Only to see it was back to its immaculate state. No clothes tossed over far-too-expensive chairs. No bobby pins scattered across the vanity. Nothing to suggest Clara had ever lived in this room except for a letter lying on the white pillows.
“I didn’t read it,” Veronica said from behind him.
“Why would she go?”
“Why would she stay?”
He turned to see his former lover waiting uncertainly in the doorway. “I know I messed up,” she started. “I will spend the rest of my life making that up to you. But you must remember how it was with us before I left. We had chemistry. A real connection. And now we’re bound in a way far more permanent than any relationship could ever tie us. Clara knew that. She saw the chance we had and she stepped out of the way.”
“What chance?”
Veronica took a deep breath. “To be a family. A real one. Think about it. Hunter could be raised by his mom and dad. Together.”
“You’re not his mom.”
“But I am.” She moved forward, closing the distance between them. “I always will be. And I could be more, to you. If you’d give me another chance. I’d like to try again. Really I would.”
“What?”
“I know we can’t just pick up where we left off. All I ask is that you think about it. Clara left because she was putting Hunter first. Don’t let her sacrifice be in vain.” She nodded to the letter. “I’ll be waiting downstairs when you’re ready to talk more.”
Cupping his face, she pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek before gliding from the room.
He stared after her, feeling like he was missing vital pieces of the puzzle. A lifetime with Veronica? Objectively, he knew it made sense on paper. They’d always dealt well with each other, and Hunter’s life would be far more normal if they could make a real go of it together.
But that logic was cool and impersonal. Exactly the sort of reason he’d once been so good at. Now, however, there was nothing cold or calculated about his future.
Not if he had Clara.
Grabbing the letter from the bed, he scanned the contents, his heart squeezing with every word.
Walker,
By now you’ve realized I’m gone. I’m sorry I couldn’t do this in person, but I thought it might be easier on both of us to say goodbye this way. You don’t need to reply. You don’t need to call. We can let everything end in this room. Rather fitting since this is the place I most associate with our beginning.
Ten years ago, I never would have predicted where we would end up or what you would come to mean to me. This time with Hunter, and with you, will be a memory I treasure forever. You’ve woken me up, the two of you. My life will be better for this experience. Eventually. I don’t want you to think I’m leaving in anger as a woman scorned. I understand. Really, I do. You don’t need me anymore and that’s okay. All I want, all I’ve ever wanted, was for you and Hunter to be happy. Veronica is the key to that. She’s Hunter’s mom and she can be so much more for you if you’ll let her. Be the family you’ve always wanted. This is your chance. I would never want to hold you back from it.
Since I never got the chance to tell you in person, just once I wanted to say it, even if only on paper. I love you. Completely. If I loved you any less, I wouldn’t be able to do this. But I must do what is right for all of us, and that’s leaving.
Goodbye, Walker Beckett. It was a wild, wonderful ride and I wouldn’t trade a single moment of it. Be happy.
Love always,
Clara
He sank to the bed, rereading the letter again. Then again. Turbulent emotions warred within him. There was no taming the exultation at one sentence. I love you. He’d wanted to hear those words for so long. Years, it seemed. Over and over, everything in his life had always led back to Clara.
But mixed with his joy was also dread.
Goodbye, Walker Beckett.
She was gone. She’d decided to do what was best all on her own like she always did. Clara always did the right thing. Even if it broke her own heart. Even if it went against everything she’d ever wanted, she’d do the right thing. How many times in their lives had he teased her that he’d never win an argument because she was always right?
Except this time, when it counted most, she was completely and utterly wrong.
You left me. You decided what was best for me without realizing I have no life without you.
He stared unseeing at the empty room. The house was colder without her in it. Even Veronica’s presence didn’t make up the loss.
I can’t do this without her.
She might have left because she wanted to give him a chance at the family he’d never thought he wanted, but she was wrong.
She was his family. Had been for his whole adult life.
And there was no parting with her.
Letter in hand, he made his way back downstairs, his mind racing with every step. Just as she’d promised, Veronica was waiting for him. She rose gracefully when he entered the room, and he remembered why she’d caught his attention in the crowded bar in the first place. She’d been beautiful standing there with her friends, but it had been something more that drew him. A kindness that had reminded him of the one woman he couldn’t take into his arms the way he had Veronica. Even now her eyes were troubled as she took in his agitation.
“Are you okay?” she asked, moving forward. She put a hand on his arm and he stared at the long, smooth fingers without feeling the slightest twinge of desire. No matter what both women obviously thought, she was not the one who could make them a family. She wasn’t the one who could make him happy.
And he didn’t want to pretend that she was.
“Veronica…” he started.
The fingers on his arms tightened for a second before withdrawing. “You’re going after her.”
“Yes.”
“But—” Hurt flashed across her face. “We have a child together.”
