by Lara Swann
“Did she send you over here to bring me back?” I ask. “I was the ‘good girl’ all morning, I think I need a break.”
She tries a small smile, and shrugs. “You know how it is…Beth wants some girl time to talk about her engagement, and the wedding, and all of that. Think you can get along for another hour or so?”
I feel like I want to scream, but I remind myself I’m used to exactly this. At least Maria isn’t lecturing me with the ‘it’s her engagement, don’t cause trouble’ argument that Mom would. And then I think of the trouble I’m going to be causing anyway with the whole scheme Josh and I have concocted, and feel a little bad.
A fresh bout of childish screaming erupts and distracts me for a moment, as I watch Josh picking Lucas up and throwing him back down into the water, then using his arms to create waves for the two kids to float up and down on. The boy is grinning and waving his arms around, but he’s been under at least twice now and I frown, glancing at Maria.
“Should he be doing that?” I ask hesitantly.
Her awkward smile turns real as she looks back over at them. “Honey, if he can convince those two that they’re having a good time, he can do whatever he likes.”
I laugh, shaking my head as Josh’s antics find a way to distract me from my familial obligations yet again. Something tugs at me as I watch them, seeing Josh playing and indulging Lucas and Ellie, acting like a big kid himself. I’ve never seen him with children before, but I guess it makes sense that he’d be good at it. He’s always had a way of engaging people.
“He’d be a great father.” Maria says warmly, in a disturbing echo of my own thoughts.
I smile a little, and shrug. He probably would. Eventually. If he ever settles down.
The idea of it disconcerts me a little, but Lucas spots us standing there and drowns out anything I might have thought before I can dwell on it.
“Mommy!” He yells, trying unsuccessfully to clamber out of the water from the side of the pool. Josh boosts him up, and he shrieks with laughter again. “Mommy, Mommy!”
Ellie rushes after her brother, climbing up the ladder steadily and then taking off towards us.
“Don’t run!” Josh yells.
They ignore him, scrambling towards us until they’re pulling and tugging at Maria, droplets of water flying everywhere and getting us both wet.
Maria just laughs and shakes her head as they try and tell her about all the games they were playing, all at once, interrupting themselves and each other as she makes encouraging noises.
Josh comes after them at a slower pace, then pulls me into him, his hands around my hips.
“Heyy!” I object, trying not to get completely soaked.
Which is hard when I’m momentarily distracted by the sudden awareness of his body against mine. I totally wasn’t expecting such an enthusiastic - or intimate - greeting, and I can’t deal with the way my already-confused body seems to want to react. All those disturbing thoughts from earlier come crashing uncomfortably back and I recoil deliberately.
“Sorry, babe, can’t help that I’m excited to see you.” He gives me that heart-spinning grin again and wraps his arm around my shoulder, getting the back of my dress wet and sending droplets of water running down my back. I just about manage to find it infuriating, if I ignore the way those little pinpricks of sensation want to wake up every nerve I have.
At least his attitude is off-putting enough to calm you down.
“You’re getting me all wet!” I push him off with a scowl, and he sends me a provocative look.
“Maybe that’s exactly what I’m trying to do, baby.” He wriggles his eyebrows at me suggestively, and I have to fight not to flush all over at the innuendo.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Josh and I make dirty comments all the time. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t.
But god-damn it, despite him deliberately pushing buttons I hate, I’m at risk of my pussy reacting exactly as he’s pretending to want.
Maria laughs at us, and I’m not sure whether I’m grateful for the interruption, or slightly mortified at talking like that around her.
Maybe you never found this embarrassing before because it was never at risk of being true.
“Thanks for keeping them amused, Josh.” Maria says, nodding towards where Lucas and Ellie are clinging to her again. “Seems like you’re quite the hit.”
“They’re great kids - hell, could almost make me reconsider my no-children policy.” He grins back at her, then winks at us. “Almost.”
