Slowly, Devon picked himself up off the couch and rummaged around in his suitcase for pajamas. He needed sleep and lots of it. Maybe things would look better in the morning. More clear. Wadding up his khaki shorts, he paused when a crackling sound came from the back pocket. The letter. He’d forgotten all about it.
Sinking down onto the couch, Devon removed a wrinkled and creased paper from the envelope, unfolded it, and read Lindsay’s letter. Then he reread it.
Devon couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried, but by the time he’d refolded the letter, his eyes were wet with tears. Lindsay’s words had penetrated through the walls of stubbornness and found a way to his heart. A feeling of hope drowned out all other emotions, bringing with it the clarity he’d needed. Stella had tried to explain, but it had taken Lindsay’s words—Ryan’s mother’s words—to finally make him understand.
In Lindsay’s mind, she hadn’t picked him. God had.
With care, Devon slid the letter back into the envelope. Someday Ryan would be old enough to understand, and Devon planned to keep it safe until that day. There were some words only a mother could say. Colleen had been right after all. Mothers really were a gift straight from heaven.
Devon knew what he needed to do. He’d known it all along but hadn’t wanted to consider it or even think about it until now. Every part of him screamed, “No. There has to be another way.” But deep inside, Devon knew there wasn’t.
With shaking hands, he called Brady.
A raspy voice answered. “Man, you’ve got to get yourself some sort of nightlife in that city so you’ll start calling me at a reasonable hour.”
“Sorry, bro, I’m not thinking right. I’ll make it quick. Have you heard from Walter Hawkins lately?”
Silence. For almost a full minute, Brady’s even breathing echoed through the phone before his friend finally asked, “Why?”
⇐ ⇑ ⇒
Devon sat on the couch next to Ryan. “Hey, bud, I need to talk to you man to man.”
“What does man to man mean?” Ryan grinned. “That sounds funny.”
“Well, I’m a man, and you’re a man, so when we only talk to each other, it’s called man to man.”
“I’m not a man. I’m a koala!” During the past week, Ryan had become a fan of The Koala Brothers.
Devon patted his knee. “Fine, can we talk man to koala then? Come here.”
Ryan scooted away. “I’m not a koala. I’m a boy.”
“Get over here before I tickle you senseless.”
Ryan giggled and ran. After ten minutes of chasing, tickling, and wrestling, Devon finally managed to get Ryan to sit on his lap.
“Hey, how would you like to live with me?”
“Forever?”
“Uh huh.”
Brown eyes widened. “Here? Where we eat custard every day?”
Devon shook his head. “No. We’d move to America, where I live. You’ll come back with me and stay with me there. We can get a house with a big yard and a swing set and everything.”
“But how will we get there?”
“On an airplane.”
“I get to ride on an airplane? Yay!” Ryan nearly jumped down before Devon caught ahold of him again.
“Whoa, I’m not done yet. If you decide to live with me, that means that after the airplane ride, we won’t come back to Australia for a long time. You will live in America and go to school in America, and you’ll always be with me.”
“Can Stella come with us?”
Devon paused. How to make Ryan understand? “No. She needs to stay here, but we will come back to visit her sometimes, okay? And you can call her anytime you want.” Except during the day. The time difference wouldn’t exactly be kid-friendly, but they’d find a way to make it work.
Ryan’s excitement fled as quickly as it had come. “But I want Stella to live with us too.”
“Maybe she can come to America sometime.”
“To live with us?”
“No, to visit.”
Ryan frowned at the floor.
It had never occurred to Devon how attached a four-year-old could become to an adult. How hard had it been for Ryan to lose his mother? How difficult would it be for him to leave Stella? Ryan deserved stability and love. He deserved to be a child. And from here on out, Devon would see that he got it. He’d be there for Ryan the rest of his life.
And Stella would too . . . from a distance.
Inspired, Devon said, “Hey, what do you say we buy a camera for Stella’s computer? That way when we call her, you can see her on the computer and she’ll be able to see you. Just like you see people on the TV. Would you like that?”
