Fearless Fourteen: A Stephanie Plum Novel

by Janet Evanovich

  Nancy leaned forward. “What is that?”

  Brenda’s eyes crossed as she focused on the thing on her face, and hysteria jolted her out of her chair. “Spider,” she shrieked, jumping around, slapping at her face. “Spider, spider!”

  Nancy and I were mouths open, eyes wide, watching the television. Even Ranger turned his attention from his phone call to the show.

  A stagehand rushed onto the set, tackled Brenda, and dragged her back to her chair.

  “What was that?” Brenda asked. “Is it gone? Is it dead?”

  One of the anchors picked the thing off the floor and looked at it. “It’s a strip of eyelashes.”

  Brenda blinked and put a finger to her eye. “Oh shit!”

  Nancy’s face went white. “She just said shit on television. And if that isn’t awful enough, she looks ridiculous. She’s only got lashes on one eye.”

  “It’s not my bad,” I said. “I swear. She rubbed her eyes! Everyone knows you don’t rub your eyes when you’ve got lashes glued on!”

  “I wouldn’t worry about it,” Ranger said. “No one looks at her eyes.”

  Five minutes later, Brenda stormed into the room. “That was so hideous,” she said, teeth clenched. “My eyelash fell off. Did you see it? I thought it was a spider.” She looked around the room, finally finding me. “You!” she said, pointing her finger. “This is all your fault. You’re the one who glued the eyelash. You said you knew what you were doing, but obviously that was a lie.”

  “You rubbed your eye. The eyelash would have been fine if you hadn’t rubbed your eye.”

  “I’m leaving now,” Brenda said, head high. “And I don’t want this horrible liar in my car. Does everybody understand that?”

  “She’s part of your security detail, and she’s going in your car,” Ranger said.

  “Then I’m not going.”

  “No problem,” I said. “I’ll ride in one of the other cars, and we’ll sort this out later.” Hallelujah! With any luck, I’d get fired.

  RANGER’S MEN STAYED with the cars at the hotel’s side entrance. Ranger, Nancy, and Brenda had taken the elevator to Brenda’s floor. And I was waiting in the lobby. Ranger’s orders. Hard to tell what would happen next, but I suspected I wouldn’t be seeing the concert.

  I saw the stalker coming at me from across the room. He was smiling and waving like we were old friends.

  “Hi,” he said. “Remember me?”

  “Of course, I remember you. You’re the stalker.”

  “I just wanted to tell you everything seems to be okay, cosmically speaking.”

  “Good to know.”

  “I saw Brenda on television this morning. She did fabulous. And the eyelash bit was funny. Tell her I liked the eyelash bit.”

  “Okeydokey. I’ll pass it on.”

  The elevator binged, Ranger stepped out, and the stalker scurried away. Ranger crossed over to me, his eyes on the stalker, who was now hiding behind a big potted plant.

  “Is he bothering you?” Ranger asked.

  “No. He’s harmless.”

  “Let me know if that changes. Tank is on hall duty. Nancy is in the suite with Brenda. You’re off the hook for a couple hours, but you need to be back here to get Brenda to her sound check at four. They’ll run through the show, and then Brenda will stay there for makeup and wardrobe. Don’t let her out of your sight. I won’t be able to go to the sound check, so you’re in charge until I get there.”

  “What? You aren’t serious! I was counting on being fired.”

  “Why would I fire you?”

  “The eyelash.”

  “Babe, you’ve gotta do a lot better than that to get fired.”

  “I can’t get Brenda to the sound check. She hates me. She won’t listen to me.”

  “You’ll figure it out,” Ranger said. “I have to go. I’ll see you tonight.”

  I blew out a sigh and hiked to my car. Easy to find it these days with Zook written in Day-Glo paint all over it. I drove to the office and parked at the curb.

  Lula was on the phone when I walked into the office. “What do you think about having fireworks go off after the ceremony?” she asked me. “It’s part of the package if you have the reception at the VFW hall. They ring the church bells, and then they shoot off fireworks.”

  “I guess that could be fun,” I said.

