Dangerous to Know & Love

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

  “Can… can it be damaged, the implant?” asked Lisanne.

  “It’s made from titanium – even harder than Daniel’s skull.”

  He saw the expression on her face, and cleared his throat.

  “Sorry – doctor’s joke. Until recently we advised against contact sports, for example, but with adequate protection, he should be fine. He mustn’t get the external devices wet, of course, so he’ll have to remove those for showering or swimming.”

  “When can he come home?”

  “Recovery rates vary, but I’d hope he’ll be feeling well within 12 to 24 hours. Usually we’d expect a patient to go home the next day but I understand Daniel won’t have anyone to look after him…”

  When he didn’t receive a response to that, the doctor plowed on.

  “…in which case we will encourage him to stay in a second night to aid his recovery. He’ll be given an appointment to have the stitches out in a week, and he’ll be back at school after New Years. That’s why he pushed for surgery before Christmas – he’s a very determined young man. He was lucky to get a slot so quickly – most wait months, but then again most people don’t want their holidays spoiled. Well, if you don’t have any more questions…?”

  Lisanne raised her hand. “Um, I was wondering, why has he only had one implant? I mean, he’s deaf in both ears.”

  “Well,” said the doctor, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “Two reasons: we need to be sure that Daniel will benefit from a unilateral implant and by how much; secondly, this is a fairly recent procedure. The first commercial CI implant took place in the mid 1970s. We’ve only reached our present level of development fairly recently. My belief is that great strides will be made in the next ten to twenty years. Anything else?”

  They all shook their heads wordlessly, stunned by the influx of new information.

  The doctor gave them a professional smile and left them alone.

  “Well,” said Monica, rather shakily. “That all sounds… very positive.”

  She looked at her husband worriedly. Lisanne closed her eyes, trying to pull back more tears. They didn’t help anyone.

  A commotion outside was punctuated by the door to the waiting room being thrown open.

  “How fucking cozy is this?” hissed Zef, staring wrathfully from Lisanne to her parents.

  “Excuse me!” barked Ernie, in his best teacher voice.

  “No, I won’t fucking excuse you,” Zef spat back. “This is all her fault,” and he pointed at Lisanne.

  The nurse came bustling in. “If you can’t keep your voice down, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

  “Not without seeing my brother!” he shouted.

  “Sir, lower your voice and I’ll take you to him. You and his girlfriend.”

  “How come she gets to see him? She’s not family.”

  The nurse ignored him, and walked out of the door. Lisanne followed hurriedly, casting nervous glances at Zef. At least he seemed to have sobered up.

  “We’ve just moved him from recovery – he’s in here.”

  She opened another door and showed them inside.

  Daniel was lying pale and too still against the white hospital sheets.

  His eyebrow ring had been removed, along with his nipple rings, and his tattoos stood out starkly against his skin. But the most obvious difference was the thick bandage wrapped around his head, with heavy padding by his left ear.

  Lisanne could also see that he’d shaved off most of his hair, leaving just a short buzz-cut showing on the crown of his head, above the bandages.

  Zef glanced at his brother, his face contorting, but he refused to look at Lisanne.

  She swallowed back tears as the nurse fussed around him, checking Daniel’s blood pressure, noting the results on his chart.

  “The surgery went well,” she said, cheerfully. “He’ll be waking up soon. He’ll be groggy and he’ll have a headache, but we can control that with painkillers.”

  “I should fucking hope so,” snarled Zef.

  The nurse’s smile lost some of its brilliance.

  “Yes, well. If he needs anything as he starts to wake up, just press the button here.”

  As soon as the nurse left, Zef turned and stared at Lisanne, his face dark with anger.

  “This is your fault. He was happy before he met you. Now look at him!”

  “I… I didn’t ask him to do this,” whispered Lisanne, feeling sick to her core. “I wouldn’t. I…”

  “You should have stayed away from him,” said Zef, bitterly. “I told him you were dangerous.”