“That will never change,” he said, catching her hands in his. “We will make this work together. Hunter will be raised by three parents who love him. Maybe four one day if you meet someone who makes you as complete as Clara makes me. But he won’t be raised by two.”
“I made a mistake but I can—”
“It doesn’t matter,” he cut her off. “Even if you’d stayed, there would be no stopping the reality Clara and I started years ago. We were always meant to be together, Veronica, and it took the complete reordering of my world to finally stop fighting it. She’s the one for me. I love her with every fiber of my being and there’s no undoing that.” He squeezed her fingers. “Please understand. I’m not saying this to insult you.”
She pulled her hands from his. “No one turns me down.”
His smile was self-deprecating. “Only morons who can’t see what’s right in front of them.”
“You’re one of these morons?”
“For years, it seems. I think it’s time I go correct my mistake.”
She looked away. “You could give it some time. See if we could be what you had with Clara.”
“No one can ever be Clara to me,” he said. “And I wouldn’t want them to be. She’s it for me. I can’t lose her.”
“She left of her own free will. I didn’t drive her out.”
He shook his head. “I know. Now I need to convince her to come back.”
“And if you can’t? Not every woman wants to sign up to be part of a three-way parenting ring. What if this is all just too much for her?”
He swallowed hard, her words mirroring his own fears. “If I can’t convince her to be with me, then I won’t be with anyone. We’ll make co-parenting work, you and I, but that’s all it will ever be. Even without Clara in the picture.”
She stepped back as if she’d been stung. “I can’t believe this.”
“I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings between us.”
“Oh, I think we’re crystal clear.” She folded her arms over her chest.
“Thank you,” he said, alr
eady backing up. “I’ve got a girl to see.”
“I’m not sure I wish you luck.”
His grin was brief. “We’ll figure this all out, Veronica. I promise. But right now…”
“You’ve got more important places to be.” She spun on her heel and headed for the stairs. “Don’t let me keep you.”
Way to go, Beckett. Piss off all the women why don’t you.
He’d make it up to Veronica later.
Right now, she wasn’t the one he most needed to see.
Racing back upstairs, he found Emily in the nursery, staring down at Hunter with worried eyes.
“Emily.”
She glanced up. “How is it going?”
“I need to leave. Can you keep an eye on Veronica and Hunter until I get back?”
She put her hand on the crib. “Absolutely.”
“Good. I’ve got somewhere to be.”
Relief filled her face. “I know this isn’t my place, but that’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”
He grinned. “I still have to convince her to come back. You know how stubborn Clara can be when she thinks she’s doing the right thing.”
“Don’t take no for an answer,” she advised. “I’ll be here. Even if you have to camp out on her doorstep all night. Don’t worry about us.”
“I owe you.”
“Good luck.”
He might need it.
With a last glance at Hunter, he left. It was time to have the most important conversation of his life.
He just hoped it ended the way they all needed it to.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Her home didn’t feel like home. Last night she hadn’t thought too much about it because she’d assumed the return had been temporary.
Now she sat on her couch looking around the home she’d so painstakingly put together and it felt…
Empty.
“Stop it. This is your life now,” she scolded herself.
A life without reaching for the phone and seeing an incoming call from Walker or bouncing Hunter on her knee to make him smile.
A life without waking up in the arms of the love of her life.
Pushing from the couch she paced the length of her apartment. Had it always felt this small? This uncomfortable?
Nothing was quite right and she feared the feeling was permanent. How did anyone move past what she’d lost?
Stopping at the window, she leaned her head against the glass, trying to tamp down the despair eating at her. She’d done the right thing. She’d made the right choice. Hunter needed his mother. And Walker needed to take his chance at a real family. He’d been without one for so long. They both had. How could she begrudge him his shot now when she knew how painful it was to go without?
“He’ll be fine,” she told herself. “Both my boys will be just fine without me.”
It was she who had no one.
Tears gathered in her eyes and she tried to blink them away. Hadn’t she already cried herself out? How much moisture did the human body have at its disposal?
But there was no stopping the drops that ran down her cheeks. Though her heart still beat there was nothing in her chest but a barren wasteland. She’d never been here before. As a teen, she thought she had, but now she saw it wasn’t true. She’d never faced the desolation of losing everyone she truly loved. And the person she’d usually talk to about things this huge was out of her life now. She couldn’t pick up the phone and call him. Couldn’t turn up on his doorstep or sleep in his guest room.
Walker wasn’t hers anymore.
She gasped for breath, the shock still fresh.
“I’m a good person,” she said. “I did the right thing.”
Then why did it feel so wrong?
Wiping her eyes, she paced restlessly around the apartment. She knew she’d done the best thing for everyone. Everyone but her.
She stopped in the middle of the room.
