by Jami Denise
“You kind of smell like a cookie, too. Sweet... and warm,” he said in a low voice.
I gave him a questioning look and tipped my head. “Why are you calling me that?” I kind of felt like he was making fun of me, but I wasn't sure what it meant. Just another reminder of how stupid and young I was.
He laughed again and brushed his hand over my bare shoulder. “You looked like a cookie, all covered in crumbles.”
I blushed and smiled down at my feet. I realized how silly I looked when I walked up, covered in sand. “It’s sand,” I said dumbly.
“Obviously,” he said with a tinge of humor.
We stood there for a few minutes just staring at each other, and I started to feel weird. Even though I could’ve looked at him all day long, he made me nervous. He was so arrogant and confident, and obviously older than I was. I needed to get back to the group—safety in numbers.
“I... um... gotta go,” I stuttered. I shifted my feet back and forth and clenched my bag a little tighter to my chest as I watched his eyes wander my form once again.
No one had ever looked at me that way. No one had ever paid that much attention, honestly. I was flattered but anxious.
“Why don't you hang out? I want to talk to you for a while,” he said, backing up and leaning against the wall across from me.
I tried not to look at him, afraid that if I got caught up in those eyes again, I'd be a goner. As it was, I would see his gorgeous face as soon as I closed my eyes to dream. I didn't think I would ever see a more handsome boy as long as I lived.
But, I was Jenna Caplan, and I was a total loser.
“I can't. My friends are waiting for me, and they're going to come looking,” I said, hoping there was some kind of threat behind my words that he would read into. Apparently, he wasn't going to be that easy to get rid of.
“Is it your boyfriend?” he asked.
“No!” I cringed at the way it sounded. “I mean, no, my boyfriend isn't waiting.”
I watched as his eyebrow lifted and his smile widened. “So, you have a boyfriend, Jenna? Maybe I should go warn him that I'm going to steal his girl.” He smirked.
“I don't have a boyfriend, so you can just forget it. Let me go,” I said. Even to my own ears, it sounded like a lie.
He moved away from the wall and spread his arms, giving me a wide berth. I looked around me, eyeing the other boys he was with, before putting my feet in motion and running like hell. I caught up to the girls quickly and flopped down on the sand next to them.
“Where the hell have you been? Did you have to dig sand out of your cracks?” Tara asked, snorting.
I rolled my eyes and turned over on my side to face them. I held myself up on my elbow and smiled like the starry-eyed girl I was. “I think I'm in love,” I sighed.
They looked at me like I was crazy and sat up simultaneously on their knees. “What the hell, Jenna! You weren't gone that long! Where were you?” Abbie asked.
I fell back on the towel and threw my arm over my eyes to shield them from the sun. “The bathroom. His name is Royal, and he is so fine...” I said dreamily.
Skylar came into the garage, startling me out of my little daydream. Royal turned around when he saw her and flashed me a knowing smile. As he walked toward me, I knew I’d been caught staring. I met him stride for stride, the need to be close to him so strong I could feel it in every pore of my body. Suddenly, we were in front of each other at last, and his lips were on mine.
Cradling my head, he let his lips move against mine softly. I never got sick of kissing him; I could hardly get enough. I let myself melt into the kiss and let go of all the worry and irritation I’d been carrying all morning. It had been a long time since he’d kissed me that way, and I was taking every ounce of what he gave me.
“Ugh!” Skylar gasped from behind us. “Why do you guys do that? Get a room!”
He chuckled against my lips and gave me a few small pecks then pulled away. “We're embarrassing the children again,” he said without apology.
I shrugged, pressing myself closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. “That's the fun part.” I soaked up the manly scent of his skin as I pressed my nose to his chest. “I'm going to miss you,” I said softly.
He stroked my back and hummed into my hair. “I'll miss you, too, cookie,” he said kissing me again.
I smiled against his lips. “You haven't called me cookie for a long time,” I mused. The nickname always brought me to my knees.
