A small voice had tried to tell her to consider her good name, but she had easily silenced it. Even if she were proclaimed innocent of murder, her good name was already irredeemably stained. She had been on her own for a year, and now spent days and nights alone with a man who was not related to her by blood. That was not a secret any longer, and everyone who heard the tale would assume that she and Nigel were lovers, no matter how vehemently or truthfully she tried to deny it. And if that were not enough to thoroughly blacken her name, she had cut her hair and was running all over France dressed as a boy. Since everyone would believe she had committed the sin of taking a lover, she saw no reason to deny herself the pleasure of doing so.
She was not sure how to let Nigel know that she was willing to continue what they had begun that morning. She had never been wooed or seduced, and had little idea of how the game was played. The only thing she had been able to think of was placing their beds close together and hope Nigel would act upon that subtle acceptance.
Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Gisele turned on her side to look at Nigel. It did not really surprise her to find him looking at her. She had sensed it. She silently cursed the blush that stung her cheeks, however. She wished to proceed with a calm forthrightness. If she were going to convince Nigel that she knew exactly what she was doing and that she asked nothing more of him than a shared passion, it would help if she did not look like some red-faced child. She opened her mouth to speak, realized that she could not think of what to say, and sighed.
Nigel smiled, reached out, and gently stroked her cheek. Despite all she had been through, Gisele was still very innocent. She had obviously never learned the ways of flirtation or the art of gentle seduction. Gisele might have had her maidenhead brutally stolen by her husband, but she remained virginal in many other ways.
"The easy way, lass,” he said quietly, “would be to just edge your wee bed closer to mine."
The way he could so unerringly guess her thoughts was very unsettling, Gisele thought. He was, however, correct in what he said. Even as she moved her bedding next to his, she had to admit that it was certainly the easiest way to say yes. She was still blushing, but at least she was not babbling like some complete fool.
"Are ye sure?” he asked as he followed the delicate lines of her face with soft kisses.
"I am here now, am I not?” She was not surprised to hear the husky unsteadiness in her voice, for his tender kisses were soothing away all uncertainty and embarrassment, replacing them with growing desire.
"True, but are ye sure why ye are here in my arms?"
"I am not trying to repay a debt or anything so foolish as that, if that is what you are thinking."
He smiled against the smooth skin of her throat. “Calm yourself, my sweet companion.” He watched her carefully as he subtly unlaced her jupon. “Aye, I will confess that that thought winged its way through my mind, but its visit was verra brief."
"Was it?” She tensed slightly as he began to remove her clothes, then relaxed when she realized she had reacted out of embarrassment and not fear.
"Ye are too proud, and I dinnae believe the idea would occur to you, anyway."
She frowned, not completely sure that that was a compliment. “I am not without some wit."
"Oh, aye, sweeting, ye have wit, more than some men would find becoming in a lass. I rather like it. Nay, I just dinnae think ye could be that devious and, even if all of your reasons were good and honorable, as I said, ye have far too much pride."
Gisele suddenly realized that, as he had talked, he had removed all of her clothes except for her shirt. She knew she had been paying close heed to his words and had been lulled by his stroking hands, but it still seemed unsettlingly skillful of the man. Then she thought of how and where he had gained such expertise. She was about to take as a lover a man who had, in his own words, used a large number of women, women she doubted he could recall by name or face. Although Gisele was not demanding love and marriage for her favors, she was not sure she wanted them taken too lightly.
"You disrobe a woman with an admirable skill and speed,” she murmured.
"Ah, and ye dinnae really find it admirable, do ye?” He began to slowly unlace her shirt.
"Perhaps not."
"My poor bonny Gisele,” he murmured as he brushed a kiss over her lips and slid his hand inside of her shirt. “Aye, I was a heartless, rutting bastard for seven years. I am nay sure I learned this particular skill during that time, however. To my shame, I was also drunk most of that time. I think some of what ye see as my skill comes from the fact that ye are wearing clothes much like I wore for most of my youth."
"Oh.” Gisele was not sure if her breathy response was an expression of agreement or delight, for he was moving his big, lightly calloused hands over her breasts, brushing the tips to a tingling hardness with his thumb. “I just did not wish to be another body tossed upon that heap. I ask for no bonds or promises. I just do not wish to be a nothing. I have been that once, and never wish to be such a thing again."
"Ye could never be a nothing, Gisele,” he whispered against the silken, soft skin of her breast, savoring the way she trembled beneath his caress.
Gisele thrust her hands into his thick, long hair, holding him close as he covered her breasts with warm kisses. A touch had never felt so good, certainly not a man's. She doubted her fear would rear its ugly head, for her husband had never made her feel this way, and his touch had never been gentle. Gisele could not believe she could be so blind or foolish as to ever compare Nigel to her brute of a husband. One simply did not make her think of the other, unless it was to praise God that she was now with Nigel.
When Nigel began to gently suck on one of her breasts, Gisele cried out and held him even closer. There was a great deal wrong with what she was allowing him to do, but she decided that there was far more that was right. She was finally going to discover what so many reached for and rhapsodized about, and as Nigel turned his passionate attentions to her other breast Gisele decided that discovery was worth whatever price she had to pay.
