She felt more and more anxious now they had actually arrived.
‘So anyone living here can graze ponies?’
‘No, only if you live somewhere with commoning rights attached. And it’s not just ponies. Cattle, too.’
As if to prove his point, three dark shapes suddenly moved and lumbered in front of them, causing Cal to brake sharply. The shapes sprang into focus in the headlights and she saw they were cattle. They disappeared into the darkness again on the other side of the road.
‘So tell me about Ed.’
Cal shrugged. ‘There’s not much to tell. He’s my Dad’s cousin. He got left a cottage and it’s got commoning rights with it. And he set up a small campsite. We used to come down here a lot with Mum when I was younger.’
‘Is he expecting us?’
‘Me, yes. You and Buster will be a bit of a surprise.’
The sky grew lighter as dawn approached. The first trees were just visible, interspersed with dense black areas in between, which Toni guessed were the commons. She had only been to the New Forest once when she was seven, but still remembered being surprised how much of it was open grazing land. She had always imagined it completely covered in trees.
They turned off into an even narrower lane which snaked between the trees. On the left, a wooden sign for a campsite pointed down a forest track.
Cal paused the lorry, the engine still running. ‘What time is it?’
Toni dug out her phone. ‘Just coming up to five.’
‘It’s a bit early to be arriving on Ed’s doorstep.’ He yawned. ‘There’s a car park a bit further along that’s off the road. Why don’t we pull in there for a couple of hours and get some sleep?’
‘Sure. Good idea.’ Toni didn’t think she would be able to sleep again, but it was clear he needed to.
Minutes later, he turned off and bumped slowly over a rough track, before stopping the lorry again, turning off the engine this time. He reached for her hand and clasped it tightly in both of his, then leant back to rest his head on the back of the seat and closed his eyes.
She turned and took the opportunity to study what she could see of his face in the half-light. The shadows emphasised high cheekbones, and full lips, cracked from working out on the farm all day. It felt so natural to be here with him. Safe. His breathing deepened as he slept and Toni soon found her own eyelids getting heavier as well.
‘Hey. Wake up.’ Something brushed the top of her head and she surfaced from her sleep to find her head resting on his shoulder.
Did he just kiss me?
Toni sat up, feeling stiff, her eyes gritty from lack of sleep. Her mouth tasted foul and she wished she had thought to bring a toothbrush. Or some chewing gum at least.
‘What time is it?’
‘Half-seven. I reckon Ed should be up by now.’
She turned and looked through the window to the rear of the lorry to check on Buster. He stood dozing, but his head shot up as soon as Cal started the engine again. In daylight, Toni could see the car park was little more than a woodland clearing, predictably empty so early in the morning.
‘Look.’ Cal pointed. ‘Your first New Forest ponies.’
They were so well camouflaged; at first she couldn’t even see them at all. Then a flick of a tail and the nod of a head gave them away. A group of about seven, two of them fluffy foals. The mares seemed terribly thin with protruding ribcages.
‘They look starving.’ Toni was horrified.
‘They’ve just survived a bad winter and had foals,’ Cal pointed out. ‘They’ll put on weight soon enough.’ He started the engine and headed back towards the track leading to the campsite again.
Toni imagined Buster, sleek and well fed, joining these animals and was dismayed. But what was the alternative? To let Arabella sell him to the first stranger who came up with the price and may not take good care of him. She felt trapped between two alternatives, neither of them happy ones.
Another group of ponies stood along the side of the track, grazing on holly bushes.
‘They get used to hanging around the campsites because people feed them. They don’t realise it just encourages them to bite,’ Cal snorted with contempt. ‘I even saw one woman give a horse a banana once.’
There was a small yard on the other side with a red-brick farmhouse at one end. A corral built of half-round timber stood at the other, holding a dark bay pony with a long mane and tail. Toni hopped down to open the gate and a Jack Russell ran over instantly, barking and snapping at her heels.
‘Get back here!’ A man appeared from inside a barn, with a hammer in one hand. He whistled to the dog and it raced obediently back to his side. The man was in his early sixties, with the same weather-beaten and tough look as Cal’s father. He seemed just about as welcoming.
Cal pulled the lorry in and Toni shut the gate behind, waiting until he had jumped down from the cab.
‘Ed.’
‘Cal.’ There was a pause.
Cal put an arm around her shoulder. ‘This is Toni.’
Ed nodded. She could feel him assessing the situation.
‘You didn’t mention you’d have company.’
‘I was hoping you could do us a favour.’
Ed put down his hammer, wary. ‘Try me.’
Cal turned to Toni. ‘Do you want to explain?’
The man’s silence made her feel even more nervous. Toni found herself babbling.
‘It’s complicated. You see, I’ve got a pony – a New Forest. He’s called Buster. And the thing is my mother wants to sell him.’
