“I’m sorry.”
“It’s nothing.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I built Cake It Up from the ground up and I’m proud of it. Nothing or no one can take it from me. Pipe dream, my ass!”
“But it would have been nice to share in the joy with someone, right?” I gave her a solemn smile.
“I had my parents. But you’re right, it would have been nice to have my husband’s support.”
“He had a lot on his plate, huh?”
She nodded. “He was… God that feels weird,” she said with tears in her eyes. “He was an alcoholic.”
“I know.”
“Things weren’t very good.”
“You don’t need to explain.” I stuffed a fry in my mouth.
“Mom and Dad don’t know this yet, but a little over a month ago, after Lee got a DUI, I left him.” She kept her gaze lowered, as if she were ashamed of the strength I knew it took for her to do what she’d done. “The night of the accident, he’d convinced me to go out for dinner to see if we could work things out. After the stunt he pulled at the restaurant, ruining our evening by first being belligerent with our waiter, and then…” her face contorted. “Well, let’s just say that that’s when I knew there was nothing to save.”
That went a long way to explain why the grief of losing her husband didn’t seem as profound as that of losing their baby. To say she was unaffected would be one hell of a stretch, though.
“I’m sorry.”
“He was getting worse, and I might have had great intentions by remaining by his side, but every promise he’d ever made to sober up and be more supportive, he broke. I couldn’t bring our child into this world to have them stuck with a brutal father.”
“Did he ever hit you?” I’m not sure where that question came from, only that her mentioning the word brutal had prompted the inquiry to form in my head. I suppose Anne’s mention of abuse didn’t help with my concern either.
“Once. On the night he got his DUI. He was livid with me for showing up late. The second he struck, I made the decision to leave.”
I snorted. “Instead of rushing to pick him up, I would have let him stay in jail overnight.”
“Maybe I should have done that,” she pondered aloud. “So what about you? How’d you get to open Fairfax?”
Evidently, Hannah thought the topic change was a smart one. I couldn’t argue, so I told her about how it had been a shared dream of sorts for Candace and me. It just hadn’t been fully realized while she was alive, but it had been on its way.
“So you opened it in her memory?”
I nodded. “But it feels tainted now with my recent discoveries.”
“I bet. How are you doing with everything?”
“I should be asking you that question. Your wounds are fresher.”
“It’s hard, but you make it easier somehow.” She blushed.
“So I’m not the only one to feel like that?” I asked. “Listen… I feel like I owe you an apology.”
“For what?”
“Because I came in here after promising to not leave and I dumped-”
“Stop it!” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m going to tell you this in hopes you don’t go running all freaked out.” I nodded and held silent. “I don’t know if it’s the circumstance of that night or…” She took a deep breath. She set her burger down and wiped her hands on her napkin. Was she nervous? “There’s just something. That night, you saw me at my worst. I was broken before the crash. When you showed up, I don’t know what it was. But I knew that I could trust you.
“And then you actually came back. I know what I said. I remember your answer, but I never thought that you’d follow through after the crews came and took me away.
“I was confused when I first heard your voice, but I feel that if it weren’t for you dropping by, reading, talking…your voice…” She shook her head. “I don’t think I’d be awake right now. Part of me felt like I needed to wake up and say something to you.”
I popped the tab on my soda can and took a gulp to wash down the food that had lodged in my throat from her words.
“We’re connected,” she whispered.
“Yeah.”
“It’s like you know where I’m coming from, and where I’m heading. It’s easier to look at you and deal with things than it is to look at my parents who can’t relate at all.”
“I think that’s another reason that kept me coming back, aside from my promise,” I confessed.
She smiled and grabbed her burger, taking a large bite. “This is delicious! Remind me to repay the favor when I get out of here.”
I grinned. “I may have something in mind.”
“You do?”
I nodded. “Those Italian pastries you make. They seem so simple, but they’re my favorite.”
“Crustuli you mean?”
“If you’re talking about the braided ones dipped in honey or sprinkled with powdered sugar, then yeah.”
“Those things may look simple, but they’re a nightmare to make.”
“It explains why you don’t make them that often.” She nodded. “Okay, well how about your strawberry cheesecakes with the chocolate cookie crust instead?”
She giggled. “My favorite.”
“Really?” She nodded. “Mine too, and it’s a perfect offering at gatherings. Everyone asks me where I get it. Now they ask me to get some whenever I agree to show up for a dinner because I refuse to tell them where it comes from.”
She laughed. “Wouldn’t it be simpler to just tell them?”
“Yeah, but then it wouldn’t be my signature contribution that everyone seems so hooked on.” I smirked.
“Tell you what…” There was a gleam in her eyes. “When I get out of here, I’ll have you over and we can make both desserts.” She took the final bite of her burger before patting her belly.
I laughed, but in an instant, her hand halted, her face screwed up and she began to cry softly, wrapping both arms around her torso.
I was quick to wipe my hands off on a napkin and go to her side.
“It’s my fault.” She sniffled.
