Linda had just published an entitled book" The Dark Side of the Red Lights", a book in which you/he/she told his/her history and the whole rottenness that according to her there was behind the world of the porno.
There would not have been badly even anything of if Linda had decided to tell so many small histories that turned in that world, the problem was that that book told of its life, of as the world of the porno you/he/she had ruined her and also of as you/he/she had been a known actor to convince to enter her/it that world, and he would always have been what would have convinced her for the first time to make use of drugs, diffused in quel'ambiente according to its affirmations.
In the interview it also spoke of a serious violence suffered by the woman, but I didn't succeed in understanding of thing him it treated, you/he/she had probably been said in the first part that I had not succeeded in feeling.
Me fiondai immediately in the first bookstore next to my house. The book of Linda was there, among the novelties of the moment, almost envoy in prominence in comparison to the other books. I purchased a copy of it.
That night I passed her/it to legger that damned book from the beginning at the end, granting only me some brief breaks to go to the bath.
Linda spoke of itself as of a girl from the tormented past, from the difficult infancy, an influenceable girl easily. I knew Linda, I knew his/her history, we were friends from what it was then his/her life before you/he/she had told me him more times and in the book I didn't find anything of all of this. In the book it spoke of violences, bad companies, wrong boys, all the possible and imaginable stereotypes of the life of a difficult and unlucky girl.
Then the meeting was described all of a sudden with a boy a boy that would have changed her life. The boy in matter I was me.
The book totally alternated true parts of our history to invented parts.
Linda described me as a monster, cruel, merciless, without humanity. In the book you/he/she was written there that I was me to begin her/it to the drug, that I offered him her during a party to loosen his/her inhibiting brakes and that in that occasion I possessed her/it against his/her wish.
Accused me of I rape!
I don't know if he made really against what was doing, surely it was a way to do me her to pay for the time passed in the jail, but this time had exaggerated indeed.
I was drawn back as a violent, a sadist, a man that hated and it abused the women to probably suppress a repressed homosexuality, support insinuation of which it came then also underlined my share to the film bisex, that to which she had forced me to participate.
I was only represented indeed as a monster and her as a victim that had made some errors errors of which it repented gladly.
Linda's book," The Dark Side of the Red Lights", it was an uproarious success.
For weeks newspapers and magazines didn't speak that of that book and of the truth that surfaced from a so vulgar and corrupt world as that of the porno.
Directors without scruples that would have accepted to work only with us if she was granted them, actors that molested continuously her, poor actresses that they were often confided with her and they bursted to cry telling her of as you/he/she could be sad and carcass the life.
And everything was incentrato on my person.
I was the only character named with full name, on all the other he/she remained on saying that it didn't have intention to cover with mud the name of anybody, but mine appeared more times.
It was clear that you/he/she could not risk more people, would have unmasked immediately her and you/he/she would have lost credibility. You/he/she was assembled only on me, to do me her to pay and in the meantime to earn us on the more possible.
By now the public opinion hung from its lips. The porno had always been seen by everybody as a dirty world, when it went out something that confirmed that thesis all they were ready to support her/it.
Linda came even guest to some television programs where she offered him to tell his/her history in front of million of televiewers.
They were that false programs and hypocrites where it was tried to commercialize the pain.
The low lights, the public in silence, Linda that told his/her history with voice broken by the emotion and the conductor that it looked at her/it with worn out air.
You/he/she was throwing merda on me and on the world that had given her something to eat up to a few times before.
By now I had been judged and condemned by an endless jury of housewives, bankers, workers, hairdresser, mechanics. All aimed the finger against me. The producers, the directors, my colleagues started to turn me the back, you/they could not interfere with this matter because you/they would have risked to strain to peak together with me.
Some of my partners of that years, above all the most famous, started to release interviews where they told of my violent nature and of as them you/they had tried fear and terror in to have to recite with me ending then the interview with a healthy weeping liberatorio that lifted the indexes of listening as the cazzo of a cinquantenne handled by an eighteen year-old uninhibited and experienced.
You/they were stoning me on the public plaza, the everything to have some notoriety in more or to earn on the rights of some video.
In fact after the attricetta of turn went out with those affirmations, it followed a run to the purchase of the film that withdrew us protagonists, to see if also from the film violences slipped out of which spoke, and obviously people saw her/it, treating himself/herself/itself of some films Turnips where the violence and the subjugation of the girl you/he/she is from script. Nobody thought more than the girl agreed to that kind of treatments, but all started to see that video as if you/he/she dealt with real taken back rapes and distributed on disk.