‘So you thought you’d just bring him down here and what? Turn him loose?’ Ed shook his head in disgust.
Toni looked at Cal for support.
‘You have commoning rights,’ Cal pointed out. ‘You could turn him out with yours.’
‘I have to pay for each one,’ Ed said. ‘It’s illegal otherwise.’
‘I can pay,’ Toni leapt in quickly.
Ed seemed to be considering it seriously. ‘Let’s take a look at him then.’
Cal strode over and let down the tail ramp and led Buster out. He picked his way carefully down the ramp, neatly hopped off at the bottom, then raised his head and looked round the forest, inhaling the new scents.
Ed walked over and inspected him.
‘I’d have to cut his tail…’
Toni flinched.
‘Fix him with a collar.’
He paused.
‘Then I’d have to brand him.’
‘No!’ Toni almost shouted in spite of herself. She looked to Cal wildly. ‘No! You can’t brand him.’ The reality of what she was thinking about doing really hit her.
‘Think of it from his point of view.’ Ed sounded kinder now. ‘I’m guessing you wrap him up in a rug most nights. Feed him twice a day.’
Toni nodded miserably.
‘Best of winters down here they live on practically nothing and can be skin and bone by spring. Last winter it was minus ten. You think you’d be doing him a favour turning him loose?’
Toni sank down on the step to the lorry and hugged her knees in despair.
Ed sighed. ‘Tell you what. Put him in there with Bramble for a few hours.’ He nodded to the corral. ‘Then come on into the house. I was about to make myself some breakfast anyway.’
Inside, the farmhouse was little more than one room, with a stone flagged floor and two armchairs. The Jack Russell ran in ahead and claimed his space on one of them immediately, a low growl warning Toni and Cal to keep their distance. The air was thick with the heat from a log-burner, and at one end was a kitchen of sorts, with a kettle and an ancient gas cooker.
Ed struck a match and lit the grill, then took a packet of bacon out of the fridge and began peeling off the rashers.
‘It might look to tourists as if horses are just running round all over the place,’ he explained. ‘But we’re more organised than that. A strange horse would be spotted and picked up in a couple of weeks.’
He mad
e three mugs of tea and handed them one each, then settled in the free chair to drink his while the bacon cooked. Toni stood self-consciously and took a sip of hers, grimacing when she found it was strong and sweet.
It had all been for nothing. The planning, the risks they had taken. She suddenly felt angry with Cal for suggesting it at all. ‘So we just admit defeat? Take him back?’ She was filled with frustration. ‘I can’t give up on Buster.’
Ed stood up and went to turn over the bacon.
Cal tried to negotiate. ‘Couldn’t you keep him here, anyway,’ he asked, ‘just for now? On your land, instead of turning him out into the forest.’
Ed shook his head, adamant. ‘I haven’t got enough grazing as it is.’
Toni needed to be outside the stuffy little house to breathe. ‘I need some air,’ she mumbled, and putting down the horrible tea, fled outdoors.
Cal followed a couple of minutes later and reached out to take her hand. ‘I know you’re upset.’
‘I’m not upset!’ Toni flung his hand away, feeling as if she was going to explode. ‘I just feel useless and … angry. We should have checked first.’
He backed away. ‘You mean I should have checked, don’t you?’ He looked hurt. ‘I was just trying to help.’
‘Hey. It’s not your fault,’ Toni said quickly. She stepped towards him. ‘None of this is. You’ve been great.’
Cal opened his arms and wrapped them around her. ‘We’ll work something out. I promise,’ he whispered, stroking her hair.
This time she let him go on holding her, until her breathing slowed and synchronised with his. She couldn’t see how things could possibly work out, but she would let herself believe they would, just for a while.
The rain had eased off, and she could still hear the sounds of the woods coming to life. Water dripping from the leaves onto the forest floor. Squirrels chattering above. Birdsong. And a door opening. She pulled away reluctantly and turned to see Ed watching.
He picked up the hammer he had discarded when they arrived. ‘I’ve got work to get on with. Why don’t you guys go for a ride?’
The suggestion startled her. She glanced at Cal to see his reaction.
‘Why not? We’re here now. Reckon you can cope with your wrist?’
Toni looked down at her cast. It was six weeks since she had sat on a horse. But she had managed to ride the bike over to Poplar Farm. ‘I don’t see why not. It’s not painful anymore.’
Ed started to head towards the barn again. ‘You know where the tack’s kept,’ he called to Cal, before disappearing.
‘Are you really going to ride him?’ Toni stared at Bramble in disbelief. ‘He can’t be more than thirteen hands.’
Cal laughed at her face. ‘He’s strong enough, believe me. Ed rides him in the drifts. Tack’s this way.’
Toni followed him towards a lean-to shed. ‘What’s a drift?’