Ryan nodded, a partial smile returning to his face.
Chapter Eleven
Devon’s flight was scheduled to leave the following morning, and Stella still hadn’t heard a word from him. What was going on? What had he decided to do? Did he plan to show up and hand Ryan over, or would Devon become Ryan’s legal guardian?
Stella had debated calling him several times, but what could she say that wouldn’t make things worse? Nothing. Waiting was her only choice.
That and missing them both.
Sometime during the next twenty-four hours, Stella’s entire life would change. And not for the better. Either way, Ryan and Devon would drift away from her. Either way, she lost.
It was Friday night, and Stella wanted to curl up in a ball and hope the melancholy would scatter away in her tears. But she was made of sterner stuff than that. So she cleaned. Stella washed her blinds and windows, reorganized her closet, wiped down all the walls, and dusted every square inch. But it didn’t help. Every time she looked at anything in that wretched flat, it would remind her of a little boy or a man.
Maybe Stella should spend her time looking for a new place to live.
A knock interrupted her thoughts. Her pounding heart deterred her for only a second before she rushed to the door and flung it open.
Devon. There. On her doorstep. Looking handsome and . . . nervous? With his hands shoved in his pockets, he rocked back and forth from his toes to his heels. Had he come to tell her no?
“Where’s Ryan?” Stella said.
“With Colleen. I needed a chance to talk to you alone before we go back to get him.”
Get him? What did that mean? Was he going to leave Ryan with her? Trying for a calm voice, Stella said, “Come on in.”
Devon drifted toward the back patio but stopped when he got to the kitchen. “Your floor looks nice. Very shiny and clean.”
“Yeah. Who knew my dishwasher could double as a floor cleaner?”
He half smiled before stepping out to the back patio. Taking a seat, Devon gazed up at the tree. “I’m going to miss this place. No one back home is going to believe me when I tell them wild parrots eat from your hands.”
“Larakeets.”
“Whatever.”
Stella pulled out the other chair. She wanted to shriek, “Out with it!” but clasped and unclasped her fingers instead. What had Devon decided? What would become of Ryan? Why wouldn’t he just tell her and get it over with?
“I’ve decided to become Ryan’s legal guardian.”
Stella’s heart dropped to her toes as tears wet her eyes. After months of stewing and worrying, everything was finally looking up. Ryan would have a wonderful father. Ryan would have a great life. Ryan would be okay.
Ryan would leave Australia and perhaps never return.
Stella took a deep breath. This is good, Stella. This is what you wanted. But the words didn’t compensate for the ache that filled her body. She didn’t want them to go.
“Thank you,” Stella said. “So, so much. You’re an answer to my prayers. Lindsay’s too. And I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you everything to begin with. I just didn’t think that . . .” Her words drifted off.
“No, you didn’t think, or maybe you thought too much. Regardless, I understand why you did what you did.”
“You do?”
“
Yeah.”
Stella wanted to throw her arms around him. Even after all she’d put him though, Devon had somehow forgiven her.
“Does Ryan have a passport?”
“Yes.” Stella hoped Devon wouldn’t be offended by yet another assumption on her part, but he didn’t seem surprised.
“Good,” he said. “I’ve changed my flight. I’m taking Ryan to Oregon. We’ll spend a week or so with my family, and once he’s comfortable, I’ll return to Chicago alone.”
“But—”
Devon held up his hand. “Just let me finish before you start questioning my decisions.” Standing, he walked to the edge of the patio and leaned against a pillar. Minutes floated by before he finally said, “I’ve decided to sell my company.”
Stella gaped at him. “But—”
His hand shot up again. “Please, Stella.”
She forced her lips together. No, no, no! This isn’t right! It’s not what I want you to do, and it’s not what Lindsay would have wanted you to do either. You shouldn’t have to give up something you love so much. Surely there’s another way. There has to be another way.
