Not a problem, because I didn't have rehearsal tonight. But tomorrow was a different story. "Yep. I guess I'll see him tomorrow, since all my scenes are with him and all." I hadn't seen him since the party. Five whole days to think about that night and try to decide whether Allie was right that Heath would be completely in love with me by the time I saw him, or whether I would be laughed at the minute I walked into the rehearsal hall. "How should I act? Should I apologize for leaving?"
"No!" Allie stomped her foot on the bin for emphasis. "Remember, he's the one who needs to be unsure right now. Play it cool. Let him take the lead. Let him wonder if you're mad at him. Wear the thong. It'll put you in the right frame of mind."
"I think I need more thongs. I can't keep washing that one all the time." I finished sweeping and leaned the broom against the wall. "And what if he tries to kiss me again?"
"You should kiss him," Allie said. "Not a long one. Just a little one, and then cut him off."
Natalie nodded. "Don't push him away too hard. He needs to see that you're worth the chase." When we all gave Natalie a surprised look at her Allie-type advice, she shrugged. "I've been listening to Allie for so long I know what she's going to say."
"Well, okay, that's great advice, but there's one small problem with that." Or rather, one big problem. "I still don't know how to kiss! That was why I didn't kiss him in the first place. Not because I was putting him on The Ledge."
"Who didn't you kiss?" Colin appeared in the doorway, a big, annoying grin on his face.
Oh, God, I wanted to die right then, right there. Why, oh, why, did he keep walking into our conversations like this? This was completely humiliating.
"Heath Cavendish," Allie announced.
"Allie!" Okay, I was wrong. Now I was completely humiliated.
"Really?" Colin leaned against the doorjamb and folded his arms across his chest, as if he was going to stay and join the conversation. "I can't imagine many girls refuse to kiss Heath. How'd he take it?"
"I don't know," I muttered. "I left."
"You refused to kiss him and then took off?" Colin grinned. "I love it."
I was not getting into this discussion with a boy. "Why are you here? Mom said you weren't coming today."
"Plans changed, so I thought I'd swing by and see if there was anything to do. I could always use the extra cash."
"Well, I'm covering it tonight, so you can leave."
Something flashed in Colin's eyes, then he shrugged. "Fine. I'll see you around, then."
"Wait a sec." Allie jumped off the feed bin and grabbed Colin's arm. "You should stay. We could use your advice."
Was she insane? "No, we can't. He should leave."
"No, no." Allie tugged Colin back into the barn. "Colin, I have a question for you."
I had to feel a little sorry for him. He didn't really look like he wanted to be subject to Allie's interrogation, but he was too nice to reject her. Because he was nice, even if he did have a habit of catching me in embarrassing moments.
"Anyway," Allie continued, "if a guy kissed a girl who'd never kissed before, would he be able to tell?"
Colin narrowed his eyes. "Tell what?"
"That she hadn't kissed before." Allie rolled her eyes in exasperation, while I contemplated pretending to pass out so I would have to be rushed off to the hospital, and therefore spared this incredibly humiliating discussion of my kissing talents.
Granted, I wasn't interested in Colin, but he was a boy. Which meant I didn't want him listening to my kissing failures.
"Oh." Colin glanced at me. "That's why you didn't kiss Heath? Because you were afraid he'd think you weren't good at kissing?"
If only the earth would swallow me up now. "I really don't think we need to be having this conversation." I turned away and began filling feed buckets. "I have work to do. You all should leave."
"And I thought you refused to kiss him because you just didn't want to kiss him," Colin said, with a hint of derision in his tone. "Dumb idea, I guess. As I said, what girl would turn down Heath Cavendish?"
"So he's popular," I snapped at Colin. "What's wrong with that?" Personally, I thought it was kinda cool that he was popular.
Colin shrugged. "Nothing."
"You didn't answer Allie's question," Frances interrupted Colin. "We really want to know."
"Frances!" What was with my friends? Since when had it become their goal to embarrass me so badly? "I don't want to know!"
