‘Kiss me again…’
She heard Barney laugh. His voice was very husky. ‘Are you sure that’s what you want, Lavender?’ He leant over her, kissing the soft skin of her breasts. ‘More than this…’
Lavender’s voice caught on a sigh as she closed her eyes. ‘Oh…’
He was kissing her again, they were tangled in each other’s arms, blind to all else, deaf to intrusion. It was only when a heron rose flapping mightily from the pond and scared all the other birds out of the trees, that Lavender stirred and pulled a little away.
‘Barney? Was someone there?’
The mood was broken. They sat up. They could see no one between the ranks of dark trees, but Lavender shivered a little. Her gaze went to her disordered clothing and she drew her shift together with shaking fingers. Her mind was numb—she could not regret what she had done, nor even think about it clearly. All she knew was that she had wanted Barney to make love to her, wanted it to the exclusion of all else, but that now the moment had gone.
The air was still hot and heavy, humming with bees, but now it felt more like the prelude to another thunderstorm. Lavender picked up her dress and struggled to do up all the little buttons.
Barney had been watching her, his expression inscrutable. Now he got up and came across to her. She knew he could see how much she was still trembling, how her hands shook on the buttons.
‘Here, let me.’ He spoke quietly, buttoning them up with as much swift efficiency as he had used in unfastening them. He finished and stood back a pace.
‘Lavender—’
Lavender suddenly realised that she was about to cry. She did not know why, only that her throat was closed with tears that threatened to spill over.
‘Please, don’t—’
‘Sweetheart…’ Barney ignored her plea and the stiffness of her body to take her in his arms, and after a moment she relaxed. He spoke into her hair.
‘Lavender, after the last time I kissed you I swore to myself that it would not happen again.’ He held her a little away from him, touching one hand gently to her cheek. ‘I apologised then, but I was not sorry and nor am I now. Given a choice…’ He shook his head slowly. ‘But there is no choice. We cannot meet again.’
Lavender looked up, her drenched lavender-blue eyes suddenly furious. ‘You are scarcely gallant in your rejection! After all that has just happened between us—’
Barney let go of her. ‘You know it is not like that…I could wish for nothing more than you, but it cannot be.’ A look of exasperation came over his features. ‘Oh Lavender, be sensible! There cannot be anything between us—’
‘It is a little late in the day for that!’ Lavender lifted her chin defiantly. ‘I wish you had not stopped—at least then you might act as a gentleman ought!’
There was a closed look on Barney’s face. ‘I am no gentleman and you know that that is precisely the problem! I have nothing to offer you, Lavender! I wish it were otherwise, but it is not!’
Lavender came close to him, resting both hands against his bare chest. ‘But you want me—you know it…’
There was a tight, strained look on Barney’s face. ‘It is not that simple—’
‘Why not?’ A huge knot of jealousy had formed in Lavender’s chest. She banged her clenched fist against his arm. ‘Why with all those other girls—village girls to be tumbled as you please—and not me?’
Barney caught her wrist. ‘In the first place, there were no other girls! And in the second, even had there been, you are not like them!’
Lavender was silenced by his first statement, rather than by the obvious truth of the second. She stared. ‘No other girls? What—never?’
‘No.’
‘But surely…’ Lavender hesitated. ‘They are forever throwing themselves at you! And…and it was clear that you knew what you were about…’
She saw Barney smile as he bent to retrieve her bonnet from the long grass. ‘I am flattered that you should think so! In fact I think we were both about to find out for the first time!’ He shot her a look. ‘What do you take me for, Lavender? Yes, it is true that I have had offers, but why should I avail myself of them?’
Lavender frowned. ‘I just…I suppose I thought…It is the way of the world!’
Barney shrugged. ‘That may be so, but it is not my way.’ A shade of colour stole into his face. ‘I wanted to wait until I had found something better, and the irony is that I have now found it, but I cannot take it!’ He looked at her angrily. ‘This is pointless! I am sorry, but it cannot be. Now, please excuse me. I must go.’
