I was conscious of the dangers of bulimia, which makes it even worse that I continued doing it after I vomited blood one day. I still remember the metallic taste in my mouth, and how I spent twenty minutes brushing my teeth afterwards. But I didn’t stop doing it.
Honestly, I’m not sure that I ever would have stopped had it not been for the summer I flew to New Hampshire, to spend time with my mom. When I stepped off that plane, her face fell and I knew immediately that she knew something was wrong. We never really talked about it in depth, but I spent that summer seeing my cousins every day, swimming all hours of the day, and eating all of my mom’s cooking. I gained healthy weight, and returned to Colorado with color in my face and a body I wasn’t ashamed of. A month later, I met the person who has remained my best friend for sixteen years, and never fell back to my old habits.
The reader doesn’t get to see Trista heal from her bulimia, but that’s because I feel like healing from something like an eating disorder is very personal. I didn’t believe that her overcoming her bulimia was the root of her issue—it was overcoming her sadness, ultimately, that was the most important, because her sadness was what triggered everything else.
I didn’t do traditional therapy for my bulimia as a teen, and I never stepped inside of a hospital to get help. That doesn’t make my treatment any less effective; it just makes it different. I don’t want to send the message that recovering from bulimia nervosa is easy or even simple. It’s been sixteen years and I still struggle with the urge to vomit when my emotions become too much, or when I’ve eaten until I feel full. And while I haven’t purged in many years, I know now that I’m never alone, even if I think I am.
I hope that if you ever feel that kind of loneliness, or that kind of hurt, that you seek help. There are people who can help you recover. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out. You’re not alone.
In the United States:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
(24/7)
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)
(M-Th, 9:00 a.m. – 9:00 p.m.; F, 9:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m.)
1-800-931-2237
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
International:
Choose your country
http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
Acknowledgments
As always, the first line in my acknowledgements belongs to my kids and husband. Writing takes a toll on me, but it also puts a certain kind of strain on those who rely upon me. I’m thankful for the bunch I have, and all the love and support they give me.
To Sona Babani, my best friend forever. Thanks for driving a million hours just so we can sit on my couch and play games on our phones. I love you. Awna byenna sherma.
Jade Eby, my beebee. You’re a big part of the reason I was able to publish two books this year. I’m so fortunate to have you in my life, to talk about books, cats, and creepy shit together. You’re beautiful and talented, and I wish the whole world would read your words. I can’t wait to support you through your next release.
Karla Sorensen, ass kicker extraordinaire. Thanks for beating me up and being mean. It worked, because I finished. I hardly remember what it was like to write a book without having you encouraging me. Keep being baseballs. I don’t say it enough, but you’re pretty okay. #manifest
Jena Campbell, you’re like a walking, talking, hands-to-its-chin emoji. I love that you’re my cheerleader and that you are so giving and selfless and helpful and amazing and maybe you could just build a basement in your house so I could never leave it. #machete
Whitney Giselle Belisle, thank you for loving tent guy and for encouraging me to write this story. One day I’ll write a kick ass dentist in my book, but I can’t name her Whitney because that might be weird . . . considering we have the same first name. Thank you for encouraging me, and believing in this story. Comma splices forever.
Thank you to Lex Martin, as always, for sending me hysterical messages as you read my stuff. Thank you for being passionate about this story and telling me what I needed to hear. I hope to squeeze the shit out of you one day.
To all the authors who have supported me through the process of writing this book: Ella James, I’m still so stunned by your support and the kind words you said. Thank you for everything. Karen Cimms, thank you for taking the time to give me such helpful feedback. I made a lot of very necessary changes to this book thanks to your input, and the book is a billion times better for it. Kandi Steiner, all of your messages while you read Into the Tomorrows gave me life. You are one of the most positive and genuine people I’ve met in this industry and I’m so lucky to know you. KL Grayson, I just love your face. You’re always so positive and uplifting, and I can’t wait to write with you!
Thank you to Murphy Rae with Indie Solutions by Murphy Rae for giving me a chance. Your edits were thorough and honest, and I’ll work harder on my commas. Thank you to Alexis with Indie Girl Proofs, as always, for being so thorough. I am grateful for your messages as you read, and your complete honesty. To Amanda Marie, with AM to PM Book Services—I’m so thrilled I got to meet you in June, and talk to you about books! Thank you for the proofread, and for being so very lovely. Ginelle Blanch, thanks for making time for me, to pick up on the things I missed. Your dedication is impressive, and your willingness to work with my schedule is much appreciated.
