It was only a half-hour drive, but Arabella still insisted they all got up at five-thirty to arrive ahead of the crowds and Toni sat half asleep in the back of the four by four with Nola. Her grandmother attempted to make painful small talk, then finally lapsed into complete silence.
The weather forecast wasn’t brilliant, the first spots of rain falling as they queued for the car park. Toni pulled an old raincoat from the boot of the car, and they all went their separate ways.
Every year Badminton seemed to be more about shopping than riding. Stalls selling designer gear crowded together, competing for attention, and she was soon surrounded by a feeding frenzy of shoppers. She felt her tension building as she dodged in-between the people and dogs, trying to get to the start of the cross-country course where she had planned to meet up with Lauren.
Focusing entirely on that goal, she cut round the side of a fast-food van, and found herself staring straight at a stall advertising, ‘Poplar Farm - Café, B & B and Farm Shop.’ An exhausted Debs was talking to a queue of people, and Cal was standing in front handing out leaflets. However, what Toni noticed immediately was the extremely pretty girl standing next to him handing out samples of cake.
A fraction smaller than Cal, she had short blonde hair cut in a jagged pixie crop, and was wearing a checked shirt and jeans, similar to his, but more stylish. She was also wearing riding boots. Well-worn and expensive. There was an easy familiarity between her and Cal Toni couldn’t bear to see.
She was conscious of her old raincoat and felt irrationally furious with him for being there at all. Somehow she had never imagined he would be at Badminton. Big competitions didn’t seem to fit with his interest in natural horsemanship. Most important of all, it looked as if he had a girlfriend and hadn’t told her.
She turned and stumbled back the way she had come and found another route to the start of the cross-country course, fighting back the tears of disappointment, and cursing herself for being so naïve. She had even heard him tell his father she wasn’t his girlfriend. What more proof had she needed? Just how stupid could she get?
‘Toni!’ Lauren leapt on her from behind. ‘I’ve been shouting and shouting. You were miles away.’
Lauren was still tanned from her holiday and had dyed the front of her hair with a bold purple stripe.
‘Cool new jacket,’ Toni said.
Mum got it for me. Isn’t it great?’ Lauren twirled to show it off.
‘It’s so good to see you.’ Toni gave her friend a hug and found herself not wanting to let go.
Lauren stepped back and looked at her. ‘Hey, what’s up?’
Toni felt too humiliated to tell her. ‘Family stuff. Come on. We’d better get going if we want to see Polestar and Ebony compete.’
They squelched through the mud, along with thousands of other people, only to see Ebony eliminated and Polestar fall at the fifth fence. All in all, a complete disaster for the De Carteret eventing team. It meant Arabella would be livid.
Toni chatted brightly the whole four miles round the course. About the fences, about the horses and the designer dogs they saw
But Lauren knew her too well to be fooled. ‘Something’s really wrong. I know it is. Is the bitch giving you grief?’
Toni laughed. Only Lauren would have the nerve to call Arabella that. ‘It’s not just her,’ she said miserably.
Lauren took her arm. ‘Sounds like guy trouble then. You need the hot chocolate cure.’
She nodded, happy to let herself be led along to one of the food caravans, where Lauren queued, while Toni borrowed a towel to dry off two plastic chairs. The rain had settled to a light drizzle, but it was warm, and now she was with Lauren she didn’t seem to mind it too much.
‘Cake, too?’ Lauren called over.
Toni shook her head, suddenly reminded of the pretty girl handing out cake on the Poplar Farm stall. She had been avoiding thinking about her.
Who is she?
She looked around eighteen and was definitely a rider. That much was obvious from her boots. Confident. And although Toni hated to admit it to herself, attractive. Worst of all, she was clearly close to Cal. Their body language and easy familiarity told Toni that.
‘OK.’ Lauren handed over the hot chocolate and settled herself in her seat. ‘So what’s the problem?’
‘It looks like he might already have a girlfriend.’ Toni blurted it out, still feeling humiliated. As she told Lauren about the pretty girl by his side on the stall, she felt foolish. She didn’t have any real claim on him at all. The truth was he’d never told her he cared.
‘Maybe she works for them,’ Lauren suggested.
Toni shook her head. ‘I’m certain they were close. You could tell by the body-language.’
‘Sister?’ Lauren offered, hopefully.
Toni shook her head again. ‘He only has a brother.’
‘Well, there’s only one way to find out for sure.’ Her friend stood up, decisively.
‘I’m not going to speak to him.’ Toni was alarmed.
‘You’re not, no,’ Lauren said. ‘But I am.’ And she strode off, calling back, ‘Stay right there so I can find you again.’
Toni sat alone, feeling conspicuous. An elderly couple came and asked if they could share her table and she agreed awkwardly. She was relieved when she saw Lauren threading her way back through the crowd, clutching some leaflets and grinning.
