As Long As You Love Me

by LuAnn McLane

  “I shouldn’t be in this,” Ava said, starting to step away, but Jesse shook his head.

  “No way, stay right where you are.” He anchored his arm around her waist and gave her a smile.

  With Ava at his side, a few more pictures were snapped, along with a few more of Ella, who twirled and sang in a frilly little dress.

  “She’s adorable,” Ava said to Jesse. “And definitely has dancing and singing in her genes.”

  “No doubt,” he agreed. He smiled at Ava’s reaction to Ella doing a wobbly curtsy.

  “Bravo!” When Ava applauded, little Ella scampered over and looked up at her.

  “You’re pretty.”

  Ava knelt to Ella’s height. “And so are you. Just like a princess.”

  “My daddy calls me his princess,” she proudly announced.

  “And rightfully so,” Ava said with a little tap on Ella’s nose.

  Grady grinned at the exchange and gave Jesse a nudge and raised his eyebrows.

  Jesse nodded and felt a rush of warmth. “I know.”

  “Hey, princess,” Grady said, stooping down to pick Ella up. “It’s your bedtime. We’ve got to get you home.”

  “Not tired!” Ella pouted but raised her little arms to get picked up. A moment later, her curly head was resting on Grady’s shoulder.

  “We’re having a cookout at the house tomorrow while Oliver and Belinda are still in town,” Grady said. “You two are coming, right?”

  “Of course.” Jesse nodded. “Wouldn’t miss it. But right now, I need to get this one home. It’s been quite a crazy-ass night,” he said, looking at Ava, who nodded her agreement. Although she smiled, she still appeared a little shell-shocked from everything that had happened just an hour earlier.

  They had a lot to talk about.

  After gathering their things, they headed out to Jesse’s car.

  “You’re quiet,” Jesse said on the drive home.

  “Still processing.” Ava glanced his way and then looked out the side window into the darkness.

  “Do you want to go to my place or yours?”

  “Mine, please. I want to be in my own bed.”

  Jesse felt a pang of concern. “Your own bed? That sounds . . . I don’t know, like you don’t want me around tonight.”

  Ava glanced his way again. “I didn’t mean it that way. I just need my pajamas and toiletries,” she answered in a weary voice, but Jesse wasn’t totally buying it.

  “Okay,” he responded gently. She’d had a rough night, and he didn’t want to make it worse. Still, something in her demeanor gave him pause. “Luckily, I’m low-maintenance and I’ve got my trusty duffel bag with my essentials,” he said, hoping to get a chuckle, but Ava continued to stare out the window. He told himself that once they were inside her apartment and she was snuggled on the sofa in her jammies, she’d perk up.

  A few minutes later he walked her up the back steps to her place. Ava fumbled with her keys until he gently took them from her and opened the door. She sighed when they were inside and turned on the lights, but suddenly seemed precariously close to tears. She tossed her purse onto the kitchen counter and closed her eyes.

  “Ah, Ava,” Jesse said, and pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry for everything you went through tonight.”

  Ava nodded against his shoulder. “And what I put you through too.”

  “Hey, get into your pajamas and meet me on the sofa. I’ll rustle up some snacks and pour you something to sip on.”

  “Thanks.” Ava nodded again, inhaling a deep breath and heading for her bedroom.

  Jesse put together a selection of cheese, crackers, and fruits—something to nibble on while they talked. He took everything into the living room and then searched through his duffel bag for a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. By the time Ava emerged from her bedroom, he was settled on the sofa, sipping his own glass of red wine.

  “Looks good,” Ava said with a nod toward the food. Her tone was light, but she seemed tense, uneasy.

  “Come have a seat.” He patted the cushion beside him, but she took the end of the sectional, facing him.

  “Okay, time to detox,” Ava said, picking up the wineglass he’d provided for her. She wore baby-blue cotton pajamas, had scrubbed her face free of makeup, and had her hair in a ponytail, making her appear young and vulnerable. Tucking her leg beneath her, she took a sip of the wine and then sighed.

  “Want to talk about it?” Jesse asked.

  Ava frowned. “I’m not sure what to say. I’m just . . . I don’t know . . . I’m a bundle of nerves, I guess.”

