“Who do we have here?” a man slurred. “I don’t recognize you.”
I didn’t recognize him either, and the way he was leering at me made my skin crawl. He was tall and muscular and old enough to be my dad. I pushed his hand off one arm and when he still held the other firmly in his grasp, I got scared.
“Let go,” I said.
He laughed and let go. “Relax. I don’t bite. Not here anyway.” He laughed and the smell of whiskey permeated the air. “What’s your name?” He licked his lips and put his mouth up to my ear. “Where are all your little friends?”
I backed away from him, but he moved along with me.
“You’re beautiful. I would remember if I’d met you before,” he said.
“Mr. Latham! What’s going on?”
I hadn’t seen Jaxson coming and when he put his arm around my waist, my shoulders relaxed.
“Ah, Jaxson, it feels like you’re everywhere I turn,” Mr. Latham said. “Where’s my stepdaughter?” He motioned to me. “Heather better keep an eye on this one.” His eyes got stuck on my cleavage and Jaxson moved next to him and put his arm around his shoulder, forcing him to walk away.
That was Heather’s stepdad? I shuddered. God, what was he like at home?
“Why don’t I get you some coffee? Did Mrs. Latham come too?” Jaxson asked, leading Mr. Latham to the house.
Jaxson looked at me over his shoulder, concern and fury on his face.
Thank you, I mouthed to him.
He nodded and I went in behind them. Mum was the first one I saw. She and Anne were with another woman—I could tell right away that it was Heather’s mother. She looked like an older sister instead of her mother. She was a stick, tinier even than Heather, and she looked utterly miserable.
I got out of my wet clothes and Jaxson was still in the kitchen when I went back in there.
“You doing okay?” he asked.
“I’m glad you came along when you did,” I said.
“Stay a—” he started.
Miles, Heather, and Derek came into the house then, interrupting whatever it was that Jaxson was trying to tell me.
“There you are,” Miles said. “Are you ready for s’mores?” He held out his hand, and I paused a second before taking it. When I did, he threaded our fingers together and my face grew hot.
All of the sound sucked out of the room, and when I looked up, everyone was staring at us. My mum looked amused, and I couldn’t tell what Jaxson was thinking. He looked like he wanted to hit something, but it was probably still about the whole Mr. Latham thing. I swallowed and turned to Miles.
“Lead the way,” I said, and he smiled his perfect, sweet smile.
25
Present
DD, I don’t need anyone ever again because my dog completes me. He loves me unconditionally, enthusiastically, and with such consuming passion, it’s hard to imagine anyone loving me any more than that. When I enter the room, it’s as if his world is complete—what could be better than that?
I fall in love with Winston. It’s hard not to when he so quickly attaches to me. The day after I get him, he’s still out of it, but by the third day, he’s off of the meds and has more energy. He sits on my feet when I brush my teeth. He doesn’t let me leave his sight, and when I put his food out, he won’t eat unless I sit next to him. It takes him a while to work up his nerve to eat. He’s jumpy around everyone. On day four, he growls when Mum or Dave come to my door.
“Oh dear, maybe the name Grinch was more fitting after all,” Mum says.
I make a face and try to lull Winston out from under the bed, but he won’t come. When she’s gone, he runs straight to me and falls on his back, rolling around on the floor, nuzzling my hands.
“Gah, you have issues, don’t you.” I laugh. “Don’t we all.”
Liesl lets me bring him to work. He sits on my lap or in a little bed under the reception desk while I answer phones, and I guess he’s nervous enough with all of the extra people in the room that he doesn’t make a peep. When I get up to clean, he rushes out of his bed to follow me. Between my cast and him being underfoot, I nearly trip over him all day long.
Jaxson comes to see him every day and that afternoon when I get home from work, he’s there in a suit, talking to Dave outside. When Winston sees him, he growls.
“What’s this?” he asks. “Did he just growl at me?”
“He’s growling at everyone but Mira,” Dave says, laughing. “He’s claimed her.”
I pick the puppy up so Jaxson can pet him, and Winston’s body stiffens and he buries his head in my armpit. Jaxson looks hurt.
“He’ll come around. Right?” I ask.
He smiles but still looks sad. “It is adorable the way he loves you. But I have a bone to pick with those Amish for wrecking him.” He brightens up a little. “He just needs to get used to me. I need to be around you more, that’s all.” He lifts a brow. “How about we take him to Fiesta Island Dog Park? Take dinner with us. If he doesn’t like the water, he can still run around for a while…maybe see if he likes other dogs.”
I hesitate a few moments. I don’t know what I’m doing with Jaxson. My head tells me to run, but my heart begs me to fall headlong into him.
“I just need to go change,” he adds.
“Shame,” I say under my breath. He looks damn good in a suit.
His eyes light up. “Second thought, I’ll leave the suit on the rest of the night,” he says.
I laugh. “Let’s both get changed and I’ll get Winston’s things together. I can be ready soon.”
“I’ll be back in thirty,” he says. “Good to see you, Dave.” He gives Winston’s head another pat and leaves.
