by P C Hatter
“What do you want?”
“You’ll find out.”
“Wait a second.” The bigger one yanked my gun out of the holster. “You’re supposed to have a temper. Big guys with tempers and guns don’t go together.”
“Neither does badges without the leather wallets cops like to carry them in.” That comment got me the barrel of a gun poking me in the back.
“This rod will make a nice bang, and in a quiet joint like this people will get curious.”
These two were pros, and not the usual nickel-plated numskulls used for your average joe. These bulls meant business. One even carried a whisky bottle in case they needed to dowse me in liquor and carry me out. Somebody had given the orders to get rid of me if things got rough. Curiosity would have overruled sense if I hadn’t already known I was caught.
Once out the door, the larger bull asked, “Where’s your car?”
I pointed it out, and we all got in. This was going to be a one-way ride with me dead behind the wheel of my own car, but who were they delivering me to first?
The bulls were professionals, but they weren’t the only ones. I had a .32 hammerless automatic stuck in a boot between the seat and the door, right where I could reach it if I needed to.
The one stayed in front with me while the other sat in the back seat. We took a long ride that night. Just so that they would get used to me moving around, I turned on the radio and fiddled with the stations. I also used the car lighter to light my cigarettes.
The bull riding shotgun, called out directions, and I followed them while at the same time looking for landmarks. After we swung onto an oil-top dirt road, I smelled the ocean and saw the knee-high sawgrass as it bent with the breeze.
No one had to tell me where to stop. A house stood in the middle of nowhere, its lights shaded and a sedan outside. As I slowed down and pulled in the drive, the bull chuckled and said, “You got the idea.”
Once parked, the bull took my keys. “Nice and easy.” We got out of the vehicle and they ushered me toward the house.
The door opened, and the figure was a dark shadow against the light. I said, “Hello bug-eyes.” I should have kept my mouth shut. Guy Marsh backhanded me so hard, I cut my lip on my own fang. The two bulls punched me in the spine. Their actions propelled me forward right into the chameleon. I couldn’t have gotten away, but I tried. My claws ripped across Guy’s face and caught his jaw. Neither bull would risk shooting me, but one clocked me across the back of the head.
The next thing I knew I was tied to a chair, and the pain wasn’t just in my head, everything hurt. I managed to get one eye open, but the other was covered by a puffy mass of flesh that was my cheek.
Somebody said, “He’s awake.”
“Let me at him.”
“When I tell you.” The voice was curt, and no one objected.
Once I managed to focus, I looked around. Not being able to see my arms, I figured they were tied behind me while my legs were strapped to the legs of the chair. As I raised my head, the fuzziness went away along with some of the pain.
The two bulls guarded the door while Guy Marsh held a bloody towel to his face. Dean Taylor perched on the edge of a chair holding his cane as if waiting in a banker’s office and not viewing a beating.
“This really wasn’t necessary. All we wished to do was talk to you.”
“Did you try calling the office?”
“Why you…” Guy turned purple and made a lunge at me, but Taylor stopped him with a word.
“Enough.” Taylor looked at me with his cold lizard eyes. “Guy is very impulsive and doesn’t always think things through. You’re very lucky, Mr. Wrench, that I decided to oversee this little escapade.”
When I didn’t respond, the horned lizard said, “Too bad you had to kill Mr. Greenly, he was a valuable salamander.”
“You’re crazy.”
Taylor stood and came forward. “Please, no excuses. I’m not the police. Why you killed him is your business. I’m concerned about my business. Where is it?”
“Where’s what?”
“Do remind him Guy.” Taylor sat back, and Guy wrapped a wet towel around his fist. What little consciousness I had fled fast. Too bad I couldn’t have stayed that way, cause when I came to Taylor still wanted an answer. “Do you remember now, Mr. Wrench?”
When I shook my head, Guy Marsh slugged me. This went until Taylor rapped his cane on the floor. “Enough. He can’t feel anymore. Let him think for a few minutes.”