  “It’s over, Ava. If that asshole ever tries to set foot in this town or contact you in any way again, he’ll have to answer to me, and it won’t be just a punch to his jaw next time.”

  “But don’t you see? I don’t want you to have feelings like that. I’ve disrupted your life and the life of your family.”

  “Ava—”

  “Nancy was so eloquent in her praise of the Hearts. And here I am bringing violence into your lives. Jesse, I could have ruined the event tonight. You could have gotten hurt.”

  “None of that is your fault.”

  “Yes, it is!”

  “You’re not responsible for the actions of others. But I do have one request.”

  “What?” she asked with stormy eyes.

  “If you’re in any kind of danger—and I don’t care what it is—I want you to call me.”

  Ava frowned.

  “Promise?”

  “Jesse, I came to Sea Breeze to teach dancing and to live a quiet life on my own terms.”

  Jesse felt his pulse race. “What are you saying?”

  “You’re always going to be part of Heartbeat. I overheard Arabella and Belinda discussing a Heartbeat Christmas album and show at Belinda’s theater in Tennessee.”

  “And you would be part of it.”

  “What if I don’t want to be part of it? Be in the public eye? Have tabloids writing about me? After what happened to me tonight—to us—I just feel as if I want to live on a desert island.”

  “It’s not healthy to feel that way,” he said gently.

  Ava shrugged. “I can’t help how I feel.”

  “But you can help how you react to your feelings.”

  “Don’t you see? I was reluctant from the beginning for this very reason. But things were great when we were lying low. Just me and you.”

  “You can’t live like that forever. We just wanted to avoid Anthony while he was here. And now he’s gone.”

  “But I want to avoid all of it. That’s why I didn’t want to be in the pictures tonight.”

  “What are you telling me, Ava?” Jesse asked with a slight tremble in his voice.

  Ava swallowed hard. “I don’t think I can do this.”

  “This meaning us?”

  Ava’s eyes brimmed with tears. “Yes.”

  “I thought you loved me.”

  “Of course I love you.” Ava closed her eyes for a moment. “That’s not the issue.”

  “Yes, it is, because as long as you love me, nothing else matters.” Jesse clutched his stemless wineglass so hard he was surprised it didn’t shatter. “We can get through anything together.”

  “Jesse, I’m sorry, this is breaking my heart, but I think it’s best if you go. I need to sort things out, and I can’t do it with you here.”

  “I can’t leave you, especially after what happened tonight.”

  “You have to.” She put her glass onto the coffee table and swiped at a tear at the corner of her eye.

  “Ava, you’re just emotional right now and understandably so. I want to be here for you.” Unable to sit still, Jesse stood up. He hoped she’d stand too, so he could haul her against him and hold her close, but she remained seated, frowning.

  “I’m so sorry,” Ava said in a forlorn tone that clawed at his heart.

  Disappointment rested heavy on his shoulders and he nodded slowly. “Okay, I’ll leave,” he said, but made no move to do
so, giving her time to change her mind.

  “I’m sorry,” she said again, avoiding looking at him. “I feel overwhelmed and—”

  “Scared?”

  Ava nodded. “Out of my skin.”

  “All the more reason why I should stay,” he said, but then fear suddenly ran through him. He took a step backward. “Wait . . . you’re not frightened that I could turn out to be like Anthony, are you?” The mere thought made his heart sink.

  “No, of course not,” Ava said quickly, firmly. She stood up and reached for his hands. “Jesse, I know without a doubt that you’re a good-hearted, wonderful man. Hands down. And I do love you.”

  “Then Ava?” he asked in a gruff voice. “Why are you pushing me away?”

  “Because tonight yanked the rug out from under me.”

  “Then I’ll put the rug back where it belongs.”

  Ava lowered her gaze. “I just need some time to think.” She let go of his hands and created some distance between them. “Can you understand?” she asked softly.

  Jesse gazed into her stormy eyes. “I can’t imagine what you went through tonight, Ava. I do understand that you’re feeling overwhelmed. I don’t want this to end; I don’t want us to end. But while I really wish I could stay and be here for you, I’ll go, if that’s what you want. Know that if you want to talk about what happened or just put your head on my shoulder, though, I’m a phone call away. Okay?”

