by Nicola Marsh
‘Actually, we both have to go. Una and Alan are both interstate this weekend, so that leaves us to represent the station.’
‘Take someone else,’ she said, shifting her weight from foot to foot, enjoying standing over him, but hating the way the straps on her stilettos cut into her ankles.
Maybe it was time to forego fashion for comfort now that she was retaining a bit of fluid. The joys of motherhood…and this was only the start!
He shook his head, reaching for the invitation and smoothing it out.
‘No can do. We’re the head honchos of RX at the moment, we have to attend. It wouldn’t look good if we didn’t go, not to mention giving the rumour-mill fodder for the next few months. You know we’re launching an all-out attack on the ratings soon. For the sake of good PR we have to be there, no excuses.’
Kristen mustered her worst intimidating glare, knowing she had no choice but to go along to television’s biggest awards night—with him!
Damn him for being right.
Damn him for putting her in this predicament.
Most of all, damn him for eliciting the faintest thrill of pleasure at the thought of accompanying him, especially when she was supposed to be hating him right now.
‘Fine. E-mail me the details and I’ll meet you there.’
She turned on her heel and headed for the door without a backward glance.
‘Kris?’
She bit her tongue to keep from responding and kept moving. Only a few more steps…
‘We need to talk about the baby.’
She stopped dead, swivelling so fast her head spun. ‘Now?’
‘I didn’t want to have this conversation here,’ he muttered, running a hand over his eyes as if to obliterate a host of memories. She knew the feeling. ‘Poor form on my part, but I can’t let this wait till later. I don’t know about you, but I can’t function with the two of us like this.’
‘We’re professionals, Nate,’ she said, wondering if he remembered using similar words on her first day when he’d belittled what they’d shared in Singapore, negating it to nothing with his nonchalance. ‘We need to function as best we can regardless of our personal situations.’
‘I deserved that, but can we talk?’
He crossed the space between them in a flash, gripping her upper arms so she couldn’t move, and darn if her pulse didn’t leap and jump and thud all over the place.
Stupid pregnancy hormones.
Trying to ignore the warmth seeping into her body from his touch, she said, ‘Do you really want to talk about the baby here? Now? That’s what the other night was about, you know. If you hadn’t run scared, that is.’
His dark eyes widened, and all colour drained from his face as his grip on her arms tightened, his fingers biting into her tender flesh till she squirmed.
‘You don’t know anything about me.’
Yanking free of his grasp, she sent him a scathing look. ‘Too right I don’t. Funny thing is, I thought I did. I never thought you’d be the type of guy to turn tail and run and then give me the cold shoulder when you finally see me again.’
‘You’re right, I’m sorry…’He trailed off, rubbing the bridge of his nose as if he had a thumper of a headache, closing his eyes for a second before they snapped open and fixed her with a stare that could have frozen nitrogen. ‘My reaction has nothing to do with you.’
Raising an eyebrow, she tried to match his cold stare and failed. She couldn’t do it when she glimpsed the devastation behind the forced coolness in his eyes, and wondered what or who had put it there.
‘You’re wrong. It has everything to do with me. We’re in this together.’
She reached out and gripped his hand, giving it a quick squeeze before letting go. Touching him, even for something as innocuous as a comforting squeeze on the hand, felt way too good. ‘If you want to be, that is.’
Shaking his head, he perched his butt on the back of the chair, his steady stare never leaving her face. ‘Honestly? I don’t know what I want right now.’
‘Oh.’
‘I know this is hard for you, but I need some more time,’ he said, his grave expression imploring her to understand something she had no idea about as she wondered how her life had got so complicated.
A few months ago the hardest decision she’d had to make was which suit to wear to work, and now, thanks to one amazing night, they’d woven an intricate web of parenthood which had them both confused and scared.
‘Time. Right.’
She nodded, hating how high and tight and squeaky her voice sounded, hating the threat of tears prickling the back of her eyelids more.
‘Hey, it’s okay,’ he said, enveloping her in a hug before she knew what was happening, and though her first instinct was to pull away she ignored it, relaxing into his embrace, wondering when she’d last been held like this, comforted like this.
Probably that night in Singapore, when the same man had wrapped his arms around her, though back then there had been nothing but passion and heat and an overwhelming attraction.
Her skin tingled at the scorching recollection, and she placed her hands on his chest and pushed away, albeit reluctantly.
She needed to get out of here before she blubbered. Being held by Nate, enveloped by his purely masculine scent, cradled in his strong arms, did nothing but short-circuit her brain and make her forget every logical reason she had for pushing him away.
‘It’s okay to be scared, you know,’ she said, knowing most guys would be blown away by news of impending fatherhood, yet unable to shake the feeling there was more behind Nate’s reaction than simple fear.
He wavered between anger, coldness, fear and warmth, vacillating all over the place when he was usually so commanding and in control.
‘Scared? I’m terrified,’ he said, the serious expression on his face telling her far more than his honest words did.
There was something more at play here, but she couldn’t push him. If he hadn’t made a decision about being involved with the baby yet, what right did she have to push him for answers to questions she could barely formulate?
