by Sue MacKay
So much for doctor-patient boundaries. Sometimes Taupo seemed even smaller than it actually was. She understood Keisha was deliberately delaying the conversation to come. So, ‘Marshall is Aimee’s father.’ No secret there. The man had made sure everyone at the medical centre knew, which meant hundreds of others were now aware of the fact, too. ‘I’ll make some coffee.’
She filled the coffee percolator and sat her guests down at the table. ‘How was Phuket? You’ve all got great suntans.’
Keisha answered. ‘We had a fabulous time. Right up until the moment we got home and heard the messages.’ She seemed stunned and yet simultaneously thinking about many things.
Toby added, ‘We had to come see you. No way could we wait until Monday.’
‘It’s truly all right,’ she tried to reassure the distressed couple, at the same time knowing exactly what they were going through. The shock, the fear and the many unanswerable questions. All very debilitating. Dropping onto a chair, she placed her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands. ‘Keisha, your mammogram shows an abnormality. There’s a dense spot in your breast, like a lump. At the moment no one can say for sure what it is.’
The other woman’s face whitened. Toby took her hand and held on tight. Suspecting and knowing were miles apart. And at this point they hadn’t had confirmation that Keisha did have cancer.
Charlie continued quietly, ‘The radiology centre has left you a message, too.’
Keisha nodded. ‘I have to make an appointment for another mammogram. She said something about the X-rays of one breast not being very clear.’
‘That’s standard practice. The woman phoning is not a doctor so can’t tell you anything about your X-ray results.’ The coffee percolator made sucking sounds and she got up to turn it off. ‘Considering you were away, I thought it best we make you an appointment. Eleven o’clock on Monday. You can change the time if that doesn’t suit.’
‘We’ll be there,’ Toby growled.
‘The radiologist will give you an ultrasound scan. He’ll also take a tiny sample from the lump to send to the laboratory. Until he gets the results of that there’s nothing you can do.’
‘Except worry ourselves sick.’ Keisha leaned against her husband, her fingers now interlaced tightly in her lap. ‘How long will it take for the results to come back?’
‘A few days. I won’t deny that’ll be hard.’ Absolutely terrifying, if the truth be known. They wouldn’t get much sleep over those days. ‘If you want to talk about anything in that time, phone me. Or drop in. I really don’t mind.’
Gleeful shouts had them all turning to look out the window. Marshall had the boys kicking the ball at one end of the lawn while Aimee tottered around them in her wet swimsuit, laughing and chasing the ball.
‘He’s good with kids, your man,’ Toby said.
‘It’s all very new to him, this fatherhood stuff.’ He’d taken to Aimee like cheese to crackers. But try telling Marshall that.
Keisha watched them, her hungry gaze flicking from Calib to Zac, Calib to Zac. Tears gathered in her eyes. ‘My boys. Will they be all right? If…?’
‘Don’t go there.’ Yeah, right. Like she hadn’t? The moment she’d heard she had to have tests done she’d panicked and had spent every waking hour—which had been most of the days and nights leading up to getting her results—making numerous and varied plans for Aimee if the worst happened.
Keisha turned big, sorrow-filled eyes on her. ‘Yeah, right,’ she echoed unwittingly. ‘How did you manage…’ she wiggled her fingers in the air ‘…not to go there?’
‘I didn’t. It’s a very scary time.’ The not knowing had eaten away at her, as it did with anyone facing the same horrendous situation. ‘I suggest you try to take things one day at a time. You couldn’t have got an appointment any sooner. The lab will do their best to have answers quickly. They always do in these cases.’
‘I have to say it, Charlie.’ The woman drew a deep breath and spat it out. ‘Cancer.’
Toby blanched at his wife’s sudden directness. ‘Keisha, sweetheart…’
‘No, Toby, I’m saying it as it is. I have to. At the moment that’s what we’re looking at. This time next week we might be dancing in the street and celebrating a good result.’ Her voice lowered. ‘Or I might be baking and filling the freezer with meals for you to give the boys while I’m in hospital.’
