by Noel Merczel
"What? Oh!” Andrea said. “Where the hell are the cops?”
The complete lack of a police presence was baffling.
"That's the million dollar question," Roger replied, glancing down at her again. "Makes no damn sense."
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Shady Oaks had been reduced to a scene from a bad horror movie. Everywhere Andrea looked, she saw shadowy figures shuffling about. Doors in houses were left ajar as people ran or limped or shuffled in and out, snarling, screaming, and swearing.
Andrea heard blood curdling screams coming from inside of houses and from backyards and streets in the distance...screams that sent chills down her spine. Screams of real fear and terror. Screams of men, women and children all blending together.
The sound of men screaming always seemed weird to Andrea since it wasn't a common sound. Except for Mark Fishman when he went on a roller-coaster. That guy screamed like a little girl.
Andrea bet that Roger would never scream on a roller-coaster.
Suddenly, a woman in a nightgown with two young boys in tow rode by on bicycles shouting, "GET OUT OF HERE! RUN! GET THE HELL OUT! DON'T LET THEM GET YOU!"
Someone was being attacked on the Nelson's front lawn...
Oh God, Andrea thought. It looks like Mrs. Nelson in her polk-a-dot house dress!
The Nelson’s nasty Rottweiler had entered into the fray, growling and snarling and biting the.....
Can I say the word zombie in my head, even if I can’t say it out loud? Andrea asked herself.
"Shouldn't you shoot...that person?" Andrea asked Roger, referring to the sick looking man with the mottled pink skin who was aggressively chewing on Mrs. Nelson's flabby upper arm.
The tableau was so nauseating, Andrea had to look away.
“Cool!” Nick declared, with a big smile on his face.
“You’re an asshole, Nicky!” Lisa chided in a flirty voice.
"I can’t just shoot indiscriminately at this point," Roger told Andrea. "I don't know who's involved and who isn't. If somebody directly threatens us, that’s a different story."
"Well I'm sure Mrs. Nelson's not involved," Drew chimed in. "She's like eighty years old, and she runs the Senior Bingo at the clubhouse."
"That's no proof!" Roger snapped. “NOW STOP GAWKING AND KEEP MOVING, PEOPLE!”
"So they're not real zombies?" Andrea ventured to ask, once they were past the grisly scene.
For once, she hadn’t been afraid of the Nelson's Rottweiler, since the dog was previously occupied.
"Do you believe in zombies?" Roger asked, still sounding pissed.
"I mean, I never did before..." Andrea replied.
But did she now? If all these people are just pretending to be zombies, why are old people be involved? Old people don’t usually join in with these sorts of fads, do they?
Right on cue, Andrea spotted an elderly woman shuffling down her front yard sporting the same bright magenta rash that had swallowed up Mimi's skin... along with the same weird cottage cheese eyes...
"Rrrrrr..." the old woman moaned, wearing a twisted smirk on her wrinkly mottled face.
"Granny zombie at three o'clock!" Drew reported, referring to the old woman.
Andrea stole a glance at Roger as they quickly walked past the "granny zombie." He didn't even look worried.
"Are we going to have to use that gun?" Lisa asked, inserting herself between Andrea and Roger.
"Already did," Roger replied. "Don't worry. I didn't kill anyone. Just scared them away. Like I was just telling your friend here, if I have to kill someone in self-defense, I will."
"Yea, but do you have to shoot them in the brain like on Dead Heads?" Andrea asked.
Immediately, she winced.
That was probably a really dumb question! she chastised herself.
"No, I don't have to shoot them in the brain," Roger answered in a patronizing tone. "For the last time, these are not real zombies!"
Andrea was mad at herself for sounding so stupid. She would have to choose her words more carefully from now on, so Roger wouldn't think she was an idiot.
As the group made their way up Heathcliff Avenue, the normally busy road was eerily deserted. She couldn't help but wonder if everyone else’s tires were slashed.
Andrea realized that the road might always be deserted at this hour, but there was a different feeling in the air.
A feeling of doom.
Suddenly, she thought of her parents. She hoped they were okay. She would have to read that text her mom sent when they got somewhere safe.....
She hoped her parents were safe....
The group marched past the little guard tower and gate. No one was inside the small guard tower that operated the gate. That meant there was no one present to call in visitors.
Tonight, Shady Oaks was no longer a gated community.
"See? That's why the neighborhood is all fucked up!" Nick commented. "No one's manning the gate."
"Maybe the guard person turned into a zombie," Gina suggested.
"Or just got scared and left!" Roger cut in. "Stop believing this shit is real!"
“LOOK!” Lisa suddenly shouted.
She was pointing across the highway towards the wooded area on the other side of route seventy-six.
