by Soraya Lane
“You know, this is kind of like the cabin,” Lisa said, stretching out beside Matt and pulling the sheet with her.
Matt promptly pulled it down again, hand claiming her skin, skimming past her breast and making her smile.
“If you squint your eyes to blur out the fact that this place is actually a whole lot nicer.”
“I mean just the lying in bed part. No house to worry about, no commitments, just you and me. And it feels naughty for some reason.”
Lisa tickled his nipple and received a slap on the hand in response.
“It does feel kind of naughty,” Matt agreed. “We need to do this more often.”
Lisa stretched out again, this time not caring about the sheet slipping down. It was stupid to be modest about her body with Matt, she knew that, and the hungry look in his eyes the night before and when they’d woken up this morning told her that he liked what he saw. For some reason, though, she felt shy in the light of day; the alcohol had helped take the edge off the night before.
“You ready to go to the market soon?”
“Do I look ready?” he asked, sitting up and leaning against the headboard.
“In a woodsman kind of way, all mussed up and unshaven,” Lisa said, pulling up beside him and brushing a kiss against his jaw before reluctantly getting up. “I’m jumping in the shower. We can grab breakfast at the market.”
Matt lay back down, flashing her a grin just as she turned. She envied him getting some extra bed time, but then again she wanted to wash her hair. She’d spent long enough hiding in bed at home—this trip was about moving forward and changing all that.
Lisa got in the shower, running through her usual routine as fast as she could. She wrapped herself in a big towel and wiped the mirror clear when she got out, pinning her hair up and rubbing on moisturizer over her body. Then she went back out into the room to catch Matt rising, still naked as he stretched. He kissed her on his way past before disappearing into the bathroom. She dressed while he was in the shower, staring at her cases full of clothes for what seemed like forever before finally pulling out a pretty long dress that had been part of her last summer collection. It had a bright orange piece of contrasting fabric under the bust, and she dug around in her jewelry bag until she found a cute orange bracelet that she’d made by hand when the collection came out. She slipped it over her wrist, found some equally cute sandals and then joined Matt in the bathroom to put on her make-up and dry her hair. Today felt different, in a good way. She felt so much closer to him now than she had in a long while.
“You look good,” Matt said, rubbing his hair with a towel.
“I hate how easy it is for you to look so good.” She applied her foundation with a brush and watched him in the mirror. He looked so damn amazing naked. His skin was golden, arms thickly muscled from all the heavy work he did on the building sites. His shoulders were just as good, and she had to resist the urge to turn and run her fingers over them.
Lisa went back to applying her make-up and Matt walked out with his towel slung low. She quickly dried her hair, putting her head down and blasting it with heat. She was lucky it was long and easy to do—all she had to do now was run her fingers through it with a little product in and it would be done.
“Ready?” she called out as she walked back into the bedroom space.
Matt slipped on a t-shirt, taking his phone from his ear and pushing it into his pocket. “Ready.”
She reached for her purse and dropped her lip gloss into it. “Who were you talking to?”
“Kelly.”
Lisa glanced up. “Is Blue okay?” She missed their dog so bad, wished they’d just bundled him up and brought him along, although she wasn’t so sure they’d have been able to sneak him into their accommodation that easily given the size of his body, not to mention his bark.
“Blue’s fine. Still having a blast with the girls.”
She blew out a breath. “Phew. Bet he’s snuggling up on their beds with them and driving Kelly crazy.”
“She was just checking in,” Matt said with a shrug. “Maybe she doesn’t trust us to behave.”
Lisa rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah, us and our rock star lifestyle.”
“Come on, baby, let’s go get into some trouble. Give your sister something to worry about.”
She swung hands with Matt as he reached for the car keys.
“How about we have brekky first, then go get into trouble.”
They both laughed as they walked out the door.
“Want me to take a pic of you or are you doing selfies?” he asked as he locked up.
Lisa thought for a second. “You take it. But wait till we get to the market. You can snap me looking through some stalls or something.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
It took them just minutes by car to find the farmers’ market, and Lisa forgot about everything when she stepped out and saw all the people already milling about, smelled the fresh coffee and food in the air, and felt the sunshine beating down on her bare shoulders.
Lisa waited for Matt and they walked together, side by side, until they reached the first stand.
“We need more bags,” Lisa said, throwing Matt a smile and receiving a “here we go again” look in reply.
“We’re not carting around a bunch of organic fruit,” he said firmly. “Or anything else.”
She completely ignored him and smiled at the man behind the stand as she looked at the berries on offer. What she needed was to keep busy, and if that meant buying crazy amounts of fresh fruit, then she was just going to have to go with it. “We’ll take these strawberries.”
Matt made a moaning noise but she flapped her hand at him without looking. “I could get more,” she cautioned.
“I’m going to get us coffee,” he announced.
“Matt! You’re just disappearing because you don’t want to be my packhorse!”
“Exactly! The more you have to carry yourself, the less you’ll buy!”
