by Nana Malone
Becker shook her head. “Again, that was just for show. Once again, I got the full benefit of his kissing skills. It was like he was auditioning for the role of boyfriend. Like I said, ‘Hey, you have to prove that you can give good kisses.’ And then he delivered a few good enough to make my knees weak.”
Avery bit the tip of her pen. “Now, are you sure these kisses were just for show?”
“Absolutely. He's not into me.”
“You’re kidding yourself. But I’ll let you have that little delusion for now. The real question is how do you feel?”
Becker shifted in her seat as Professor Tanning walked in the door. “What? When he’s kissing me?”
“Sure, let’s start with that.”
Becker opted for the truth. “Like I don’t want him to stop.”
Avery grinned. “And that mini freak-out? What did he do to trigger that?”
“Nothing. I think that was me. One second I was in the moment, like totally getting how all those girls in high school could make out with their boyfriends in plain view. I didn't think about anything except for his lips on mine and how it felt and how awesome it was.”
“But then,” she prompted.
“I think I got into my head too much. One second, we were kissing in the hall. And the next, I was remembering Daniel.”
“What did Gage do?”
“He let me go right away and apologized for going too far.”
Avery nodded sagely.
“What? What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking you maybe had him pegged wrong from the beginning. I’m thinking he might be a decent guy. I’m thinking he’s totally in to you.”
“I’m thinking you’ve got two out of three right.”
Unfortunately for Becker, and fortunately for Avery's love of gossip, Professor Tanning had them doing some independent-study work for their midterm, which gave Avery the opportunity to pepper her with questions throughout the class. But even though Becker expected rapid-fire questions from her best friend, Avery's questions were milder. More about how she felt than about Gage Coulter's kissing technique.
“Ave, I know you think this is awesome, but it’s not. This whole thing is probably a stupid mistake.”
Avery frowned. “Why stupid?”
“Well, for starters I'm supposed to be his tutor. We're not supposed be fraternizing. Pretty sure that's against the rules.”
“But you did say that he wants to keep this whole thing under wraps. He's worried about his image or something, right?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, then, that's perfect. You're pretty much tutoring him under the table.”
Becker couldn't help but sputter out a laugh. When Avery realized what she'd said, she started laughing as well. Several of their classmates turned to stare at them, and Becker fought to turn her attention back to their classwork. When everyone had settled down, she turned her attention to Avery again. “Under-the-table shenanigans or not, it's still against the rules. If anyone finds out, I could be in a lot of trouble.”
Avery pinned her with her serious look—brows drawn down, lips flat. “You and I know full well that if you don't say anything, no one will know. And I, for one, think this is good for you. After everything else, it's nice to see you feeling butterflies over a guy.”
“I do not have the butterflies over a guy. He's exactly the wrong kind of guy.”
“No.” Avery shook her head. “If he's being kind, respectful, and doesn't think that he can just take what he wants, he's exactly the right kind of guy.”
Becker shifted her gaze away, unwilling to look too deeply into the situation. But she knew Avery was right.
Gage Coulter was nothing at all like Daniel Sanchez.
He was nervous. Which was stupid. How many girls had he dated? How many times had he asked someone out on a date? This was no different. He knew how to handle girls. He knew how to handle cute girls.
He was totally okay. In control. Oh yeah? Then why are your hands sweaty? With a groan, Gage wiped his hands on the front of his jeans, then open the doors to Jitters. He found Becker at a table in the corner, with her head bent over a book, taking notes, glasses perched on the end of her nose. She looked cute. Hell, she was a hell of a lot more than cute, but thinking about her any other way meant mental visuals of her wearing a lot less than that cardigan, T-shirt, and jeans. And he couldn't really afford a hard-on at the moment.
She looked up with a smile. “Hey, there you are.” She checked her watch. “You're early. Are you feeling well?” she said, teasingly.
“Ha, ha, very funny.” He dropped his bag, sat next to her, and started pulling out his books. “So, I was thinking,” he hedged. This was so bad. Why couldn't he just do this? He'd once convinced a girl to leave her prom date behind and go home with him. He knew how to talk to girls. But this was hard. Hell, he didn't even know what this was. Had she meant to kiss him the other night? Or did she think someone was watching? He had no idea. This girl was different for some reason, and he had no idea how to navigate this.
He let out a breath he'd been holding. “So, I was thinking that we should go out. You know, like a date.”
She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something. Then he barreled on, cutting her off, so that she couldn’t say no right away. “You know, because we should be seen doing other things, besides studying and making out at a random party. People should actually believe that we're, you know, together. So, I was thinking, like, a date. You know, as a frame of reference that people can use when they say 'hey what did the two of you get up to this weekend?' so we can say we went and did something.”
Damn it. He was sweating. And babbling. Perfect. The look she gave him was one of pure confusion. And then she frowned a little. She was going to say no. Say yes, damn it. Just say yes.
“You know, that might actually be a good idea.” Then she shook her head and gestured vaguely with her hands. “You know, to keep up the appearance.”
He nodded. “Right, the appearance. Because this should probably look more real than study buddies who, you know, kiss at a party. If you want Daniel to think this is real, it should appear deeper than some random hookup.”
