by Nicola Marsh
‘You know there was broccoli in that?’
Her hand flew to her mouth in mock horror. ‘Really? Is that what those little green tree-shaped things were?’
He laughed, pushing his noodles around the plate before giving up and resting the fork down. No use pretending he had an appetite. Besides, he doubted he could force a mouthful of food past the giant lump stuck in his throat.
‘What’s wrong?’
Realising there was no time like the present, he swapped seats, sliding into the stiff-backed chair next to her. ‘Nothing’s wrong. But I want to talk to you about something.’
‘Uh-oh. By the look in your eye, it sounds serious.’
‘It is.’
He took hold of her hand, small and soft, hoping she felt one iota of what he felt for her. It was the only way he could convince her to go through with this.
‘I was planning to wait till later, but I can’t concentrate on anything else.’
Her eyes widened, depthless blue pools a man could drown in. ‘You’re starting to scare me.’
‘Sorry, that’s the last thing I want to do.’
Taking a deep breath, he tried not to blurt out the words he’d silently rehearsed for the entire afternoon in one go.
‘I know this is going to sound crazy to you, especially after you refused my offer to move in, but I want you to consider this carefully. It’s the best thing for the baby, to surround her with both parents, especially in the early formative years. She needs to feel loved and I think we can give that to her. Together.’
Gripping both her hands, staring into her incredible eyes and hoping to God he was doing the right thing for them all, he said, ‘Kris, will you marry me?’
CHAPTER TWELVE
KRIS stared at Nate in horror, certain she’d heard a proposal spilling from the lips she’d spent way too much time fantasising about, her brain having a problem computing it.
‘Marry you?’
Shaking her head, she took shallow breaths, trying not to hyperventilate at a time when she needed her wits the most.
He squeezed her hand, his voice steady when she felt like screaming. ‘I know it’s out of the blue, and probably the last thing you expected, but I really want us to make a go of this. To try and be a family for our daughter.’
Kris gritted her teeth so hard her jaw ached. She couldn’t believe he was doing this to her—again! First the ‘move in and let’s play happy families’ scenario and now this!
Hating the quiver in her voice, she said, ‘Do you love me?’
The widening of his eyes and quick look away spoke volumes.
‘I care about you, Kris. Surely you know that?’
Numb with pain, she said, ‘It’s not enough. I know you care, but a marriage needs more than that. And I know you mean well, but you’ve just presented your proposal with all the flair of a business deal, and it’s not enough. You want to take care of me and the baby? Fine. You want to lavish our daughter with love? Fine. But we don’t have to be married or live together for you to do that.’
‘We’d have a solid foundation for a marriage. We could build on it. We could—’
‘I can’t marry you, Nate. I’m sorry.’
She stood, not surprised he released her hands and moved across to the fireplace, staring into the flames while she blinked away tears before turning to face him again.
‘I know you want what’s best for the baby. I do too, but children pick up on emotions around them, and I don’t want our daughter realising the only thing keeping her parents together is her.’
‘It wouldn’t be like that,’ he said, his tone low and imploring as he crossed the room to stand beside her. ‘Surely you feel something for me? Enough to take a chance on building a future for our daughter? To take a chance on seeing what develops?’
Pain ripped through her at the bleakness in his eyes.
Feel something?
She felt everything for him.
Shaking her head, she picked up her denim jacket lying on the back of the sofa and shrugged into it.
‘I’m sorry, Nate. Feeling something just isn’t enough. And I’m not prepared to sit around waiting for whatever we feel for each other to maybe or maybe not develop into something more. Respect, admiration, attraction, whatever we’ve got right now, isn’t enough. I deserve more than that. We both do. I need more and I won’t settle for anything less.’
Willing her legs to move towards the door, she half expected him to stop her.
Even with the empty ache spreading through her heart with every step taking her further away from him, she wanted him to stop her, to tell her this was all some huge mistake, that he did love her, and that marrying her, becoming a real family, was the most important thing in his life.
He didn’t stop her, and the hollow slam of the door echoed the slamming door in her heart as she shut away her love for the man who’d broken it without trying.
‘What’s this?’
Nate looked up from the pile of documents on his desk and held up a letter the minute Kristen entered his office and closed the door.
Damn, she’d decided to play this cool, to be professional to the end. But seeing him sitting behind his fancy desk, with a smug expression on his face and a raised eyebrow, as if he didn’t quite believe her letter was serious, spiked her temper in a second.
‘Have you read it?’
‘Uh-huh.’
To her annoyance, he screwed it up into a ball and lobbed it into the bin three metres away.
Forcing her hands to unclench, she marched over to his desk.
‘You really should keep important documentation like resignation letters for the HR department. They’ll want stuff like that for employee files.’
Folding his arms, he leaned back in his chair and fixed her with a benevolent smile.
‘I’m not accepting your resignation.’
‘You have no choice!’
Her voice rose and she calmed it with effort, the same effort it took not to lean over the desk and wipe that grin off his face.
