by Rylee Swann
I sigh and strike off in the opposite direction. When did this parking lot become so damned big? I’m thankful that I put my sneakers back on rather than those ridiculous high heels. There aren’t many cars left in the lot, and I think I spy mine all the way off in the distance, sitting its little lonely self at the far end of the vast expanse. I trudge in that direction.
What feels like hours later, I arrive at my car and reach into my bag for my keys. I don’t find them. Instead, I find myself thrown up against the hood of the Hyundai, a huge weight pressed against me. I struggle, try to scream, but a beefy hand is clamped over my mouth. I can’t breathe, can’t move.
“Yeah yeah yeah yeah, you little fucking slut. Think I can’t get it up for you?” He rubs himself against me, and I’m sickened. “You’re like all the fucking rest, bitch slut fucking superior cunt.” His hand is underneath my shirt now, squeezing my breast until tears burn my eyes. He cackles and removes his hand from my mouth to wipe them away. He brings his fingers to his lips and tastes my tears.
“Please don’t,” I manage to say in a broken whisper. My reward is a swift backhand across the face, and my world explodes in starry shocked agony. If my car wasn’t holding me up, I’d have fallen.
“Yeah yeah yeah, you fucking slut. You’ll keep your trap shut now, won’t you?” He squeezes my breast again, and tears fall, stinging my cheek where he struck me.
Terrified is too mild a word to describe what I’m feeling. I wish I could go numb and that minutes would pass into hours, and then I would just have the aftermath to deal with. I start to sob, and he laughs and unzips his pants. The sound, usually the precursor of delight is swiftly turned into a nightmare.
“Yeah yeah yeah, I’m going to fuck your sweet little cunt.” He grunts and slobbers over me as he pulls out his flaccid penis. “Don’t you fucking think I won’t!”
He starts to yank down my pants, and I struggle like a wildcat possessed. But it is to no avail; he’s simply too strong, too heavy, and he’s forced me off balance, stripping away my leverage. My sobs increase as his hand reaches between my legs, and he shoves his disgusting fingers into me. “No… please…”
I hear a savage roar, and I flinch in anticipation of another blow, but it never lands. Instead, my attacker is ripped away from me, and I can breathe again. I look up to see Michael holding El Disgusto by his shirt, punching him in the face until his fist comes away bloody.
“Michael!” I scream, and I don’t know whether I want him to stop or keep going. All I know is the incredible feeling of relief that rushes through me like a drug. Michael has saved me.
I’m safe, oh thank god, I’m safe.
Michael is my savior.
The incessant whoop-whoop of an approaching police cruiser interrupts the blood splattering carnage. We’re bathed in a blinding white light, and Michael hurls El Disgusto to the ground where he lands in a broken, slobbering heap.
“You don’t know us. Do you fucking hear me? You say one fucking word about our arrangement, and your miserable life will become unbearable. Fucking unbearable. Got me?” There’s nothing but blood constricted heavy breathing, and between clenched teeth, Michael reiterates. “Do you fucking understand?!”
El Disgusto nods, staring at the ground, maybe watching his blood drip onto the black tarmac.
I’m staring. I can’t stop staring. Suddenly, Michael’s snapping fingers are in my face, and I realize he’s trying to get my attention. I look up at him. Do I see a halo surrounding his head? No, it couldn’t be. I’m in shock.
“Listen to me, baby. You don’t know me, right? I just happened along at the right time, good Samaritan stuff, right?” My expression must be blank because he tries again. “Baby, you’ve got to get this right, or we could both go to jail. Understand? You don’t know me.”
I blink and nod. “I don’t know you. H-how did you…?”
Michael’s expression softens, and he smiles. “I always watch you.”
“I… what? You always watch me…? But you left before me.”
“I always, always make sure you get to your car safely. I always watch.”
The cruiser is getting closer, and even as a voice demands that we raise our hands above our heads, I start to smile. Michael watches me.
The police are rough with Michael, slamming him against the hood of my car, frisking him, cuffing him, until I’m able to convince the cop that he is my savior, that he came to my rescue. That the creep on the ground is the culprit.