‘Hey, I’m scared too. I know it’s a big deal, and besides, I’ve had longer to absorb it all than you have.’
Cupping her cheek, he brushed his thumb along her skin, sending shivers skittering through her body. ‘Thanks for being so understanding.’
‘Yeah, that’s me.’
She stilled under his touch, her breath catching as his thumb rasped across her cheek for a brief moment before dropping away. ‘I don’t even know if you like babies.’
Some guys did, some would run a mile at the barest hint of a goo-goo or ga-ga, and she’d wondered where Nate stood ever since she’d discovered the pregnancy.
He sighed and looked away, and her heart plummeted. From the moment Nate had said he wanted to talk about the baby, she’d built an elaborate fantasy in her head, one where Nate loved the baby and grew to feel half of what she felt for him, wrapping them all up in one neat family package.
However, with his crestfallen expression and guilty gaze, he’d ripped the bow off in a swift, painful action, exposing her fantasy for what it was: an empty dream without all the trimmings.
‘It’s complicated,’ he said, finally raising his eyes to meet hers again.
‘Right now, complication is my middle name,’ she said, forcing a brittle, hollow laugh which echoed eerily around the room.
‘Look, I want to explain it to you, but I can’t get into it right now. This isn’t the time or place.’
‘Maybe later?’
Her voice came out soft, small, shy, like a coy teenager asking a boy out on a date, and she felt just as uncertain and gauche, hanging on his answer with hope in her heart.
His face fell along with her hopes. ‘I can’t. I’m flying to Brisbane in a few hours to one of the other divisions. I’ll be there all week, getting back late Sunday afternoon before the Logies.’
‘Oh.’
Could this get an
y more convoluted?
Maybe she and Nate weren’t meant to sort things out. Maybe she’d be better off pinning her hopes on winning the lottery?
A million-to-one chance, about the same odds she had as ever getting on the same page as Nate.
‘Hey, I promise we’ll talk after the Logies, okay?’
He tipped her chin up, his gaze warm and steady, imploring her to trust him.
Like she knew anything about trust.
She’d had her scant personal belongings stolen by the foster family’s own kids at the first foster home she’d been dumped in, she’d been let down at parent-teacher interviews by her second foster mum on no less than three occasions, and the third, fourth and fifth foster homes she’d lived in had been rife with verbal and psychological abuse.
What she knew about trust equalled what she knew about babies—next to nothing.
‘I don’t expect anything of you,’ she said, stepping away, glad to re-establish some control over her personal space, hating the bereft feeling when his arms fell to his sides. ‘You know that’s not what the other night was about. I just thought you had a right to know.’
‘Thanks. It means a lot.’
However, he didn’t look grateful. In fact, he looked downright uncomfortable, as if being a dad was the last thing he wanted.
Well, she’d make it easy for him.
‘No one needs to know about this,’ she said, fiddling with the edging of her jacket. ‘I won’t name you as the father on the birth certificate.’
She’d thought she was doing him a favour.
By the angry crimson flush creeping up his neck, and his thin, compressed lips, she’d thought wrong.
‘I’m not ashamed of this child or being recognised as the father. I just need some time.’
Time for what?
Time to invent excuses why he couldn’t be around?
Time to make himself scarce?
She could’ve asked him, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how much his answers meant to her.
For some strange reason, it suddenly mattered why he needed time. A lot.
After the other night she’d resigned herself to being her baby’s sole parent, yet now having Nate take responsibility seemed paramount.
She wanted to know what was driving him, what was behind the fleeting guilt she glimpsed at times. Because maybe, just maybe, if she understood more about what motivated him, she’d have a chance of making him see how great being a parent to their child could be.
With her thoughts swinging as wildly as her emotions, courtesy of her hormones, she knew she’d better leave before she did something crazy—like fling herself back into his comforting arms.
‘More time? Sure. We’re not going anywhere.’
She patted her tummy, a never-ending sense of awe flooding her body at the bump already there, while his panicked glance flickered between her belly and her face.
Whoa! How could a capable, take-charge CEO look like he was about to faint at the thought of being a father? Maybe he wasn’t half the man she’d thought he was.
And maybe you need to give the guy a break.
He’d said he would explain on Sunday and she had to give him the benefit of the doubt. She had no other option.
‘I’ll pick you up at seven?’
‘Fine,’ she said, wondering how she’d get through the rest of the week knowing that they would be discussing their baby’s future after some silly, flash awards-night. ‘See you then.’
She spun on her heel and opened the door, needing some air, needing some distance between her and the man who made her dream and want and crave things she had no right believing in.
‘Kris?’
‘Yeah?’
She glanced over her shoulder, unable to fathom the intense expression casting shadows over his handsome face.
‘Thanks for giving me a chance.’
Flashing him a wan smile, she headed out of his office, wondering if he meant a chance at being a father, a chance at explaining, or something else entirely.