The sexy shops started to make an unbridled application of some of my films and on internet they were born every day of the sites devoted to me and my violent nature, with the harvest of the scenes most particular turns in all of my career.
Thanks to me a lot of people made shovelfuls money in that period, to me instead it was not up to anything, since the factor to have a manager involved that the producers paid her and she it paid then me therefore, removed middle Linda, between me and the various houses of production any bond didn't stay anymore.
The legal problems started.
If it is true that some famous actresses already used this history, even pushed by the producers as a simple and profitable advertising movement, some that had crossed the sky of the pornographic industry and you/they were extinguished then as of the meteors consumed by the atmosphere, they decided to try the everything for everything inventing some accusations against me and asking enormous reimbursements damns.
Lucy Lovable, Tracy Lulù, Annarellas, were only some names among those that came to report me of rape, threats, extortion, instigation to the prostitution and a myriad of smaller crimes.
Whoever had done with me a film where a scene some strongest appeared it tried to blackmail me. Even Tracy Lulù said to have made riscorso to the psychoanalysis for my guilt. You, that asked me to spit her in face during the film and to slap her/it stronger because if the sign the film was not seen it was not believable then.
By now I didn't even sweep more.
I was full of problems up to the neck, if I didn't succeed in finding a first girl let's show up us in a moment of the kind. To make some occasional sex with some stranger as the old times would not have been difficult, but in that period the fear that then that girl could be invented also her one some tale against me you/he/she was as much, and I could not even go to puttane, not with of the accusations and of the trials for instigation to the prostitution in action.
Some accusations as beads of soap exploded, and a lot of girls were also found to have some troubles with the law for perjury and similar crimes, stuff from not too long.
The most stubborn however they held head, and hard times were preannounced during which my patrimony went thinning more and more himself/herself/itself betw
een lawyers and small reimbursements you damn arranged with some girls so that they left me alone.
A zombie I was become. I didn't go out, I didn't talk to anybody, I didn't have a social life.
I had faced my fear of the precipice running into what I saw how the only obstacle, Linda, and I was fallen even more in a lethal trap.
I was tired, depressed, without motivation. I didn't see any street of exit and sincerely I didn't even have wants to look for her/it.
The people for road insulted me, anywhere I found someone that looked me crooked or that some a little nice word told me. The places didn't call me more, even to the Lady Violet I was not anymore well I accept. Madams Sophie was said been sorry, and he/she believed in my innocence, but for first thing it had to hold to the good name and the image of his/her place, therefore up to when all the accusations were not fallen on my head and I/you were not found again me clean and excused you/he/she could not afford to make to work me for her.
A lot of time would not probably have passed before people got tired him to give me the hunting and my name you/he/she didn't make fact anymore sensation but the legal matters, my cause with Linda, would be been able above all to still last for many years. I knew to never have hurt anything of, apart my adulterine life and libertine, and truth would very probably have triumphed sooner or later.
Sinned that in our country when it speaks of justice the first one almost you/he/she has not meant, and at times the can mean then years and years of attended and persecutions.
No. I didn't have of it more desire.
The only thing that really I desired it was the peace.
Peace with myself, peace with the world, peace and silence.
I succeeded in giving me a lavoretto seeds amatoriale for a manager of a site internet. I had to sweep me one and to come her in face for two hundred European. By now I accepted anything it happened me because I was reduced really badly and also I had to eat.
Years of service have taught that whatever job you do, even though humble and badly remunerated, you have to put us passion however and to do him/it to the best of your potentialities. This way I undertake me, I do what says the" director", if so the guy can be called that is taking back us. The girl is a surprise for me: one of the nicest girls whom I have ever seen, and I have seen so many of it in my life. It will have nineteen, twenty years, it is Italian, of Naples, a Mediterranean beauty that would leave bewitched whoever. Whoever but not me. I am a professional, I climb on her/it, dominates her/it, use vulgar words appropriated to the situation, and when I am about to come I go out out and I aim at his/her mouth that seems not to wait for other.
Ended the scene she gets up, it spits for earth, it doesn't even deign me of a look and it goes to wash him.
The director says that the scene is ok, that we are to place.
I ask for the remuneration, he tells me that for the time being it doesn't have them with itself, but when it will start to box the money of the film it will settle me the debt.
What idiot, had let as a fool rubbed.