They don’t take the cuffs off him, but they’re a little less rough as they shove him into the back of the cruiser. He manages to look back at me with a slight reassuring nod before he disappears, and I just want to run into his arms and stay there forever.
Two more police cruisers pull up, and my handcuffed attacker and I are put into the back seat of each of them. I hope never to see that monster again, but Michael broke him, and he can’t even manage a leer as he glances my way.
At the police station, they offer me an ice pack, and I wince as a female officer places it firmly but gently against my cheek. She takes my statement and is a sympathetic ear to my story of attempted rape. They don’t bother with a rape kit, she tells me because there was no penetration other than his fingers.
She questions me ten different ways from Sunday about my relationship with Michael. Either she doesn’t believe that I don’t know him and his being there was a happy accident, or she’s just doing her job and trying to catch me in a lie. Either way, it’s tough, and I’m on the verge of tears before she relents.
I sign my name to the document with a shaking hand, and she escorts me from the room and into the main area of the precinct. It’s loud. So many voices competing with each other. So much activity, people coming and going.
When I see Michael at the end of the hall, I start to run to him, but someone calls my name, and I’m caught up in a huge bear hug. I can’t breathe, and everything is happening so fast.
“Kim, are you okay?” Scott asks in a voice filled with concern. “As soon as I heard, I got my ass here to meet you.”
I’m crushed into Scott’s beautiful body, but I can see Michael. I can see how his face falls, seems to crumble, but he shakes it off and offers me a warm smile.
I try to push away. “I’m okay. That’s the guy who saved me. I want to thank him.”
Scott releases me, brushes his lips gently against mine, and lets me go.
I want to cry.
My head is so messed up.
I walk with slow, deliberate steps to Michael and fall into his waiting arms. “Thank you,” I breathe against his ear. “Just… oh, god, thank you.”
Michael nods and pulls away. “You’re dating him?”
“Yes.” I nod and feel the need to apologize but resist the urge. Michael has made himself nothing but unavailable to me. I have nothing to apologize for.
He takes my hands in his and shakes them like he’s trying to determine if I’m really there, whole, and in one piece. “As long as you’re alright?” I nod again, and he lets go of my hands. “Then go to him.” His voice is rough, his face a mask, but I think I saw a glimpse of pain in his eyes. Then he bends to my ear. “I’ll call you.”
As he walks away, I walk back to Scott, tears rolling down my cheeks.
CHAPTER 23
Scott drives me home. He seems to understand that I need some space and his silence as he drives is comforting, reassuring. When I look at his profile, it tells me how concerned he is about me. The firm set of his lips, the lines on his forehead.
“Thank god that guy was there,” he says while we sit at a red light. I nod, not trusting my voice. “Officer Mallory is taking care of your car. I’ll pick it up for you tomorrow.” I nod again.
We arrive at my house, and Scott asks if it’s alright if he sees me inside. I’m suddenly terrified to be alone and nod vigorously. He smiles and escorts me with an arm around my shoulder. I stand in the living room and look around. I don’t know what I expect to
see, but Scott seems to know what I need. He takes me into his arms and holds me.
“It’s okay, Kim, it’s okay,” he says, and I start to cry, wetting his shirt with my uncontrollable sobbing. I don’t know how long we stay like that, but eventually, I heave a final broken sob and gather my wits about me.
“Thank you,” I say in a shaky voice, and he brushes it off with a wave of his hand.
“Whatever you need.” He pauses, looks uncomfortable for a minute. “Do you, ummm… want to…? I mean… is it horrible for me to even be asking?”
I laugh, but it comes out more like a hiccup. “I want to take a shower first… wash his filthy touch off me. Then, yes, I want to. I want to erase the memory. I want to replace it with something better, you know?”
His eyes are full of understanding. “Yes, I know. I’ll be right here when you get out.” He stands there until I start moving toward the bathroom then I hear his footsteps heading to the couch, and a minute later my TV comes to life.