Matt headed off in search of coffee, casting one last glance over his shoulder to see Lisa with her head bent low looking at something else. She was infuriating and gorgeous at the same time, but he liked that. He liked when she was sparky and made him react, because that was what she’d always done. When she wasn’t keeping him on his toes, that’s when he started to worry.
He found a coffee stall and stepped up to the counter past others waiting for their coffee to be made.
“Two lattes, please,” he said.
“About ten minutes,” the man replied.
He paid his money and gave his name, then had a look around. It took him only a few minutes to spot someone selling French pastries. Matt scanned what was on display, smiling when he saw what he wanted.
“Can I help you?”
“Pain au chocolat,” he said. “I know I’m not saying it right, but it’s my wife’s favorite.”
“What the wife likes, we buy, eh?”
Matt laughed. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
“One or two?”
“I may as well have one, too,” he said, his stomach rumbling in response. It had been a long time since dinner, and after the workout they’d had this morning and the night before . . . A smile pushed his mouth up and he thought about exactly what they’d been doing. It had sure been a nice way to start their vacation.
“Are you sneaking pain au chocolat without me?”
A hand on his side made him turn.
“For you, baby, always for you.”
“Beautiful couple! My wife and I were just like you.” The old Frenchman smiled at them, nodding his head.
Matt turned and stole a quick kiss from his wife before collecting the paper bags and passing one to Lisa. He was liking the fact that she hadn’t turned away from him lately after pushing him away for so long.
“You’re so sweet,” Lisa cooed at the man. “Any chance you could point me in the direction of anyone selling fabric or clothes?”
He pointed out the way and Ma
tt thanked him, taking Lisa’s hand to drag her away before she talked the man’s ear off for the rest of the day.
“Let me collect the coffee and then we can go trawling,” he said, rolling his eyes just to get a reaction out of her.
“Let’s sit a bit. I’m starving.”
Matt heard his name called and retrieved his coffee, then followed Lisa over to a tree that had children playing on one side while their parents picnicked.
“Here.” He dropped down and held out his hands, drawing her with him and tucking her against his body as he leaned against the thick tree trunk.
He watched as she nibbled at the pastry. “Good?”
“Amazing. Can I have yours too?”
Matt grunted. “Let me take a pic of you sitting there looking all cute. Then you can steal mine.”
“With pastry crumbs on my lip gloss?”
“Yeah. It’s real and you look gorgeous.”
Lisa shrugged. “Go for it then.”
Matt brushed his jeans off when he stood, pulling out his phone and taking a few shots of her.
“Do you want a photo together?”
Matt hadn’t even realized anyone was approaching. He saw straight away that it was the kids’ dad, who’d nodded at him earlier when they’d sat down.
“Yeah, that’d be great.” Matt passed him the phone. “Thanks.” They could have just tried for a selfie, and he wasn’t one to volunteer to have his photo taken usually, but he wanted some memories of this trip so Lisa could stick them on the fridge with all their other pics.
“Come here,” he said, dropping down beside her again and slinging an arm around her shoulders. Lisa looked up at him and smiled, staring into his eyes before they both turned to the stranger holding Matt’s phone.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” The guy laughed. “And I was kinda hoping you might be able to do the same for us if we can wrangle our kids.”
Matt slipped his phone into his pocket and held out his hand. “They say never to work with children or animals, but I’ll give it a go. Lisa, come help.”
Lisa gave him a puzzled look. “What are we doing?”
“Reciprocating. You can get the kids looking at us, I’ll take the photos. These guys want a family shot.”
“Oh, hey!” Lisa said when a little boy and girl came whizzing toward them, only just stopping before they crashed straight into their legs.
“Sorry! Just a sec.”
Their dad was trying to catch them and their mom looked embarrassed. Matt knew it was crazy, especially when the kids were clearly acting out, but it only reminded him of what he’d wanted with Lisa. What they’d lost. Anger swelled inside him, made his skin hot, but he forced it down just like he always did. Him losing the plot wasn’t going to help anyone, least of all himself. He thought of what she’d been through and what made her so damn angry and sad all the time.
“Quick kids, come on!” the mom called out, sitting down by the tree and beckoning them over.
Matt glanced at Lisa, saw she was watching the children as they raced into their mom’s arms and almost knocked her back against the tree. The dad sat down, they all looked up, and Matt quickly took a few shots before they were off again. He knew it was hard for Lisa, hated that seeing a happy family might knock her back when they’d been having fun together all morning.
“You’ve sure got your hands full there,” he said.
“Tell me about it,” the dad moaned. “Thanks,” he said when Matt passed him his phone back.
The woman was pretty, her hair tied back in a ponytail. She smiled broadly and held out her hand to Lisa.
“I’m Kate,” she said. “It means a lot to us to actually have a family shot. It’s usually only one of us with the kids.”
Lisa introduced herself and then gestured to her husband. “And this is Matt.”
“Pete,” the man said.
They all shook hands.
“So do you two have any kids?” Kate asked. “Or is that a stupid question given that you’re here at lunchtime, just the two of you?”