  “I love him,” she mumbled.

  “Is that right?” sneered Zef. “Is that why you wanted to change him? Now he’s got a chunk of metal stuck in his head. He’d never have done that by himself. I hope you’re fuckin’ pleased with yourself.”

  He stormed out of the room, too filled with fury to look at his little brother’s girlfriend any longer.

  Chapter 19

  Daniel’s eyes flickered and gradually opened. He took in the overly bright room and squinted up at the electric lights.

  He felt a pressure on his hand and he turned to look, then immediately regretted moving. Fuck, that hurt. A face came into focus, hovering above him. Serious, gray eyes and straight brown hair.

  “Hey, baby doll!” he croaked, wondering why he felt like he’d been on an all-night bender.

  And then he remembered: hospital – anesthetic – operation. It explained the reason his head felt like it had been stuffed with cotton balls.

  He licked his dry lips as his eyelids drifted down slowly.

  She tapped his hand, and he opened his eyes again.

  She was holding up a cup of water. Baby Doll always knew what he needed.

  He tried to nod, but his head was too heavy. He felt the bed moving under him, and he caught the faint scent of her perfume as she leaned down toward him.

  He was thirsty, but the damned beaker only let him have a few sips. He tried to hold it but he had no strength in his hands, and they flopped back onto the bed.

  He closed his eyes again and felt her fingers squeeze his hand.

  She was here. His Baby Doll was here.

  * * *

  The relief that Lisanne felt when Daniel opened his eyes and spoke to her was without measure. He was the same: he was Daniel, and he was going to be alright.

  She sat on the hard, plastic hospital seat and took his hand in hers. It was dry and a little cool. She pulled the blanket further up his chest, and stood up to place a gentle kiss on his cheek.

  She had to tell him… explain how she felt… but it was the words of a song that said it for her. Roy had mentioned once that the Crowded House song Fall At Your Feet had been a favorite of Daniel’s.

  She sat down again and began to sing softly.

  I’m really close tonight

  And I feel like you’re moving inside me

  Lying in the dark…

  His chest continued to rise and fall slowly.

  I think that I’m beginning to know him

  Let it go

  I’ll be there when you call.

  She ran her fingers across the back of his hand.

  And whenever I fall at your feet

  Won’t you let your tears rain down on me?

  Whenever I touch your slow turning pain…

  And she touched his cheek.

  You’re hiding from me now

  There’s something in the way that you’re talking

  The words don’t sound right

  But I hear them all moving inside you

  Know

  I’ll be waiting when you call.

  “You are so stubborn,” she said, her voice soft with hidden tears. “You hold back so much of yourself. You don’t share your problems with me; you won’t let me in. But you make me laugh and you’ve shown me who I want to be, too. You’re so strong and so gentle all at the same time. You’re so full of life, and I hate seeing you laying here like this, and I hate thinking it w
as because of me. You’re beautiful inside and out, Daniel Colton, and I love you.”

  Then she rested her head on his bed and let the tears fall.

  The nurse made her go after that, but she left Daniel’s room feeling calm. Her parents saw the change in her immediately.

  “How is he?” asked Monica, reaching for her daughter.

  “He’s going to be okay. I think he’s going to be okay. He was thirsty. That’s a good sign, right?”

  “Well, the doctor seemed like he knew what he was talking about,” said Ernie with authority. “There’s no reason why Daniel shouldn’t make a full recovery.”

  “Your father and I have checked into a motel for tonight,” said Monica, reaching out for Lisanne’s hand. “Harry’s staying with the Milfords. Anyway, it’s too late to drive home and this way, we can bring you to see Daniel in the morning.”

  Lisanne hugged her parents, grateful to have them look after her, grateful to have them in her life, grateful to have them in Daniel’s life – for however long he’d let them.

  During the ride back to the dorm she texted the good news to Kirsty. There was no immediate reply – she was probably still driving.