Colin turned away from me and looked at Frances, the corners of his mouth turned up in amusement. "You mean, would I be able to tell if I kissed a girl who wasn't experienced? You guys really want to know that?"
"Yes," she said.
Natalie nodded her head in agreement. "Yeah, could you tell?"
"No, we don't want to know!" I grabbed Colin's arm and tried to push him out of the barn, only vaguely noticing that the muscles in his arm were pretty big. "Colin, leave. This conversation is killing me."
He deftly stepped out of my path and spun back into the barn, still sporting his amused grin. He turned to Frances. "I might be able to tell that a girl was inexperienced, but if I liked her, that would be cool. I'd rather kiss a girl who hasn't kissed a lot of guys."
"Really?" Allie twirled her hair, no doubt trying to recall the countless boys she'd kissed. Guaranteed she was contemplating feigning ignorance the next time she kissed a boy.
"But if I just wanted some action, I'd probably be more interested in someone who knew what she was doing," Colin added.
Well, thank you, Colin, for muddying the waters.
"So what about a guy like Heath?" Allie asked, rubbing her own lips thoughtfully. "What would he want?"
Colin's tone became a little less friendly. "I'm not Heath. I don't know."
Allie looked at me, still wearing that look that indicated her wheels were turning. "Heath has been around a lot. I bet he's looking for the experienced type."
I threw up my hands. "Oh, great. Now I'm really going to avoid kissing him. Thanks a lot, Allie."
"That can be addressed," she said.
Trepidation slammed my gut. "What can be addressed?" I didn't like the expression on her face, like she was plotting my downfall.
"Your lack of experience," she said.
Somehow I felt this entire discussion was heading in a dangerous direction. "What? Am I supposed to practice kissing on the dog?"
"No." She pointed to Colin. "On him."
"You want me to kiss Colin?" My stomach flopped and my hands instantly broke into a sweat.
"No, let Colin kiss you. Let him teach you how to kiss. Then you can kiss Heath and wow him." Allie grinned. "You have to learn somewhere, right?"
"Oh, yes!" Natalie said.
"Perfect," Frances exclaimed. "Do it!"
"I can't kiss Colin," I gasped, not even daring to look at him.
"But he's cute, and he's nice," Allie said. "Why can't you kiss him?"
"Because...because..." Because having someone teach me how to kiss would be the most embarrassing thing ever. And Colin? Granted, he was moderately cute, but he wasn't my type at all.
No way could I kiss him.
No possible way.
But I'd never admit I was too wimpy to kiss him. That was even more embarrassing. So, instead, I simply said. "I'd never ask Colin to do that."
He looked at me, and for the first time I realized that his eyelashes were really long and thick. "I'll kiss you, Blue."
And I could tell he meant it.
CHAPTER SEVEN
For an instant I wanted to say yes. I wanted to learn how to be an incredible kisser, and Colin was pretty cute. But not so cute that I'd feel any pressure or anything. I mean, he'd already seen me with a thong in my shopping bag and stable-cleaning-clothes. There was nothing I could do to make him think I was cool, and he already knew I didn't know how to kiss. And since I didn't like him, then I wouldn't have to worry about making a fool of myself. Best of all, the next time Heath tried to kiss me, I wouldn't
have to dodge him.
Yes, I definitely wanted to take Colin up on his offer. But how could I? The whole thing was completely embarrassing. "Um, thanks, but no thanks."
He lifted his brow. "All right, then."
"Wait a sec." Allie jumped between us. "You guys can't wimp out. Blue needs to be kissed. And Colin agreed."
"He didn't agree," I said, my knees beginning to tremble. "He was just being polite."
"What guy would turn down the offer to teach you how to kiss?" Allie asked me. "Guys love to kiss girls, and Colin's no exception. Right, Colin?"
He shrugged. "Whatever."
Be still my beating heart. The boy was magical with his words. Complete mystery why he didn't have girls falling over him. Or did he?
Allie grabbed Colin's hand and nodded at Natalie, who grabbed my arm. Then they started dragging us across the barn floor.
"Um...Frances? A little help here?" I implored.
But Frances was up ahead, unlocking a stall door.
