“I’m going to Las Cruces,” John replied. “I’ve been out here over a week and I’m stiff and sore. I was injured several months ago, and I’m still not able to get around like I used to. I find myself in need of a little recuperative time.”
“Perhaps you would ride the rest of the way with me?” Father Cooper suggested. “The car is surely more comfortable than your mount, and I would be happy to have you share supper with me.”
John nodded. “That sounds mighty good to me.”
Father Cooper moved to open the car door. “If I might impose upon you to give the car a crank, we can be on our way.”
“Just let me tie the horse to the back,” John replied and went to the task.
“Is the switch on?” John called as he bent to crank life into the machine.
“Yes,” Father Cooper called back.
John felt the ache in his back intensify but nonetheless saw to his duty. The engine sputtered to life with Father Cooper adjusting the throttle as John joined him. Easing into the padded seat, John sighed. Yes, this was much easier to tolerate than the rigid stiffness of the saddle. As soon as they began the bouncing ride into town, however, John was not all that sure the trade-off had been a positive one.
The twin towers of St. Genevieve’s Church soon came into view with the rest of the rambling town of Las Cruces. The church was a massive, brick structure patterned after the Gothic-French revival style. It was an overpowering sight that commanded the attention of anyone who looked upon it. John felt hope in the sight of the crosses that graced the double peaks of the bell towers.
“Over there is the Loretto Academy,” Father Cooper commented, steering the car around a massive hole in the road. “The Sisters run a school there and have an excellent music department. They assure me they are quite modern, whatever that means.”
John smiled and resumed his survey of the city. There were more trees here, and the desert seemed less oppressive. Cottonwoods and numerous orchard trees dotted the banks of the Rio Grande, and in the background the silhouetted Organ Mountains, so named for their pipe organ appearance, rose in shadowy black against the pink and purple twilight.
“They have completed a dam at Elephant Butte,” Father Cooper was saying. “It has helped to make the area water more predictable. They no longer worry so about the flood or drought, and the crops they grow are magnificent. Such alfalfa as you have never seen!”
John only nodded. They drove past the traditional adobe homes, with John noting a few houses built of brick or stone. He was grateful to see the word “hotel” labeling the tops of more than one building and sighed to himself in anticipation of his rest.
“Why don’t you join me,” Father Cooper said, pulling the car alongside an iron fence. “I am certain there is room for you to stay with me tonight.”
“I couldn’t impose,” John answered.
“There will be no imposition. Come along, we will have supper and talk.”
John felt there was little to do but follow the old man.
They settled in to a hearty meal of stewed meat and vegetables, with a young boy running back and forth to see to their needs. At one point he brought out huge loaves of fresh white bread that caused John’s mouth to water instantly. Father Cooper was treated royally, and there was no question of John’s ability to stay when the elderly man made the request.
“So you are traveling with a purpose, no?” the priest asked.
John grinned. “You might say that.”
“And you will share that purpose with me?”
“Might as well. I share it with most everyone I meet,” John replied in between bites of food. He shifted his weight in the chair and grimaced.
“Are your injuries causing you great difficulty?” Father Cooper asked softly.
“I’m pretty sore. It’s just as well, though,” John said and paused to straighten his aching back. “Months ago, I was bedfast, so I thank God for even the pain. Although,” he added honestly, “I’d probably be even more grateful for a back without pain.”
Father Cooper smiled. “There is good in everything. Even my inconvenience today brought me a new friend, yes?”
“I don’t know that I see good in all things,” John said, and there was a sadness in his voice. He thought of Joelle. “I don’t see the original accident as being all that good.”
“Tell me what happened.”
John relayed some of the details of his crash, then added, “It was because of the crash that my family and fiancée were in Columbus when Pancho Villa and his men raided back in March. The woman I planned to marry was brutally attacked.”
Father Cooper took on a new interest, eyeing John carefully. “Was she killed?”
“No,” John said with a shake of his head. “She lived, but before I could recover from my own injuries, she ran away.” John reached inside his pocket and pulled out Joelle’s picture. “I’m searching for her, and even though it’s been months since I last saw her, I’ll never stop until I find her.” He handed the photograph to Father Cooper and went back to the task of eating.
Father Cooper stared at the dark eyes that stared back at him from the picture. It was just as he had come to suspect. Glancing from the picture to John, he was glad that the young man had not watched his reaction. He was equally glad that John did not ask if he had seen the young woman, for Father Cooper would never have lied about it.
Stunned to realize that John was the man Joelle so often spoke of, Father Cooper could only hand back the photograph in silence. There would be much praying to do, he thought silently, much praying, indeed.
Chapter 13
Father Cooper was troubled and elated at the realization of who John really was. He knew that Joelle’s future and happiness most probably lay in whether or not this young man’s love for her was as strong as he seemed to believe it to be. After seeing John to a bed in the dormitory where he himself would sleep, Father Cooper began to pray about the matter and did not find his way into bed until late into the night.