  Her thoughts turned to Zef and the ugly things he’d said. Clearly he blamed Lisanne for Daniel’s decision and in all honesty, she couldn’t help but agree with him.

  Daniel had been vocal in his rejection of the implant at the start of the semester. He’d gotten mad with Dr. Pappas during his consultation, but he’d also admitted that seeing her sing at the club had hurt. The guilt she felt unfurled, curling around her.

  So she slept badly, waking often, haunted by Zef’s angry eyes, and Daniel’s wounded ones.

  Feeling tired and anxious, Lisanne reluctantly spent the morning shopping with her mom, while her dad took a tour of the city. They’d been told to let Daniel rest and not to visit until 2 PM. Consequently, she’d had four hours to build up the dread of bumping into Zef again. As they arrived at the hospital, Lisanne grit her teeth as her parents waited in the lounge.

  Daniel was sitting up in bed, looking far more alert than the previous day. His head was still swathed in a bandage, and his beautiful face was grumpy as he gazed out of the window.

  When he saw her walking through the door, his astonished smile was radiant.

  “Baby doll!”

  “Hi.” She managed a small smile in return then hesitated, trying to work out what to say. “You cut your hair.”

  “Seemed like a good idea.”

  They stared at each other.

  “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be home with your folks by now.”

  She rolled her eyes. “After that letter you sent me?”

  He looked away, embarrassed.

  She sat down on the bed to hold his hand, and he looked up at her.

  “I wish you’d told me.”

  He frowned. “You’d have stopped me.”

  “You should have talked to me.”

  “Yeah. Not so good at that.”

  “I loved what you wrote,” she said, shyly. “Did you mean it?”

  He looked at her quickly, then looked away. “Yeah.”

  The silence between them was uncomfortable, a little awkward, but not unpleasant.

  “So, how are you?”

  “Apart from feeling like someone sawed my head off and reattached it the wrong way around? Yeah, pretty good.” He shrugged. “Headache.”

  “Um,” said Lisanne awkwardly, “my parents are here. They’d like to see you – can they come in?”

  He looked at her blankly. “Here? At the hospital?”

  Lisanne nodded.

  “Why are your parents here?”

  “I… I called them. I was… upset. They wanted to come and make sure you were okay.”

  Daniel was puzzled. “Why?”

  She rolled her eyes in frustration. “Because they care about you, dummy!”

  He still looked doubtful.

  “So can they? Come in?”

  “I guess.”

  Muttering under her breath about the obtuseness of men in general and Daniel in particular, Lisanne brought her mom and dad from the lounge.

  Daniel looked tense as they entered, and utterly baffled as Monica swept him up into a hug that made him wince.

  “Careful, mom!” Lisanne warned her.

  “Oh, sorry, sorry!” she said to the side of Daniel’s head – which meant he couldn’t understand her anyway.

  “Now then, Mon,” said Ernie, and he held out his hand to Daniel. “How are you doing, son? You gave Lisanne quite a scare.”

  Daniel’s eyes flicked back to Lisanne. “I did?”

  “Yes, you idiot!” she yelled, shocking her parents.

  Daniel grinned at her. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”

  “She gets that from her mother,” said Ernie.

  The men folk shared a moment as the women stared in disbelief.

  “Yes, well, I’ll go get us some coffee,” said Ernie, completely over the whole male bonding moment.

  “Three sugars for Daniel,” called Monica.

  “He takes it black,” yelled Lisanne.

  Ernie stalked away muttering into his teeth.

  “Baby doll, will you walk with me? I’m sick of this damn room.”

  “Are you allowed to?”

  “Yeah, but I have to have someone go with me in case I get dizzy or shit.”

  Daniel pulled back the bed sheets before Lisanne could agree or not. She blushed automatically, a Pavlovian response to his nakedness. Except that he wasn’t.

  “Pajama pants?” she said, raising her eyebrows.