When Nigel tugged off her shirt she found the need to let go of him almost painful. The moment he tossed it aside she clung to him again and greedily returned his kiss. As long as she could hold him, she did not think, only felt, and that, she realized, was exactly how she wanted it.
He covered her body in kisses and gentle caresses, and she welcomed each one. She moved her hands over his broad back, loving the feel of his smooth, taut skin beneath her fingers. It felt almost as good to touch Nigel as it felt to have him touch her. Gisele wished she knew more, had gained some skill so that she could give Nigel as much pleasure as he was giving her.
A small interruption in her heedless revel in passion came when Nigel removed his braies. He rested his long body full against hers. Gisele felt his engorged manhood pressed against her thigh, and fought against letting even one of her dark memories intrude upon her desire, but it was difficult. Kisses and caresses had been easy to slowly accept without fear, though her husband had given her few of either, and never a gentle one. This, however, was something she recognized, something she had always associated with hurt and shame. It was going to be a little hard to make herself believe that the same part of a man which had always been used as a weapon against her could now be a source of pleasure. She feared that all the sweetness she had Just tasted was about to turn very sour.
Nigel felt the faint tension in Gisele's body and fought the urge to just take her before fear could make her change her mind. It was not only wrong, but such an act could easily convince her that all of her fears were justified. There was even a chance that he could add to that fear, for it would be much akin to what her husband had subjected her to. The mere thought of such a consequence gave him the restraint he sought. He cupped her face in his hands, smiling faintly at how tightly she kept her eyes shut.
"Look at me, Gisele,” he commanded softly, and brushed a tender kiss across her mouth.
"I am not
sure I wish to."
"Come, look at me. See with your own eyes who is about to love you. If ye keep your bonny eyes shut, I fear memory may overcome fact."
Slowly, she opened her eyes, pushing her shyness aside as she recognized the wisdom of his reasoning. Her fears had been slowly coming to life, stirred by the feel of something every man possessed. She did need to put a face to the man who held her.
It angered her that she could grow so senseless with fear over something she could destroy with one quick slash of her dagger, something that was, in a battle situation, considered one of a man's weak points. If she were going to be afraid of some part of a man, it made more sense to be afraid of his hands or of his sword arm, parts that could so easily kill her. To deny that fear was foolish, however, and could easily put an end to something she was enjoying a great deal.
"There. I am looking at you,” she said, hearing the sulkiness in her voice despite the huskiness that still deepened it.
Nigel ignored her touch of ill humor, for he could still hear the passion in her voice, feel it in the faint trembling of her lithe body, and see it in the flush upon her smooth, high-boned cheeks. “Ye need not fear the manhood, lassie, only the mon who wields it.” As he spoke, he settled himself between her slim thighs.
"I know that. In my mind, I truly do know that most of the time."
"Then keep your eyes open, my sweet French rose, so that your mind and heart can remember it. Keep them wide open, so that bastard's memory cannae rise up to destroy what we can share."
Gisele nodded and curled her arms around his neck, keeping her gaze firmly fixed upon his face even as he covered her face with slow, gentle kisses. She tensed as he eased into her, but realized that it was more with anticipation than with fear. A soft gasp of pleasured surprise escaped her when he began to move within her, and a heartbeat later passion robbed her of all ability to think clearly. She only knew whose body was joined with hers, knew Nigel would never intentionally hurt her, and knew she wanted him to continue.
Suddenly, a rich feeling began to blossom within her, a feeling that was both wondrous and made her somewhat desperate. She clung to Nigel, wrapping her arms and legs around him. She could hear him mumbling husky words of encouragement, and then a blinding wave of intense feeling swept over her and she cried out his name. Gisele was only faintly aware of how the man she held so tightly began to move more fiercely, then tensed, shuddered, and called out to her. It was several long minutes before she realized he had slumped in her arms, resting his full weight on top of her.
"You are a little heavy,” she whispered, smiling faintly as he eased the intimacy of their embrace and moved to the side.
"Are ye all right, Gisele?” he asked in a soft voice.
It puzzled Gisele a little that she should feel so tired, so compelled to sleep, but moments after she had felt so alive. “I am much fine, thank you, Sir Nigel."
Nigel laughed. “Verra fine, and dinnae ye think ye can call me simply Nigel now?"
"Then I am very fine, simply Nigel."
He laughed again and shook his head when he saw that she was already sound asleep. Carefully, even though he doubted he could wake her, he turned onto his back and tucked her up against his side. He was eager to make love to her again, but knew that it was best if she got some sleep.
Although it felt good to know he had been the man to put her fears to rest and stir her passion, Nigel knew what moved him most was that she had willingly shared that with him. He did not fear that she would have any regrets or recriminations in the morning. Instinct told him that Gisele was not the type to suffer much from either, not when she had chosen to do something.