I try not to stare in shock at that announcement. Maria doesn’t manage quite as well, visibly reacting as her mouth starts to open.
“Hey - Lucas, Ellie!” He crouches down to their level, smiling widely at them as if he hasn’t just dropped a bombshell. “Want to go back to the pool? We should probably let your Mommy and Auntie go back. They’re doing important things, like…making…foood! And we wouldn’t want to get in the way of that, huh?”
They nod enthusiastically, chattering away as they take the hand he offers out to them. Maria lets go, still slightly bemused, but her instinctive willingness to take a break whenever the kids can be convinced winning out.
“How about we….race back to the pool! Buut, this is a walking race…no running, or you’re out!” Josh says loudly, overly-enthusiastic for their benefit, but I can hear the genuine amusement and enjoyment in it anyway.
They’re gone before either Maria or I can think of anything to say to his I don’t want kids announcement, and then we’re left standing awkwardly together, Maria not quite meeting my eyes.
I have the sudden urge to laugh out loud, imagining exactly what’s going through her mind.
It’s clever of him, that’s for sure - if there’s one thing my family won’t be able to accept, it’s the idea he doesn’t want kids. But with him being so good-natured and charming about it at the same time, and delighting Maria’s little ones…they won’t know how exactly to deal with it.
“Alright, let’s go back and give Beth the audience she wants, hmm?” I suggest easily, resuming our earlier conversation as if nothing has happened.
He’s distracted me enough that I’m mostly over Mom’s most recent infuriating comments, and it’s more fun than it should be to play along with his act.
At least, I’m pretty sure it’s an act. We’ve never talked about children, but he can’t actually not want them, can he?
Especially not after what I’ve seen with Lucas and Ellie today.
Not that it’s really any of my business. He’s a friend, and we’ve always been supportive of each others’ life choices.
There’s no reason it should be disconcerting me.
Maria gives me an uncertain look but is far too hesitant to say anything, and we walk back in silence to find Mom and Beth still fussing around the food.
Dad has started up the grill now, and my stomach rumbles at the appetizing scents starting to drift across the large, open grounds. It’s almost worth it despite having to listen to Beth chatter excitedly about everything she can possibly think to say about how Neil proposed to her.
I should be more interested, I know.
But how can she talk non-stop for over an hour about what probably only took a few hours in real-time?
“Hey, babe!” It takes me a moment to realize it’s Josh yelling, and a moment longer to realize he’s talking to me. “Can you fix me some food?”
I glance over, slightly taken aback at the request - and his attitude. He’s lying there in the sun, drying off from the morning spent in and out of the pool with the kids - who, for once, seem equally exhausted.
“Sure, okay.” I respond, starting to throw together some of the food that’s coming off the grill.
I don’t mind the distraction from what Beth is talking about, and Josh and I do stuff like this for each other all the time, so it’s not until I finish that I notice the conversation around me has tailored off a little.
I give them a little half-smile, suddenly realizin
g how it must look to them - especially with Josh’s attitude, which from anyone else or in any other context I would’ve shot down hard enough to make him spin.
I head over to Josh feeling a little bemused, assuming he’s doing it deliberately, but a little uncertain as to what I think of it. I was enjoying having my friend around - the idea of that being replaced by some arrogant douchebag isn’t appealing, even if it does help our story.
“Here.” I say, a little shortly, as I set the plate down on the table beside the set of sun loungers he’s occupying.
“Thanks, babe.” He grins at me, and the sparkle in his eyes tells me that he knows exactly what he’s doing.
I give him a brief scowl that I know no one else will see, and that grin gets deeper.
“Gotta let me have some fun, Caz.” He winks.
“You’ve been having fun all morning!” I object fiercely, keeping my voice hushed.
I’m the one that’s had to deal with my Mom and sisters all day, while he’s been having a laugh by the pool.