  “Yeah, we’ll consider the fireworks,” Lula said into the phone. “And maybe while the fireworks are going off, you could serve some of them pigs in a blanket. I love them little things.” She listened for another minute and disconnected. “That went real good,” she said. “They had a cancellation on a baby shower, and I was able to sneak in.”

  “Isn’t all this going to come to a lot of money?” I asked her. “The gown, the cake, the flowers, the hall, the pigs in a blanket, the fireworks?”

  “A wedding is priceless. A girl only gets married once.”

  “Not the girls in this room,” Connie said. “Have you thought about a prenup?”

  Lula’s eyes widened. “A prenup? You think I need one?”

  “He could end up getting your Firebird.”

  “No way! Not my Firebird.”

  “And what about your house?”

  “I just rent an apartment. I own the couch, though. He better not try to take my couch or my TV.”

  “You need a lawyer,” Connie said.

  Lula took a pad out of her purse. “I’ll put it on my list. Now that I’m getting married, I’m more detail-oriented. I’m keeping track of things in my pad.”

  “How’s the Brenda job going?” Connie asked. “What’s she like?”

  “She’s just like she is on television, but she’s prettier on television. I need someone to help me get her to a sound check at four. Any takers?”

  “Is there money in it?” Lula asked.

  “Yeah. You’ll be on Ranger’s payroll.”

  “I never been on Ranger’s payroll before,” Lula said. “I’ll do it.”

  “If you represent Ranger, you have to be dressed in black. I’ll meet you in the hotel lobby at three-thirty.”

  “That don’t hardly give me any time,” Lula said. “I gotta get home to my apartment and change my makeup if I’m wearing black. And then I got wardrobe decisions to make.”

  “You have hours.”

  “Yeah, but this here’s important. I’m gonna be mingling with all them entertainment people. This could be my big break. I could get discovered.”

  Lula left, but I stayed at the office and did some phone work on a couple skips. At three-fifteen, I swiped on some mascara and lipgloss and headed out. At three-thirty, I was in the lobby, waiting for Lula. I didn’t see Brenda’s stalker, but I knew he was somewhere nearby.

  Lula barreled into the lobby through the front door and motored across the floor. She was in black heels and black stockings and a short, totally sequined, tight black skirt. Her boobs were overflowing out of a black satin bustier, and she had it all topped off with a black satin tuxedo jacket. Her hair was Budweiser red. I suspected she was also wearing a Glock at the small of her back, under the jacket.

  “Hey, girlfriend,” she said. “Let’s rock and roll.”

  “Brenda might not be too happy to see me,” I said to Lula in the elevator. “She had a makeup malfunction on television, and at first glance, it might have seemed to be my fault.”

  “Are you talking about the eyelash fiasco? Connie and me almost wet our pants.”

  The elevator doors opened at Brenda’s floor, and I looked out at Tank, standing halfway down the hall in front of the suite.

  “It’s my sweetie!” Lula shrieked, taking off at a run on the stiletto heels.

  Tank froze, deer in the headlights. Except with Tank, it was more like rhino in the headlights. Lula grabbed Tank and gave him a kiss, and Tank broke out in a sweat.

  “Ranger bailed on the sound check,” I told Tank, “so I brought Lula to help out.”

  Tank almost smiled. He knew Ranger would ha
ve a seizure at the thought of Lula working for him.

  “I’m all dressed in Rangeman colors,” Lula said to Tank.

  “Yeah,” Tank said. “You look fine.”

  “And I’ve been working on our wedding all day,” Lula told him. “I’ve got all the details worked out, so you don’t have to worry about anything. I know you want the whole big deal with the fireworks and me in a veil and a gown with a big long train and all, so I’ve got it all goin’ on. And all you gotta do is go for a fitting for your tuxedo.”

  The sweat was dripping off Tank’s chin onto his T-shirt. “Tuxedo?” he said. “Fireworks?”

  “And lots of pigs in a blanket. You like pigs in a blanket, right?”

  “Yeah,” Tank said.

  “Then it’s all settled,” Lula told him.

  “I got it covered here,” I said to Tank. “Maybe you want to take a break.”

  Tank nodded but didn’t move.

