21 Charged particles
27 Uto-Aztecan languages 22 Praise
32 Packs away 24 British Revolutionary War general
34 Was able 27 “___Rae” (Sally Field Oscar winner)
35 “At the___” (Danny and the Juniors hit) 28 Distinctive atmosphere
36 British bottom 29 “I ran all” (Impalas apology)
37 “I’m” (theme of this puzzle) 30 Heavy burden
38 Cub’s dad 31 Nimble
39 Misery 32 Sayings
40___cum laude 33 Believe (archaic)
41 Amusingly risque 34 Arrive
42 Climbing plant 37 Assumes
44 Wife of Zeus 38 Pointed remark
45 Street guide 40 Remain
46 Tot’s farewells 41 Suds
49 End of Elvis’s apology 43 Come out
54 Head cover 44 Nocturnal scavenger (Var.)
55 Arab prince 46 Cofounder of Czechoslovakia
56 Movie segment 47 Champing at the bit
57 Bear or Berra 48 Reek
58 Vocalize 49 Not so much
59 “Exorcist” actress Burstyn 50 Leave out
60 Prayer ending 51 Ivy-covered
61 Eye problem (Var.) 52 Bruins’ school
62 Burrito condiment 53 “Farmer in the___”
63 Brew 57 Bark shrilly
As Harvey Beerbaum examined the puzzles, the frown on his face deepened into a scowl.
Cora Felton watched with glee.
Harvey looked up at her in utter frustration.
“So, Harvey, have you figured it out? Which of these puzzles fingers a killer? Can you tell?”
“Certainly not,” Harvey said indignantly. “And you can’t either. This is just a bluff. Quit stalling.”
“Oh, I’m not stalling. I know the answer. I just wanted to give you a chance.” Cora took the puzzles out of Harvey’s hand. She reached up, patted him on the cheek. “It’s all right, Harvey. I’ll take it from here.”
Cora stood watching with an almost maternal look on her face until Harvey was forced to slink back to his seat.
“So,” Cora said brightly. “As I was saying, one of these puzzles names a killer. Which one could it be?”
Cora held up Apologies. “Strangely enough, Paul Thornhill’s crossword puzzle tells me who killed him. As promised, it is time to unmask the killer.”
Cora turned, looked directly at Jessica Thornhill. “And the killer is …”
Cora paused, raised her finger.
Then she spun around a hundred and eighty degrees and pointed.
“Joey Vale!”
THERE WAS A STUNNED SILENCE IN THE ROOM. SHERRY Carter sucked in her breath. She gawked at Cora Felton, unable to believe her ears. Clearly her aunt must have lost her mind. What could she be thinking? To arbitrarily accuse Joey Vale, the one person everyone in town hall knew for a fact could not be the killer. She had even said so herself.
Harvey Beerbaum grinned broadly, his suspicions confirmed. Cora had been bluffing after all, and her machinations with the three puzzles had been just a trick. “Excuse me, Miss Felton,” he said brightly, eyes twinkling. “Did you say Joey Vale?”
This sally was greeted by laughter from the crowd. Even Joey joined in. He shrugged his shoulders to the assembly at large, inviting them to share his bafflement at the lunatic ravings of this addled old woman.
Cora Felton, for her part, was doing nothing to dispel that impression. She tittered slightly, as if having just come to the embarrassing realization she was using the wrong salad fork at a formal dinner. “I’m sorry. Did I say Joey Vale? I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t mean to say that. Pretend you didn’t hear that. Let me try again.”
Cora cleared her throat. “I have told you many things that might have happened. Now I am going to tell you what actually did. After Harvey Beerbaum’s barbecue last fall, Paul Thornhill, Ned Doowacker, and Craig Carmichael all went drinking at the Rainbow Room. I wondered about that—why they chose the Rainbow Room over some more upscale establishment like the Country Kitchen.”
Cora turned, pointed. “The answer is Jessica Thornhill. Paul Thornhill’s wife wasn’t in town, and it was his night to howl. But at the barbecue he’d agreed to take part in the charity tournament. Jessica would be along for that. Naturally, he didn’t want to go pick up women any place he’d later visit with his wife. The Rainbow Room was perfect. It was the type of place Jessica would never go.
“So what happens? He gets to the Rainbow Room, meets and flirts with Judy Vale. He shoots pool with Marty Haskel and beats him. Since he’s won, he has to play another game. He loses that one, then looks around for Judy.
“And where is she? By all accounts, she’s gone home with Billy Pickens. This is the story I got from all the witnesses I interviewed. It was so widely attested to, I took it at face value.
“And yet …
“On closer examination, no one saw her leave with Billy Pickens. Everyone assumes she did. Just as everyone assumes Billy Pickens is the man with whom she had the affair. It was simply common knowledge.
“And it simply wasn’t true.
“Thornhill went looking for Judy, and there she was outside. Just where she told him she’d be.
He found her there, and he drove her home in his car. To an out-of-the way bungalow on the other side of the railroad tracks on the far side of town. On a night her husband was out playing cards. What a perfect setup for Paul Thornhill: a quick assignation before driving home to New York. With a woman he’s unlikely to ever see again.
“Oh, yeah? Bad luck for Paul Thornhill. The first tournament planning meeting, there she is. He avoids her like the plague, counting on her to be equally discreet.
“Bad luck again. Discretion was never one of poor Judy’s virtues. During the discussion, she stands up and donates her views. While she appears to be talking about the tournament, Paul Thornhill knows she is talking to him. He realizes that she is the type of woman who will not keep quiet, will not be discreet, and will not go away.
“Paul Thornhill is trapped. He is coming back to Bakerhaven with his wife. His rich, jealous, possessive wife, who is devoted to her trophy husband, but who will cut him off without a cent if she catches him playing around. Judy Vale is a nightmare. She can’t be warned off, she can’t be bought off, she can’t be scared off. And she can’t be reasoned with.
“She has to go.
“On the night in question, Paul Thornhill tells his wife he’s going out to the movies. Instead, he drives to Bakerhaven, leaves his car out on the road, and comes sneaking up Judy’s front path. Joey’s car is gone. The coast is clear. He knocks on the front door. Judy’s surprised to see him but invites him in. She offers him a drink and leads him into the kitchen, where he promptly strangles her and then drives back to New York just in time to get home from the show. He’s seen the movie the day before, just in case Jessica happens to ask him about the plot, even though she’s unlikely to give a damn.
“And there it is. A perfect crime.
“Except for one thing.
“The witness.
“Felicity Roth. Who was looking out her window the night of the murder and saw him go inside. Which answers the one question that’s bothered me all along. Why was Felicity Roth talking to Paul Thornhill at Fun Night? She had no interest in crossword puzzles. No, she’s talking to him because she saw him at Judy Vale’s. Only she’s lied to the police about it, and she’s the only one who knows.