Colin was going along with the whole affair, looking completely amused. Of course he'd find it funny. Three freshman girls manhandling him into teaching their friend to kiss in a horse's stall? No doubt he was going to tell all his friends about this hilarious episode next time he saw them. If it weren't my life, I'd be laughing too.
But since it was my life, I was pretty sure I was about to start crying.
Well, not really, but close enough.
Allie pushed Colin into the stall, which I'd just cleaned and loaded with fresh shavings. It smelled like fresh cedar, a scent I'd always found refreshing and soothing.
Except today. Today it just made me feel like vomiting. Especially when Frances shoved me in behind him, then shut the door and slid the lock.
Oh, great. They'd locked us in.
"We'll be back in ten minutes," Natalie called out. "Keep yourselves busy."
The lights over our head went out, and then it was silence.
Us.
Alone.
In the dark.
With kissing on our minds.
Or at least on mine. He was probably trying to figure out how he was going to get the door unlocked from the inside.
"Charlie's out in the paddock?" Colin asked.
"Yes." Obviously. There was no horse in the stall, was there? Okay, so the tension of the moment was making me a wee bit snippy. What else would you expect? "I'm… Um…sorry about this. I really… Um…had no idea…" Oh, my gosh. What if he thought I'd set it up because I wanted to kiss him? "I mean it, Colin; I had nothing do with this. I'd never ask—"
He laid his hand across my mouth. "Shut up."
But he said it so nicely that a trickle of warmth slid through my entire body.
"I know this wasn't your idea," he said.
"Oh."
Silence fell.
What was a girl supposed to say to the boy she was locked up with for the purpose of learning how to kiss?
"So …" he said.
"You don't have to kiss me," I blurted out.
"I don't mind."
My heart started to hammer. "You don't?" I wished I could see his face. Or maybe I didn't. I was freaking out.
"Nope."
"Oh." Well. Now what?
"So do you want me to?" he asked.
"To what?"
"Blue." I could hear the smile in his voice.
"What?"
"Do you want me to kiss you?"
"Um..."
"It's okay to say yes. It's also okay to say no. Whichever you want."
I felt like stomping my foot. "Can't you just decide?"
"You want me to decide whether you want to be kissed?" He sounded amused now.
"Yes. That would be much better." Of course I wanted him to kiss me. At the same time, I was so nervous that I didn't want him to kiss me. Therefore I was completely unable to make a decision.
"Can't do that."
"You can't kiss me?"
"I can't make the decision for you," he said.
"Why not?" God, he was infuriating. Didn't he understand that I could never ask a boy to kiss me?
"My mom."
His mom? We had just been talking about kissing, hadn't we? "What are you talking about?"
"My mom's really into women's lib. And I have six sisters. They'd kill me if I ever kissed a girl who didn't want to kiss me. And trust me, they'd find out."
Oh, great. This was just spectacular. "Well, I can't ask you to kiss me."
"Why?"
"Because it's embarrassing." My eyes were beginning to adjust to the darkness, and I could faintly make out the expression on his face: amused, yet serious. I relaxed a little bit, realizing that he wasn't making fun of me. He looked sort of mysterious in the dark. And anonymous. I felt like I could kiss him and no one else would ever know, and we'd never mention it to each other again. It would be our little secret.
Plus, then I'd learn how to kiss. And he was pretty cute. And he was a senior. And there was no pressure, since I wasn't trying to get him to like me.
So maybe it would be okay.
I took a deep breath. "I want to learn how to kiss. With you. Now."
There. I'd said it. I couldn't say it again. Please don't make me say it again.
But he didn't. He walked over to me and stopped just about six inches from me. At this angle he was really quite tall—probably as tall as Heath.
He smiled. "Relax."
"I'm relaxed." Not. I took a deep breath. "Where do I put my hands?"
"Here." He grasped my wrists and set my hands on his chest, sort of up near his collarbones. "Then you can slide them around my neck if you want."
His chest was solid and warm beneath my hands, and it felt amazing. "Do I want to slide them around your neck?"