  “Okay.” Ava swallowed hard. “Thank you, Jesse.”

  Jesse nodded. He forced his legs to carry him over to his duffel bag. And after one last look over his shoulder, he opened the door and descended the steps.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  UP ON THE ROOF

  The moment Jesse walked out the door, Ava had a what-have-I-done? moment. She stood in the middle of the room wanting so badly to run after him.

  But she didn’t.

  She need to take a step back and think. Tonight’s off-the-charts-crazy events had blown her mind, and she needed to take a deep breath to assess the situation. But the memory of the look of anguish on Jesse’s face clutched at her heart. She’d known from the beginning that she had the ability to hurt him, and that knowledge weighed on her, frightened her.

  “I need fresh air,” she said. Picking up her wineglass and then the bottle, she decided to head onto the roof, where she could sit back and gaze up at the stars. Hopefully, answers would come to her. She just needed to sort everything out. With that thought in mind, she walked through the kitchen and opened the door that led to the stairs to the rooftop. She pushed open the heavy door and plugged in the twinkling lights she’d strung a week after moving into the loft.

  Ava stood there and inhaled the night breeze that carried the scent of the ocean her way. Her white wicker patio furniture faced the direction of the Atlantic Ocean, and although she couldn’t see the water, she could still hear it in the distance, since Main Street was quiet at this late hour. Along with the lights, Ava had added a few potted plants to her rooftop, making the little oasis a pleasant place to spend evenings or drink morning coffee. But tonight, she put the bottle of wine on the end table next to her chaise lounge, sank into the cushions, and fought back tears.

  For a few minutes Ava sipped her wine and gazed up at the stars glittering in the sky. Normally, she’d sync her iPhone to a speaker and listen to soothing music, but tonight she sat in silence, trying to unscramble her brain and gather her thoughts.

  Ava finally sighed. She physically and emotionally wanted Jesse with her so much that she ached with need. “Dammit!” Hot moisture gathered behind her eyes and she tried to swallow back tears. She considered calling her mother just to hear her voice, but didn’t want to explain what had transpired, knowing her father would be furious with Anthony and track him down—most likely with her grandpa Gigi in tow. And they sure as hell didn’t need that kind of conflict. No, Ava needed to put what had happened behind her and firmly close the door to her past relationship with Anthony “Crazy as a Loon” Grecco.

  Ava couldn’t understand such meanness. Her happy childhood hadn’t prepared her for the evil that existed in the world, and she supposed that Jesse had been right: she’d trusted Anthony because she had never dreamed of lying or cheating herself. Why would she suspect someone else? In the beginning Anthony had showered her with flowers, attention, and constant declarations of love.

  Love. Ava knew now that Anthony had never loved her and probably didn’t have the capacity to love anyone, because he simply didn’t understand the concept or meaning.

  Ava took another sip of her merlot. She knew without a doubt that she loved Jesse beyond all reason . . . but was he right? As long as they loved each other, could they find a way for life to work out after all that had happened? Could she deal with his lingering fame? Learn to ignore the paparazzi? Shrug off any tabloid stories printed about them that were filled with lies?

  Then Ava closed her eyes and tried to imagine a life without Jesse, and her future seemed bleak. Boring.

  A single tear slipped from the corner of her eye and she wondered why life had to be so damned complicated.

  And then the answer hit her. She sat straight up, nearly sloshing wine over the rim of her glass.

  “As long as you love me,” she whispered into the silent night, fighting back tears. It suddenly occurred to her that every sordid piece of gossip and lies had come from Anthony Grecco. Because of him, she’d just let the best thing that had ever happened to her walk out the door. She’d put the hurt in Jesse’s eyes, the one thing she’d been most afraid of doing. “As long as you love me,” she repeated, not knowing whether to scream or cry.

  “I am such an idiot.” Ava chewed on her bottom lip, trying to decide what to do. Closing her eyes, she leaned her head against the cushions, nearly drifting off to sleep. But then she heard the creak of the heavy door open behind her. Oh God, she’d forgotten to lock the front door after Jesse left. Had he come back?

