by Jami Denise
I did know.
"Good. I guess I should feel bad that I didn't invite Sarah, but it's my birthday, and I don't want any drama. Austin is going to be enough, thank you very much. Between Royal, my dad, and Glenn, we'll have our hands full."
She laughed. "Poor Macy. I'm so glad we didn't have a shitload of men to contend with. Can you image what that poor kid is going to go through sitting at the dinner table with those guys? I would pay good money if I had to. Bless her heart, but you have to admit—it's funny."
I didn't think it was funny at all. Macy was an emotional freak show. She was irritable and cranky from being cooped up, the stress from school and softball, and then not being able to see Austin. At least she was starting to talk to Royal again, and that was a huge breakthrough.
"Are we still on for lunch and girl’s night?”
"Lunch, yes. As far as girl's night, I think I'm going to pass," I said.
She rolled her eyes. "You're going. I’ll tell Royal to be at the house to watch Ben, and we’ll go have fun and laugh and dance. You need this, Jenna.”
I sighed. "We'll see."
She looked at me pointedly and snapped her fingers in my face. "Yes we will."
* * *
"Royal, do you have a minute?"
I stood against the counter watching him work on the sink for twenty minutes, listening to him bitch about what we put in the garbage disposal and trying to bolster the courage to ask him about Saturday night.
"Yeah, what's up?"
"Can you watch Ben Saturday night?”
I chewed on the cuticle on my thumb and waited for an answer.
He looked up from underneath the sink and narrowed his eyes. "Why? I thought Macy’s boyfriend was coming this weekend."
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Of course he forgot my birthday. He always did.
"That’s on Sunday."
He sat back on his rear and rested his elbows on his bent knees.
"Where are you going?”
“Out,” I said quickly.
“Out? What do you mean out?”
I lifted my chin. "Yes. Out. Tara wants to go dancing, or I don't know—something—so I'm going."
He dropped his head and chuckled under his breath. "Well, that has bad idea written all over it."
That pissed me off. "No one asked you what kind of idea it was. I asked if you had time to take care of Benji while I went out.”
He pushed himself up and glared at me. "I always have time to be with my son, Jenna."
I nodded. "Good. It's all settled. We're going out to eat, too, so I'll need to leave around seven."
I turned to walk away, but he caught my arm. "Just be careful. You know how Tara gets."
I glared. "What's that mean?"
"It means Tara goes to the bars to get drunk and pick up guys. I don't think that's any place for you."
I smirked. "I don't think it's any place for you either, but it's never stopped you from going."
"You want me just to say it, Jenna? Do you? I love Tara, you know how much, but she's a tramp."
"Don't you do that,” I snapped. “Just because she likes to socialize and have fun doesn’t mean she’s a tramp. She just wants to be happy, and who are you to begrudge her that? At least she's not paying hookers to suck her off like your brother. What's that make him? Hmm?"
"You need to watch your mouth," he hissed. "Don't you open your mouth about that in front of Tara, either. You know how hard it is for him, and it'd kill him if she found out.”
I clucked my tongue and shook my head. Stupid men.
"If you think Tara doesn't know all about that, then you're an idiot. She knows."
He looked like I'd smacked him in the face.
"What? They're not together, and she knows it. They can do whatever they want.”
His eyes turned pitch black. "We're together, Jenna.”
I gave him a questioning look. "Huh?"
"We’re not separated, Jenna. We’re still married.”
I nodded. "Of course we are. God, did you seriously think I'd entertain the thought of sleeping with someone else? Ugh. Stop being ridiculous."
"You first."
"I have to go to the grocery store and Target before I pick up the kids. Do you need anything?"
He nodded, picking up his wrench. "Yeah. Soap and deodorant. The stuff at my mom's smells like shit and it's itchy. I like my soap."
God. I'd taken away his soap.
The guilt was heavier and heavier every day. The weight of it was killing me.
"Why don't you just," I stopped myself.
If I told him he could shower at home, it would lead to him moving back in. We were going on month two, and we still hadn’t made headway. If anything, things were worse. We fought more often than not, and it was nasty, mean, and ugly.