Lavender put out a hand to stop him, but he shook her off and turned away.
‘No, Lavender! Do not, I beg you, try my self-control any further!’
Lavender watched him walk firmly away from her, back to the edge of the pond where he retrieved his shirt and pulled it on. He did not look her way again. Presently, when he had put his boots back on and picked up his jacket, she saw him walk back towards the path that led to Abbot Quincey. He did not spare her another glance, merely walking, head bent, and resolutely avoiding her gaze. She watched him until he disappeared through the trees, then she started to walk slowly back in the direction of Hewly. Her portfolio was still propped against the tree where she had left it, what seemed like hours before.
She picked it up and wandered back towards the house, still trying to sort out her thoughts and feelings. She felt warm and dazed, happy and sad, all mixed up together. She knew now that she loved Barney deeply and, from all the things that he had said, she was certain he loved her too. He had claimed himself to be no gentleman but as far as Lavender could see, his reticence to press his suit was for very chivalrous reasons. He felt that he had nothing to offer her and whilst she, dazzled and bewildered by her emotions, might consider that she would be happy living in a cottage with him, he was evidently thinking of what was due to an Admiral’s daughter, a lady descended from two very distinguished families.
Lavender smiled a little to herself, swinging her bonnet by its ribbons. The material point was surely that Barney cared for her, and since that was the case, she would persuade him to change his mind. She had not the least notion how she would accomplish this, but she was very determined. She knew she would prevail. She was so wrapped up with her newly discovered emotions that not even Julia’s sharp asides could trouble her, and she spent the rest of the day floating around the house with a faint smile on her lips and a dreamy look in her eyes.
It was still early the following morning when there was a tumultuous rapping at the door followed by the sound of a decided altercation in the hall outside. Kimber trod into the room looking very slightly ruffled.
‘Excuse me, Captain Brabant. There is a person here demanding to see you. He says that it is very urgent. I have taken the liberty of showing him into your library, sir. It is Mr Arthur Hammond—’
Lavender turned her head sharply, dropping her piece of toast on to the floor where it was immediately attacked by one of the kittens. Her reaction was not lost on Julia, whose blue eyes sharpened with interest. Lewis put down his napkin with a look of resignation and got to his feet.
‘Very well, Kimber, thank you. We seem to be plagued with early morning visits at the moment! Ladies—’ He dropped a kiss on Caroline’s head ‘—pray excuse me!’
‘Whatever can that be all about!’ Caroline said, pouring herself another cup of tea. ‘Arthur Hammond, and so early in the morning! I am sure that we have paid all our bills most promptly!’
Julia’s big blue eyes moved from Caroline’s face to Lavender’s flushed one. ‘I may be mistaken,’ she said with a hint of malice, ‘but I believe that Cousin Lavender may know the answer to that one! Lavender? What do you have to say, my dear?’
Lavender knew that she was blushing even more. She hated Julia’s spiteful ways. ‘I fear I have no notion what you mean, Cousin Julia,’ she said with as much composure as she could muster. ‘The matter is no doubt being resolved between my brother and Mr Ha
mmond as we speak—’
It seemed, however, that she had spoken too soon. Despite the fact that the study was across the hall and that both doors were doubtless closed, the sound of a voice raised in strident emotion, could now be heard.
‘Captain Brabant, if you wish your sister’s good name to be bandied about the villages like a common strumpet—’
Caroline stood up, gently putting the other kitten down on the carpet. She cleared her throat. ‘Well, I think I shall rest for a little. I feel fatigued again this morning. Lavender, will you come up with me and read to me?’
They were too late to escape, however. As they went out into the hall, Arthur Hammond’s voice, even louder and disastrously clear even from behind the study door, could be heard bellowing, ‘The rumours are all over the village, sir! Either they announce their engagement immediately or Miss Brabant is ruined!’