Thank you to Cassie Hanjian, my immensely supportive agent.
To Crystal Crawford, let’s always “act casually” because it’s the best. Let’s drive through another cornfield someday.
To my beta readers: thank you to Briana Pacheco for your email—I loved it so much. I still reread it. You’re amazing. So, so amazing. Thank you, Kristen Johnson, for making time for Tent Guy! Amy Bosica—your emails make me feel like I actually know what I’m doing and you’ve made me cry. Bravo. I’m ever so grateful for you three.
To the readers who have become friends, thank you all for being there for me, giving me your thoughts on my covers, your honest opinions about my writing, and making me laugh when I needed it. Christina Harris, Tiffany Elain, Tina Lynne, Kimberly Dodd—you’re my people.
Thank you to Tribe for all the support you give me. xo
Mary Ruth, thank you for all the beautiful teasers you make for me. You’re an artist.
Cynthia Aponte and Samantha “SamPA” Hanson, you two make me laugh every single day. I’m lucky to know you both—so, so lucky. I’m so glad we formed our little group chat.
Thank you Talon Smith, for being like an adult Sour Patch Kid—first you’re sour and then you’re sweet. But for serious, one of the most important things to me is trust, and you’ve proven yourself to be trustworthy. When I meet you, I’m gonna make it rain M&Ms and seatbelts.
Thank you to my Barbetti Babes—I love each one of you so freaking much. If I could, I’d buy all of you tacos. Thank you for traveling far and wide to meet me at signings, and for giving me all the feels.
To Debbie Snyder for margaritas and movies and being an ear when I need it. You’re an honorary aunt to my kids, and they’re so lucky to have their favorite Kevin.
To J.R. Rogue for writing the custom poem used in my epigraph, thank you for sharing your art. I love the way you arrange words.
I have one million bloggers to thank, for going out of their way to pimp my books AND me! I value your support and your time, so I thank you for all the times you shared my books with your followers. I know many of you also gifted copies of my books to your friends and/or hosted sponsored giveaways for my books. I truly thank each of you from the bottom of my heart. Here’s a short list of the MANY who support me.
Samantha and Dusty from Reviews by Reds
Ali, Tiffany, Debbie, and Leah with Black Heart Reviews
Tina with Typical Distractions
Sanzana from Urban Book Hangover
Natasha
from Book Baristas
Mary Ruth with The Reading Ruth
Kristen with Literary Misfit
Talon with Under the Cover Blog
Zoe from Literary Lust
Shannon with The Sisterhood of the Traveling Book Boyfriends
Deniz with Books & Tea
Christy with Captain Reads a Lot
Nicole with Nicki’s Book Obsession
Amy with Once Upon a Book Blog
Linda with Second Bite Book Reviews
Wendy with Cheeky Chicks Book Hangover
Natasha with Read Review Repeat
Cynthia, Marci, and Tina with Restless Book Obsession
Erin and Katie with Southern Belle Book Blog
Alexis from Three Girls and a Book Obsession
Belinda and Lily from Hopelessly Devoted to Books
Giselle from Hopeless Book Lovers
Autumn from Paperrdolls
Claire from Claire Fully Reads
Tawnya from One More Chapter
Thank you to all my readers. One of the best things about being an author is the relationships I form with the readers who reach out. I love getting to know you on my Facebook fan page, in my reader group, on Twitter or Instagram and even via email. You rock my world.
Finally, thank you to my Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ, for giving me strength when I am weak.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3
More Books by Whitney Barbetti
Ten Below Zero
Amazon US
Amazon Worldwide
Bleeding Hearts Series
Into the Tomorrows (Book One)
Amazon US
Amazon Worldwide
Back to Yesterday (Book Two)
Amazon US
Amazon Worldwide
COMING SOON
Back to Yesterday Book Three
Spring 2017
He Found Me Series
He Found Me (Book One)
Amazon US
Amazon Worldwide
He Saved Me (Book Two)
Amazon US
Amazon Worldwide
Box Set (Books One & Two)
Amazon US
Amazon Worldwide
About Whitney Barbetti
Whitney Barbetti is a mom to two and a wife to one, living in eastern Idaho where she spends her days writing full time and keeping her boys from destroying her house. She writes character-driven new adult and contemporary adult romances that are heavy on the emotional connection. You'll most likely find her curled up with a good book and a giant glass of wine, with Queen playing through her headphones.
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Back to Yesterday (Bleeding Hearts Book 2) Page 22