‘Look, I don’t want to get into this with you,’ she said, wishing he was more rattled, hating that he wouldn’t take her seriously.
She’d thought long and hard about this since his proposal. Working with him on a daily basis with that hanging between them had made her life unbearable. She couldn’t stand another second of it, let alone the remaining time left before she went on maternity leave.
‘What about your maternity leave?’
Squaring her shoulders, she said, ‘What about it? If I leave it doesn’t matter, does it? I’ll be on permanent maternity leave till I find another job.’
His eyes narrowed, and she saw his right hand flex. At last, she’d scored a reaction.
‘You don’t have to do this, Kris.’
‘Damn right I do,’ she said, finally taking a seat. It was hard to maintain a tough stance when her feet were killing her courtesy of swollen ankles.
‘Is it so hard working with me?’
Her gaze snapped to his, surprised by the hint of vulnerability she glimpsed in the dark depths, and hating how her heart thawed at the sight of it.
‘Honestly? Yeah, it is.’
‘I thought we’d moved past the proposal?’
‘You might’ve,’ she muttered, hating the lurch of her heart as she recalled that fateful evening, the evening where for one tiny second she’d almost believed all her dreams had come true.
However, remembering his businesslike proposal rankled, no matter how much he cared, no matter how many different ways he showed it.
Seeing him on a daily basis was exhausting emotionally, and she just couldn’t do it any more.
‘Let’s just call it quits, okay?’
Nate pushed out of his chair and moved around the desk in a flash to squat next to her and grab hold of her hand. ‘Are you just talking about the job?’
‘Of course,’ she said, surprised by the devastation in his eyes, the sad twist to his mout
h.
‘Then why? Why walk away from a job you love and are great at if you’re still going to see me anyway?’ Shaking his head, he grabbed her other hand till she had no option but to face him, to listen to him. ‘Obviously I’m the problem here, the problem you’re trying to escape, but I’m not going anywhere. I’m still going to be a part of the baby’s life, so why run away? Why now?’
Because I love you.
Because it hurts too much seeing you every day, thinking about what we could have if you’d give us a real chance—not some marriage based on obligation.
Because I want us to be the family you spoke about, for real.
Hating the treacherous warmth seeping from his grip through her body, she pulled her hands out of his.
‘Because it’s too hard,’ she finally said, her voice barely above a whisper as she stared at her folded hands lying in her lap.
‘It doesn’t have to be,’ he said, placing a finger under her chin and gently tipping it up till she had no option but to meet his eyes.
‘I don’t want you to go, Kris. You mean too much to me.’
‘Don’t you mean the baby?’
He didn’t deserve her bitter response, not when she could see the genuine tenderness in his eyes.
To his credit, he didn’t back down, even when she pushed away his finger and broke the tenuous contact binding them.
‘I’m not talking about the baby. I’m talking about you and me.’
Straightening, he stalked to the bin, pulled out her resignation letter, smoothed it out and laid it on the desk in front of her.
‘I’ve tried to be as honest as I can with you, about everything. And I’m not letting you leave here without a fight. So, here’s your letter. If it’s gone by the time I come in tomorrow, I’ll take it you’ve come to your senses. If not…’he shrugged into his jacket and picked up his briefcase ‘…be prepared to do battle. I’m not letting my star exec producer walk out of here no matter what she thinks.’
‘You’re…you…’
He silenced her indignant sputtering with a swift, fierce but all-too-brief kiss on the lips before sending her a smug grin and strolling out the door.
Nate entered the conference room carrying a huge goodie-basket filled with baby stuff, pasting a smile on his face as he fought his way through the crowd surrounding a radiant Kris.
‘For the mum-to-be,’ he said, placing the basket on the table, wondering how long before he could make a run for it.
Having a baby shower before Kris left had been Hallie’s idea, but now that the day had arrived he couldn’t be less happy if he’d tried.
He’d miss her.
A lot.
Feeling something just isn’t enough.
Her words from the night he’d proposed haunted him, taunting him with their finality, implying she might feel a bit for him but that it was nowhere near enough to get her to marry him.
Until her refusal he’d had no idea how badly he wanted to provide a stable home environment for his daughter, how much he was willing to risk in perhaps opening up to the possibility of more than a platonic relationship with Kris.
Being married would’ve given him the opportunity to take things slow, to break down the carefully erected barriers around his heart and maybe, just maybe, take a chance on more than just caring for a woman again.
But Kris didn’t see the logic in his proposal, or didn’t feel enough for him to take a chance and no amount of wishing things could be different would change that fact.
She’d said she deserved more than he was willing to give—and sadly she was right—but he couldn’t lie to her. He had no idea what would happen if he opened his heart to another woman, and he’d been as honest as he could.
For Kris, it wasn’t enough.
‘Thanks,’ she said, smiling up at him, the familiar twinkle in her eyes.
Ever since he’d called her bluff over her resignation a month ago, they’d entered a weird impasse in their relationship.
He’d challenge her, she’d fire back.