  What if it was Anthony coming back to do her harm?

  Her heart hammered so hard in her chest that she thought she might pass out. And then she heard footsteps, but she was too afraid to look over her shoulder. Did she have a weapon if she needed it? Ah . . . the wine bottle. She needed to sneak her hand over and grab the bottle, do a spin move, and smash the intruder over the head. Or—a different approach? Maybe if I just lie here, close my eyes, and don’t breathe, he’ll think I’m dead, she thought desperately.

  While deciding whether to grab the bottle or fake her own death, Ava heard her name being called by a female voice. Wait, was it . . . “Angelica?”

  “Ava? Where are you?”

  Ava sat up. “Over here,” she answered, wondering what in the world this visit was all about. She tried not to be angry that Angelica had had the nerve to enter her house and come up to the rooftop.

  “Oh, there you are.” Emerging from the shadows, Angelica walked over and sat down on the edge of a chaise lounge perched next to Ava’s. “I’m so sorry that I came into your house without permission. I know it was ballsy of me.”

  “Ya think?” Ava asked, shaking her head, but after the bizarre night, Ava didn’t know if she’d be shocked by anything ever again.

  “I did knock, and I figured you were home when I spotted your car. When you failed to answer I decided to try the door, and I was surprised to find it open. You should really lock it.”

  “No doubt,” Ava said with a hint of irony. “Who knows who might walk right in?”

  “I called out your name a million times.”

  “A million?”

  “Well, like ten. I was about to leave, and then I remembered seeing lights on up here and I was like, hey, maybe she has a rooftop patio and wouldn’t that be super cool? Being out here on the deck, enjoying the smells of fresh breakfast pastries wafting up from the bakery and—”

  “Angelica, focus.”

  Angelica inhaled a quick breath. “Right. Look, I’m sorry to barge in like this, but I didn’t have your cel
l phone number and I’d already tossed Anthony’s phone into the ocean. Boy, that was liberating.” She raised both hands skyward.

  “I’ll bet, but, um, why are you here?”

  “A couple of reasons,” Angelica replied, and then she eyed the wine bottle with what appeared to be longing.

  “Would you like a glass?”

  “Oh . . . please. I mean, after this crazy night? A glass of wine would be so amazing.”

  “Okay.” Ava stood up and walked over to her little outdoor bar, locating a wineglass. She poured Angelica a drink and handed it to her.

  “Thank you so, so much.”

  “You’re welcome.” Ava sat back down and raised her eyebrows in question. “So?”

  “Well, first of all, I recorded you and Jesse dancing. Wow . . . that was something. I was blown away. Anyway, I wanted you to have the video so you could watch it back in case nobody else thought to take video. If you give me your number, I’ll send it to you.”

  “Thanks,” Ava said, and gave her the number. “As a matter of fact, I want to send it to my parents in Chicago.”

  “Awesome!” Angelica said, seemingly grateful that she was being helpful. She took a sip of her wine and looked around. “It’s so cool up here,” she observed, but she played with her wineglass as if still nervous, making Ava wonder what was on her mind.

  Although she wasn’t in the mood for company, Angelica appeared so remorseful that Ava couldn’t be rude despite what Angelica had done, including entering her house uninvited. Still, Ava had a lot on her mind and didn’t want Angelica to prolong her visit. “So, what else brings you here? Was that all?”

  “I wanted to give this to you too,” Angelica said, and reached inside her purse. She handed Ava an envelope. “It’s the check from Hollywood Tonight. It’s made out to me, so Anthony couldn’t cash it, but I signed it over to you to give to the Susan Heart Lupus Foundation.”

  “Thank you,” Ava said. “That’s . . . thoughtful.”

  This night kept getting stranger and stranger.

  “It’s the least I could do,” Angelica said in a small voice. She cleared her throat and then put her wineglass down on a small table. “And there’s one more thing I wanted to convey to you before I drove out of town. You’re a really good person, Ava. I mean, the fact that you’re listening to me right now is commendable. You’ve made me look within myself, and I’m determined to make changes.” She shook her head. “I’m so self-centered.”