She always did this. Putting others above herself. Watching as they thrived while she starved. She was always standing on the outside looking in. But what if just once she made a different decision? One that was selfish and greedy and unforgivable.
But utterly right?
Hunter should be raised by the people who loved him the most, and with that criteria, she more than qualified. Walker deserved a partner who knew him well enough to close the door when he needed to focus and to pull him into the world when he needed a break. No one would ever love him as much as she did, and what had she done? Walked away without a fight because it was the right choice. Right, but not best. She was what was best for him. She just needed him to see it.
How do I do that?
The answer was as terrifying as walking away from him had been.
I need to fight for him. And if he turns me down, then I’ll know, once and for all, that he never loved me.
The idea of facing the truth, no matter what it may be, chilled her to the bone. What chance did she have going up against the goddess that had given him a child? But if she didn’t try, she’d always wonder what would have happened if she’d talked to him. If she hadn’t told him never to call her again. What would happen if she told him she loved him to his face?
“Dammit.” She ran a hand down her face. There was no way this would end well, but for better or worse, she needed to see it through to the end. It was the only way she’d ever be able to move on. Hadn’t she spent a lifetime searching for the truth?
Now she needed to face her own.
Go now. Go before you lose your nerve.
Grabbing her purse, she ran for door and burst into the hallway.
Only to stop abruptly.
“Walker.”
He must have just stepped out of the elevator but there he was, halfway down the hall looking just as surprised to see her as she was to see him.
Though they’d only been apart a day, her eyes drank in the sight of him.
“What are you doing here?” she called to him.
The shock drained from his features as a look of determination took its place. He strode forward, his gaze never leaving hers. She hadn’t even realized she’d backed up until her back hit her own door.
He crowded into her space, close but not quite touching.
“Hey,” he greeted with burning eyes.
“I…I thought you would have found my note by now.”
“I did.”
She swallowed. “I thought I said you didn’t need to find me.”
“You did.”
“Walker,” her voice cracked, “what are you doing here?”
“I’m a terrible listener.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Then you should have been prepared for me to drop by,” he said.
“Looks like I’m not as smart as I thought I was.”
“I don’t know. This might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.”
Her fingers itched to reach up and brush away the hair falling over his eyes.
“Should we take this inside then?” she asked. “Wouldn’t want to put on a show for my neighbors.”
“What a brilliant idea.”
“I have my moments.” Reaching behind her, she turned the knob and escaped backward into her home.
Walker followed, closing the door behind him. Though he’d been in her apartment a thousand times, suddenly he made the space shrink around them. Trying for distance, she retreated to the kitchen, curling her fingers around the faux marble countertop.
You were going to go find him. Well look. He found you first. Don’t let that stop you.
Because she needed to convince him they belonged together.
Even if he’d just come to say goodbye.
“Walker.”
“Clara.” They said together.
She swallowed a nervous laugh. “You first.”
“Where were you going?”
“I…I…” Her voice drifted away and she nearly groaned. Now was the time to be strong. To stand up and take what she wanted. To
say—
“Don’t go.”
Her head jerked around. “What?”
“All you left was a letter. You walked out of my life after ten years without even having the decency to say you were done to my face.”
“It wasn’t that,” she protested. “I was trying to make things easier.”
“On whom? You?” He stalked her to the island, trapping her between his arms as he leaned forward to balance against the tabletop. “Because it certainly wasn’t easier for me.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“You were.”
Her heart cracked in her chest. Dropping her eyes, she nodded. He agreed with her. It was right to part and go their separate ways. He didn’t come to fight her or win her back. He’d come to agree and say goodbye. The words she’d been about to say died on her tongue. What use was her love if he clearly didn’t want it?
“You looked at the situation logically and made the right decision based on the data you had.”
“Yes,” she whispered, wishing their last meeting was over. She’d thought breaking up through a letter had been hard, but she’d been wrong. It was a thousand times worse to have him say he’d picked someone else to her face.
“But you missed one key variable.”
“What was that?” she asked, focusing on the buttons of his shirt rather than meeting his gaze.
“Me.”
Her gaze shot to his.
“I always make the wrong choice,” he told her, his voice achingly gentle. “I never do the right thing. In college, I dated your roommate instead of you. Then I dropped out when everyone, including you, told me to stay. I make mistake after mistake. Hell, I slept with the wrong woman and ended up with a baby on my doorstep when the right woman was in front of me all along.” He cupped her face between his hands. “But all those mistakes added up to an incredible life. I wouldn’t have my company or my child if I did the right thing. And I wouldn’t have you.”
A soundless sigh escaped her as her lips parted.
“Trying to make it work with Veronica is the right thing to do. But I don’t want to even think about it. How could I? All I’ve ever wanted was you.”
“You didn’t even see me that way until we were thrust together,” she denied, even while kicking herself for not just leaping into his arms.
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