“Someone has wanted to buy it for years, but I’ve never considered selling—until now, that is. They’ve already made me an offer and I’ve already accepted, which is why you haven’t heard from me in a few days. I needed to figure some things out before I signed any guardianship paperwork.”
Devon took a breath and let it out. “So, as I was saying before, I’ll leave Ryan with my parents while I fly back to Chicago and complete the sale. Then I’ll pack up my stuff and return to Oregon, and Ryan and I will start over there, near my family. It makes sense. More sense than trying to work full-time and raise a child on my own. Besides, it’s what Lindsay would have wanted.”
Was it? Stella felt a sickening pit fill her stomach. She’d been too preoccupied worrying about Ryan and his future to really stop and consider what she was asking of Devon. Stella figured he’d simply cut back on his hours and maybe hire someone to care for Ryan. Wasn’t that what most people would do?
Devon isn’t most people, said a voice inside her head.
No. He wasn’t. He was a good, honest man who would make the best father for Ryan. Stella only wished he didn’t have to give up so much in the process. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t set out to ruin your life.”
“You didn’t ruin my life. You may have upset it for a while, but as my mother so kindly pointed out, it’s only temporary. Things will all work out in the end.”
If only he looked more convinced. “What will you do?”
Devon actually smiled. Well, almost. “I don’t know yet, but maybe Ryan can help me decide. He’s already told me all the pets he wants to get, so maybe we can open our own zoo.”
A zoo. Stella wanted to simultaneously laugh and cry. Here Devon was, about to give up something that meant so much to him, and he was joking about becoming a zookeeper. “Great idea. Ryan can be in charge of feeding all the animals.”
“Hey, I think you just gave me our marketing pitch. We’ll spread the word that we have the fattest animals on the planet and people will flock to it just to watch them try to move.”
Stella laughed, and their eyes met. A wonderful, prickling sensation filled her body, and she couldn’t resist walking over and throwing her arms around him. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
Devon’s arms tightened around her as he pulled her closer. Closing her eyes, Stella rested her head against his chest, relishing the way his touch made her feel. Warm, happy, alive.
Maybe if she never let go, he wouldn’t leave.
But he did, and took Ryan with him. They stayed a few extra days to finalize the paperwork and then late in the afternoon on Tuesday, Stella drove them to the airport. She parked the car and followed them inside, where they paused near a window just outside security.
Stella knelt and gathered Ryan to her. “I’m going to miss you, kiddo.” She tried to blink away her tears as she held him tight. “I want to hear from you all of the time—at least once a week, you hear?”
Ryan frowned. “I want you to come too.”
“I promise I’ll come for a visit soon, okay?”
“Okay.” A plane flew by overhead. Ryan turned around and pressed his nose to the window. His excitement was obvious, and Stella tried not to let it depress her.
Slowly, Stella faced Devon, not knowing what to say. How could she say good-bye to someone she shouldn’t care about but did? “Did you know that the word “stewardesses” is the longest word typed only with your left hand on a keyboard?” Stella blamed her nerves for the ridiculous comment.
Eyebrows arched, Devon chuckled. “No. But I’ll be sure to steer clear of that word since I have enough trouble using a keyboard.”
He held out a gift bag he’d been carrying. “This is for you. From Ryan. It’s a webcam so he can see you when he calls.”
“How sweet. Thank you.” The reality hit Stella like a blast of cold water from a hose. It was a thoughtful gift, really it was, even though there was already a webcam on her laptop, but it also reminded her that she couldn’t touch, hug, kiss, or cuddle Ryan like she wanted. It meant distance.
Devon offered a half smile. “I don’t know what else to say. And obviously you don’t either, which is a first.”
He was right. She didn’t. Although there were several things Stella wanted to say: Please don’t take Ryan away from me. Please stay a while longer. I think I’m falling for you, and I can’t stand the thought of you leaving and taking Ryan.
“Keep in touch?” she finally said.
“We will.”