CHAPTER NINE
THE brass knocker clanged noisily against Kristen’s front door, and she slipped on her shoes, grabbed her evening bag and made a mad dash for the stairs, forcing herself to slow when she reached the top.
‘Sorry about the bumpy ride,’ she murmured, caressing her belly as she descended the stairs to greet Nate, filled with uncertainty and fear and longing, the latter a terrible, desperate yearning for a man she knew could never be hers.
For if Nate hadn’t wanted her before she was pregnant there was no way she’d fall for any sudden change of heart.
She wouldn’t put it past an upstanding guy like him to want to do the right thing and include her in his grand plans for giving his child the perfect life—if he wanted an involvement with his child, that was.
Pity he hadn’t realised they could’ve had the perfect life before the baby had obligated him to her.
Opening the door with a welcoming smile, she said, ‘Hi, you’re back.’
Not the most scintillating line, but not bad considering her mind had shut down the second she’d caught sight of Nate in a designer tuxedo, his dark eyes sparkling, a sexy smile playing about his mouth, and his hands filled with a giant box covered in adorable teddy bears.
‘You look beautiful,’ he said, the banked heat of his top-to-toe glance setting her body alight, his admiration thrilling her. She’d spent an inordinate amount of time with her make-up, hair and adjusting the exquisite A-line empire-style dress of mauve chiffon, gathered over her nicely expanding bust and falling in loose folds to her ankles.
She wanted Nate to see her as an attractive woman.
She wanted him to see her as more than the mother of his child.
Stupid, foolish, crazy?
Definitely but she couldn’t help but wish her baby would have more than she’d ever had—a father to protect her, to give her advice, to beat off randy teenagers like those who’d treated her as trash because she’d had no parents and no one who particularly cared.
Not that she was completely delusional. She didn’t expect Nate and her to be a couple, but she wanted them to establish a bond, a close friendship which would envelop her baby in love and security. Two things she would’ve given anything for growing up.
‘And this is for you.’
‘Thanks, come in.’
She stepped aside, inhaling deeply as he brushed past her, the heady scent of his signature aftershave sending her receptors into meltdown. She’d never forget that smell, its tangy freshness a lingering reminder of the incredible night they’d shared and the way his skin had pressed up against hers in so many delightful ways, branding her own with his exotic scent.
‘Aren’t you going to open it?’
He laid the box down on the dining table and she nodded, suddenly shy at the way he devoured her with his eyes, the glint of desire she glimpsed there a potent reminder of what they’d shared, what they could share again if he threw caution to the wind and she lost her mind.
I’ll blame the hormones again, she thought, remembering how she’d swiftly flipped past the chapter in one of the books where it had stated that expectant mothers often found their libidos out of control.
That had to be true considering all she could think of right at this minute was ripping that stuffy bow-tie off Nate’s neck, tearing open his snowy-white shirt and burying her face against his amazing rock-hard chest.
‘Kris?’
Heat flushed her cheeks—she could easily have skipped the blush—and she opened the box, her heart expanding with emotion as she lifted out a giant, purple hippo wearing a goofy smile.
‘He’s gorgeous,’ she said, blinking back sudden tears at Nate’s generosity, hoping this was the sign she’d hoped for, the sign that he wanted to be a part of their child’s life and, if so, knowing this would be the first of many presents for their lucky child.
‘There’s something in there for you too,’ he said, ge
ntly taking the hippo out of her hands when she didn’t move, brushing away the lone tear that trickled down her cheek. ‘Though, if you cry I might have to take it back to the store.’
She chuckled, dabbing under her eyes to prevent further spillage, and delved into the box, her hands searching amongst a sea of tissue paper until she encountered a small, square box.
It felt suspiciously like jewellery, and she hesitated, suddenly nervous.
What could this mean?
Surely Nate hadn’t taken his obligation to extremes and bought her a ring? He wouldn’t be crazy enough to propose…?
‘You’re one of those infuriating go-slow people on Christmas Day, aren’t you? The kind who never rip off the wrapping paper all in one go to get to the good stuff.’
She flashed him a haughty stare. ‘Good things are worth waiting for.’
‘Damn right,’ he said, sending her another trademark sexy smile which notched up the temperature in the room by ten degrees at least.
With shaking fingers she flipped open the box, breathing a sigh of relief and wonder as she poked at the tiny gold booty nestled in white satin.
‘It’s gorgeous,’ she said, marvelling at the intricate work, the perfection of it.
He cleared his throat, and she wondered if he felt half as choked up as she did as the enormity of what they were doing hit home.
They were going to be parents.
There would be many more opportunities like this for giving and sharing gifts with their child: birthdays, Christmases, graduations and beyond.
Special moments to be captured like a still photograph and pressed into her heart, never to be forgotten, made extra special for sharing it with a man like Nate.
‘I thought you might clobber me with your laptop if I gave you jewellery, so this way you can choose to keep the charm for the baby’s bracelet if it’s a girl or add it to one of your own.’
His tone, husky with emotion, had her avoiding his gaze. If she looked up and saw those dark eyes studying her, she’d burst into tears without a doubt.