Caroline shot Lavender a quick glance and moved closer to her side as the study door opened and Lewis propelled Hammond out into the hall, evidently intending to throw him out of the house. Behind them, Julia stood in the breakfast-room doorway, her face registering excitement and spite. Lavender felt sick.
Hammond had not stopped talking even whilst he was being manhandled towards the door. His voice had sunk a little now, become ingratiating.
‘Come now, it is not so bad a match, Captain! Your little sister may have the breeding but my boy has the money! Or at least he could have if I chose to be generous, and with such a match I could be more than that—’
Lewis’s voice interrupted him, cold and cutting.
‘Mr Hammond, I do not think that that is in the least pertinent to the situation! I shall speak to no one but your son about this! If he wishes to come here and explain why he has compromised my sister’s good name—’
‘My son knows nothing of this!’ Hammond sounded pugnacious. His embroidered waistcoat swelled alarmingly. ‘It is I who have come here, as a good father should, to try to save the reputations of my son and your sister, Captain Brabant! Your refusal to discuss the matter seriously—’
‘Believe me, Hammond, I take the matter very seriously indeed!’ There was a glitter in Lewis’s eye and his mouth was drawn into a tight line, suggesting a temper barely held under control. Lavender saw his gaze sweep over them, lingering with contempt on Julia’s avid little face. ‘However, I will discuss this only with your son, and certainly not within earshot of my guests and my servants!’
‘Very commendable, Captain,’ Hammond sneered. ‘Your servants are at this very moment discussing the gossip they have already heard in Abbot Quincey—’
‘Doubtless,’ Lewis said coldly. “I must ask you to leave now, Hammond. At the moment there is nothing further for us to consider. Kimber, show the gentleman out!’
Hammond looked somewhat nonplussed. Kimber, his face as wooden as a church pew, held the front door open.
‘Good day, sir,’ he said, in sepulchral tones.
Hammond, still blustering, was expelled on to the gravel sweep before the front door. Inside the hall there was a charged silence.
‘Lavender,’ Lewis said, very politely, ‘I wonder if you would be so good as to join me in the study?’
Caroline suddenly woke up to the fact that Julia was lapping the scene up. ‘Julia!’ She grabbed their cousin’s arm. ‘Would you care to give me your opinion on the new red damask for the dining-room? You are such an arbiter of taste!’ And she positively hauled a reluctant Mrs Chessford away.
Lewis stood aside courteously for his sister to precede him into the study. Lavender’s heart was beating light and fast. She so seldom saw Lewis angry, for he had the most equable nature, but when his temper was really aroused it could be fearsome. Since he had returned from sea the previous year, they had built up a strong friendship and she could not bear to lose his good opinion. She locked her hands together to still their trembling, and eyed him nervously. Lewis strolled over to the window.
‘Do sit down, Lavender. Or remain standing, if you prefer.’ He gave her the ghost of a smile. ‘It is sometimes easier to face difficult situations on your feet!’
Lavender smiled back a little tremulously. Lewis’s gaze searched her face. ‘Would you care for a drink? Something reviving?’
Lavender shook her head. ‘No, thank you, Lewis. What did Mr Hammond have to say?’
Lewis grimaced. ‘Arthur Hammond tells me—and indeed the whole household!—that there are rumours circulating in Abbot Quincey. Rumours that link you with his son. No doubt you heard most of what he had to say.’ Lewis drove his hands into his pockets. ‘Apparently you were seen at Steepwood Pool yesterday, Lavender, in a somewhat…intimate situation—’
He broke off as Lavender blushed bright red and pressed both her palms to her cheeks. She took an involuntary step back.
‘Oh, no! There was someone there! I wondered at the time—’
Lewis raised his brows. He looked ever so slightly taken aback. ‘Are you telling me that the rumour is true, then?’
Lavender met his eyes and looked quickly away. ‘Yes…No! I suppose,’ she looked away, ‘it must have looked bad…’
Lewis walked back to the centre of the room. ‘Would you consider your reputation to be compromised?’ he asked in measured tones. ‘Forgive me, Lavender, I have no wish to cause you further distress, but—’
Lavender burst into tears. ‘Oh, I suppose so! Yes, I can see that people might consider it so…He said that he had nothing to offer me, and I know he was only trying to be noble but I love him…’
Lewis did not say another word, but came across and took her in his arms. Lavender cried into his shoulder.