I moved toward the doorway before turning around.
"Oh, and by the way, it's my birthday on Sunday."
* * *
"This place is to die for!"
I took another bite of my salad and moaned. "This is so yummy. You have to taste."
Abbie laughed. "Oh yeah, we need to get Royal home, STAT. You're having foodgasms at a chintzy cafe, Jenna. The salad isn't that good. You just need to get laid."
"Is it messed up that you're right? I'm going crazy! All the fighting is like the most inappropriate form of foreplay, and I'm about to lose it."
I was. I was extremely attracted to Royal as it was, but when all of our emotions were out in the open like they were when we fought, he was so sexy. The lack of make-up sex wasn't helping. If I'd had the guts, I would’ve invested in a vibrator to ease the ache, but I was too chicken shit to get one, so I had to live with it.
Or without it as it was.
She laughed. "Trust me. I know. I think that’s the only reason I stayed with David for so long. All we did was fight, so the sex was fantastic."
I loved when it was just us girls. No work, no kids, no men. It was the only time I could breathe and relax and just be Jenna.
“I know you’re confused, but Jenna, look at the circus of losers that I’ve had parade through my life. Here I am, thirty-eight, married and divorced twice and I’m still alone. I love you, and I love Royal. I want to punch him in the dick on the daily, but really, he's pretty special. He’s been there for all of us. He helped me get on my feet after David, made sure I had a place to live, food to eat, and gave me a damn job. He didn’t have to, it’s just who he is. I don't know what I'd do without him."
"Way to ruin my salad bliss, Jess," I laughed through my tears.
She sniffed. "I'm not trying to bring us down." She wiped at her eyes with a napkin and smiled. "These are happy tears. You guys are the only family I've got, and I hate seeing him hurting. I can't help it! He's a big old baby, and I go back and forth between wanting to hug him, to beating him with a stick. It's all very confusing, and I'm exhausted—you two need to work this out because if you get a divorce, I'll be forced to marry him, and that'll get weird. We're already like his three wives as it is." We laughed, and she nodded. "No wonder he's so wacked. He's surrounded by crazy women!"
I shook my head sadly. "If only I could crack his head open and peek inside. He’s so frustrating.”
Tara held her fork up. "From this moment on, there will be no more talk about Royal. We’re supposed to be having fun. We've talked this into the ground. Getting through to him is as easy as solving global warming. We can't do it. He has to figure out what's wrong and fix it himself."
Thankfully, the conversation steered onto more pleasant things. We talked about the kids, especially the girls and the upcoming homecoming dance.
Then I heard a voice that gave me goose bumps all over my body.
Lana.
I held my finger to my lips and grabbed Tara's hand, pulling her down so I could whisper in her ear.
"Lana's sitting behind us," I hissed quietly.
Tara's eyebrows rose, and her mouth fell open.
"What?" Abbie said, way too loudly.
"Shhh," Tara and I hushed.
I strained to listen to Lana's conversation. It was entirely inappropriate, but I couldn't help myself.
"I think you're being delusional—and I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but Lana, he's married and has a family."
I recognized that voice, Dena Murphy. She was an old friend of Lana’s and a clerk at the bank. She was also a customer at the salon and, actually, very likable. I clenched my fists on top of the table to control the shaking. I knew Lana was going to say something about me, and I was going to snap.
"Is that why he moved out? Yeah, he seems thrilled to be with his family," Lana said.
I bit back a growl. I wanted to kill her. The look on Abbie's face was positively lethal.
"Why are you wasting your time? He's poor, and he’s got a lot of baggage."
I wrinkled my nose and frowned. We were hardly poor. We weren't rich, but we weren't poor.
"He's not poor. He owns his own company."
"Yeah but have you seen where he lives? Not to mention that when they get a divorce, she’ll get alimony and child support for four kids. You'll end up supporting him."
I was so close to losing it, and Tara knew it. She rubbed my arm and held my hand under the table. I couldn’t believe those women. Hateful. Horrible.