Her long lashes stood out as her gaze fluttered to meet his. Damn, she was pretty.
“He thinks I'm some random hookup?”
Gage shook his head. “I don't know what he thinks. I don't care, either. As long as he backs off and does what you want, I couldn't give two shits. But if he's still a pain in the ass, then I think we probably need to establish the cover better.”
Yeah, the cover. He was such a goner. This didn't make any sense; why was he so into this girl? He couldn't even string two words together to ask her out properly. Where was the confident Gage Coulter? Where was that guy right now?
Same guy, different girl. She wasn't his usual type. Lord knew she was smarter than most, and she didn't take any shit. She also didn't give a damn about his money, or his name. Truth be told, he wasn't even sure she liked him most of the time. But he wanted her to.
“Okay.” She gave a small smile.
Something thudded in the vicinity of his chest, but he forced the sensation away. “Great. A date, you know, for the optics.”
She nodded, an odd emotion in her eyes. “Yep, the optics.”
He wasn't sure who was trying to convince whom more.
Eleven
Roller skating. When was the last time Becker had been roller skating? She used to love to roller skate. She remembered going to the skating rink with her mother when she was little, her mother screaming for dear life as she held onto the side rails, but still determined to have fun.
“I can't believe you brought me to a roller rink. This is actually perfect.”
Gage smiled down at her. “I figured we could have some fun. You know, something that doesn't require you to get all nervous and overthink everything. Hence, roller skating. We'll both fall a little, get up, drink soda, eat pizza. Perfect.”
<
br /> She grinned up at him. That was perfect.
After he managed to lease a pair of incredibly uncomfortable skates for her, he helped her to stand. Of course, he was even taller on wheels. “Are you sure you're going be okay on those?” she asked him, as she indicated his roller skates.
Gage laughed. “I'll have you know, that when I was little, I used to do roller derby.”
Becker laughed in response. “Isn't that dangerous?”
He shrugged. “I had to tag along to my brother Fox's practices. Next to the ice rink, they had this little mini roller rink to keep the siblings entertained. And I guess it was less roller derby than a bunch of little boys trying to bash each other's heads in.”
“So, unofficial roller derby?”
“You got it. I think my parents were hoping I'd maybe follow after Fox, so they wouldn't have to arrange to take us to different sets of activities. But it never stuck. He loves the cold. Me, not so much. Why do you think I came to Billings, instead of going to Michigan, or Boston or something? Nope. I couldn't do the snow.”
“Well, I can't blame you. I agree. Mom used to love to ski. Insisted I needed to learn how to snowboard. I just couldn't see the point. Of either activity. Mostly I couldn’t cope with the snow.”
Gage gave her wide grin. “See, something we have in common. And not just for show.”
She knew he was teasing, but she hated him bringing it up. Why couldn't they just pretend for a day? Pretend that this could be real. That some part of Gage could want to be with her. That she could be exactly herself and someone would want her for that. “Yeah, maybe.”
He frowned. “What did I say?”
She shook her head. “Nothing.” She didn't want to get into it. She was determined to have fun. Rolling herself to the edge of the rink, she held on tight before stepping in.
“You don't have to hold on so tight. I'm here. You can lean on me.”
Becker didn't listen. His voice was low and inviting. He even offered a hand, but she didn't dare let go. “Nope. I'm fine here, holding onto the rail.”
“I thought you said you loved roller skating.”
“I do. It just always takes me a while to warm up. Besides, this is how my mother used to roller skate. And she got by just fine doing this.”
Gage laughed. “If she hated it so much, why did she go roller skating?”
Becker met his gaze. “She didn't hate roller skating. She loved it. She was terrified of falling on her ass. It happened once, really badly, and she learned her lesson. She broke her tailbone and everything. Had to run around and sit on a donut for a month.”
Gage chuckled. The low rumble in his chest warmed Becker from the inside out. “Did your dad ever go?”
Becker shook her head. “He was always too busy. Or just not interested.” She shrugged. “It was cool, though. I had my mom. She'd have the two of us get around like this. We'd do it for at least an hour, and then finally, we'd try and give each other a pep talk. About how important it was to challenge our fears. Then one of us had to push off. And by one of us, I mean me. Always me.” She chuckled low.
When she looked up, Gage was giving her a soft smile. “Sounds like an awesome mom.”
Becker smiled at the memories. “She sounds like the kind of mom who chickens out when you to vow to go get tattoos together.”
“You must miss her a lot.”
She sniffled. “More than you know.”
“Well, she must've been great. Her daughter is pretty awesome.”
Becker flushed and looked down at his hand. She wanted to take it. She wanted to believe that this was real. That this could be real. But he said it himself. They were here for optics. To make it look like they were dating. She knew better.
She was his tutor. Yeah, he was helping her out, but at the end of the day, this wasn't real. She honestly should have known better. It was a recipe for disaster. An equation for pain.
“Thanks. She was awesome. But, you don't have to say that.”
