“You misunderstand,” she said, holding out a hand. “I’m not threatening you. I won’t try to take him back. I just want to be a part of my child’s life.” A slow smile crossed her lips. “Did you call him Hunter? I like it.”
“I don’t care what you like.”
Clara blinked. She’d never seen him that icy cold. His eyes were artic as they looked at the mother of his child.
Veronica took a step back. “Of course. I made all the wrong moves, here. I get that. Really, I do. But put yourself in my shoes. I’d had a brief affair with a man I knew didn’t want me or a child. Not long term, at least. I thought I was all alone. When I reached the end of my rope, I thought you’d refuse to help if I gave you the choice.”
“Did you even stick around to see if you were right about your gamble or did you go straight to the airport once you’d delivered our child like a stray dog?”
She glanced away, guilt on her face. “I knew you wouldn’t send him away,” she said. “You’re a good man.”
“Which you know from our extensive history together.”
Her hands fisted. “You can berate me all you like, Walker, but I want to see my baby. Will you let me do that or not?”
“Of course,” Clara cut in when Walker opened his mouth. “He’s sleeping. I’ll go get him.”
“Thank you.”
“I don’t think so,” Walker said at the same time.
With a sigh, Clara navigated around Veronica and took his hands in hers. “Think logically,” she murmured to him. “This is his mother. What are you going to say to Hunter when he’s old enough to start asking where she is?”
He scowled.
“You don’t have to forgive right now,” she said. “But this isn’t a door you should close. Let me go get the baby.”
His eyes met hers instead of the blonde beauty standing a few feet away. “You think this is a good idea?”
“I do.” The words were like acid on her tongue.
He jerked his head. “All right. Get Hunter.”
Ducking around him, she raced to the nursery before he could change his mind.
Stepping into the dark room, she tiptoed to the crib and scooped up the sleepy baby.
“There’s someone I want to reintroduce you to, little man,” she whispered against his blonde curls. So much like his mother’s.
He gurgled in her arms.
“Come on.” Tucking the blanket around him she went back downstairs, every step feeling like a weight pressing down on her shoulders. When she entered the living room she paused. Walker and Veronica stood close together. By his body posture she could see Walker was less than thrilled to be so close to his ex, but she couldn’t help feeling they made a striking pair. With his dark charm and Veronica’s angelic beauty she could see why they’d ended up together.
And how they’d managed to create such a beautiful little boy.
“Veronica,” she called.
The woman jerked around, her eyes zeroing in on her child.
“Oh,” she whispered, the fight draining out of her face as a naked need replaced it. “Can I hold him?”
She looked to Walker who gave her a sharp nod.
“He’s tired so he might be fussy,” she warned before handing over the baby.
“Hello,” Veronica said to the infant. “Your daddy calls you Hunter. What do you think of that?”
She rocked him easily in her arms, and Clara’s chest tightened. They fit together. Two pieces that were never supposed to be separated.
Hunter reached up to grasp one golden curl that was so like his own. Pulling it into his mouth, he sucked on the strands, utterly content.
Seeing the child, she’d come to think of as hers that happy in the arms of another woman was yet another knife in Clara’s heart. What had she expected? She’d always known one way or another her presence in Hunter’s life would be temporary. She wasn’t his mother. Nor his stepmother.
She wasn’t anything to him.
And with Veronica back, the odds of her ever being any of those things was growing increasingly smaller.
Clara stood on the edge, looking at what would have been a family had Veronica made a different choice.
Once again, she was on the outside looking in. The one left in the cold, able to see the life she wanted but never quite able to reach it. Hadn’t this happened time after time when she was younger? Hadn’t she nearly run herself ragged trying to be someone others would view as being worthy of their time?
Their love.
But not even her own flesh and blood had ever seen any value in her.
Staring at him stare at Veronica made her realize how foolish a dream that had been. She’d been right back in the first year. He wasn’t the man for her.
She was alone.
“He’s so beautiful,” Veronica said. “And he looks happy. I knew you’d keep him safe.”
“He’s my son,” Walker said, cupping Hunter’s head with a gentle hand. “There was never any question of doing whatever he needed of me.” He glanced up, his eyes finding hers. “Of us.”
Veronica followed his gaze. “Of course. Forgive me, I should have realized. Thank you, as well,” she said to her.
“Clara,” she introduced herself with a wave. “It was no trouble. Hunter is an amazing kid.”
“Still, if you were helping take care of him, you have my deepest thanks. I’m glad Walker didn’t have to go through this alone.”
“You’re welcome. In fact, I think it’s best if I bowed out for the rest of the evening. I’m sure you two have a lot to catch up on.”
“Again, thank you. We definitely do.”
Nodding, she turned to leave, trying to think of anything she needed to take with her. This would be the first night she’d slept in her apartment for weeks.
A hand grabbed her arm as she entered the hall.
“Where are you going?” Walker demanded.
She gestured to the living room. “You need to get everything sorted out, and that will be an easier conversation without me.”
“Not true.”