John, relieved to feel even the marginal softness of the poorly stuffed mattress beneath him, had little difficulty falling asleep. It seemed one minute he was putting his head to the pillow and the next minute Father Cooper was standing over him, calling breakfast.
“I think I could probably sleep for a week straight,” John sighed and kicked the covers away.
“Your body and mind are weary, and you carry a great weight. It is not easy to be laden as you are. Come. Dress for breakfast, and you can tell me more about your little friend. In case you are turned around, the water closet in which you bathed last night is at the end of the hall.”
John dressed quickly, pulling on the same dusty jeans he had worn the day before. The pain in his back and legs was considerably lessened, and despite still feeling tired, he was greatly improved. Finishing, he took a halfway clean shirt out from his bag and tried to tidy his appearance by wearing it. Then after a quick shave, he joined Father Cooper in the dining room.
“Ah, you feel better, no?” Father Cooper smiled, pulling a chair out for John to use.
“I’m a new man,” John smiled and limped to his chair.
John was surprised when two white clad Sisters appeared and placed food on the table before him. The aroma wafted up to greet him, and John’s stomach growled a hearty greeting.
“It sure smells good,” he said and waited for Father Cooper to bless the meal.
They ate in silence for several minutes. John nearly inhaled the food before him and found that the Sisters were happy to refill the plate again when he had finished. Rolling scrambled eggs up inside a tortilla, John happily continued the feast.
“Please tell me about your young woman,” Father Cooper suddenly encouraged, and John’s hand halted midway to his mouth.
With a sad smile, John spoke. “Her name is Joelle. We met in Bandelero. That’s where I’m from.” Father Cooper nodded, and John continued. “She came to visit her brother once and I met her at a Christmas party. She was young and sweet, very naïve and ever so popular with all the young men.”
“But you won her heart, eh?” the priest grinned, causing the wrinkles on his face to shift.
John smiled. “Yes. It was almost love at first sight. At least, I was in love at first sight. I think Joelle was too. She didn’t seem to have nearly as much to say to anyone else, and when I’d interrupt one of the other men’s conversations, she always looked happy about it. One thing led to another, and we started writing letters. I joined the army so I could fly planes. There wasn’t but a handful of people doing it, and I’m afraid I lied when I joined up and told them I was already a crack pilot.”
“Your story did not catch up with you?”
“I was lucky,” John replied. “No, I was destined to fly. I watched and listened, even read what little I could find on the matter. I finally managed to get taken under the wing of a good man, Bob Camstead. He saw through my story, but he also saw my drive. It wasn’t long before we were working as a team. Later, when the army promoted him, we didn’t get to fly together.” John shrugged his shoulders. “But we stayed good friends.”
“And what did the young woman think of your flying?”
“She loved it. I snuck her a ride once,” John said, and a light came into his eyes at the memory. “I went off without permission and flew one of the army planes home just so I could see my sister, Angeline, get married to my best friend, Gavin Lucas. Before I left, Joelle was at my side insisting I take her up. I think that’s when I knew for sure that I could never love another woman as I loved her.”
“But what of your love now? She has fled with her sorrow, and you are here.” Father Cooper seemed intent on an answer, and John could not help but wonder what he should say.
“I only wish I knew. My love for her is as strong as ever. But, I don’t know how she feels. She ran away after she was. . .” He could not say the word.
“Raped?”
“Yes. Such an ugly word, and such a hideous thing,” John muttered.
“She was unable to face you with her shame, is that so?”
“I guess,” John replied softly. “I never saw it as her shame. She didn’t do anything to deserve it. She was protecting my mother and me. I was still unable to walk when Villa attacked. They were killing soldiers, and Joelle was certain they would kill me if they found me. She was probably right, but it doesn’t make her sacrifice any easier to stomach.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because I feel like I let her down. I failed her because I couldn’t keep her safe from harm. How can any woman go on trusting a man after that?”
“This woman sounds capable of a great many things.”
“Oh, that she is,” John agreed. “I just pray she’s been able to put the attack behind her. I want to find her and take care of her.”
“It will be difficult to put such a thing aside,” Father Cooper said, putting down his fork. “Your accident is not yet behind you, and you must deal with it constantly, no?” He did not wait for an answer but continued. “You did not choose to crash your airplane, but you did choose to fly. You knew the possibilities of crashing, and yet you still chose to pursue that vocation.”
“Yes,” John said with a nod. The words could have very well been his own. “I told my mother that a pilot always lives with the knowledge that something can go wrong.” He stopped for a minute. “Joelle came to care for me in Columbus. I didn’t want her there. I didn’t want her to see me helpless and beaten down. I made the choice to fly, and the accident was my consequence to deal with, not hers. She never bargained for that kind of thing when she agreed to marry me.”