He’s a good man. I’m lucky to have found him.
I spend too much time in the shower.
I can’t seem to get clean.
I scrub until my flesh is raw and red, but my body still doesn’t feel right to me. I sigh and hope it won’t take too long for this feeling to go away. I remind myself that Scott is waiting and that encourages me to finish up and join him.
He’ll help the bad go away.
He jumps up, rushing to me as soon as he hears me approach. I’m in just a damp towel, and he scoops me up and carries me to the bedroom. He gently lays me down on my bed, and I’ve never been more grateful for his slow, measured approach to sex. Rough and tumble is not what I need right now.
He ever so lightly brushes his fingertips against my cheek, and I flinch. It still hurts, and I know it’s starting to bruise. I watch as his face tightens and he speaks with difficulty. “I think I would have killed him.”
I shake my head. I don’t want him talking about it, and hold out my arms to him, my towel falling open.
He smiles down at me. “Look at you, Kim. Damn, you’re so gorgeous.”
He touches me where I think I want to be touched, sucking my nipples, and tickling me between my legs. Slowly, he sinks down fully onto me, letting me feel his weight as his lips find mine and take possession. I open my mouth to his probing tongue, and he explores with slow but eager abandon.
He moves to my ear, tickling me with his breath. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, yes,” I say. “I need you, now, please.”
I need him.
I need this.
And then, maybe, I’ll forget.
I’m wrong.
Scott nods, lifts up, pausing a moment to put on a condom. I spread my legs for him, and he presses the head of his sheathed cock at my entrance. He looks down into my face and… and…
I turn away. I can’t, just can’t. I start to cry. I thought Scott’s loving touch would help me, soothe me, but I’ve never been further from the truth. His touch is making everything worse, and this realization makes me cry harder.
What has that terrible, disgusting creature done to me?
He tried to hurt me. Please don’t let this be permanent.
Scott understands. Quietly, he removes the condom and gets dressed. He hands me a t-shirt, and I put it on. Then, again, he smiles down at me. “It’s alright, Kim. I should have known better. This isn’t what you need tonight. But, I promise you, it’ll get better.”
I’m still crying but his voice is having a soothing effect on me, and I lay back down. He lies down beside me and pulls me close. We’re spooning, and I feel safe enough to sleep.
***
I call Jenn the next day.
I need to talk.
I need a friend, a female friend to talk to, to cry to.
As much as Scott was there for me, the nightmare still haunts me.
I need help banishing it.
Jenn’ll help.
“Hey, Pond, did you forget my phone number?”
I start to cry when I hear her voice.
“Pond? Kim? Oh my god, what’s wrong?”
“C-can you come by, Jenn? Will Tony mind?” I manage to sniffle at her.
“Shit, doesn’t matter if he does. My girl needs me. I’ll be right there. Hold on.”
I hug Jenn hard when she arrives, and she doesn’t let go until I’m able to. Then she sits me down on the couch and grabs my hands. “What happened?”
She’s such a good friend. I can’t believe I ever thought that she wouldn’t even remember me.
“I… I…” I just can’t say the words.
“Michael?” Jenn prompts. I shake my head, tears flowing. “Scott?” she asks. Again, I shake my head. “It’s okay, Pond, tell me.”
The dam breaks and the words start tumbling out.
“S-someone tried to rape me last night. He was a client, and he was waiting for me when I left the hotel. Michael was there, and he stopped him just in time, then Scott took me home.”
“Oh, Pond, no.” She grabs me and holds on, and we’re hugging again until I can continue. “I’m so sorry. When I saw your shiner, I thought…”
I nod against her and just keep on holding tight.
We’re drinking coffee and watching a syndicated episode of Oprah on a channel I didn’t even know I had.
“Men are scum,” Jenn informs me. “For the most part, at least.” She sighs. “And you have a dangerous job.”
“I know,” I say and let out a long sigh of my own. “But at least Michael—”
“Yeah, thank god for that. It’s sappy sweet that he leaves before you after a job but always makes sure you’re safe. Like he’s your very own voyeur.” She chuckles, and I join her.