He chuckled softly. "Blue, you need to relax. There aren't any rules. Just go with the flow." He laid his hands on either side of my face, like he was cradling it. He was so gentle, and my knees were starting to wobble just a little bit. "How are you doing?" he asked.
"Fine," I whispered.
"Are you going to faint?"
"I don't faint."
"Good." He laughed again, a deep chuckle that made goosebumps rush down my arms. Or maybe the goosebumps were from the feel of his hands on my face, or the warmth of his breath on my cheek, and fact that I was pretty sure that Colin was about to give me my first kiss. "Ready?"
I nodded.
And he leaned toward me.
He was going to kiss me.
"Close your eyes," he whispered.
I closed them.
And then I felt his lips on mine.
It was like sparks were shooting through my body. His lips were so soft and warm. Gentle, yet confident. It felt like we were the only two people in the world. Just me. Just Colin. Just his arms around me. His breath mixing with mine. Everything else disappeared, until he consumed my awareness. All I could smell was the faint scent of his soap, mixed with the cedar chips. All I could feel was the amazing sensation of his lips on mine, of his hands on my face. All I could hear was my heart pounding.
Then he kissed me a little harder, a little deeper, and my stomach started jumping around. Oh, God. This was a real kiss now.
"Kiss me back," he said.
"How?" I had no idea what to do, but I didn't feel embarrassed about it. Somehow, Colin had taken away all my self-consciousness and my worry. I could just be me, and admit how I felt, and ask for help, and it was all going to be okay.
"Just do what feels natural." Then he stopped talking to kiss me again, moving his lips against mine in this sort of unpredictable rhythm that was amazing. So I moved my lips in time with his, opposite of his, sort of experimenting.
Then I felt his hands slip off my face and go around my waist. He spread his hands on my lower back and pulled me against him. Like when I'd been dancing with Heath, I could feel his body against mine, only this time I wasn't scared. I was in heaven. It was amazing.
I decided I wanted my hands
around his neck, so I moved them, my thumbs sort of flicking his hair, which was pretty soft. And then he made this noise, like a really quiet groan, and then I felt his tongue sort of stroking my lips.
I'd always thought that sounded weird, but it was amazing. My whole body was shaking and I wanted to do the same thing back to him.
So I did.
And then he did it again.
And I did it again.
And then we were both doing it.
And it was awesome. I felt all hot and bubbly inside, and my stomach felt like we'd just gone over a tummy tickler in my mom's car.
Then someone knocked on the door of the stall. "We're back."
Colin instantly let go of me and stepped back.
For a moment I wanted to run after him and make him come back and keep kissing me.
But I didn't. I just stood there and tried to catch my breath.
Colin cleared his throat.
The latch on the door slid open, but no one opened the door—no doubt giving us the opportunity to keep going.
Which I really wanted to do.
Was that appalling or what? Had I become Allie, with her obsession with kissing? Or was it just Colin that I wanted to kiss? Because right now, he was all I could think about. His kiss, the way it had felt to have his hands on my hips, the scent of his soap, the way he'd whispered my name in the darkness.
"You did great," Colin said.
"Really?" I got all warm and prickly inside.
"Uh-huh."
"You..." Was it okay to compliment a guy on his kisses? "You're a really good kisser," I mumbled.
A grin curved one corner of his mouth. "How do you know? You don't have anyone to compare me to."
I lifted my chin at the reminder of my lack of experience. "A girl knows these things," I said haughtily.
"One kiss and you're an expert?" He was teasing me, but it was gentle and nice, and I wasn't embarrassed. I knew that he was okay with me, and I was okay with him.
"Not at all," I admitted. "Fine, I take it back. You were a terrible kisser."
"You can't take it back." His grin widened. "It's already out there."
"Well, that's fine. Because I meant it." I met his gaze. "I'm glad you were my fist kiss. It was amazing."
Colin's smile faded, and his face got serious. "Me, too." He glanced toward the door, which had drifted open about an inch. We could hear my friends talking quietly out on the floor, no doubt waiting for an update. "Anytime you want to practice, I'd be happy to help you out."
Putting Boys on the Ledge Page 7