Dave smirks at me. “That boy has it bad for you, Mirabelle. Like, he’ll-move-heaven-and-earth-for-you bad. Like, your-wish-is-his-command bad. Like, he-worships-the-ground-you-walk-on bad…”
“Enough!” I laugh, letting Winston down to do his business. “I still don’t know why he’s pursuing me so hard now. And I don’t know what to do about it.”
“My guess is he knows what he’s been missing and doesn’t want to live without you any longer. But if you don’t feel the same, you should tell him so. Better to devastate him now than later.”
I cringe, the weight of his words heavy on my chest as I walk to the door, Winston on my heels. “That’s the kind of stuff he’s spewing…doesn’t want to live without me any longer, blah-blah.” I sigh. “You really think he’s sure of his feelings? I feel certain that he wants my friendship in his life and maybe always will. Time will tell. But our feelings have never aligned at the same time for very long when it comes to romance…especially where he’s concerned.”
“Sometimes it takes longer for guys to get their act together. I wasn’t pulling out all the stops for a girl at Jaxson’s age, that’s for sure.”
“You sure are rooting for him.” I roll my eyes, but I smile at him.
He barks out a laugh.
“And I’m glad you got your act together just in time for my mum. You give me hope that I can have a good guy like you someday.”
He flushes and ducks his head. “You girls are worth it,” he says. We smile at each other for another moment and he motions for me to go. “Your guy will be here before you’re ready if you don’t get after it.”
“Not my guy,” I mutter.
I go inside and try to hustle. I don’t know what to wear; it’s been unusually hot all week. Running out of time, I put on my newest bikini—the green reminding me of Jaxson’s eyes, even as I try NOT to think of them—under a short, cream crochet cover-up and a sandal on my good foot. I gather Winston’s food, treats, and a leash and am walking down the stairs when Jaxson walks inside. I miss the suit, but he still looks too good for comfort.
“Dave told me to co—” He stops in mid-sentence, eyes bugging out of his head when he sees me.
Winston growls, but neither of us pays any attention to him.
“What?” I ask.
�
��That is a great—” he points to my dress, words not coming right away, then finally, “I can see right through it.”
“It’s a cover-up.” I make a face and laugh at him. “You act like you’ve never seen a bikini before. People wear far less than this at the beach.”
“It’s like a holey peek of the bikini, like if I stuck my eyes up to one of the holes, inside would be a kaleidoscope of bikini, which is fascinating,” he says. “I do want to get a better look at that amazing suit and find out what all those straps do, but this way makes me feel like I’m seeing something I’m not supposed to.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
He walks around me. “The back is just as impressive,” he says.
“Knock it off.” I laugh and hand him my things so I can pick up Winston. “You ready?”
“More ready than you can imagine.”
I look at him and he waits, smirking, to see what my comeback will be.
“You’re in a good mood,” is all I say.
“I’m with you. Nothing could be better.” He grins as Winston hops in his car. “And our dog…who doesn’t like me…now that could be better.”
“Should we stop for food?” I ask when we’re almost to Fiesta Island.
He points to the big canvas bag in the back seat. “I hope it’s okay—I stopped at The Taco Stand already.”
“Are you kidding? I haven’t had it in so long. Always okay.” I looked at the bag again. “That’s an awfully big bag. What else are you hiding in there?”
“Surprises for Winston. Towels.” He shrugs.
My eyes narrow on him. “I can’t figure out why you’re going to all this trouble. What do you want?”
“I want you,” he says simply.
My face warms. “And if you had me, what would that look like? We’ve never had a normal dating relationship, not really…I think if we got together, you’d be over it as fast as it began.”
He’s quiet, but I can tell what I’ve said bothers him. We drive around the island and when he finds a place to park, he turns off the car and faces me.
“My feelings for you did not begin overnight and they won’t die overnight. I’m in love with you, Mira. I don’t know how much clearer I can make it. If you don’t want to be with me, I will be devastated, but I hope to at least have my friend back.”
I close my gaping mouth and blink slowly, trying to process what he’s saying.
“I will always regret hurting you,” he whispers, reaching over to move a strand of hair out of my eyes. “Do you see yourself ever being able to forgive me?”
“I can forgive you and still doubt that you really want the things you’re saying,” I say, eyes filling. “You’ve said things that I believed before.”
“Are you willing to let me prove it to you?” he asks.
His eyes bore into me and I nearly let myself sink into them, to sink into him. Something holds me back. I take a deep breath and look down at my clasped hands.
“I think I need us to just be friends,” I tell him.
He leans his head onto the steering wheel. The heat in the car is stifling, while we sit there in suspended silence.
When he lifts his head, his face is red and he doesn’t look at me right away.
“Okay,” he says quietly. He taps the steering wheel again and nods, his shoulders lifting with a deep breath. “Okay,” he says again, more resolute this time.
* * *
Two weeks later, I take Winston to get a haircut and he looks like a brand new dog. I call Jaxson and let him know. We’ve hung out regularly since that day at the dog park. It’s been awkward at times, but we’re getting better. I really think I did the right thing. Now that the topic of being more is off the table, we can concentrate on our friendship again. There are times it’s still hard. My heart still pounds when I see him. I still want to kiss him and get distracted when he comes over from work in his suit. He still stares at my lips a lot and his eyes get hazy at times, making me wonder what he’s thinking. But I did the right thing. I did. It will get easier.