“Until he needs to stop watching and take action.”
“Amen, to that, girl.” She raises her mug of coffee in an air toast. “You know, Pond, you’re going to have to choose.”
I look at her like I don’t know what she’s talking about, but I do. I know exactly what she means. It doesn’t mean I have an answer.
At least not one that I like.
“I can’t choose, Jenn. If I could, it would be… oh god, it would be Michael. But he isn’t even an option. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want a relationship, remember? I told you what he said about the rules. He’s my boss and nothing more.”
She makes a disparaging noise in her throat. “I already told you, he’s already fallen in love with you. If this whole business of keeping you safe doesn’t convince you, I don’t know what will. Look, I know I only met him once, but I know what I saw, and I know what I know. I saw the way he looked at you.”
“But—”
“You gotta choose, hun. And figure out what the hell you’re doing with your life. I don’t mean to be the big old party pooper, but you know, right? If Michael really is off the table, at least find out if Scott is on the same page as you. He might be your second choice, but from what you say, he seems like a good choice. Find out if he wants to take the next step?”
I shrug, knowing she’s right.
But I don’t want to deal with this.
Now.
Or ever.
CHAPTER 24
I wake to the smell of freshly brewed coffee.
I crack one eye open and breathe in deeply. “You’re my hero.”
Scott has been coming and going a lot the past couple of days while I mostly sleep. I’m grateful to him for being here and letting me recover from my ordeal in my own way. He’s told me that El Disgusto had priors and won’t be seeing the light of day for some time to come. This is comforting news and goes a long way to help me feel safe and secure.
Scott laughs and hands me the steaming mug. “At your service.”
I take a long sip, the liquid burning a silken path down my throat. “You’ve been doing so much for me. Do you want—?”
He cuts me off. “Did I tell you how amazing you are? Yeah, I think I did, but you are.” He settles into
the bed beside me. “After… you know. It’s all for you. It’s only been a couple of days. Don’t worry about me. I want to take care of you.”
I take another sip of coffee, then set it down on my night table and snuggle up against him. “Thank you. What time is it?”
He raises an arm to look at his watch. It’s the only thing he’s wearing. I marvel again at how beautiful he is, and I almost don’t hear his reply. “Quarter to six.” I take a minute to digest that. I’ve lost some time, I thought it was earlier in the day, but I’m safe, I remind myself. Scott is keeping me safe. So everything is okay.
“Um… Scott.”
“Yes?” he says and throws an arm around my shoulders. I snuggle in even closer.
Jenn’s voice is in my head, damn her, and it’s time for the talk. I want to start feeling normal again and knowing where my life is heading is the perfect way to get me there, so I plunge in without a life vest. “I was, um, wondering… where you see this relationship, you know, going?”
He sits up, breaking the contact between us and laughs. I can’t read the sound. I don’t know if it’s meant to be mean or happy.
“Kim, it can’t go anywhere. We’re just having fun, right? You know I’m married.”
The earth stops its rotation.
“What? Um, what? You’re… what?” I can’t comprehend what he’s just said. “You’re married?” I reach for my nightshirt and mechanically start putting it on. I need to cover myself. “Married? Are you serious?”
Dear god, please let him be joking.
“You didn’t know?” He looks at me for a minute. “You didn’t know. I thought…” He runs a hand through his soft golden locks. “Oh, man.”
“How… how could I know? You didn’t tell me. Oh my god. Oh my god.”
“Okay, I know that was lame. I know I didn’t tell you. I was going to but…” He lifts a shoulder.
I can’t do anything but just stare at him in dumbfounded disbelief.
I have no words.
My world has just shattered.
“Look, Kim. C’mon. Everyone does it. Everyone cheats.” He throws his legs over the edge of the bed and reaches for his clothing. Apparently, he feels the need to cover up too. “I usually find my dates on Craig’s List. The girls who post there understand about being discreet. But you… in the diner. Had to have you, you know? There was just something about you. Sitting there so befuddled and so cute.”