“Really? You want to discuss the custody of your child with your old lover when your new one is sitting right next to her?
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “All right. Fair point.”
“I’ll sleep at my place tonight,” she said. “It’s fine.”
“Nothing about this is fine.”
Her lips quirked. “I told you before. You never do anything the normal way.” She tried to pull away, but he didn’t let go. Instead he pulled her closer.
“None of this negates the conversation we were having before we were interrupted.”
She stared at the buttons on his shirt for a long moment before allowing her eyes to rise to his.
“It doesn’t?”
“Not even slightly,” he promised, his voice low.
Unable to stop herself, she touched her lips to his, reveling in the fact that she still had the power to do so.
Lightning fast he had them rotated until the wall hit her back. Giving herself over to the feelings he inspired, she relaxed into his arms. His lips slanted over hers in a thorough kiss before he lifted his head.
“Once this is all sorted, I want to get back to what we were discussing.”
“And your question?” she whispered, running her lips along his jaw.
“And my question.”
The pit in her stomach eased at his words. “You know where to find me,” she told him.
“Thank you,” he told her, sincerity in his eyes. “Thank you for being so understanding about all this. I don’t deserve you.”
“Truer words,” she teased. “Let’s just try to weather this latest Beckett storm and we’ll figure out the rest.”
Nodding, he stepped back to release her, looking back toward the door to the living room. “You’re sure we’re okay? I should be getting back to Hunter.”
“Go,” she said, shooing him away. “I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.
”
He leaned forward to brush his lips over her forehead. “Sleep well, sweetheart.”
“Alone?” she asked, cupping his cheek. “Not likely.”
A low growl rumbled from his chest. “I know the feeling.”
With a last squeeze of her fingers, he was gone. Back to his ex and the child they’d created together.
Leaving Clara standing in the hall.
Alone.
Chapter Twenty
“I don’t know how I feel,” Clara said to Diane.
“Yeah well, this wasn’t covered in How to Be a Girl 101. I think we can both agree to cut you some slack here.”
They sat at Diane’s desk, cups of coffee in both their hands. Clara had tried to work today. Really, she had. But there was no stopping the thoughts that always spiraled back to Walker and Veronica. What had they talked about last night? Was she staying for good? Had she slept over in the bed Clara had vacated?
Nausea rose in her at the thought.
“The mom showing up is a good thing, right? I mean, in the grand scheme of things. Kids have questions about that sort of thing eventually.”
“I pointed that out,” Clara sighed, leaning back in the chair. “Yeah, from a detached perspective, and not as someone caught in an emotionally tangled ten-year-long will-they-won’t-they relationship with the father, this is a great thing. Hunter will grow up knowing his mom.”
“His mother,” Diane pointed out. “Biology makes her his mother. It doesn’t make her his mom. That position is still up for grabs.”
And I want it.
She never had before. Hell, she’d sworn never to have kids. And yet somehow Hunter had slipped into her heart much the way his father had. One day she’d woken up and simply couldn’t picture a life without either one of them.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t her decision to make. If it was just between Walker and her, she’d fight for him and never give up. But this wasn’t just them. And it wasn’t just a game of adults. There was a child involved. Her child. An innocent boy who was looking to his parents to ensure his world would be safe and happy. As much as she wanted to demand that Walker see what was right in front of his eyes, she had to think about Hunter. Was she what was best for him?
Or was Veronica?
“The baby isn’t very old. He couldn’t have had much more time with her than you.”
“Not the point,” Clara said.
“Isn’t it? As far as I’m concerned, you have a better claim. You have love binding you to this boy. All she has is blood.”
“Blood and the law on her side. Besides, if she hadn’t loved her son, she wouldn’t have gone out of her way to do what she thought was the best thing for her child. Instead she would have dropped him at an orphanage or tried to raise him herself, always resenting the impact on her life. No, she made the one decision she needed to as a good parent. She found a haven for her baby. I can’t exactly fault her for that.”
Diane sighed. “Well, when you put it that way.”
“Complicated. Every which way is complicated.”
“You know what isn’t complicated?”
“What?”
“The fact that you’re in love with Walker.”
She snorted. “I think that’s the most complicated part.”
“No, you’re wrong.” Diane leaned forward to rest her elbows on the desk. “In one form or another, you have loved this man for almost your entire adult life.”
She blinked. “Well, I suppose that’s true but it’s not exactly—”
“The two of you actively worked to keep each other in your lives. You know how many friends I have from college? One. And we’re down to just a Christmas card exchange now. Most old friends drift apart, but the two of you just kept getting closer. That wasn’t a fluke, Clara. That was by design.”
“He has a hard time making friends.”
“He’s a gorgeous male with a black card. How hard could it really have been?”
She kept her mouth shut. The fact that Hunter had had multiple possible mommies said enough. Walker didn’t need her to fill any lonely nights. She wasn’t just a default choice. When they spent time together it wasn’t because they had no other plans. It was because they wanted to be together more than they wanted to be apart.
Wasn’t that at the heart of any good relationship?