Guy sat down breathing heavy and rubbed his fist, while Taylor kept tapping his cane on the floor.
“This is totally unnecessary. Don’t you realize that this is only the beginning, Mr. Wrench?”
I managed to say, “Didn’t kill Sal.”
“I don’t care what you did or didn’t do. What I want is what you took from his house.”
Guy started to cough and had a hard time stopping. “I’m going to kill the bastard.”
“Oh, go take care of your face, you’re bleeding again.”
The chameleon walked out of the room and Taylor gave me a hint of a smile. “You’ve hit Guy where it hurts, in his vanity. He should really get stitches, but either way, his face will never be the same. Now please, where is it?”
“Where is what?”
When Guy didn’t return, the lizard had one of the bulls take his place. After a while I finally got out, “What the hell do you want?”
Taylor’s eyes narrowed. “You know very well what I want.” He turned to one of the bulls. “What’s taking Guy so long?”
“He’s lying down. Looks like he puked his guts out.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake. I’ve had quite enough of this. Untie him and… do something with him. You, drive me home.” Taylor picked up his hat and left.
The larger bull untied and pulled me up from the chair. “Let’s go.” He kept his gun on me all the way to the car. We got inside and he told me to drive. That was about all I could do. Then I remembered the big guy still had my gun.
I asked for a cigarette and he gave me one. Again, I used the car lighter. The bull laughed when I finished and asked for another, but handed a cigarette over, while giving me directions. I knew I only had seconds to live. When he told me to stop driving, I did as instructed and relaxed my arms and let them hang at my sides. The bull took his eyes off me to search for the door handle, and I shot him through the head, emptying the .32 I’d pulled out of its hiding place. Before I pushed his body out of the car, I retrieved my gun, checked it, and put it back in my shoulder holster where it belonged.
The gray haze of the morning was beginning to show when I got back to the house off the beach. I cut the lights and drove in closer before I parked. A different car was in the drive. With any luck, the other bull came back to pick up Guy Marsh.
I made the circuit of the house and stopped under the bedroom window. Guy was cursing a blue streak, and it didn’t seem like he was going to stop anytime soon. I heard water running. Making my way around to the porch, I used the wall for support. The boards of the porch were too rotted to squeak, but I didn’t want to take any chances. I stayed low, grabbed the doorknob, turned, and let the door swing open on silent hinges. I thanked the person who oiled them.
Breath stuck in my lungs as I pulled myself inside, fighting against my own body’s desire to collapse. I just needed a little more time. Unholstering my gun, I gave the door a push and let it slam shut.
Guy called out, “Joe?”
I couldn’t fake an answer, but neither did my legs want to hold me up. Guy fired his weapon, and I slumped to the floor with a thud. He hadn’t shot me but probably thought he did. I fired back and rolled. Two guns fired in the darkness above my head. I grabbed a small end table and tossed it. More gunfire followed the noise and shredded the table. They shouted at each other for wasting shots and decided to wait me out.
Their breathing gave away their shift in location, and I moved as well keeping as quiet as I could. Morning light would
be pouring into the house soon and stop the childish game we were having of hiding in the dark. I heard someone say, “He’s over here,” and the sound of another shot erupted in the house. The sound was followed by a body hitting the floor.
“I got him.” Guy moved out into the room, and I saw him back lit by the window.
I aimed and squeezed the trigger, and my bullet went right through his head. “You got your own man.”
How I managed to get back into my car, I don’t know. Driving was a near disaster until I spotted a cat hitchhiking by the side of the road. I offered him a ride into the city as long as he could drive. The cat agreed.
CHAPTER 9
Just off Ninth Avenue, the cat shook me awake. “Thought I’d never get you up. How you feeling?”
“Lousy. What time is it?”
“Eight-thirty. Would you like me to call someone?” When I slowly shook my head, the cat said, “This is where I get off. You going to be okay?”