Dena was so not likeable. I couldn’t wait until she tried to come in to cover her roots again.
They laughed at my expense, and I wanted to scream. It was all so surreal, sitting there listening to them talk about my life like it meant nothing, like my kids meant nothing.
"I'm sure what I'll get in return will be worth it," Lana giggled.
"Stupid bitch!" Abbie whispered harshly.
"I think you need to open your eyes, Lana," Dena said. "He's not all that good looking, anyway."
I frowned and shook my head at Tara. Not that I wanted Lana to think so, but I had the hots for my husband.
"Uh, are you blind? He's gorgeous!"
"Why don't you leave him alone and find some young thing to mess around with if all you want is sex?" Dena asked.
"Because I want him. I always have, and I always will. I didn't even realize how much I missed him until I came back. All those years, and still no one came close to him. If I could just get him away from his bitch wife, I could make him see it, too. He won't even consider anything with me because of her!"
That was more than I could handle. She'd admitted he’d shown no interest, and yet, she was going to manipulate the situation and pursue him, anyway. It was disgusting.
I stood, grabbed my purse, and wiped at my eyes. "Get me out of here," I pleaded.
Tara and Abbie gathered our things, and Tara went up to pay our bill. "Take her to the car, Abbie."
We rounded the booth, and Dena met my eyes. "Jenna!" she cried.
"Afternoon, skanks," Abbie spat. "Let's go, Jenna."
I took a step forward but stopped and turned to face Lana. There was no way I was walking out of that restaurant without facing her. Her smug smile was telling—she liked hurting me. She hated me, and she enjoyed watching my family being torn apart.
Royal was the biggest moron on the planet.
"You're pathetic, you know that?" I held up my ring finger and tapped it with my other hand. "This makes me Mrs. Grainger. You need to stop playing games with people's lives. It's sad."
She laughed. "Jenna, I have no idea what you're talking about. Paranoid much?"
"I'm serious, Lana. Just leave us alone. Get your own life and stay out of mine."
She laughed. "Jenna, I really don't give a shit about your life. You think way too much of yourself."
I shook my head. "I'm not doing this here. Just leave us alone. I'm warning you."
She laughed. "Or what? What are you going to do? Tell on me?"
Abbie pushed me behind her and leaned down on the table. "As a matter of fact, I'm telling. I just recorded every word, and yes, I will give it to Royal. He needs to know what a bitch you really are so he can stay far away from you."
Lana tossed her hair over her shoulder and grinned. "Fine. Tell him."
Abbie slapped the table. "Look, bitch, I'm not messing around. You will not hurt my family. Jenna may be too much of a lady to kick your ass, but I'm not. At all. I will lay you out without a second thought. He belongs to all of us, so you mess with him, you mess with me. I wouldn't advise you to do that, honey."
Lana laughed out loud. "Ooh, scary."
"Abbie, come on. She's not worth it," I said.
I pulled Abbie's arm and started to lead her away from the table before she did something stupid. She was angrier than I'd ever seen her.
People were staring, and I didn’t want a scene or the whole town talking about us. There were already rumors—I didn't need to add to them.
Abbie followed behind me but turned before we walked out the door. "You were never worth the trouble, Lana."
* * *
"Jenna, phone for you," Tara called from the other side of the room. I finished dabbing the solution on my customer's hair and told her I'd be right back.
"This is Jenna," I answered.
"Mrs. Grainger, this is Mrs. Stewart from Franklin Elementary school. I'm afraid I have some bad news. Benji had an accident at recess, and he's being transported to the hospital.”
"What!" I shouted, jumping off the chair. My hand shook, and I tried to gather myself so I could find out what happened. “What kind of accident?"
"He fell on the playground. He has a nasty bump on his head, and he was complaining about his arm. We couldn’t get you on your cell phone, so we called your husband, and he gave us permission to transport. I wanted to make sure you’d gotten the message. I know you and Mr. Grainger are separated,” she said, lowering her voice to a whisper.