“You mean you haven’t?” His expression takes on a mock-innocent look that wouldn’t fool a four-year-old and I turn around before I try hitting him with something - my standard response when he gets this way, and one I’m not entirely sure would be appropriate for my boyfriend.
Just as I’m starting to walk away, he slaps my ass with a laugh.
“Nice one, Cassie.” His voice grows louder again. “This stuff sure looks like it was worth all that time in the kitchen.”
I stutter to a stop in pure shock for a moment, my ass stinging and my mouth struggling not to drop open, before I recover enough to keep on walking.
I can hear him chuckling behind me, and I’m not sure whether to turn around and glare at him or just go along with the pretense that this is perfectly normal.
Either way, he’s having far too much fun provoking me. Like he thinks this game gives him some liberty to do that or something.
You’re meant to be pissing them off, not me!
I have to stop myself turning to scowl at him again.
The problem is, Josh knows all my buttons. And he’s pressing them so deliberately right now that even though I know what he’s doing, it’s still really hard not to react in my usual snarky, irreverent way.
You’re meant to be a young couple madly in love. Remember that. Remember it.
So I take a deep breath as I walk back up to where my Mom and sisters are still standing around the tables of food, and notice that their conversation has become somewhat muted as they glance between Josh and I.
I take a split second to work out how I want to play this, and then give them a light smile and a shrug.
“Men!” I say, rolling my eyes. “Guess there’s some things you just can’t change, hey?”
Mom and Maria exchange a quick look, and I realize the sentiment is rather similar to what Maria was trying to tell me earlier - only this time, she’s looking unsettled.
Yep, another point for Josh. Pick something he knows I can’t help but react to, and make me try to cover it up, and it will look exactly like that - a poor effort to pretend I don’t care. He’s just a bastard for doing it, and especially without any warning.
I can deal with it as an act - even this. At least, I think so.
But he’s in so much fucking trouble when we get back to our room tonight.
Beth puts up with our strange silence for a moment longer, and then squeals.
“Hey, Cassie! You haven’t even seen my ring yet! Oh my god, I can’t believe I didn’t show you immediately, I was just so caught up in everything else going on and you know it really is a lot to think about but—ohh, here, look!” She pulls me forward before I have a chance to object, and for once I’m grateful for her self-absorption. Takes the focus off of me, anyway.
“Isn’t it perfect?” She gushes, and I blink as I see the large diamond on her finger, surrounded by a cluster of sapphires and sparkling in the light. “Neil spent so long choosing it, he told me - it’s diamond, because doesn’t every girl deserve a diamond, and then the sapphires because of my eyes, and ohh, Cassie, I can’t believe this is finally happening to me.”
I smile at her, genuinely for once. Whatever else I think about her, even I can get swept up in the moment and her romantic notions. I give her a quick hug, that she’s obviously not expecting, but returns after a moment.
“I’m really happy for you, Beth. The ring is stunning, and it sounds like he really cares—”
“Oh, isn’t it just?” She sighs dramatically again, then deliberately lowers her voice. “It’s probably worth thousands, you know. But Neil can do things like that. His family are super wealthy, have I told you that? Yeah, I’ve told you that—”
Only a dozen times.
I nod, but she’s barely waiting for the acknowledgment.
“Yeah, so, it’s just all going to be perfect. We’ll have the wedding of our dreams, and he’s got an amazing job in Phoenix so then he’ll finally take me out of this shit-stain town and into a real city—”
Beth continues talking at the mile-a-minute pace that I always end up tuning out before I start getting a headache, and I glance over at Maria, who has a look of long-standing patience on her face, and my Mom, who seems mildly irritated.
It’s pretty much the only thing Beth and I have ever agreed on - wanting to get out of the small border town we grew up in - but Mom and Maria still live there, and I feel a pang of guilt at her lack of tact. Not that Beth has ever been known for tact.