Little fingers were still pressed to the glass. “Will you tell him every night that I love him?”
“I promise.”
“Thanks.” Well, this is it. Devon would pass through security and board the plane, and Stella’s arms would ache to wrap themselves around him. Not touching him went against every natural instinct her body possessed.
But Devon surprised her. He picked up her hands and pulled her to him, tucking her into a warm embrace. Then he held her close as a few tears trickled from her eyes and soaked into the fabric of his shirt.
“When can we ride on a plane?” Ryan asked, bouncing toward them.
“You’re one of a kind, Stella Walker,” Devon whispered in her ear and kissed her forehead before releasing her. Then he held his hand out for Ryan and stepped into the security line. Ryan waved until they’d rounded a corner, but Devon looked back only once.
Chapter Twelve
It had been a long flight, which was ironic because no time had passed. At least not according to the clock affixed to the wall of the airport. Devon and Ryan had left Sydney Tuesday night at eight and landed in Portland the same Tuesday night at seven-thirty. Crazy. The International Date Line sure knew how to mess with people’s minds.
Lydia Pierce found them in the baggage claim area. “Oh you darling boy, come and give your grandma a hug!”
Ryan smiled tentatively but hung back, looking unsure of the large woman towering over him. Devon’s mom loved to bake and loved to eat. As a result, she had gained a few pounds over the years and was beloved by all who knew her. There was no happier person on earth. Even Mrs. Claus couldn’t compete.
Ignoring the boy’s shyness, Lydia scooped him up in her arms and squeezed him tight. “You’re even more adorable than I’d imagined. We’re so glad you’re here.”
Ryan didn’t protest, but he didn’t say anything either.
“Don’t worry, champ.” Devon rubbed the top of his head. “One taste of her cookies and you’ll never want to leave.”
“Cookies?” Ryan asked, the first shadow of a smile appearing on his face.
“Oh, you like cookies, do you?” Lydia asked. “That’s good, because I have some waiting for you at home. Your grandpa is making them as we speak.”
“Dad’s making cookies?” Devon asked. “Since when did he become so domestic?”
<
br /> “Since we didn’t get them made in time to pick you up, and I told him I got to see Ryan first.”
“Sounds like Dad’s going soft.”
Devon must have fallen asleep during the drive because it seemed like only a few minutes before Lydia pulled to a stop in the driveway.
“We’re home,” she said.
With its faded yellow siding and dark green shutters, the house still looked the same. It was good to be home.
“Do we get cookies now?” Ryan asked from the backseat.
“Of course,” Lydia said. “Let’s go find some and meet your grandpa.”
Ryan allowed Lydia to hold his hand, and they found Jack Pierce in the kitchen, pulling a fresh batch of sugar cookies from the oven. He looked ridiculous wearing a red and white floral apron tied under his protruding belly, especially since flour covered his navy blue shirt.
“Welcome home, son, it’s good to have you back,” Jack said, clapping Devon on the back before bending down. “And you must be Ryan. I hope you like cookies because your grandmother insisted on doubling the batch.”
Ryan’s wide eyes rested on the frosting and candy sitting on the counter. Lydia plopped him onto a barstool and placed a cooled sugar cookie before him, handing him a butter knife.
“You’re wearing ruffles, Dad. Ruffles,” said Devon.
Jack looked down and grabbed at the strings, pulling it loose before tossing it on the counter. “Confound it, Lydia! I told you this thing would only make me look like a spineless pansy!” He glanced at Devon. “She’s the one that insisted I wear this ridiculous getup.”
“And you obviously agreed,” Devon said.
“I did not.”
“And yet you wore it.”
Jack glared at his wife.
Lydia chuckled. “I tied it on while you were rolling out dough and talking to Emily on the phone. You were so distracted you didn’t notice.”
Devon grinned. “Well, it’s a good look for you. Maybe next time you could put a matching bow in your hair. Oh wait, you’d need hair for that, wouldn’t you?”
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