“Look at me.” I reached for her chin, but she kept her eyes closed. “I need you to look at me, Hannah.” She opened her eyes, and those gorgeous green globes stared back. I grabbed her face in my hands and allowed my thumbs to wipe away her tears. “It’s not your fault and you know it. You didn’t choose to start the argument. You didn’t let him drive because he was drunk and without a licence. You’re not the one who caused the loss of control. Now say it, Hannah! Say it’s not your fault!”
She shut her eyes and with vehemence, she shook her head. “I can’t.”
“You can and you will. If you can’t say it for yourself, say it for me, Hannah.”
“It’s…it’s not…”
“…my fault,” I finished for her. “Now look at me and say it, sweetheart.”
Her eyes opened, but I was pretty sure it was the shock of my endearment and not my request that made her do it. To be honest, I shocked myself. Regardless, I nodded my head for added encouragement.
“It’s not…my fault,” she managed.
“Good.” I tilted her head to kiss her forehead. “And again.”
“It’s not my fault.” There was more strength in her words this time.
“Again.” I pulled away to see her face.
“It’s not my fault! It’s not my fault! It’s not my fault!” she said, every succession getting louder, firmer with resolve.
“Well now you just sound like a kid having a tantrum.” I got the desired effect. She smacked my arm, but her lips quirked up with a small smile. “Come here.”
I hugged her to me. Her arms found their way around my waist. I waited until her hold on me loosened before I allowed myself to release her. She pulled back slowly with a hand rubbing up my chest to cup my cheek.
Quick as a flash, she leaned back in and I felt the slightest pressure of her lips to my cheek before it was gone. “Th
ank you,” she whispered.
I reached up and pushed some of her hair to the side. “Are you okay?”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this so soon, but I will be.” She lowered her hand from my cheek to grab my hand and interlaced our fingers before giving it a squeeze. “And so will you.”
Chapter 19
My weekend had finally begun, and I got up and found myself feeling happier than usual, and looking forward to my day.
After getting ready, I headed out. I drove downtown and stopped in to get a little something special before heading to the hospital. I sent a text to Anne and Adam before leaving in hopes that they could help me out.
Paying for what I needed, I made my way to Hannah and the Donners.
I walked through the hospital doors as I always did and by then, some of the staff waved, knowing exactly where I was heading. I had become somewhat of a regular. Marie was working triage again, and I nodded my head in greeting, smiling as I kept trucking on.
The box I held in my hands hit the floor as I turned the corner down the hall that led to Hannah’s room. I was met with bright green eyes and a beaming smile.
“You’re walking!”
“Key word is trying,” Hannah said.
“Oh, hush now, you’re doing great,” Anne encouraged her as she held on to one side and her father the other, both acting like crutches. “The doctor told her that the sooner she got to walking again, the sooner she’d be able to leave. If it were up to her, she’d attempt running if that’s what it took to get her out of here faster.”
I laughed at the eye roll only I could see. “They had to find something for me to do since I didn’t get my green jello and stale box of cereal this morning.” She pouted. “I wonder why that is?” Her eyes narrowed on me and her brow arched as she peered down to the box I had brought. “You better have brought enough to share, white knight.”
I laughed. “Is that my new nickname?”
“Why not, you like it?”
“It’ll do.” I laughed. “For now.” I bent over and picked up the box, hoping that everything inside it was still intact.
At a turtle’s pace, we made our way back to Hannah’s room where she made herself comfortable on her bed.
“I have to say I was surprised to hear that you’d be here so early,” Anne said.
“I have plans tonight and I wasn’t quite sure if I’d be able to make it over afterward, so I brought some breakfast.” I presented the box to Hannah.
“Thank you, Ben!” Her smile seemed to only get brighter. “This is a good way to make up for your later absenteeism.”
I laughed. “I’m glad you approve.” She squealed in delight when she saw the assortment of croissants, muffins and scones, all from her shop. “I figured that if you couldn’t be there, that I’d bring part of it to you. There’s enough for everyone, and I brought some butter, jams, knives and napkins.” I pulled out the small bag with the added lot that had been tucked in my jacket pocket.
“It’s a good thing I’m married or I would have tried to snag you for myself a long time ago,” Anne said.
“Mom!”
“What?”
“I’m right here.” Adam’s exaggerated annoyance made the rest of us laugh.
“It’s okay, Anne, I think you’d be too much for me.” I winked at her, making her blush.
Adam chortled. “I like you more and more with each visit, son, but you’re right. She’s a lot to handle. It took me years to whip her into shape.” He kissed his wife’s annoyed look off her face and she cuddled into him.
My eyes found themselves on Hannah who was watching her parents. She must have felt my gaze because hers met mine and I couldn’t help but grin.
Chapter 20
“So, you finally agreed to a hot date for tonight, huh?” Hannah asked after her parents had left. Thanks to her bluntness, my current sip of coffee nearly went down the wrong hole.
Sputtering, I took the tissue Hannah handed me and dabbed at my mouth. “If you call dinner with my folks a hot date, then yeah.” I chuckled.