“You'll always be my cookie,” he promised. “I'm sorry I was a dick earlier. I'm just tired.”
“Wake me up next time, okay? I don't like you sleeping on the couch.”
He tugged at my chin and looked into my eyes. “I don't either. I’ll be sure to wake you up next time.”
Not that I was crazy about being woken up—or having him out drinking with his brother that late—but at least he’d acknowledged my feelings. Even though there was still some strain between us, I took every small victory in stride.
“I was thinking—maybe we can do something for our anniversary. I’ll take you to dinner, whatever you want.”
My heart sputtered. Finally, he was putting forth a little effort.
“We can get away. Just us,” I suggested.
“Figure it out and we’ll go. Anywhere you want.”
He leaned in to kiss me again, but the tiny monstrous footsteps of my son behind us signaled it was time for them to go.
“Pop! I found my fishin' hat Papa Joe got me! It was all the way at the bottom of my toy box!” He materialized in front of us and adjusted the floppy hat on his head.
“Way to go, Ben. Let's head out of here. We don't want to miss any fish, or you'll lose the contest.”
It was a bittersweet moment watching them drive away from the house. The week had been harrowing. Arguments and dirty words flew, and the house had been tense and ugly. We always seemed to settle things in a day or two, but it was never long before we were at each other’s throats again.
Our final moments in the garage were encouraging, but it only scratched the surface. As good as it felt to work things out when he left, I had a hard time putting everything together in my head. He’d touched me more within that ten minutes in the garage than he had in over a month.
I couldn’t remember the last time we even attempted to get along.
* * *
As soon as I heard the rumble of Royal’s truck pulling into the driveway the next day, I was off the couch, my book long forgotten, and ran to the door, eager to see my boys.
A flash of blue came running at me in the form of my high-spirited five-year-old. His short, brown hair stuck up in every direction, much like his father’s, and his whiskey-colored eyes lit up with mischief and innocence. There was nothing like the hugs he gave after being away from me, so I whipped him up in my arms and left tiny kisses all over his face. He was crispy with sunburn and stunk to high heaven, but it felt amazing to hold him.
“Did you have fun with Pops and Papa Joe?”" I asked between kisses.
I looked over his shoulder and watched Royal climb out of the truck with a smile on his face. That is a very good sign, I thought to myself. He winked at me before heading to the back of the truck to unload and unhitch the boat.
“I caught a million fish!” he said excitedly.
“That's awesome, Bubba! I'm so proud of you.”
He wiggled out of my arms and ran into the house, and I walked down the walkway toward the truck. Slowly—the way you’d approach a growling dog. Even though he was smiling, lately I was never sure what reaction I’d get from Royal. As much as I wanted to run into his arms, I couldn’t handle it if he rejected me, so I chickened out.
“Hey,” I said lamely.
“Hey, babe.”
“Did you boys have fun?” I moved a little closer to the side of the truck, leaning against the bumper while I watched him pull things out of the bed. He’d seemed pleasant enough, but it seemed the moment had passed.
Good thing I hadn’t tried to run across the lawn. I’d probably still be on my ass.
I left him to do his thing and went back inside, disappointed for sure, but resigned. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected? A miracle?
I’d had a roast in the slow cooker all day, so dinner was easy enough to get ready while Royal showered, and the girls helped get Benji scrubbed up. Dinner was quiet, and for once I welcomed the lack of chit-chat. I couldn’t help but let my mind wander, hoping for a chance to talk to Royal later—he’d promised he would.
When dinner was over, the girls cleared the table, and I took Benji upstairs to get him ready for bed. It didn’t take long and within minutes, he was out like a light. He was always that way after an active weekend, and for once, I was glad. I snuck out and practically ran to our room. When I walked in and found Royal sprawled out on the bed on his stomach, fast asleep, I couldn’t help the pang of disappointment that washed over me.
Once again, we were back to the ordinary where our bed was for sleep and our bodies clung to pillows instead of each other. I stripped off my clothing, pulled on a nightshirt, and climbed into bed, pulling the quilt over both of us.