‘Oh Lewis, it is not fair—’
‘I know,’ her brother stroked her hair gently. ‘But Lavender, he is right—’
‘I don’t care!’ Lavender wept harder. ‘I would marry him tomorrow—’
Lewis was shaking his head, but he did not say anything further and in a little Lavender’s sobs quietened. Her heart felt weighted with lead. She knew that from any worldly point of view, both Lewis and Barney were right. He did not have anything to offer her and the match would be the most unequal imaginable. Yet that did not matter to her, not when she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. And now that everyone was talking…
‘What happens now?’ she asked forlornly, reaching for her handkerchief to try to mop her face.
Lewis passed her his. ‘I think we need to hear what Mr Hammond has to say. He may well feel that he cannot marry you, but he has damaged your reputation—’
Lavender’s eyes filled with tears again.
‘It is not his fault!’
‘But he must take that responsibility!’ Lewis moved a little away. ‘Lavender—’
There was a sharp rat-a-tat at the front door. ‘If that is Arthur Hammond back with his latest set of demands, I shall have him horse-whipped from the house!’ Lewis said feelingly.
Lavender, for all her misery, stifled a giggle. ‘Oh dear, to contemplate such a father-in-law…’
Lewis looked bleak. ‘Let us not contemplate any such thing until we have considered all possibilities! Now—’
‘Begging your pardon, sir.’ Kimber, even more expressionless than before, was in the doorway. ‘Mr Barnabas Hammond is here and asking for an immediate interview.’
‘How timely!’ Lewis said dryly. ‘Show him in, Kimber!’
Chapter Eight
Lavender had no particular desire for Barney to see her in such a state of dishevelment and tried to edge out of the study before he came in, but Lewis prevented her from doing so by catching hold of her hand and refusing to let go.
‘You will have to face him at some point,’ he said in an undertone. ‘See what the poor fellow has to say first before you run away!’
Lavender gave him a shaky smile. ‘I am no coward—I will not run away! But Lewis, I need time to think—’
Her brother nodded. ‘You will have all the time you need, Lavender, but hear Mr
Hammond out first—’
He broke off as Barney came in and though he let go of Lavender’s hand he did not move far away. Lavender found this comforting. It seemed that no matter how deep her disgrace, neither Lewis nor Caroline was going to abandon her.
Barney came into the room with a firm tread but his confidence was belied by the distraught look on his face. He was white and strained and he addressed himself directly to Lewis.
‘I beg your pardon for intruding in this manner, Captain Brabant! I know it must seem most singular, but my business is urgent!’ His gaze flickered to Lavender for the first time. ‘If I could see you alone—’
‘Certainly,’ Lewis said, with suspicious alacrity. ‘I imagine that you will then wish to speak with my sister, Mr Hammond?’
‘I…yes…’ Barney’s gaze went back to Lavender again and she could have sworn that it softened as it rested on her. ‘Miss Brabant, I beg your pardon…’
‘There is nothing to apologise for, sir,’ Lavender said tremulously, and saw him smile a little, a smile edged with sadness. She turned to Lewis. ‘I shall wait in the library.’
Lewis nodded, giving her an encouraging smile of his own, and she went out of the room and closed the door gently behind her.
The house was quiet. Caroline had evidently managed to keep Julia locked away somewhere and the servants had all retreated behind the green baize door. Lavender went into the library and curled up in a window-seat.
She could feel all the happiness of the day before slipping away, oozing out of her like the stuffing from a cushion. She wondered if perhaps she had imagined that she and Barney could have a chance of happiness, and had been deluding herself that she could persuade him to overlook the inequalities of their relative social positions. Now that matters had come to a head, it seemed that that was all anyone could think of.
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