They all looked across the street. Hovering in front of the trees was a woman with long dark tangled hair, huge glasses, and a haunted look on her face. She was just standing there, like some a phantom that had materialized from out of nowhere.
"IT'S THAT CREEPY HOMELESS WOMAN!" Lisa shouted. "The one I saw by the Maybelline’s parking lot. I swear, it's her!"
"You know her?" Nick asked, squinting his eyes while regarding the strange woman standing in front of the trees staring at them. “Oh man, I've seen that skank before!"
"Unfortunately, so have I," Roger added. “She’s the one who attacked my wife.”
"Hey! That's that same one we saw in the Mathewson's back yard!" Gina suddenly exclaimed. "I thought you said you bashed her skull in!"
"I did!" Nick lied. "I guess she came back to life."
Even from a distance in the dark, the group could tell that the woman's bloody face was a garish pink color and her eyes were eerily glowing in the dark.
“Shit, that’s creepy,” Andrea said.
“You’re telling me!” Drew agreed. "That's no cosplay, that's for sure!"
“I think I’m gonna wet my pants!” Gina whined.
“It’s fake,” Roger stated calmly. “Just remember. It’s all fake.”
“Yea, but how do you know for sure?” Drew asked him, which was exactly what Andrea was wondering.
“C’mon. Use your head,” was all Roger said.
He sounded like he was disappointed with this unenlightened rag-tag group he'd been saddled with.
Andrea stared at the woman across the street.
Who was she?
Or rather, who was she before this happened?
Or... before she did this to herself?
Did she have a husband? Children? A beloved pet?
Are they wondering what happened to her?
"Will they ever know?
“Keep moving!” Roger barked, interrupting Andrea's musings.
Andrea could feel the woman's eerie glowing eyes tracking them as they headed up Route seventy-six.
She could swear she heard the woman growling.
How does a human being even make a sound like that? she wondered.
The noise made the hairs stand up on the back of her neck.
"Hurry up, you guys! She's coming!" Gina warned.
"OH SHIT!" Lisa screeched.
"Never fear, girls! Nicky's here!" Nick proclaimed.
"Stay together!" Roger ordered, like he was The Dad and they were The Unruly Children. "Step up the speed! She's moving slowly, so we can stay ahead of her."
Despite Roger’s logic, all of the girls started running....until R
oger ordered them to stop.
"You have to conserve your energy!" he warned. "Besides, we can't risk any of you falling down and hurting yourself. The most important thing is to stay alert at all times. Never let your guard down. Remember. I have a gun and I'll use it if I have to."
“Who does he think he is, Steve from Dead Heads?” Nick muttered.
The girls stopped running, but continued to walk at a much faster pace than before.
Andrea glanced behind her. The woman was pretty far back, even though she had crossed over to their side of the highway.
She was sure glad Roger had that gun!
Unlike Nick, Andrea didn't mind Roger taking control. It seemed sort of manly. She couldn’t imagine someone like Mark Fishman acting so in charge. Mark Fishman would probably run around in circles screaming and crying and throwing up.
"Anyone want a protein bar?" Nick suddenly asked.
"God! How can you eat at a time like this?" Drew asked him.
"Gotta keep your energy up, babe!" he replied, flashing Drew his smokiest look.
"Hey!" Gina whined, sounding jealous again.
Just then, Andrea looked up at Roger and he looked back. They both rolled their eyes at each other, symbolizing their agreement that Nick and Gina were absolute idiots.
And that’s when Andrea felt it.
The connection...just like in her fantasies! Even though this wasn't what she would deem a sexual situation.
Nonetheless, she felt like she'd been zapped with electricity.
"You're not exactly dressed for the apocalypse," Roger observed.
“Yea...” Andrea agreed, blushing.
She thought that Roger sounded concerned. Not pervy. For instance, if Nick had said those exact same words, they would have had a completely different meaning.
“Let’s see if she is!” Nick suddenly roared.
And then, suddenly, Andrea felt the back of her dress being lifted up!
“HEY, CUT IT OUT, CREEP!” she shouted, twisting around to face him.
Nick just laughed.
“Little white cotton panties,” he reported. “She’s ready.”
“Nick, stop that!” Gina whined. "I have no panties, ya know!"
"Oh, girl!" Nick crowed, sneaking his beefy hand up her shorts, encountering the girl's silky smooth butt cheek.
“Hey!” Roger commanded, coming to a complete stop which caused the rest of the group to all practically trip over their own feet.
“I’m not kidding!” he stated in a voice that definitely meant he was not kidding. “If you can’t act mature, you are going to have to go your own way!”
“Asshole,” Andrea mumbled.
Roger glared at her. So much for electricity.