‘Well?’ Toni could hardly bear the suspense.
‘They are close… ’ Lauren said dramatically.
‘I knew it.’ Toni felt gutted.
‘Give me a chance. Her name is Lucy and she’s his cousin! She’s over visiting from Canada.’
‘She’s not his girlfriend.’
‘If you could see your face,’ Lauren laughed. ‘And you’re right. He is fit. So if I were you I’d get in there before someone else grabs him.’
‘He can’t see me like this.’ Toni ran a hand through her hair, soaked by the rain.
‘Time for a quick fix.’ Lauren dragged her over to a line of Portaloos and pushed her into one. Inside, Toni peered in the tiny mirror in despair. The damp had turned her hair into a mass of curls, emphasising her blue eyes.
‘Blue eyes are getting rarer,’ her father once told her. ‘So you’re special.’
She shrugged off the old raincoat and inspected what she was wearing underneath. Jeans and a sweatshirt. Hardly inspiring. She had no idea what she was even going to say to him. But she had felt so jealous when she thought his cousin was his girlfriend.
Surely that tells me something?
Toni took a deep breath and opened the Portaloo door again.
Lauren looked her over critically, then took off her new jacket. ‘Here, take this.’
Toni shook her head. ‘No. I can’t.’
‘Don’t worry. I want it back. But you have it for today,’ Lauren insisted.
Toni put it on, easing the sleeve over her cast. ‘How does it look?’
Lauren sighed dramatically. ‘Better on you than on me, if you want the truth. The sleeves are a bit short, though. Push them up a bit, so you don’t notice.’
Toni started to push them up as her phone rang, and she pulled it out and stared at the screen in horror.
Not Arabella. Not now.
Lauren shook her head violently. Toni debated whether to reject the call, but then remembered Polestar had fallen – her mother would be in a foul mood and particularly dangerous. Reluctantly, she answered.
‘Meet me back at the car.’
Typical Arabella. No ‘How are you?’ or ‘What are you up to?’
‘I’ve just met up with Lauren,’ Toni protested.
‘Tough. We’re leaving at once. It’s been a complete fiasco today. I’m not waiting for the lorry.’
‘Couldn’t I grab a lift back with her?’
‘No.’ Arabella was uncompromising, as always. ‘I don’t like you hanging around with that girl, Antonia.’
Toni tried to see Lauren through A
rabella’s eyes, with her multiple piercings and purple hair. But all she could see was a good friend.
‘I’ve got something else I need to do,’ she said bravely.
Lauren gave her a thumbs-up.
‘What exactly?’ Arabella was growing impatient now.
‘Something important. I’m going to get myself home, OK.’ Toni rang off, her hand trembling. She could imagine her mother’s fury.
‘Go girl!’ Lauren sounded impressed. ‘It’s about time you stood up to her.’
When the phone rang again, Toni rejected the call instantly. She would pay for it later, she knew. But right now that wasn’t what she was going to worry about.
Lauren smiled. ‘You look fabulous. Trust me.’ She hooked her arm though Toni’s. ‘Come on. Let’s go get you that guy.’
Toni took a deep breath as she walked over to the stall. Cal was talking to a woman with two young children, telling them how great the farm was. He sounded bored and unenthusiastic and wasn’t doing a great sales job. His cousin was nowhere in sight.
The family finally wandered off, then Cal looked over and saw her. His face instantly lit up with a huge smile, making her stomach turn a cartwheel. He put the pile of leaflets down as she got closer. ‘Hey. How’s things?’
‘Cool.’
They both stood grinning at each other foolishly.
‘You look good.’
Toni blushed. Lauren’s jacket obviously did the trick. ‘Do you want to grab a drink?’ she asked.
He glanced over at Debs who shook her head sharply, which wasn’t encouraging. ‘Just give me a minute.’ He went to have a brief chat with his mother. She looked across at Toni a couple of times, frowning, then shrugged.
Cal walked back over, grinning. ‘I’ve negotiated an hour. Let’s get out of here.’
They walked side-by-side through the crowd and Toni began to relax. Another couple passed by with their arms linked, their heads close together, laughing. She glanced sideways up at his face. He seemed so at ease with himself.
‘I didn’t expect to see you here,’ she admitted.
Cal pulled a face. ‘Big competitions aren’t my scene. I got dragged along to help Mum. Plus my cousin is over from Canada and she wanted to come and shop.’ He rolled his eyes in disgust. ‘You?’
‘Me what?’
‘Do you come to Badminton every year?’
She hesitated, wondering if it was the moment to tell him about Arabella, but decided not to risk spoiling things. ‘I’m here with my friend, Lauren,’ she said instead. ‘We walk the course each year. Hang out. I don’t do the whole shopping bit.’
‘How’s Grace?’
‘Better. I’ve been reading a lot about working with horses the natural way. Trying out the exercises.’