I told her about how I had gone to see them and let them in on my life earlier in the week.
“I didn’t realize how much I was hurting them or how much I missed them. I’m hoping that we can get back to how things were before. It wasn’t just the journals, but more what your mom told me while you were asleep. She reminds me so much of my mom, it’s uncanny.”
Hannah smiled. “You seem to have made quite an impression on them. Tell me about your parents?”
A conversation detailing my folks and childhood led to the discovery that we had grown up with similar backgrounds.
“Do they know about me?”
“About the accident, yeah.”
Next, Hannah asked about Candace’s journals, or their lack of presence specifically, and I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess I haven’t felt the need to bring them along.” I wasn’t quite ready to tell Hannah that I would rather enjoy her company more than ruin a good mood with stories of the past that continued to paint my marriage in a darker shade.
“Um…”
“What is it?” I asked, noticing Hannah’s blush. The look had my heart thumping wildly.
“I need help with something.”
“Anything.”
“I kind of have to go to the little girl’s room.” She bit her lip. “Never mind. I’ll call the nurse to-”
“No,” I said a little too breathless. “I was just…distracted.”
Her brows furrowed. “Distracted?”
I didn’t want her knowing that I had been taken with the way her skin flushed with her embarrassment. “Come on.” I extended my hand to her, changing the subject. “Let’s get you there before the nurses slap a pair of Depends on you.”
She harrumphed. “Oh, you’re funny!”
“I can be.” I smirked down at her, while she grabbed my forearms to get to her feet.
At her full height, she was a head shorter than my six foot two stature. I made sure she was stable and swiveled so that I could wrap an arm around her waist as she wrapped hers around my neck.
I escorted her to the bathroom. “Are you sure you’ll be okay in here?” I asked when we stopped just inside.
“I’ll let you know if I need help with my underwear in a sec.” My jaw dropped. “I’m kidding!” She gave me a once over and bit her bottom lip. The look bordered on seductive. “Well…” My eyes widened. “Still kidding! Well, kind of.” She winked and giggled.
“You, my friend, are…” I let my words hang.
“Funny?” I shook my head indicating the negative. “Gorgeous?” I laughed and reached for the bathroom’s doorknob to shut the door and give her the privacy she needed. “Smart, attentive, special…?”
“Crazy!” I said through the door, laughing loudly at her antics. “But I like you that way. Let me think on those others.”
She snorted. “Wiseass!”
“I heard that!”
“You better not be listening to me tinkle, mister.”
“Or what?” I was growing to love this back and forth banter of ours.
She took a beat too long to answer, which I took it to mean that I had stumped her. “I don’t know yet.” Another boisterous laugh came barreling out of me. “But I’ll come up with something.”
“Did you fall in or what? You’ve been in there for a while,” I said after I hadn’t heard anything from her in five minutes. “Hannah?”
I knocked on the door and when she didn’t answer, I went to open it. The thing flew inward, revealing a proudly smiling Hannah.
“What are you looking at?” She brought up a fist and chucked me under the chin playfully. “Shut your mouth, you’ll catch flies.”
And then her knees buckled.
Catching her before she hit the floor, I said, “You should have let me know that you were done.”
“I’m going to have to do this on my own some time.”
“Had you wanted to, I would have
let you, but what if something had happened?”
“Nothing did.”
I held on to her with my hands on her hips and her hands lay flat on my chest. The air filled with silence as I peered into her eyes. Something was shifting, and if I willed myself to admit it, it had been shifting over the course of days.
“You can let go now.” Her voice had a raspy sexiness to it until she cleared her throat. “Or are you itching for another hug?”
“You’re the one who fell, not me. I just didn’t want you to land on your face and hurt that cute nose of yours.” I flicked it with my finger, making her scrunch up her face before she stuck her tongue out at me.
Yeah, I really could get used to having Hannah around…
Chapter 21
I walked into my parents’ home with a cheese-eating grin on my face, finding Dad in the kitchen helping Mom out, or more like helping himself.
“Company present!” They both jumped. “It smells great! What’s cookin’, good lookin’?” I moved to kiss my mother on her cheek, while Dad laughed and slapped me on the back.
“Someone’s in a good mood,” he said.
I nodded. “It’s a good day.”
“So you mean to say that you won’t be dodging us after you’ve inhaled your meal?” I knew Dad’s words were meant as a joke, but they still carried an undertone of hurt, which made my guilt surge up a notch.
“Not tonight. Unless I get a call that the business is burning down or-” I stopped myself right there.
“Do I detect the subtlety of a woman?” Dad nudged me with his elbow when I came back from the fridge with a beer for him and me, and an opened bottle of wine to refill my mother’s goblet. I shrugged my shoulders in answer. Mom and Dad shared a look.
“Spill.” Mom dropped the spoon onto the counter and turned to face me with her arms crossed at her chest. Dad assumed his rightful position: behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder.
Dad started with, “Is it that girl from-”
“Hannah.” I nodded. “Sort of.”
To Forgive & Hold Safe (The Broken Men Chronicles Book 4) Page 6