“No...not you! I mean Nick!” she quickly added. “Shit.”
“Okay, get a grip on yourself,” Roger told her, sounding "fatherly."
“Yea, but he...”
“I don’t want to hear it!” Roger snapped, making Andrea feel like a little kid.
They continued trudging up the dark and deserted highway. There was a large soybean farm on their left.
At least if someone's coming towards us, we’ll see them, Andrea thought, which was somewhat comforting....but only somewhat.
She glanced behind her once again to check on the progress of the creepy homeless woman.
It was easier to think of her as “The Creepy Homeless Woman” as opposed to “The Zombie.”
"What if she suddenly starts running after us?" Andrea asked Roger.
"She won’t,” he replied, as if he knew this for a fact. “It’s not part of their game. They have to stay in character. Besides, I’ll hear her.”
"EW, GROSS!" Gina suddenly shouted.
They all turned to look at Gina.
"OVER THERE!" Gina shouted, pointing across the soybean field.
In the distance, there was a naked woman. She looked to be middle age,with a big bloody hole in the middle of her face where her nose used to be.
The woman's skin was riddled with a monstrous pinkish purple rash that ran rampant around her corpulent body. Her stomach was hugely distended, and she was smiling blankly, displaying both top and bottom rows of blood-stained teeth. She moved slowly in the group's direction, her eyes completely vacant.
What the hell is she smiling about? Andrea wondered. Did she recently consume her family and that's why she looks so damn happy?
Does that explain why she has such an enormous stomach?
No, wait, Andrea chided herself. I have to remember what Roger said. IT'S ALL FAKE!
Andrea concluded that the woman's distended stomach was probably made out of latex....just like the beginning of the movie Men in Black Part Two. The evil alien woman (played by Lara Flynn Boyle) has just eaten a man in Central Park... and consequently, sports the bulging latex stomach to prove it.
But what if Roger’s wrong? Andrea couldn't help but think.
What if this woman’s stomach isn’t made out of latex?
It sure looks like the real thing...
"Okay, step it up!" Roger ordered. "Don't look at her! Just keep going!"
“She’s taking pictures!” Gina tattled on Lisa.
"I don't want to look at her," Drew remarked. “But for some reason, I can’t help it! Like a bad accident on the highway. You can’t help but stare.”
"Blast her head off, Roger!" Lisa commanded.
"Not necessary to waste the bullet," Roger replied, calmly.
"I wish I had a gun!" Gina whined.
Nick did a wolf whistle at the woman which caused the woman to slightly increase her slow trudge across the field.
"Sexy!" he added.
Gina exploded into a fit of giggles.
"Hey you two!" Roger growled. "I warned you. If you're going to act like children, you can leave. I'm not a babysitter here!"
The group moved quickly through the rain, stopping only briefly when they stumbled upon some bloody finger tips and what looked like a discolored human nose laying in a pool of blood by the side of the road.
"Oh shit!" Nick said.
"I THINK I’M GONNA BE SICK!" Gina screamed.
”If this is fake, that's pretty extreme,” Andrea said.
"Not “if” it’s fake,” Roger corrected her. “It is fake! But remember... you can buy this stuff in a good costume store."
"Oh, like the Spirit store!" Gina chimed in, sounding inexplicably cheery. "I love going in there at Halloween time! They have these pens that look like hypodermic needles filled with blood..."
"Yea, but this looks like real skin," Drew interrupted. "We could probably pick it up and tell."
"I'm not touching that diseased shit!" Lisa shrieked.
"SHAAA!" the naked woman roared, smiling absently.
"Oh... sexy zombie farmer babe is closing in on us!" Nick joked.
"Shit!" Roger exclaimed. "Come on! And nobody touch that stuff. God knows what germs or bacteria it might be harboring."
They moved on, passing a green minivan that appeared to have veered off the highway and ended up in the middle of the soybean crops. Two doors on the van were open, and no one appeared to be inside.
"Looks like I'll probably be late for my job tomorrow anyway," Drew said, falling in step next to Andrea.
“Well,” Andrea said. “At least you have a really good excuse for being late this time. Much better than over-sleeping.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
As the group moved past the vacant minivan, the rain began to let up.
"So...did you know your wife was involved in this zombie cult?" Lisa asked Roger in that annoyingly flirty voice she reserved for men only.
"No clue," Roger answered. "I still can't believe it. I'm still in total shock about the whole thing."
SHUT-UP, LISA! Andrea's brain screamed. HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! STOP BEING SO DAMN CLUELESS!
There were a ton of questions Andrea
wanted to ask Roger about his wife, too. But she was respectful enough to stay clear. If Roger wanted to talk about his wife, he would.