  “You aren’t going to faint again, are you?” I asked him.

  “Tank don’t faint,” Lula said. “Look at how big he is. He got a circulation system like a steam engine.”

  I knocked on Brenda’s door and Nancy answered.

  “Uh-oh,” she said when she saw me.

  “Ranger is busy,” I told her. “Lula and I are here to take Brenda to the sound check.”

  Nancy looked at Lula and gasped.

  “Who’s there?” Brenda called from the bedroom. “Is it Mr. Hard Ass?”

  I pushed my way into the suite. “Mr. Hard Ass is busy. It’s the eyelash expert and her sidekick, Lula. The cars are downstairs, waiting.”

  Brenda power-walked out of the bedroom. “I am not going with you. You destroyed my good reputation. I have an image to uphold. I was a beauty queen. I was America’s Sweetheart. I’ve gone platinum.”

  “And I was a ’ho,” Lula said. “What’s that got to do with the price of beans?”

  Brenda’s eyebrows raised up an inch. “Were you really a ’ho? I’ve never met a real ’ho before.”

  “Probably you did,” Lula said. “There’s lots of ’hos out there, but we look just like regular people.”

  Brenda and I stared at Lula for a couple beats. Lula didn’t nearly look like a regular person.

  “So let’s get a move on,” Lula said. “I don’t want to miss nothing on this sound check.”

  We moved out of the room, into the hall, and hustled into the elevator. We dropped to the lobby, started across the floor, and Brenda spotted the stalker.

  “There’s Gary,” she said. “He’s not supposed to be here. I had a restraining order put on him. He should be home with his mother. Ever since he got hit by that lightning, he hasn’t been right.”

  “You know him?”

  “He’s my cousin. Before the lightning hit him, he had brown hair. Can you imagine that?”

  “He said I had a red aura,” Lula said.

  “You go on home,” Brenda yelled across the room to Gary. “I’ll get the police after you if I see you again.”

  “Watch out for the pizza,” Gary yelled back.

  We climbed into one of the black SUVs and my cell phone rang.

  “Where are you?” Zook asked.

  “I’m in a car,” I said. “Where are you?”

  “I’m at school, waiting for someone to pick me up.”

  “Your mother got bonded out this morning. She was supposed to pick you up.”

  “She isn’t here.”

  “Okay, stay right there, and I’ll get back to you.”

  I dialed Dom.

  “What?” Dom said.

  “I’m looking for Loretta.”

  “She went to get the kid.”

  “He just called me. He’s on the street, waiting.”

  “She left an hour ago,” he said. “Maybe she went to the store or something.”

  I couldn’t see Loretta doing that. She would have been anxious to see her son. She would have gone to the store after she picked him up.

  “Oh shit!” Dom said, panic-voiced. “I gotta go.” And he hung up.

  I redialed. No answer. I called Morelli.

  “Something’s not right,” I said to him. “I can’t locate Loretta.”

  “Do you think she skipped again?”

  “I don’t know what I think, but I have a bad feeling in my stomach. I got a call from Zook. She never picked him up. I called Dom, and he said she left an hour ago. Someone has to get Zook.”

  “Dom?”

  “He hung up on me, and I can’t get him back.”

  “Then I guess you have to get Zook.”

  “I can’t get Zook. I’m working. You have to get him.”

  “I can’t get him. I’m in the middle of something.”

  “What?”

  “Baseball. You know I play ball with the guys every Thursday.”

  I rolled my eyes so severely I almost fell off my seat. “Please help me out here,” I said. “He’s your . . . cousin.”

  “Okay,” Morelli said. “But only because you said please.”

  The SUVs wound their way into the arena back lot, and we off-loaded at the door. The lot held the semis that haul the staging and sound equipment, two band buses, a bunch of cop cars, and a SAT TV truck.

  “This is just about the most exciting thing I’ve ever done,” Lula said. “This is better than when Grandma Mazur burned the funeral home down. There were TV trucks from all over the place covering that.”

  A woman who looked like a Nancy clone led us through the maze of cinderblock corridors to the area set aside for costume changes and makeup. Twenty to thirty people milled around a couple tables of catered food. Electrical cables snaked along the floor, and the whole deal felt like the circus was in town.