‘How are you getting on?’
Toni didn’t want to admit she wasn’t making as much progress with Grace as she had hoped. ‘It’s harder than it looks.’
‘You’ve got to be patient.’
It began to rain again and she pointed to a tent. ‘What about that place? It’s undercover.
The tent was crammed with people sheltering from the rain and there were no free tables, so they stood at the back. Cal had a coffee. Black, she noticed. With two sugars. He was at least a head taller than her and she had to look up to meet his eyes as they talked. The rain increased to a downpour, hammering on the canvas overhead, causing the crowd to swell as more people dived inside for shelter.
Toni began to wonder if the cross-country would be cancelled altogether. They were pushed closer together and she was acutely aware of the heat of his body, as she found herself pressed close against him. He smelled earthy. Like a horse.
For a wild moment she thought he might kiss her. But he pulled away and frowned instead. ‘Time to get out of here, I think.’
Toni looked at the sea of people between them and the entrance with growing unease. ‘How?’
Cal bent to where the tent joined the ground and pulled back a flap. ‘This way.’ He ducked down under the canvas and she followed him outside into the rain again. With her head down she didn’t see the trap she had walked into until it was too late.
‘Toni!’ Beth, the temporary groom, stood in her way, wearing a jacket emblazoned with the name Arabella De Carteret. ‘There you are.’
Toni stopped dead, shocked. Cal stopped too, and turned, the question evident on his face.
‘Did Arabella find you?’ The girl asked innocently.
Toni shook her head. Cal had walked back over and was listening.
‘She’s furious Polestar fell,’ Beth prattled on. ‘Well, you don’t need me to tell you what your mother’s like. Have you got a lift back?’
‘I’ll be fine,’ Toni mumbled, scarlet now. She registered the look of shock on Cal’s face.
‘If you’re sure.’ The girl moved off, leaving them standing there facing each other.
All the easy intimacy between them had vanished in an instant.
‘Arabella De Carteret is your mother?’ He seemed stunned.
Toni nodded miserably.
‘So the real reason you are here today is to cheer on her winners?’ He sounded sarcastic now.
Toni refused to rise to the bait. ‘More like losers today, actually.’
Cal shook his head. ‘It’s like finding out you’re a member of the Royal Family. When exactly were you going to tell me?’
She shrugged, helplessly. ‘I don’t know. When it felt right, I guess.’
He was silent.
She tried to read his face. ‘Does it change things?’ she asked. ‘Between us.’
Cal looked grim. ‘There is no us really, is there? I obviously don’t know you at all.’
He turned and was swallowed up by the crowd, leaving Toni devastated. She retreated into the gap between the tents and stood there with her shoulders hunched against the rain, filled with self-pity. Arabella, as usual, had ruined everything. She controlled every aspect of her life. What she did, how she rode, who her friends were. And now she had even managed to ruin her relationship with Cal by her very existence.
As a man pushed his way past her, Toni flattened herself against the canvas, becoming aware of the noises around her again. In the distance, the applause and roar of the crowd. She wiped the rain from her face.
How dare he assume I’m like my mother!
Gradually, Toni began to feel angry instead. She was nothing like Arabella. Nothing at all. And she was going to make that clear to him. She set off decisively, plunging back into the sea of people again.
When she arrived back at the Poplar Farm stall, she was disappointed to see Debs standing there alone, obviously dead on her feet. She looked up warily as Toni approached.
‘How’s it going?’ Toni tried to sound polite.
‘Not too good. The rain hasn’t helped. I know it’s a tough call, but I think they should have cancelled personally.’
‘Has Cal been back?’
Debs shook her head. ‘I thought he was with you.’
‘He was….,’ Toni hesitated.
Understanding flashed across Deb’s face.
‘You’ve had a row?’
‘More of a misunderstanding really.’
‘Well, I can’t pretend I’m sorry.’ Debs didn’t attempt to hide her pleasure. ‘Look. Don’t get me wrong. You seem like a nice girl. But I’m going to be upfront with you. The farm is struggling to make ends meet, and right now we need Cal helping out.’
The message was clear. Her son didn’t need any distractions.
Toni turned and walked away, trying to look as dignified as possible. Her phone beeped and she pulled it out of her pocket and read the one-word text from Lauren.
‘Well??????????’
Toni thrust it deep into her pocket again. Lauren’s pocket, in fact, she realised. She would have to get her jacket back to her. But not today. She was too ashamed to tell her friend what had happened.
Cal didn’t want her. His family di
dn’t want her either.
And now she had to work out how she was going to get back home. She took her phone out of her pocket again and debated whether to call Lauren. But it felt too humiliating.
V Then she realised both Arabella’s horses had been eliminated, meaning the lorry would be returning to the yard that night. If she hurried she might be able to hitch a ride with Jen. Toni set off at a half-jog in the direction of the competitors’ area.
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