Charlie dredged up a smile. ‘Why do women always start trying to sort out their family in times like this? That seems to be their first concern.’
‘Guess it’s the nurturing instinct in us.’ Her bottom lip trembled and Charlie reached across to squeeze her hand. Nothing she could say would make this go away.
Then a loud shriek from outside had Charlie leaping out of her chair. ‘Aimee?’ Loud sobs followed that she recognised as Aimee hurting, intermingled with a deep male voice talking lovingly.
‘Sorry, but I’ve got to go and see to Aimee.’
Toby’s words stopped her. ‘But Aimee’s dad’s with her.’
‘He isn’t used to comforting her when she’s hurt or upset.’
‘Give him a moment. Seems to me he’s doing his best.’ Toby stared her down. ‘Come on, Doc, let him show Aimee who he is to her.’
Slowly she inched back down onto the chair. ‘You’re right. But I want to be there for Aimee.’
Keisha nodded. ‘That nurturing thing. But Toby’s right. If Marshall hasn’t had much to do with kids, and especially with his daughter, then he’s doing really well. It’s gone quiet out there.’
Charlie blinked. ‘So it has.’ Pride swelled in her chest. Marshall was a fantastic dad. If only she could get him to see that, to believe it.
*
Marshall watched Toby gently help Keisha into the car and close the door with a soft click. ‘Poor bastard. He doesn’t have a clue what to do other than be right beside his wife every moment.’
Charlie grimaced. ‘Not much either of them can do right now. The waiting is horrible. They’ll be wondering if Keisha is going to die, if she’ll live and see her boys grow up, if she even has cancer or not. They’ll make plans for the boys in case the worst happens and then change them every five minutes.’
His heart thudded in his chest. Charlie was speaking from experience. If only he hadn’t changed his email address he’d have been here for her. Yeah—if the army had given him leave. ‘How long did you have to wait to find out your results?’
‘Ten days. Felt like ten years. I hardly slept that whole time. Spent hours just watching Aimee in her basinet, drinking in as much about her as possible. She was so tiny and vulnerable and I didn’t know how long I’d be there for her.’ Her voice caught and she slapped the back of her hand over her cheek.
Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he hauled her up against him. ‘But you are here, and the future’s looking good. Aimee’s happy, and lucky to have the best mom ever.’ He kissed the top of her head. ‘You made it, Charlie. Hang onto that and try to let the past go.’
She sniffed against his shirt. ‘I’m trying, believe me. But having to tell Keisha she might have cancer threw me. I thought I’d manage but it seems I haven’t completely put it all behind me.’
‘You’re strong and getting stronger by the day.’ He put her away from him enough to be able to see her face. ‘Promise to let me know any time you feel you can’t manage. I can’t make up for not knowing but I can be sure to talk with you any time you’re worried. Okay?’
Her teeth left an indentation on her bottom lip as she nodded. ‘Okay. That would be good.’ She didn’t look overly convinced, though.
*
Hours later Marshall tucked a strand of Charlie’s hair behind her ear as she slept, curled up against him in her bed. He hadn’t had more than a catnap through the night, afraid to miss any moment holding Charlie to him. What she’d told him about her cancer had cut him deep. How had she coped with all the worry and fear it had brought while trying to look after a baby? At least she’d had
Brendon but Keisha was way better off having Toby with her at this time.
His hand fisted. If only he’d known. If only he hadn’t deleted his address. If only a whole bunch of things. But nothing could be changed except what he did for the future. He had to stay in touch with Charlie, no matter what.
Seeing the first hint of sunlight creeping around the edge of the curtains, he grimaced. Friday. Tomorrow—well, tomorrow was his last day here.
He’d spent as much time as he could with Aimee during the past two weeks, which had been pretty much all of it. Being with Charlie hadn’t come as easily. She had a job to do. She’d pointed out that asking for time off when she’d already taken months over the previous year and a half didn’t sit easily with her.