  Brenda’s arrival prompted a flurry of activity. The stage manager, the bandleader, the makeup wrangler, the hairdresser, and the wardrobe specialist clustered around her. I followed Ranger’s instructions and kept Brenda in sight, but I did it from a distance. Brenda was suddenly the consummate professional. She answered questions, she made decisions, she followed instructions. People drifted away from the food to do their jobs, and Lula, Nancy, and I waited backstage while everyone walked through the show.

  “This here’s what I should be doing,” Lula said. “I always wanted to be a supermodel, but now I see I should be a singer. I’ve been doing gigs with Sally Sweet, but it don’t showcase my talent. I need to be out there on that stage with a whole bunch of half-naked men dancing behind me.”

  I gnawed on my lip a little.

  “What?” Lula said.

  “Nothing.”

  “Yessir, there’s something.”

  “You can’t sing.”

  “Yeah, but I look real good, and if the band plays loud enough, it don’t matter. I think I could be a real star.”

  My phone rang and I stepped into the corridor to talk.

  “I got Zook and I left him with your mother,” Morelli said. “Then I rode around the neighborhood looking for Loretta’s car. I found it three blocks from her mother’s house. No Loretta, but her purse was on the passenger seat and there was blood on the steering wheel and door.”

  I put my hand to the wall to steady myself. “How much blood?”

  “Not a lot. I’m guessing she was wrestled out of the car.”

  “And what about Dom?”

  “Vanished.”

  “Now what?”

  “I have a crime scene guy here, examining the car. And I put out an informal request to look for Loretta and Dom. The mother’s house wasn’t locked, so I’m going back there to snoop around. How’s it going with you?”

  “Could be worse.”

  The sound check lasted an hour. When it was over, the Nancy clone fetched us back to the dressing rooms and Lula, Nancy, and I mooched food while Brenda settled into a director’s chair and the makeup wrangler started working on her. An hour later, the makeup thing was still going on and the hair guy had Brenda’s hair rolled up in curlers the size of s
oup cans.

  “You’re eating a lot of doughnuts,” Lula said to me. “Something bothering you?”

  “I’m worried about Loretta. She’s disappeared.”

  “That was fast.”

  I told Lula about the car.

  “That’s ugly,” Lula said. “I don’t like the way that sounds.”

  My mother’s number popped up on my cell screen. It was my Grandma Mazur.

  “We’re on to the griefer,” Grandma yelled into the phone. “We got him on the run. We’re moving the operation to Morelli’s house, so the griefer can’t track us.”

  “Why would he track you?”

  “Griefers are like that,” Grandma said. “And anyway, we’re driving your mother nuts.”

  NINE

  I HAD ARRANGED for three comped tickets to be left at will call for Morelli, Zook, and Grandma. I thought it would help to take Zook’s mind off his mom. Morelli phoned at seven to tell me they were in the building and so far, no word on Loretta.

  “After the show, I’m bringing Zook back to my house,” Morelli said. “He’s persona non grata with your mother. He spray-painted his name on your mother’s sidewalk and front door, and then your grandmother spray-painted Scorch on everything, including your parents’ ninety-two-year-old neighbor, Mrs. Ciak. They said it was to throw the griefer off.”

  “You need to talk to Zook. He needs a father figure.”

  “I know nothing about being a father.”

  “You’re good with Bob. Just pretend he’s Bob. Remember when Bob ate all your furniture? How did you get Bob to stop?”

  “I didn’t. He still eats the furniture. He has me trained to live with it.”

  “You’re just a big softy,” I said to Morelli.

  “Don’t tell anyone, okay? I don’t want that to get around. I have to go. I can’t let Zook wander away from me. I’m afraid he’ll redecorate the men’s room.”

  Ranger strolled in at ten after seven.

  “Where were you?” I asked him.

  “Meetings with house security and checking the building.” He glanced across the hall to Lula, who was taking pointers from the makeup lady. “I understand I have a new employee.”

  “I needed someone to help persuade Brenda to come with me.”

  “Looks like it worked.”