He would probably be the one who was suffering from doubts and uncertainties. He was already beginning to feel guilty. Nigel could not recall if he had ever found lovemaking so exciting or fulfilling, yet he could not be completely sure why that was. He certainly could not offer Gisele any promises, more than sweet words of passion and flattery, at least not until he knew his own heart better than he did now. She had said that she asked for no vows or words of love, but he felt she deserved far more than he was offering.
As he closed his eyes, Nigel decided they would linger in the glade for a little while, a day or two. He felt sure they had distanced themselves from the DeVeaux hounds enough to allow for a short respite. Perhaps, as they rested and took time to savor the passion they shared, he would be able to sort through the confusion in his mind and heart. Gisele deserved at least that much for the gift she had shared with him.
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Eleven
Passion drew Gisele from her sleep and thrust her into pleasure. She returned Nigel's hungry kiss as he slowly joined their bodies. Her greed for him surprised her, but she let it have full reign. It all felt too good to question. She arched her body toward his, eagerly meeting his every thrust. As her desire crested she clutched at his trim hips and pulled him deeper within her, savoring the way his cries of pleasure echoed hers.
It was not until he eased the intimacy of their embrace that she began to feel the touch of embarrassment and uncertainty. This was not the way she had been taught a young woman of good breeding should act. She was breaking so many rules, of society and of the church, that it made her head spin. There had been some excuse, albeit a thin one, for allowing the first lovemaking. She felt she could be forgiven curiosity and the need to cast aside the fears her husband had bred in her heart. Now, however, there was only one reason to continue, and that was because she enjoyed it. That carried the distasteful taint of behaving like a whore.
"Regrets?” Nigel asked, a little concerned about the dark frown growing on Gisele's still flushed face.
She finally looked at him and grimaced. “I was battling with a few."
"And have ye vanquished them?"
"I will. When I was curious and wanted to know passion without fear, it was easier to excuse my behavior. Now I am just behaving badly."
"I thought ye behaved verra weel,” he murmured and gave an exaggerated expression of pain when she swatted him on the arm.
"This is a serious matter for a woman. You need to treat it with more respect.” She had to smile at the way the glitter of laughter in his eyes belied his solemn expression, then she grew serious again. “You need not fear that I am about to turn against you and claim all manner of unjust things, trying to blame you for all that has happened."
"I ne'er really feared that. Ye are a sensible lass, and a fair one."
"I am certain most women are."
Nigel said nothing, just smiled faintly and let her believe he agreed with her. That was not an argument he wanted to get into. To support his side of it he would have to tell her about women he had known, and this was a bad time to remind her of his less than illustrious past.
"So, what troubles ye, then?” He smoothed a finger down the faint crease of a frown forming between her eyes.
"I just began to think of all the rules I am breaking."
"No more than many another has, and will."
"That does not make it right or acceptable,” she said sternly.
"Nay, of course it doesnae, but this doesnae make ye the greatest of sinners, either.” He was a little concerned that she was about to turn righteous on him and demand that he never touch her again. Although he did not think Gisele would behave that way, he could not fully discard the possibility.
"I know that,” she said, then sighed and shook her head. “I will overcome this sudden attack of guilt over my own irresponsible behavior. It will just take a little while. Before I said yes I reminded myself that I will be accused of just this sort of thing because of the way I have lived for the last year. No one will believe otherwise no matter what I say or do, so what matter if I actually do it? I will just remind myself of that from time to time."
"Such flattery. I am overcome with humility."
She tried to scowl at him, barely repressing the urge to laugh. “You are a scoundrel."
Gisele suddenly realized that the sun was already climbing in the sky, and frowned. “We are getting a late start today, are we not?"
"We are not going to get any start today at all,” he said as he rose from his bed and pulled on his clothes.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that we are taking a much earned rest."
"Do you think the DeVeaux are resting?"
"Probably not, but they are nowhere about."
She began to tug on her clothes, using the blanket as a shield for her modesty. “I hate to question you on this, but are you very certain about that?"
"As certain as I can be without tracking them down and finding out exactly where they are. Lass, we are very near the port I seek. I believe that the DeVeaux are there, waiting for us. They are not here. Of that I am sure. I also intend to take myself into the wood and set up a few traps, something to warn us just in case they do wander too close to our little sanctuary."
Gisele watched him disappear into the wood and slowly rose to put their bedding away. It would be nice to spend a quiet day, a day without riding and looking over her shoulder. She was just not sure it was wise. The fact that Nigel was going to surround them with traps made her feel only a little more secure.
She shook her head and silently scolded herself. Nigel knew what he was doing. Perhaps, because she had spent so long running and hiding, she simply did not know how to stop and rest anymore. It would do them both good to just rest, to enjoy a lazy day in the sun.
As she slipped away into the trees for a moment of privacy, she had to smile. She was sure that Nigel had plans for them that did not necessarily include rest. Gisele had no doubt about his passion for her, even though she might question its depth and longevity. She would be very surprised if the man did not have plans to further explore the desire they shared.
Highland Honor [Murray Brothers Book 2] Page 12