The reason for that time off terrified him. Was Charlie really going to make it? She had to. No argument. Aimee needed her. It was sad that there’d be no siblings for his girl but not the worst thing to come out of this. Charlie had all the love she needed from her father and it would be similar for Aimee. But cancer? Showed how little he had to do with everyday medicine if he hadn’t recognised her gauntness and lack of energy for what it was. He still didn’t want to think about Charlie and cancer in the same sentence. But there’d be plenty of nights ahead when he wouldn’t be able to avoid it.
Since learning what was behind her exhaustion, he’d wanted to do even more for her. But mostly, every night when she’d crawled into bed, exhausted as usual, he’d followed and held her as she’d fallen into that first deep sleep. He’d lain awake, hearing every breath she’d taken, feeling the rise and fall of her breasts against his arm, absorbing her warmth and scent. Trying to pass his strength on to her.
About an hour later she’d wake up suddenly, her eyes wide and excited, her lips searching for his mouth, her hand pushing down his body until she encountered the hard result of him holding her so close.
They’d made love, sometimes so slowly and exquisitely it hurt him inside where his heart lay. At other times their passion and need had driven them wild with excitement and they’d had to restrain themselves from crying out loud enough to be heard throughout the house.
Afterwards Charlie usually fell back into such a deep sleep it was as though she was unconscious, and he’d return to holding her. He loved her more and more every day. Falling asleep and missing a single moment of Charlie in his arms was not possible. Time was precious—and running out fast.
His ticket for his flight out of Auckland on Saturday night was tucked out of sight in a pocket of his pack but hiding it hadn’t changed the fact. He was leaving. Going back to the States. And the army. Walking away from this wonderful, gutsy woman. Leaving his daughter behind because this was the best place for her. The days were jerking along, sometimes whizzing by, sometimes crawling so slowly he had to keep checking his watch to make sure he hadn’t got the time wrong.
The slow times were when Charlie wasn’t with him. At times he resented her patients and then hated himself for that selfish emotion. She was doing one hell of a balancing act, juggling Aimee’s needs, her patients’ requirements, her father and him. All while she was so goddamned exhausted. Yet every night she went to bed with a wicked gleam in those deep blue eyes. Every morning she woke up with enthusiasm and laughter on her lips.
No doubt about it. He would miss her like crazy. So much for coming and working her out of his system. She’d managed to completely infiltrate every cell of his body. She would never leave him in peace now. Even when he was halfway round the world in some alien place, putting broken soldiers back together in the makeshift hospitals they used.
Charlie would be his guardian angel, there to escape to in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep for thinking about the next day’s duties.
Maybe that was a load of crap and he just had to accept he loved her but wasn’t going to do a damned thing about it for fear of hurting her.
*
Saturday. Charlie stared at the dent left by Marshall’s head on the pillow beside hers. He’d made love to her as the sun had come up. Tender, yet gripping love that had spoken of the things he couldn’t say to her. He did care about her, maybe came close to loving her. She’d felt that in his touches, his kisses, the times they’d spent talking, or when they’d just sat watching their daughter.
He was leaving her.
When he’d climbed out of bed to go for a run there had been tears in his eyes. She’d reached for him but he’d avoided her outstretched fingers. ‘If I get back into bed with you, chances are I’ll never leave.’
Yeah, well, what was wrong with that? Her heart squeezed with need as he slipped out of the room. Honest to a fault, he’d never hidden the fact he couldn’t stay. Tears slid from the corners of her eyes and tracked down to her ears, on further to soak into her pillow. She let them come, though she should be fighting them. She’d allow herself this one moment of self-pity then she’d get up and go on with her life.
But first she had to get through the remainder of the day until Marshall hopped into his rental vehicle and drove away. Smudging tears across her face, she sat up. There were two ways to do this. She could go around with a dark heart all day and make everyone miserable, and probably make Marshall glad to be escaping.
Or they could celebrate the fact they’d found each other again and that Aimee now had her father in her life, albeit mostly via the ether.
She tossed the sheet off and her feet hit the floor. Pulling a drawer open, she chose a top with shoestring straps in a sky-blue colour that highlighted her eyes. From her wardrobe she took a short denim skirt that emphasised her slim legs and hugged the curves of her backside. A black G-string and a very lacy push-up bra went onto the bed beside the other clothes. Marshall might not get to see the underwear but she’d feel more feminine for wearing it. And he’d certainly get an eyeful of what he was leaving behind when she waltzed out to the kitchen dressed in that skirt and top. She wasn’t going down without a fight.