She’d tease him, he’d want to kiss her senseless, till he remembered he had to keep things in the office professional.
If she’d wanted to bolt after his proposal, it didn’t take an Einstein to figure out what she’d do if he hauled her into his arms as he’d wanted to do almost on a daily basis.
‘Hey, boss. How about you propose the toast?’
Hallie thrust a champagne flute into his hand and he blinked, annoyed by the coy little smile playing about Kris’s sensual mouth, as if she could read his thoughts.
Straightening, he addressed the room, as he’d done many times over the last few months.
‘Since I’ve taken over here at RX I’ve been constantly impressed by the work ethic and camaraderie shown by all of you, as demonstrated today in this great turnout for Kristen’s farewell and baby shower. As you all know, she’s agreed to take a year’s worth of maternity leave, and I’m hoping to lure our star executive producer back to the fold then.’
Cheers greeted his announcement, and he smiled at Kris, his heart pounding as she returned it.
‘She’s been a great asset to the RX team, and I know you’ll all join me in wishing her and her bundle of joy all the best.’
He raised his glass in her direction, watching her throat move almost convulsively as she sipped at her apple juice, her expression stoic.
‘Since you’re so impressed with our work ethic, boss, does this mean you’ll be shouting the bar at Manic Monday tonight?’
Several people cheered Hallie’s cheeky question and he held up his hand to quieten them.
‘While our impossible receptionist seems to think this station has a bottomless pit of funds, I’m willing to shout each of you a drink tonight if you get back to work within the next five minutes and actually get something done in the next two hours before knock-off time.’
As expected the conference room cleared within the prescribed time, people draining champagne and taking their cake plates with them. His staff may be the most productive, loyal lot around, but boy did they love a drink to unwind after work on a Monday.
Once Hallie, the last straggler, had given them a final cheeky smile and closed the door behind her, Nate sat next to Kris and topped up her glass with juice.
‘How are you doing?’
‘A little tired,’ she admitted, sitting back and resting her folded arms on her belly.
Exhausted, more like it, he thought, noting the dark rings of fatigue around her eyes despite the careful use of cosmetics.
‘You sure you’re up for the pre-natal class tonight?’
‘Positive.’
She nodded, her blonde hair falling around her shoulders, longer and softer now than when she’d first started work. ‘They’re going over the birth options, and I really want to be there for that.’
‘Want me to pick you up?’
He threw out the offer, expecting her to refuse as she’d done on the previous five occasions, but to his surprise she nodded.
‘That would be great. I’ve been feeling pretty lousy today. For a while there I thought I’d have to miss my own baby shower.’
‘Nothing serious?’
His calm voice belied the surge of worry within. Now that she’d mentioned it, she didn’t only look exhausted she looked downright ill. Despite the sassy look she’d sent him earlier, her eyes now appeared dull, and could be indicative of something more serious such as a virus. Her pallor wasn’t disguised by blush.
She rubbed her belly and grimaced. ‘No, I’m okay. Just the odd Braxton-Hicks contraction.’
Suddenly, it hit him.
She was scared, probably petrified, by the fake contractions that sometimes preluded the real thing.
He reached for her hand instinctively, desperate to reassure her. ‘It’s going to be okay. Trust me.’
Her gaze settled on their hands, her body inert, before she finally turned her hand over in his and hung on for dear life.
‘I do.’
Two little words, whispered into the fraught silence, encapsulating every hope and dream he’d had for the two of them.
He’d wanted to hear her utter those words in a different context, but for now this would have to do.
He needed to be there for her, to shunt aside his own fears as her due date grew near, and concentrate on being strong for the both of them.
‘You stay here and I’ll load this stuff into your car then drive you home, okay?’
She nodded and slowly withdrew her hand from his. ‘Nate?’
Resting a basket filled to the brim with soft toys on his hip, he said, ‘Yeah?’
‘I couldn’t have done this without you.’
He smiled, sensing the vulnerability underlying her words, knowing he needed to reassure her now more than ever.
‘Yeah, you could. You’re superwoman. You just hide away your cape and wear that dodgy underwear on the inside.’
He headed for the door, thankful he’d made her smile, hoping it stayed there for the weeks ahead leading up to the birth.
Kristen tried to concentrate as the nurse facilitator droned on and on about epidurals, forceps, episiotomies and a host of other not-so-fun things she might have to look forward to at the birth of her baby.
Women in the group winced and crossed their legs for most of the talk, which she found incredibly funny, considering it was way too late for that.
As for the men, most had paled when the nurse had passed around the forceps, and some had left the room when the actual birth video had been screened.
Nate had stayed by her side through it all, his expression focussed and resolute, as if he didn’t want to miss a second. She could’ve admired him for it if it weren’t for the constant nagging ache in the middle of her back and the fact she blamed him for putting it there.
Irrational? Maybe, considering she’d been more than a willing participant in their unforgettable night in Singapore. But as the birth grew closer and her fears escalated accordingly it only seemed fitting to blame every little thing on the guy who had put her into this predicament.