At least it gets me out of the limelight again, and I end up with some space to try and settle into the mixed role of myself-but-not-quite and fake-in-love-with-my-best-friend. Which is hard as hell. Even my body seems to be starting to get confused about what’s real and what’s not.
How the hell does Josh do this for a living?
* * *
“Cassie! There you are, sweetie.”
I glance up from my book to see Mom heading towards me, and try not to sigh. I was just starting to actually relax.
After the far-more-hectic-than-necessary morning and then being cornered into listening to Beth’s stories, I’d finally managed to escape for a couple of hours of lying out in the sun by the pool. You know, the sort of thing I’d been hoping for all along.
“Yes, Mom?” I ask.
“I just wanted to borrow you to talk for a moment.” Mom starts, and I put the book down.
“Okay.” I agree, still waiting.
Her eyes dart to Josh, lying with his eyes closed only a few feet away, and then back again. “Over here, sweetie.”
She nods away from the pool, and this time I look over at Josh, raising an eyebrow that he doesn’t see.
Is there something else he’s done now?
I don’t think he’s actually asleep, but he’s clearly not that interested in our exchange. Which I don’t blame him for at all, except I have to resist the urge to prod him and ask whether he knows what this is about.
Looking back at Mom, I oblige, swinging my legs off the sun lounger and walking over to the edge of the pool area.
“Yes?” I ask again, giving a smile I almost believe and attempting to bolster my tolerance for the umpteenth time today.
And the week has barely started…we haven’t even had Beth’s engagement party yet!
“Oh, good.” She enthuses, as if this discussion had been my idea, giving me a wide smile that I don’t trust for an instant. “I just wanted to tell you, honey, that Matthew just arrived.”
I blink at her.
“Who?”
“Matthew! Oh, you know Matthew, he was in tenth grade with you!” She says with far too much cheer.
I have no idea who she’s talking about.
“I don’t think I remember—” I start getting an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach, suspicions rising. “Why is Matthew here, Mom?”
“Well, you know, since he’s such an old family friend, I thought I’d invite him - we have so much room here, you k
now how it is. And then I found out that he’s moving to LA in the fall! So I thought it would just be the perfect opportunity for you both to catch up, you know, so he could have a friend when he moves!” She announces with an excited gesture, her smile starting to feel forced.
I just stare at her in silence for a moment, too stunned to do anything else.
I was expecting this.
It was the whole reason I brought Josh, dammit!
But I never would’ve guessed I’d have to deal with it with Josh here.
“A friend.” I say, completely deadpan. “That’s what he came for?”
“Well, you know…” She gestures helplessly.
“I’m here with Josh.” I say bluntly, cutting through all her attempts to act like this is anything other than a blatant set-up.
“Well, I didn’t know about that when I invited him!” She snaps at me, her pleasant facade cracking. “So now you need to at least make some effort, Cassie, or who knows what he’ll think…”
That you’re completely insane and too egotistical to cancel and save him making a fool of himself?
I just look at her, completely unimpressed, and tired of these games.
“No thanks, Mom. You invited the poor guy - you entertain him. I’m going back to the pool.” I start to turn around, and she grabs my arm, stepping closer.
“This is your sister’s engagement week, Cassie.” She hisses, “It’s not the time for you to be difficult about this - it’s not fair to Beth to cause all this drama.”
I tug my arm away and step back, glaring back as my whole body reacts violently to the accusation.
The only one causing drama here is you.
I don’t say it. I’ve played this game and had enough arguments about it not to bother anymore.
I still haven’t quite shaken the childish ‘that’s so unfair!’ reaction, but I’m mature enough now to recognize it’s never going to be fair. That’s just the way life - and my mother - is. She’ll throw whatever she can in my face just to get the response she wants.
“Just spend a little time with him, Cassie.” Her attitude becomes pleading a moment later, as I’m still staring at her stonily. “That’s all I’m asking. Can’t you, for once, just do as I ask and help me uphold our family’s reputation?”