“Do you mind getting me a pack of smokes before you go? I should have a quarter somewhere.”
Before I could search my pockets he said, “Don’t worry about the quarter.”
While I moved over to the driver’s seat, the cat walked to the corner newspaper stand and came back. He handed me the pack and told me to be careful. When he left, I sat and smoked for a while until a cop came around passing out parking tickets.
Traffic was slow and steady, and for once, I didn’t mind. The way my body ached there was no way I could do any quick maneuvering. Somehow, I managed to get to police headquarters. Two police cars pulled out of the curb spaces, and I followed a tan coupe into the slots. I did a better job of parking while giving the guy plenty of room to park. He certainly didn’t know what his mirrors were for. I slammed on my horn and the guy still backed his car right into my bumper. If I wasn’t already bruised, it would still hurt. You’d a thought with all the cops coming and going from the building they would have hauled the guy in, but no one even blinked.
I elbowed my way out of the car intending to give him hell. The old fox got out of his car at the same time looking like he was going to apologize. One look at my face, and he stared at me with eyes wide and mouth open.
“Are you deaf? What do you think a horn’s for?” That’s when I recognized the fox. He was the same one who’d been arguing sports in the bar with the busted hearing aid. Disgusted, I left him to finish parking and staggered for the building. From the noise behind me, the fox went back to parking his car.
When I walked into police headquarters, the place was a beehive of activity. Apparently, I looked real bad because a cop I knew pretty well walked right by me with no more than a cursory glance. Another asked me if I wanted to register a complaint. The comment made me laugh, but in doing so made everything hurt. I wanted to talk to Duke, but figured with everything moving so fast, I might not be able to get ahold of him.
I waited my turn at the information desk and told the cop at the switchboard that I wanted to see Captain Barrow.
“Name?”
“Kaiser Wrench.”
The dog paused with plug in hand and looked at me. “Well I’ll be.” He blinked, went back to his switchboard, and tried several extensions until he found Duke. The dog said, “Yes, sir,” a few more times before turning to me. “He’ll be right down.”
I didn’t even get my cigarette lit before Duke came running out of the elevator. He took one look at my face, and whatever he was going to start barking at me was forgotten.
“What happened to you?”
“I got took.” I managed to get the cigarette lit.
Duke rubbed his snout along with his neck. “You’re under arrest, Kaiser.”
“What?”
“Upstairs. Now, please.” Duke’s tail was down, and his shoulders slumped. We walked to the waiting elevator and went up. I automatically turned toward his office, but Duke gently took my arm. “This way, Kaiser.”
“What’s going on?”
“The D.A. has a warrant out for your arrest. We’ve had dogs on your apartment, office, and known hangouts since six this morning.”
“What’s the charge?”
Duke looked over at me. “Can’t you guess?”
“No.”
“The D.A. looked for Greenly’s personal file last night and couldn’t find the thing. When Mrs. Blacksaddle tried to put it back, he caught her. Not only are you finished, but two females are going to lose their jobs.”
“You’re sounding like a broken record.” I couldn’t help smiling and felt the stiff flesh and pull of scars as a few pieces of the puzzle dropped into place. Something Elenore said made a whole lot of sense, and I was going to serve it up to the bird at the cost of his pride. “You’re getting old and too cautious, Duke.”
“What are you up to, Kaiser?”
I didn’t answer, I just walked into the D.A.’s office smiling. Everything was the same. The peacock sat at his desk in all his glory, surrounded by his underlings. The only difference was Elenore and her roommate. They both looked like they’d been crying.
One look at my face and all formalities were dropped, replaced by looks of horror. Elenore had to stifle a scream.
The D.A. managed to get out a “Good morning Mr. Wrench,” with an emphasis on the Mr.
“Glad you remember.” I grabbed a chair and sat down before my legs gave out.
“Do you know why you’re here? Shall I read the charges?”