“You should come see him. After work, wanna stop by?”
“Sure. Should I bring tacos?”
“Um, yes!”
Jaxson freaks when he sees Winston. “He’s actually the cutest dog ever,” he says, staring at me. “Who knew he’d be freaking adorable under all that straggly, stained hair?”
“He was adorable then too,” I say, kissing Winston’s cheeks until his eyes flutter closed.
“We should go make the adoption official. If we don’t do it soon, they’ll start hounding us about bringing him to adoption functions.”
I squeeze Winston tighter. “I can’t give him up.” I already feel like I’ve had him forever. He doesn’t leave my side. Even when I’m showering, he’s lying in the corner on a little rug. It might be an unhealthy attachment for both of us, but not one I’m going to trade in. “Over my dead body.”
“Easy there, you sure your major isn’t drama?”
“Very funny.” I make a face at him.
* * *
The following Saturday, Jaxson picks Winston and me up and we make the adoption official. I try to pay, but he won’t let me.
“I’ll let you pay for things after we’re married,” he says, winking.
“Jaxson,” I groan. Every now and then he’ll make jokes like this and it makes it awkward again.
He kisses my cheek and helps me hobble to the car, and for a moment I let it feel like we’re a family.
26
Past
2014
I hate boys. That is all.
Hate. Hate. Hate.
And especially Jaxson.
I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.
Like, hate him, hate him. I hate Jaxson Marshall.
About a week after surfing at Jaxson’s, I finally took my driving test and passed it. I’d flunked it a few times and then lost my nerve to take it again right away, so I was elated when I waved the slip in my hand. Mum was as excited as I was, if not more. She’d been teasing me that I’d be seventeen before I got it, at this rate. I’d been worried she was right.
“Let’s celebrate,” she said.
There was a line going out the door at The Taco Stand.
“Do you still want this?” she asked.
“Of course.” I could eat there every day and not get sick of it.
As we got out of the car, I heard something and looked over at the same moment Jaxson lifted Heather up, hands on her backside, her legs around his waist, kissing her the exact way he’d kissed me.
I put my hand to my mouth and Mum turned to see what I was looking at and gasped. They were oblivious, groping each other as if no one else existed. When he opened the door of his car and bent down, leaning over her across the back seat, Mum grabbed my arm and we practically ran back to our car.
My eyes blurred with tears and I shook all over.
“I’m so sorry, honey,” Mum said again and again. “So sorry.”
Finally, I dried my face. “I told you he has a girlfriend.”
“Yes, you did, and the fact that he kissed you while having a girlfriend is reprehensible.”
She hadn’t minded so much before, knowing he’d kissed me. I hadn’t minded enough either. But for Mum, the fact that he’d kissed me and hadn’t changed his status with Heather was another story.
“I can’t believe he didn’t break up with her after realizing his feelings for you! Boys that age are all about sex, Mirabelle. It’s good you’re not with him right now when he can’t think with anything but his willy.”
“I’m not going to be with him ever!” I gasped. “He was going to have sex with her in the parking lot!”
“No, surely he wasn’t!”
I glared at her. “You saw them. They were about to have sex. You just got done saying boys are all about sex.”
“Well, I’d hope he’d have more sense than that. I don’t doubt that they are having sex, just not…oh, Anne is going to die of m
ortification.”
“You can’t tell her,” I yelled. “And if you say sex one more time, I’m going to die of mortification.”
“I have to tell her. I’d want to know if she saw you doing something like that.”
“Please, Mum. You can’t. Jaxson will be so mad.”
She patted my hand. “No, he won’t, and if he is, he’s not the person we thought he was, is he?”
* * *
I went to school on pins and needles and didn’t see Jaxson right away. When I did, he waved and said hello…acted normal. I felt like hitting him, but I managed to wave back.
It was the next day that things turned on me. I got to school and Jaxson was waiting for me at my locker.
“You and your mum saw me with Heather?” he asked.
I couldn’t tell if he was more angry or embarrassed. Feeling feverish, I actually didn’t know which emotion I felt the most either. Definitely both.
“I tried to tell her not to say anything,” I told him. “I’m sorry.”
He dragged his hands through his hair and looked worried. “You met Heather’s stepdad. This is not good,” he said.
My brows creased together. “Why? What will he do?”
Just then, Heather came down the hall with a splotchy face. I had the thought that it wasn’t fair that she could still look so beautiful even after obviously crying for a long time. When she saw Jaxson talking to me, she looked livid.
“Hey,” Jaxson said, putting his arm around her.
She flung it off and got in my face. “You want to ruin my life?”
I immediately shook my head while she was still talking.
“Well, that’s what you’ve done.” She looked up at Jaxson and tears ran down her face. “My mom and Chase said I can’t go to Homecoming with you now. It’s three weeks away! I can’t go anywhere with you. We have to break up.”
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