My head hit the pillow, and the contrast between the thoughts that clogged my head and the soft cotton that held it for sleep was vast. My bed held no comfort when all I wanted was to wrap myself up in my husband's arms and show him how much I loved him.
I drifted off to sleep, lulled by the cadence of Royal’s quiet snoring.
Chapter 2
“Thank you, Tara. I appreciate this more than you know.” I gave her a kiss on the cheek before stepping off the porch.
“No worries. You two deserve a break. We'll be fine here, just go and have fun,” she said, shooing me away with her hands.
Royal waited at the curb, tapping anxious fingers against the steering wheel. I was hopeful about the weekend away, even though I was having a hard time saying goodbye to the kids.
I gave her another hug, waved to the kids, and then ran out to the truck. “I love you guys!” I called out, climbing into the cab.
Royal chuckled as he pulled out of the driveway. “Macy looks ticked. I hope she doesn't give Tara a hard time,” he said.
I clicked the buckle and turned to face him. “Oh, she'll be fine. She loves spending time with Tara and Lily. She’ll get over it.”
Macy begged us to let her stay home and babysit. She thought she was too old for a babysitter, and while she was seventeen and I trusted her, the kids were too much for her to handle for a whole weekend. The girls all bickered like crazy, and they’d drive each other crazy. Not only that, I just didn’t feel right about leaving them alone. Call me overprotective, but they were still babies to me.
They’d be safe with Tara. Besides, she had a knack for keeping them in line. I didn’t want to worry about one damn thing while we were gone. I wanted to concentrate on my me and my husband. That’s it.
We’d had a rough few months. We hadn’t gone away alone in forever, and the trip was long overdue. My hope was to reconnect and communicate with Royal and find a part of us as a couple we’d somehow let fall away.
Conversation was comfortable and easy on the way to the cabin. The drive was always beautiful, and I let myself enjoy being in his presence and sharing the same space for the first time in a long time. He seemed calmer, more at ease, and that feeling was infectious. I could see the lines in his face soften, and the worry lessen.
Long hours at work had taken a toll on him, and it was starting to show in both his health, and his attitude. He’d been cranky and short, and we’d done nothing but fight for months. I couldn’t say something without him getting pissed, and everything he did got on my nerves. It wasn’t pleasant, and it scared me. There were many a night when I’d wonder how we would manage to get through things, so when he mentioned going away, I jumped at it.
After three hours on the road, we made it to the bed-and-breakfast just before nightfall. It was such a beautiful time of day, and I took in the scenery around us as we climbed out of the truck and Royal grabbed my hand.
The sky was quiet and magical, matching the steady thump inside my chest. The calm of the forest, the quaint charm of the cabins, and the rough skin of my husband’s hand in mine made everything so real. It was as if a storm cloud lifted, and the bright light of the sun bathed us in calm.
My body tingled. The urge to break into a sprint and drag him into the tiny oasis just beyond took over, and I giggled.
He let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me into his side. “Excited?”
I looked up into his hazel-green eyes and nodded. I loved when his eyes were so bright—fresh and clear like the ferns surrounding the forest. They were the eyes I fell in love with so quickly and irrevocably.
“Me, too.” His wink caused a flicker of desire to rush through my body.
It had been so long—too long. I thought about the fancy nightwear I had hidden away in the old, black suitcase and gave him a flirty wink of my own.
Déjà vu washed over me when we stepped into the parlor of the bed-and-breakfast. Everything looked, smelled, and felt the same. I’d been able to book the same exact cabin we’d stayed in on our honeymoon, and it felt like a sign. For once, the planets aligned in our favor.
We’d been so happy back then—so full of love and hope. We may have had a shotgun wedding, but we were in love, and we knew we’d make it—no matter what our parents said. We wanted a future together—it just came to us a little sooner than we planned.