“Go for it. Once you get everything off your chest, maybe you’ll be in the mood to listen to somebody besides your yes-males.” The expressions on his assistants’ faces were comical.
“I don’t intend to take any more of your nonsense, Wrench. You’re going behind bars, only this time you won’t be going alone. Conspiracy is not a charge to be taken lightly.”
“Too bad you don’t use what little brain you have. Did you bother to ask why the three of us took a worthless file out of your office?”
“Does it matter?”
Elenore elbowed her roommate to stop crying and listen while I finished with one cigarette and lit another.
“It was a conspiracy all right. A conspiracy by three people in good standing to do what all your lackeys couldn’t. The newspapers are going to bury you. Good luck trying to get elected to stand on a soapbox and hand out pamphlets no one wants to read.”
“Don’t give me that song and dance routine. You’re going before a judge and jury.”
“Perhaps you’d better listen to what he has to say.” Duke’s words were low but sounded loud in the near quiet room.
The bird looked ready to explode but said, “So speak.”
“We found your leak.”
If the room was quiet before, you could have heard a pin drop now. “Elenore suggested it to you, but obviously you never bother to think of the possibilities. It’s ingenious really, in its simplicity of how they managed to get all that information out of the building.”
“How?”
Now I had the power, and I wasn’t about to serve the answer up on a silver platter. Not for free. The bird was going to pay. “Nope. We’re not going to go out of our way to help you and wind up in jail for it. That’s not how you treat people. We’re not saying a word unless you drop all the charges, and not only drop them, but forget about them.”
The D.A.’s eyes narrowed. “We’ll continue this discussion in private. Captain Barrow, if you wouldn’t mind staying.”
The assistants took this as a supreme insult but left along with the D.A.’s thugs. When they were gone and the door closed, the D.A. said, “You’re a thorn in my side, but sometimes a useful one. Consider the charges dropped and forgotten.”
Elenore and her roommate stared, mouths open, at the news. I could see Duke’s reflection in the glass of the window, and he looked like he was about to fall on the floor laughing.
“Thank you.” I took a drag on my cigarette before continuing. “From what I understand, you have someone in the department who you s
uspect is leaking information but are not sure how he’s doing it.”
The bird scowled at Duke but nodded his head. “Yes.”
“It’s not hard. There’s a fox with a tin ear who stands across the street. He wears a hearing aid that doesn’t work, but he’s real good at reading lips. A person can read lips at thirty feet without a problem. Further if you’ve got the vision for it. All your dog has to do is walk out front and move his lips like he’s chewing gum and walk back inside. What he’s really doing is calling off place and time. The fox then makes a call and the place in question scrambles. Haven’t you noticed those places are set up to be mobile?”
“Is the fox there now?”
“He was when I came in.”
The D.A. cursed and grabbed the phone. In a few minutes the bird was smiling, not only did they find the fox, but the male was so scared he was spilling what he knew. Preening, the bird thanked the females and was out the door.
I tried to give Elenore a comforting hug, but she pushed me away. “Please, Kaiser, not now. It was a terrible experience.”
“Can I call you later?”
“Yes… fine.”
I let her go, and she rushed out the door.
“I can’t blame her,” said Duke. “Even if you did get them off the hook, it was not a pleasant experience for them.”
We walked back to his office, and I slumped into one of his chairs. What I really wanted to do was go home and sleep.
“If the D.A. wasn’t so hot to get Taylor and Marsh, he would have seen through that little farce of yours. You stumbled on that solution by accident.”
“I still would have had something to trade.”
Duke looked at me, before lighting his own cigarette. “Like what?”
“Guy Marsh is dead. I killed him and two of his thugs sometime this morning. Well, technically only one. Guy shot one of his own thinking it was me.”
“And you didn’t tell me this sooner?”
“It’s not like anyone gave me the chance. Why do you think I came in here looking the way I do? I could have gone home and slept. Oh, right, you had my place staked out and would have hauled me in anyway.”