“Ah, but neither then did you bargain to deal with this attack,” Father Cooper declared.
“True, but Joelle didn’t have a choice. I chose to fly. She didn’t choose to be raped. She had no control, no say. She did what she did to unselfishly protect the people she loved.”
Father Cooper toyed with a mug of now lukewarm coffee. He seemed to consider John’s words quite profound. “It is well that you see this,” he finally told John. “Your Joelle may struggle for a long time with the things that were done to her. As you said, her choices were taken from her. She was without the power to make that decision, beyond of course, the choice to protect you. However, an attack such as she must have endured is not a thing easily put aside. She may always suffer from it and never be capable of a physical closeness. Are you willing to give up such a thing?”
John felt startled by the priest’s words. “I don’t think I ever considered that. I mean, well, my father did mention the possibility.”
“You may find your Joelle and also find that she is unable to return the love that you hold for her. Her scars may run so deep, that for a long, long time, she may be unwilling to love again.”
John squared his shoulders and sat back in the chair. “Then I’ll just wait her out.”
Father Cooper smiled. “Your love can endure this wait?”
“If it has to.” John knew that he spoke the truth. What was life without Joelle? Loving another woman was not even a consideration. “I’ll wait as long as it takes. I know she’s been hurt, but I believe my love for her will go far to heal her. She has to realize that the rape means nothing to me, at least as far as my love for her is concerned. I’ll help her learn to put it in the past and forget about it. She won’t need to carry it with her because I’ll fill her heart and mind with the happiness and love that I know God has in store for us.”
Father Cooper sobered again. “You forget there is the possibility that she may be unable to leave the attack in the past.”
“I don’t understand.”
“There is always the chance that she suffered further consequences from the rape. She may be with child.”
The words were like a slap in the face to John. His color paled considerably and he pushed back from the table with a startled expression. “I never thought of that.” Getting up, he leaned against the chair and stared down at Father Cooper. “I never even considered that possibility.”
“But it is one that you must consider. Especially before you go on and locate her. Should you find this situation is so, your rejection of her at that point could very well kill her.” Father Cooper could picture Joelle’s hurt expression in his mind. He would not risk her tenuous contentment by bringing to her a man who could never accept her fate.
John swallowed hard and looked away. A child, he thought. It was possible, just as Father Cooper said. He would always love Joelle but could he love a child who had been forced upon her? A child conceived out of her most hated nightmare?
“I have to think,” he said, suddenly breaking the silence. “I have to be alone.” He grabbed up his cane and limped quickly from the room.
Father Cooper lifted his eyes heavenward. Such pain and suffering for children so young, he thought. There was only one way to help them and that way was to pray.
John walked back to his room and sat there in the silence for several minutes. In all of his dreams of finding Joelle, he had never once considered the chance that she could be pregnant. Why hadn’t his father mentioned it when talking to John? He had certainly mentioned the fact that Joelle would probably fear physical intimacy. Daniel had talked at length with his son regarding the complications that might arise from Joelle’s experience, but never once had he thought to mention a child.
Picking up his Bible, John knew that God would hold the only answers. Could he possibly look into the face of a baby born out of that rape and love it? The attack had cost him, as well as Joelle, although he knew her price to be much greater. Could she, herself, give b
irth to a child from that ordeal and nurture it at her breast. . .and call it her own?
“Oh, God,” John whispered, “why must this happen? I don’t even know if Joelle is with child, but if she is, how could it ever be a good thing?”
John’s hand stopped roaming the pages of Scripture that he held, and his eyes fell to the writing of Matthew 1:18-20.
“Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily. But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.”
John considered the words, lifted his eyes, and whispered, “But Mary’s Child was Your Son, and His conception was a glorious act of love.”
John thought for a moment of how Joseph must have felt when he received the news of Mary’s pregnancy. Did Joseph feel the anguish that John was feeling at this moment. Were there doubts and hesitations as to whether he could love Mary’s Child?
“There must have been,” John whispered. “Joseph must have been as troubled as I am, or God would have had no need to send an angel to him.”
The turmoil in John’s heart began to lift. “I cannot compare the possible child who Joelle might be carrying to Jesus, Father,” John prayed, “but I am just a man, like Joseph, and my fears are deep in this matter. If there is a baby, what should I do?”
John knew the story of Joseph and Mary by heart. Christmas was a festive celebration of the birth of his Lord and always had been so as he had grown up. Some of his fondest memories surrounded the telling of this story of love between Mary and Joseph. He instantly recalled to mind a time when his Uncle David had preached on Joseph’s faith.
“Joseph was just a carpenter. A simple man who worked with his hands. He was probably considered a good man by his neighbors and friends. He no doubt kept the Commandments in the best way he knew how. He was certain to have appeared in the synagogue whenever it was appropriate to do so, and he was betrothed to marry a girl.
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