“Well, I mean it.” Gage took her hand. But he didn't pull her away from the safety ledge. “Come on. Skate with me.” She wanted to let go. She did. But she remembered that first night she'd seen him. That girl on her knees. Him, more than willing to take what she offered. He is going to hurt you. You're going to hurt yourself, if you let yourself believe.
“Gage, you're sweet. Or you're at least good at putting on the sweet façade. And it's appreciated. But you don't have to do this. You and I both know that this thing is not a real thing. I need your help, you need my help. No need to make it a bigger than it is. Besides, we both know in the real world, someone like you is probably going to go pro, and you’ll have legions of groupies trailing after you. Someone like me, I'll be living my dream in New York. Writing and getting the hell away from my father. But our worlds don't exactly cross.”
And with that, she forced herself to let go of the ledge, and skated off the rink floor. She didn't dare look back at him.
“I don't know what the hell happened. I thought it would be fun. And it was. But then…I dunno. I blew it. This whole fake relationship thing is so fucked up. Because even when I'm doing my best good-guy impression, she thinks this shit isn't real. Like I only asked her out for the sake of the cover.” Chris was the only person he'd told about their fake relationship. Normally, he would have gone to Fox, or maybe even Dax, but that was a can of worms that didn't need opening.
Chris shrugged and tossed his football in the air. “Was that why you asked her out?”
“No.” Gage sighed. “Okay, I might have told her that's why I was asking her out, but honestly, we were having a good time.”
His roommate laughed. “Man, it's like you have zero game at all. Don't you remember the cardinal rule to chicks? They want to feel like they are the one or whatever. Whether or not they actually are. They want to hold on to the fantasy. And if you wanted this girl to really like you, probably not a good idea to bust that fantasy right away by telling her you're only asking her out because it looks good.”
Yeah, so he fucked that up. “Shit, I know. But, I was talking, and I was going ask her out, and I started to worry she was going to say no, so I flubbed the pass. I scrambled and told her that it was good for optics and shit. Some stupid thing.” He groaned. How was it that he was so bad at this? He used to be great at getting girls. But not this one. “What do I do?”
Chris looked at him and laughed, an expression of disbelief on his face. “Man, you're Gage Coulter. If you can't get your shit together around this girl, there's hardly anything I can do to help you. Except, maybe next time, be sincere. Brave the rejection like us normal folks. So what if she said no? You're also forgetting that women can eventually be talked into giving a decent guy a second chance. The more you hang around, the cooler you are, she'll actually start to like you.”
“I just wish I knew what to say to her. It's like one second we can talk about things like our family and stuff, and I feel like I can tell her anything. And then there are these invisible steps that I don't see and trip over. And then there she goes, buttoned up and shut down.”
Chris shrugged. “Then maybe you need to start getting yourself some X-ray vision. Because if you like this girl, you're gonna have to figure out a way to get it right.”
Yeah, tell him something he didn't know.
Twelve
He'd struck out. That date had not turned out at all like he'd hoped. Just when he thought they were getting somewhere…then total bust. It didn't help that he kept thinking about the way Becker kissed him at the party. Both in the hallway and in the pool. The pool had been far more relaxed. And it hadn't been for show. And that thing in the hallway, that was… He didn't know what the hell that was.
It was hot. Yeah, that. But also, he'd never ever completely lost himself like that before. He wanted to do it again. And just like always, when he thought about Becker, Gage's dick wanted the opportunity to come out and play.
He tried to forget the way it felt to h
ave her warmth pressed against him, sliding against him, her sweet mouth opening to him. He tried, but he couldn't. When he'd agreed to Becker's plan, he didn't think it would be difficult to pretend to date her, but it turned out he was wrong. He was having a hard time keeping in mind that it was all a show, that when they were out together anywhere, they were pretending.
He liked her more than he'd thought he would, and found himself not just looking forward to their staged dates, but wishing they were real. And there were moments it was easy to believe everything between them was real, moments when they were alone for his tutoring sessions and she would laugh or smile at a joke he made, or something he'd done, moments when she let her guard down a little and seemed to be genuinely enjoying herself. Moments when she broke the rules that she had laid out, as far as what was allowed.
He'd seen her twice since their botched date. Neither of them dared talk about how tense it had been skating, or the weird, awkward hug at the end.
Today, she sat across from him, all business as usual, and he missed the Becker from the party. The Becker from the beginning of the day. The one with a ready smile. He liked that smile.
“Your grades are already looking much better, Gage. You keep this up and you'll be in great shape for the midterm.”
He should be happy about that. But if he was in good shape, it meant they didn't have any good reason to spend time together.
“If you keep up the good habits, you won't need my help for English next semester.”
A wave of panic hit him hard. No. He needed her. For studying, obviously. Liar. He pasted a smile on his face and said, “Yeah, maybe. We’ll have to wait and see.” He didn’t want to lose this time with her, but he couldn't let his grades slip intentionally just to have the excuse of keeping her around, not if he wanted to stay on track and still play basketball.
If she wasn't his tutor, then they had zero reason for spending so much time together. She'd probably stage a break-up, and that would be that. He needed to figure out a way to keep seeing her without tanking his prospects.