And it was also useless to object, I with that type had not signed any kind of contract, and from any part they resulted some documents with on writing the agreed upon amount or when the type would have had to settle my bill.
The beautiful one of when you touch the fund, it is to discover that if you dig you can go down down even more.
That experience put me I set such a depression that I didn't go out of house for two days, making nient'altro that to drink, to drink and still to drink.
My life was a hell, I hated all, I hated myself, I found me to take to fists the wall or to dash some chair on the walls of house.
I often thought about the past, to the fact that perhaps if my parents had been different, some most permissive, less fanatics and bigots, would not have needed perhaps that whole obsessive search of the sex.
I would perhaps have lived a normal life, made of joys and love, with an only girl for time, with a stable job, sure, respectable.
Lawyer I would be become and I would never have made to miss nothing to my family and as it compensates to my days of hard job there would have been a meal decrease and a dear person that my return would have waited to house.
It is Linda, if the I/you had been nearbyer, if only I/you had not allowed her to belong to this world, if only I/you had been a best person, with her now we would not be perhaps in this situation.
For how much I tried to stop the tears, these didn't do anything else other than to rule my face.
I went to Linda. I knew that without someone that took care of him of my business I would not have combined anything, especially in this period, and I also knew that by now on her I could not count anymore, it was not my manager anymore and you/he/she would not have been anymore it.
With the money of the book an attic was bought in a splendid building of seven floors.
There was a restrictive injunction that he/she forced me to stay to at least one hundred meters from her, correct a small form of guardianship that Linda succeeded in getting from the judge the exit of his/her story shortly after.
I rubbed of it.
I went to her, I knocked to his/her door.
«What cazzo you do us you here?» they were his/her words of welcome.
«I needed to speak to you before going» I almost answered her whispering.
«What cazzo it jumps you for the head, eh? Don't you remember thing anymore you/he/she has said the judge? Do you have to be me distant at least one hundred meters, and do you dare introduce you to my house even?» it shouted me against.
«I wanted only to tell you that I am sorry. For as you/he/she has gone, for what has happened. You/he/she has perhaps been my guilt, I would have had to brake you when I was still in time, not to allow to make you so many mistakes, to destroy your life, our life.»
It looked me with the eyes of out and with the face deformed by an expression of anger.
«But what cazzo are you saying, of head you are gone out? Would I have destroyed my life? Looked around beautiful! I live in an apartment of luxury, I eat food of quality, draught the best coke, purpose with the best circulating steers. You rather you are not anybody anymore, you have destroyed your career, an initiated career thanks to me. You should kiss only me the feet for the grace period that I have granted you to live. And you now go out of my house, I don't have anything anymore to tell a failure as you.»
I looked at her, it was not as before. For an instant it returned me in mind the beautiful girl that so much I desired to the times of the school or the moments of unbridled sex without obligations or restrictions that we granted us.
For a moment it returned me in mind my friend, that with which I confided me, that that had never judged me that that you/he/she had always listened to me.
For a moment it returned me in mind the old Linda, and again the tears that went out me of the eyes.
«You immediately go out of my house or I call the police!» it told me with threatening tone.
«I have loved indeed you Linda. I am sorry for everything this.»
I turned me and I went toward the balcony.
«And it is all right, I am forcing there you, call the police» he turned and it directed him to take the telephone.
I went out on the balcony, I climbed on the moulding.
Seven floors.
Who knows how much the flight would have lasted from there to earth.
Perhaps a pulsation of eyelashes, perhaps the time of a life.
I made a breath, I closed the eyes and I jumped in the void.
At the end of the accounts what I had lived, all of my experiences, all of my transgressions seemed me so bleak, so deprived of sense.
It seemed me to have lived on a train that has never reached his/her destination.
I looked for the money, I aspired to the success, I wanted fame notoriety. For the whole life I have not done anything else other than to pursue something, something that I didn't even know me thing was, I m
ade me enchant from fatuous fires destined to disappear in the time and not to leave him behind anybody trace.
I have only a memory that after so much time the heart still heats me: Giorgia.
If I/you had stopped with my job to the Lady Violet, if a time finished the studies I/you was found me a normal job, if I/you had planned my life following some healthy principles, now I would not be perhaps me in this situation.
Even I would have married Giorgia, she would have had some children from me, we would be been able to be a happy family, with his tall and low, certain, but however united by the love that you/he/she would have tied us.
The dark side of red lights Page 16