She got the eyeful bit right. Marshall was leaning against the bench, pouring water down his gasping throat, when she hit the kitchen nearly an hour later, her hair washed and styled, her face lightly made up. He spluttered water down the front of his tee shirt and his eyes bugged out. Coughing and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he stared at her.
Then his mouth lifted into a grin and his eyes filled with a wicked gleam. ‘Hey, Charlie, you look fabulous. You’ve gone all out this morning.’
So he’d caught onto her ploy. Good. At least he’d remember her as a sexy woman and not just a tired mother and doctor. ‘Thought we’d have the full works this morning. A brunch rather than breakfast. Bacon, eggs, sausages, mushrooms, tomatoes.’
Dad walked in as she was talking. ‘We could pop a bottle of bubbles, too. There’s one in the other fridge.’
She wasn’t celebrating Marshall leaving. But, then again, she was going all out to make a lasting memory. ‘Great idea, Dad. I’ll chop up the peaches, apricots, strawberries and raspberries I got at the roadside stall yesterday for a fruit salad.’
Marshall continued leaning against the bench. His legs not capable of holding him up any more? Had she finally knocked the stuffing out of him? He did look a bit stunned. Had expected her to stand around sniffling all day, had he? She had news for him. She wasn’t going to show him how much this hurt. That would come later, in the middle of the night when he filled her head and prevented her from sleeping.
Nudging Marshall in the waist, she reached for the kettle. ‘Out of the way, big boy. I’ve got heaps to do and I can’t start without that first cup of tea inside me.’
His legs did work. Just. He stumbled sideways, leaned against the stove. ‘Ah, right. What can I do to help with this banquet?’
Dad beat her to answering. ‘Get out of those shorts and shirt first. Then there’s Aimee to see to. Later you can help me cook this mountain of food on the barbecue.’ His voice went up a notch and he looked away, but not before she saw the distress in his eyes.
‘Sounds like we’ve got ourselves a plan. Thanks, both of you.’ And he disappeared quick-smart out of the room.
Charlie stared after him until Dad draped an arm over her shoulders. ‘He’s no happier than you, my girl.’
‘So why go?’
‘He belongs to the army. Not us.’ His hand squeezed her arm gently before he stepped away.
Dad’s understanding got in the way of her determination not to let her emotions go on the rampage. Sniffing hard, she made the tea, squeezing the teabag until it nearly split, stirring in the milk until liquid spun over the side of the mug. Sniff, sniff. Clang. The teaspoon hit the bottom of the sink.
‘Mummy, I got up.’ Aimee wrapped her arms around Charlie’s knees.
‘Hey.’ Reaching down, she lifted up her baby. ‘How did you get up all by yourself? Bet Daddy helped you.’
‘I caught her climbing out of the cot.’ Marshall grinned from the doorway, his eyes full of pride. ‘You’re going to have to put her in a bed any day now, little monkey that she is.’
Hugging Aimee tightly, Charlie managed a smile for him. ‘Wonder where she gets that from.’
‘Don’t look at me. No monkeys in my family. Until now.’ And once again he headed away, this time hopefully going to the bathroom.
*
Once again Marshall found himself clearing up after the barbecue. It had become his job since he’d arrived. It was almost as if, by having allocated jobs, it meant he had a place in this family. Something new for him. Different from being ordered to do something in the army. Or in his parents’ house. This was about sharing the chores and doing things for those he cared about. And who cared about him.
Charlie was putting Aimee down for her afternoon nap. He’d held his girl on his knees throughout brunch, had kicked a ball around the yard with her afterwards, with Charlie egging them on from the sidelines, and he’d kissed her goodbye. His heart had come near to breaking then. But going away was the right thing to do. One day Aimee—and Charlie—would thank him for this. One day they’d understand. He hoped. Because right now he sure as hell didn’t.