"Fuck my life," I muttered. "Thank you, Mrs. Stewart. I'll head over there right now. I appreciate your call." I slammed the phone down and ran my hands over my face in frustration.
"Tara!" I called out from behind the front desk. "I have to go. Benji got hurt at school, and they're sending him to the hospital."
"Oh my God!" she shrieked. "Hang on. I'm coming with you. You can't drive this way."
I nodded, knowing she was right. I grabbed my purse from underneath the counter and pulled my phone from the front pocket. "Son of a bitch," I hissed. I'd turned it off earlier after a fight with Royal so I wouldn't have to listen to him.
I turned it on quickly and waited for a signal. I put it to my ear and dialed Royal's number. It rang twice before he picked up. "I'm on my way, Jenna. I'm pulling into the parking lot." His voice shook, and I gulped down my fear.
Everything about the moment felt completely wrong. I wanted him to hold me and tell me everything was going to be all right. "God, Royal!" I choked. "My baby!"
"Jenna." He sighed on the other side of the phone. "Don't cry, sweetheart. He's tough. He'll be okay. Please don't cry."
His sweet words weren’t working. In fact, they made me cry harder. "Jenna, I'm here. I'm going inside and I'll find out what's going on. Are you going to be okay to drive?"
I nodded but shook my head in frustration when I realized that he couldn't see me. "Tara’s driving. Melissa is here to take care of the salon, so we’ll be there in a few."
"Be safe, Jenna," he said.
"I will. I lov-" He hung up before I could finish, and that made me cry harder.
"Come on, girl. Benji needs mama to be strong. He'll be okay, sweetie. He's got a Grainger blockhead. The school just has to cover their asses when accidents happen." She patted my shoulder and pointed to the door. "Let's go."
It didn't take long to get to the hospital the way Tara drove, and for that, I was grateful. I was lost in thought the entire ride, thinking about my poor little guy and how scared he must have been riding in an ambulance. I was glad they sent an adult from school with him, but it wasn't the same as having his mommy there.
Tara swung into th
e parking lot, and the car had barely stopped moving before I was out and sprinting toward the doors of the emergency room. As soon as I made it to the waiting room, I looked back and forth frantically, searching for Royal.
As soon as my head swung left, my feet caught on the floor underneath me and the air flew from my lungs. Lana. The flash of anger went wild in my eyes as I stalked toward her. She leaned against the counter talking to a nurse twisting the oversized handbag she carried in her hand.
"How much longer do you think it'll be? I'm incredibly worried, of course, but I have reservations in an hour, and I'm just wondering if we'll make it out of here in time," she whined.
The nurse gave her an exasperated look and clasped her hands in front of her. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I don't know what to tell you." I could see that the woman had had her fill of Lana, and I couldn't blame her for it at all.
"Well, why can't I go back there yet? I mean, I'm practically family."
My heart skipped a beat, and the gasp that flew from my chest caused all eyes to land on me. My hands balled up into tight fists. How dare she? I was going to kill her, and by the look on her face, she fucking knew it.
"You piece of shit," I snapped, taking a few steps toward her. She pressed her back into the counter and reached into her handbag.
Probably looking for mace.
My body vibrated with anger. My hands shook and my legs wobbled. I’d never been more enraged in my life. Seducing my husband was one thing—messing with my kids was another. They were off limits. Period.
"Jenna," she stuttered, looking over her shoulder.
"What are you doing here?"
"I came with Royal," she snapped. "I was at his office when he got the call and had to run over here because you," she seethed, shoving her finger into my chest, "wouldn't pick up the phone. What kind of mother are you? Your son is hurt, and you're off doing God knows what!"
The next thing I knew, I had her pinned to the counter, held down by my arm against her throat. I had never put my hands on anyone like that in my life. All the resentment, hurt, anger, and grief over our separation and her part in it finally snapped my last thread of dignity.
I vaguely heard Tara calling my name as she tried to rip me away and the nurse calling for security, but I was relentless. I wanted to choke every breath of life from her no-good body.