He picked up a well-worn saddle and slung a bridle over his shoulder. ‘It’s when they round up the ponies. Worm them, check them over, put collars on. Then separate out ones to be sold.’
‘And brand them?’ Toni shuddered again at the thought.
Cal headed back over to the corral. ‘It’s how they tell who owns who. You should see a drift one day. It’s pretty exciting.’
Toni pulled back the bar to the entrance to the pen and Bramble instantly whinnied and trotted over to them. He had one sock, a blaze and his mane hung full-length. His tail almost reached the ground.
‘Ed doesn’t graze Bramble out on the forest. He keeps him to ride.’ The pony stood calmly as Cal ran his hands lightly all over his flanks and down each leg, checking him over. ‘I’ve ridden him since I was about six. He’s lovely. Really genuine.’
Toni watched him slowly introducing the saddle to Bramble. She was beginning to realise Cal never rushed anything. Buster stamped restlessly nearby. He’d spent a long night confined in the horse lorry and was eager to be on the move.
Cal slipped the headcollar down over Bramble’s neck and put on the bridle instead.
‘Er… slight problem. It hasn’t got a bit,’ Toni pointed out.
‘That’s because it’s a bitless bridle.’
Toni had never seen such a thing. ‘But how do you…?’ she hesitated, thinking it might sound stupid.
‘How do I stop him?’ he grinned.
She nodded.
‘It still uses pressure. Here.’ He pointed under the chin. And here.’ He indicated the nose-band. ‘You have to use your seat more. ‘He’s barefoot too.’
She looked down at the pony’s hooves. Ever since she met Cal, it was as if she had stepped into a parallel horse world, where everything was done differently. She’d heard of barefoot horses, but her mother always ridiculed them. Every six weeks the farrier came and she led Buster and Grace out to be shod without ever questioning it.
‘Isn’t it cruel?’
Cal shook his head. ‘He’s hacking on forest tracks and moorland,’ he pointed out. ‘Think about it. Shoes cut off their circulation. Look at this.’
He ran a hand down Bramble’s leg and he lifted it obligingly. Toni bent to look at his hoof. It was wide and strong with a thick wall. ‘He’s never had shoes,’ Cal said, ‘and look how healthy his feet are.’
She tried to imagine Arabella’s face if she announced she wanted to take Buster’s shoes off. Or Clive the farrier’s reaction.
‘Are we going or what?’ Cal’s voice dragged her back into the moment.
‘Sure. I’m ready.’
When they both mounted, Toni was surprised to see he didn’t look quite as ridiculous on Bramble as she’d feared.
‘Short legs, long body,’ he grinned. ‘Come on. This way.’
Several tracks led off the clearing, all looking identical to her. Cal picked the one on the left and rode ahead with an easy confidence and a relaxed, almost Western, seat. The forest seemed to swallow them up immediately. When Toni looked over her shoulder a few minutes later, there was no sign of the farmhouse or campsite at all.
‘I hope you know how to get us back again,’ Toni said anxiously.
‘I’ve been riding here since I was five,’ Cal pointed out. ‘Trust me.’
It was so long since she’d just been out for a hack, Toni realised. Riding always had an agenda nowadays. Schooling and cross-country, with a competition in mind. And always the focus on winning. She felt her shoulders relax and the tension begin to fall away.
The horse’s hooves were muffled on the track, damp from the night before and dense with moss and fallen leaves. As her ears became attuned she could hear that Bramble’s unshod hooves sounded different to Buster’s. Lighter somehow.
The trees began to thin out, then ended abruptly to reveal a patch of moorland. Cal waited on the edge of the tree line for her to catch up.
‘Take care from now on,’ he warned. ‘It’ll be boggy in parts. Especially after all that rain last night.’ He smiled at her. ‘Was this a good idea?’
She nodded happily. ‘Great idea.’
He held her gaze. ‘You look beautiful.’
Toni had no idea how to react. But he didn’t seem to need a response as he turned and set off again, letting the reins hang long so Bramble could pick his way carefully through the pools of water. She followed close behind, feeling totally amazed. No one had ever told her she was beautiful before.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she ignored it.
They soon found themselves back amongst the trees, but the track was wider now with room for the ponies to walk side-by-side. When Cal reached out his hand, she held hers out to meet his, and they rode along like that, joined in the middle. Toni had never felt happier.
‘Up for a canter?’ Cal asked.
‘You bet.’
He dropped her hand to shorten his reins and Bramble was off like a bullet, fast and sure-footed. Toni urged Buster on behind. A light rain had begun to fall again. It stung her face, and she tingled from head to foot with the sheer exhilarati
on of it all.
Being out in the forest with Cal. Completely free.
Eventually he slowed and brought Bramble back down to a trot. ‘See.’ His eyes sparkled. ‘Told you I could stop him.’
Toni’s phone vibrated in her pocket again, but she refused to look and see who was trying to reach her.
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