Matt hesitated, wasn’t sure what to say. He knew Lisa hated people looking at her and thinking she didn’t want a family, that she had no interest in being a mom. He doubted anyone actually thought that, but it was one of the few things she’d been sensitive about since they’d gone through all the IVF treatments. And now she was being questioned after losing her baby. He was ready to jump in but she answered.
“We would love a family one day,” Lisa said in a deeper voice than usual that told him how hard it was for her saying the words. “We’ve tried so hard, but it just hasn’t happened for us.”
The other woman reached for Lisa, placed her hand over hers. “We tried for years before these two came along, had a miscarriage in between, too. It’s so painful at the time, but it’s worth the heartache when it finally happens.”
“We lost a little one too, at around four months.”
Matt saw tears in Lisa’s eyes as she spoke and wished he could take her pain, but the truth was he felt it, too. It wasn’t like he’d ever talked about it with the guys, got it off his chest, but there wasn’t a day that went by when he didn’t look at their little black and white ultrasound photo. Not a day when he didn’t think about the boy they’d lost, what he would have looked like, talked like, cried like, smelt like. Hell, it woke him in the night thinking of the decision they’d made, the fact that he’d told his wife to do it, chosen her so easily over their unborn child. Matt swallowed, hard. He’d never said the words to her, never been able to get it out. Instead, he’d buried it, drinking when his thoughts became too dark, drowning his sorrows instead of showing the hurt.
“Your little one’s with God, that’s what we believe,” Kate said, still holding Lisa’s hand.
Matt suddenly didn’t want to be having this conversation with strangers, and he could see that Lisa was treading water. Or maybe she was about to drown. “It was great meeting you guys,” he said, “but my wife stole my breakfast so I need to go grab something else before all the good stuff sells out.”
“Thanks,” Lisa mumbled as he dragged her away.
“No problem.”
“I just . . . I don’t know,” she said, when they were out of earshot. “I guess I thought I was okay talking about it to a stranger, that I was ready to admit it. Guess not.”
“Want more to eat?” Matt asked, happy to move on and not discuss their lack of children with anyone else ever again.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Tomorrow they were heading for Napa, and he hoped that the surprise he’d planned took them back to a happy place, before cancer and terminations and IVF. And then maybe he could bring up the whole adoption thing again. If he could just make her see how many babies there were out there that she could love, give her what she wanted, he was convinced it would make everything okay.
15.
Matt wound the window down and pushed his elbow out to rest it on the door frame. He drummed his fingers across the car to the beat of the music.
“How much longer do we have to go?” Lisa asked.
He smiled over at her. “Sick of being stuck in a small place with me already?”
She smiled back over at him and he hoped it meant no. She was clearly trying to be upbeat, but it was obvious the encounter in the market had knocked her.
“Maybe another twenty minutes. It’s not far,” he told her. He couldn’t wait to get to Napa Valley; she might not like surprises but he was sure she was going to love this.
The rest of the drive passed quickly and soon they were there, rows of grapes growing in picturesque vines welcoming them to the valley. Matt rolled his shoulders back, pleased the drive hadn’t taken long. They’d talked about coming back for some time, and it felt good seeing the place again. It brought back memories of good times, and he was hoping like hell it would help Lisa, especially since she’d been so quiet since the market. She hadn’t even wanted to go to the drive-
in after being so excited about it the day before.
Matt pulled off the road, taking the turn that he knew Lisa would recognize.
“Matt, this is where we got married,” she blurted loudly.
“Oh, yeah. So it is.” He knew his mock innocence wasn’t fooling her when she spun in her seat to stare at him, grabbing his arm.
“Are we staying there?” she asked, her tone uncertain.
“Yeah, actually, we are,” he said, taking a hand off the wheel to reach for her. “Happy?”
“But, isn’t it too expensive or, I mean . . .” her voice trailed off and he saw she was staring out the window now.
“It’s not too expensive and we are staying,” he told her, finishing her sentence for her. “I booked it as soon as you said yes to the road trip.”
“Matt, we can’t.”
He wasn’t sure why she was so hesitant, whether it was actually just the money or something else. “Don’t go shooting down the one seriously romantic thing I’ve done for you in a decade.”
He listened to her sigh. “I’m sorry—it’s just I wasn’t expecting it. It’s brought back a lot of memories.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” he asked. He wasn’t sure what she wanted these days, what she meant half the time. He’d expected her to be over the moon that they were staying in the same place.
Lisa finally took his hand and squeezed it. “I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.”
“When I told you Napa was going to be amazing, I meant it. We can pretend we’re honeymooners again.”
Lisa nodded but he was left with an uneasy feeling. If he hadn’t done the right thing now, he doubted he’d ever be able to.
“Thanks, Matt. I’m sorry I wasn’t more excited.”
“You’re worth it,” he said. “Every damn thing I do for you is worth it.” The huskiness of his tone, the gruffness of his words, surprised him. But he was speaking the truth. He might not know how to show it sometimes, but he loved Lisa, and all he wanted was to make her happy.