“He picked you just as much as you picked him. You’re not being left outside here. He’s standing right there ready to help you climb over the window ledge. Don’t run unless that’s what you really want.”
“But what if he could be all that to Veronica? Wouldn’t it be best for Hunter to be raised by his biological family?”
Diane shrugged. “I think the best thing for any child is to be raised by people who love and want them. You’ve proven that part more than his mother has.”
Clara took a sip of coffee to buy herself some time. “There’s just more to it than my feelings, is all I’m saying.”
“And all I’m saying is sometimes it’s okay not to be selfless. Don’t bow out of this race because you think you know the best answer. Have a real talk with your partner and then decide what comes next for both of you.”
“When did you get so wise?”
“You basically stopped coming to work for a month. I had to do something.”
Clara stuck out her tongue in response.
“Want me to come over tonight to keep you company, or are you going to head for Walker’s?”
“Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll check in on Hunter.”
Diane smiled. “Bridesmaid. All I’m saying.”
Laughing, she drained the rest of her cup. “Promise.” Setting it on the desk, she pushed to her feet. “I should at least try to write that exposé for you.”
“Like your brain is going to be good for anything today.”
“Well, I can at least sit in my cubby staring at a blank page for the next two hours.”
“Or you could figure out what you want to say to Walker when you walk through his front door today and see him.”
Her cheeks heated at the thought. “Yeah,” she said softly. “Or I could do that.”
Diane waved her away. “Get out of here early. You have business to sort out.”
With a grateful smile, Clara left the office. Yes, she’d plan what to say, and tonight there’d be no unanswered questions, no misunderstandings. She’d ask him for exactly what she wanted, and if that wasn’t something he could give, then she’d pick up the broken pieces of her heart. But Diane was right. It was better to know.
One way or the other.
Her key turned in the lock, and an irrational burst of relief filled her. She was coming home to where she belonged.
Opening Walker’s door, she stepped into the entranceway and tossed her purse on the waiting table.
“Hello?” she called. “Anyone home?”
Footsteps sounded on the stairs as she wandered into the living room. Within seconds Emily emerged, Hunter in her arms.
“You’re back,” Emily said.
“Couldn’t stay away,” she replied, holding out her arms to the baby who was already reaching for her.
Clara closed her eyes as she pulled him close, inhaling his sweet baby scent. Chubby arms grabbed at her neck as she hugged her little boy. Or at least, she hoped he was hers. Because if she didn’t ever get to hold him again, a piece of her heart would break and she wasn’t convinced the damage would be reversible.
“Where is Walker?” she asked, swaying gently as Hunter cooed his delight.
“He’s still at work,” Emily replied. “But Ms. Tagg is outside on the balcony.”
“Veronica?”
“The same.”
“Did she…” She swallowed past the lump in her throat and tried again. “Did she stay the night?”
“No, but she came back early to spend the day with the baby. Walker gave her permission.”
“Good,” she said, though the word felt hollow. “She shoul
d have a place in Hunter’s life. They need to bond.”
Emily scoffed, a clear sign the nanny wasn’t so quick to agree. “She’s good enough with him in small doses, I suppose.”
“You have to build up stamina to be around kids all day every day.”
“You didn’t.”
She ran a hand over Hunter’s back to calm him when he started to fidget. “I had a lot of experience to draw from. It’s not a fair comparison.”
“Walker adapted very quickly and he had no prior experience.”
“Walker is…”
One of a kind.
“Just give her a chance is all I’m saying. For Hunter’s sake.”
They both looked down at the baby who blinked at them sleepily, his little hand firmly wrapped around a handful of Clara’s hair.
“I was about to put him down for a nap,” Emily explained.
“And I’m keeping him awake.” Pressing a kiss to his forehead, she handed him back to his nanny. “Sorry. Thanks for letting me get my Hunter fix.”
“Do you want to keep him up?” Emily offered.
“No, no. It was hard enough to get him on some sort of schedule. Go ahead. I’ll go have a chat with Veronica and see how her first day back has been going.”
“Good luck,” Emily said, polite as ever, even though her tone was less than encouraging.
“Thanks. I might need it.”
She watched Emily and Hunter make their way back upstairs before rolling back her shoulders. Time to face her rival.
Stepping out onto the balcony, she spotted the other woman on a lounger, her head tilted up toward the sun. She wore clothes for sunbathing and designer shades that boasted a logo Clara would never be able to afford. A half-finished cocktail waited on the little table beside her as she enjoyed her afternoon. The scene was more appropriate for the decks of a Mediterranean cruise rather than day one of being a mom.
Clara remembered how frazzled she’d been those first few days. Wardrobe had been the least of her worries, especially since her clothes sported formula stains these days. She’d been lucky to drag a comb through her hair, and here was Veronica looking like a fashion plate.
She is so different.
Like a separate creature altogether standing on a very different playing field. Worse, hers was a world Walker fit into. One of wealth and excess. Of luxury and decadence. Veronica was exactly the sort of woman she’d always thought her friend would end up with.
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