  “Sure! You expecting something else, baby?” he teased. “I wanted to get them for hospital. Maybe I should have worn one of those gowns – with my ass hanging out.”

  “What do you usually wear, Daniel?” said Monica, with a maternally inquisitive air.

  Daniel grinned at her. “Nothing.”

  “Oh!” said Monica, her face matching her daughter’s.

  Lisanne didn’t think it was time to confirm that Daniel was telling the truth.

  He lurched to one side as he stood up, and had to clutch the bed rail.

  “Fuck,” he said, as his free hand flew to his head.

  “Are you okay?” Lisanne gasped.

  “Whoa, vertigo. That was weird. Nah, I’m good.”

  Warily, he released the bed rail and caught his balance, before taking a cautious step.

  “Okay?” said Lisanne again, biting her lip.

  “Yeah, I got it,” said Daniel.

  “Lisanne, take his arm, just to be on the safe side,” Monica ordered. “Oh, and Daniel, I think you should wear something on your top half.” She tossed him a t-shirt that he’d abandoned on the bed. “I’ll wait here.”

  Daniel smirked but complied, and Lisanne’s eyes travelled hungrily over his body as he pulled the shirt on.

  She felt slightly guilty, ogling him when he was sick.

  She linked her arm through Daniel’s, happy to have the excuse of touching his warm smooth skin. A tingle shivered through her and Daniel gave her an odd look.

  He stumbled slightly, and she put her arm around his waist, letting her hand rest over his right hip.

  They set off down the corridor, walking slowly,

  “I missed you, baby doll,” he said softly, watching her face carefully.

  “Me, too. Ass.”

  “Ass?”

  “Among other things.”

  “Are you mad?”

  “Daniel Colton, you haven’t even seen mad yet. Just you wait until you’re better.”

  “Okay,” he said, happily.

  “We got an ‘A’ on our Business assignment.”

  He smiled. “Told you, baby doll.” Then he stopped as a thought occurred to him. “Were you here, last night?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “Oh. I thought I’d dreamed you.”

  “You… you dream about me?”

&
nbsp; He answered by pulling her into his chest.

  “Always,” he breathed onto her lips, before kissing her completely.

  “I don’t fucking believe this!”

  Lisanne broke away from Daniel as she heard Zef’s angry voice behind them. Daniel, of course, hadn’t, and he smiled at his brother.

  “Hey, man!”

  His smile faltered as his eyes took in Zef’s glare of hate, burning its way toward Lisanne, and her tension – almost fear.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing, little brother,” said Zef, forcing a smile. “Brought you some shit.”

  He waved some motorcycle magazines in Daniel’s face.

  “Thanks, man. We’re just getting some coffee. You want in?”

  “Nah, I’m good. Just dropping these off. Got some business to take care of. Catch you later… when you’re alone.”

  He said the last part so only Lisanne knew what he’d said, then shoved the magazines into her hands before loping off down the corridor. Daniel watched him, looking worried.

  He turned to Lisanne.

  “Has he said something to you?”

  “Um, well…”

  “Lis, please? I hate people talking about me and not to me.”

  Lisanne sighed. But she was saved answering when her dad reappeared carrying four coffees in paper cups.

  They made their way back to his room, Daniel walking slowly and carefully. He looked tired now, as if the short conversation and shorter walk had utterly worn him out. Lisanne was so used to his limitless energy as he bounded around, that this listlessness worried her. His balance worsened, making it necessary for Lisanne to carry the coffee, while her dad helped Daniel back into his bed.

  He frowned and leaned back carefully, his hands on his head.

  Monica threw a look laced with significance at her daughter. “I think we’ve tired Daniel out – we should go now. You can come back later on.”

  Lisanne nodded, then tapped Daniel’s hand.

  “We’re going now.”

  He gave her a weak smile. “Sorry,” he said, quietly.

  She kissed his cheek, and laid her hand on his chest over his heart. And she was wearing the locket he’d given her – she knew he’d understand.