I was silly in love, so unrealistic about being a wife and mother. All I knew then was that I would do whatever it took to be the best of both.
Life had a way of making liars of us.
“I can't believe we're really here,” I said breathlessly, looking around the room.
Royal’s hand trailed down my hip, and he tapped my behind as we approached the concierge desk, where an older woman stood with a warm smile on her face.
“You must be the Graingers,” she said. “Welcome back.”
Royal's arm went around my waist again, and his lips found their way to the top of my head. “Thank you,” Royal said kindly. “We've meant to come back for years; life just hasn't given us the opportunity.”
After Royal suggested we go away, I knew going to the cabins would be an important step for us—a way of going back to a simpler time, a happier time. I requested the same cabin we’d stayed in on our honeymoon.
“Well, you're here now. Come. Let me get you settled in. Here's the key to the cabin. Supper is at seven o’clock sharp.”
Royal took the key from her hand and tossed it in the air before catching it again. “Thank you.”
We hurried to the truck to retrieve our bags before walking down the pathway toward our cabin. Royal flung the door open, and a smile pulled at my lips. The musky vanilla potpourri, crisp linens, and the dense, woody aroma of the knotty pine walls took me back to one of the happiest days of my life.
“I feel like I should carry you over the threshold or something,” he said quietly.
“I wouldn't complain,” I said suggestively.
He didn’t take the hint and instead led me inside with his hand on my back. It was disappointed, and I shook my head, confused. All that wonderful energy fizzled somehow—after only ten minutes of being there.
You could hear the sizzle—the sound of moisture hitting heat. It was... gone. Every bone in my body knew it. In its place, we were back to an uncomfortable impasse. Unfortunately, it was a familiar feeling. Everything between us felt forced and had for a while. Every word, feeling, and touch. My entire body tightened; the playfulness I felt earlier was replaced with a deep and sullen insecurity. Like a switch, it was awkward again.
What the hell happened?
He gave me a curious look and put the bags down next to the bed. “Hey, you okay?”
I shrugged and nodded my head. I wasn’t sure what I was. Okay wasn’t close to how I felt, but
I didn’t want to rock the boat. He may have been as nervous as I was—I just had to let it play out and see what happened.
He walked over and leaned down, resting his forehead against mine. “Let’s rest and get ready for dinner.” He nuzzled his nose against mine. “I remember that shower being comfortable enough for two. Join me?”
The husky sound of his voice floated through my ears, and I melted against him. It was a full-time job keeping up with his mood swings. One minute he couldn’t stand me, the next he was all over me. My head spun, but my heart... my heart gave in. Like it always did.
“I would love to,” I said softly.
He pulled my earlobe between his teeth, sending chills up and down my spine. There it was again, the sweet, loving Royal, and that was amazing. He spun me around and led us toward the bathroom. The cabin was small, so it was only eight or nine steps before we were in the room and then inside the shower stall.
Royal powered up the showerhead and pushed it toward the opposite wall to let the water heat up and then turned around and silently undressed me. His eyes never left mine, and his touch set me ablaze. At that moment, I couldn't remember the last time he'd removed my clothing. I had no recollection of the last shower we'd shared, or a time when we'd come together anywhere other than the queen-sized bed in our bedroom.
Our sex life—or lack thereof—had become a regular daydream of mine. I’d become obsessed with trying to make it better, to have it more, to entice him into wanting me. Instead of letting myself go down that road, I concentrated on the way his nimble fingers rid me of my top and bra. He leaned down and moved his lips over my collarbone, his warm breath leaving whispers across my skin, and I dissolved into his touch. I let go of everything except the way his hands felt.
The moment was so sensual and intimate I had to force myself to hold the tears at bay. I was on sensation overload. The crackle of electricity snapped and sparkled everywhere his hands and lips touched me. I finally allowed myself the pleasure of returning the favor and fisted his shirt, pushing it up and over his head. His hands left my body only long enough to remove the oppressive item, and then they returned to continue the symphony of gratification that I craved so badly.