by J. L. Beck
As I wondered why I had fought it at all, my eyes caught on a piece of paper that was sitting on my nightstand. My senses were on high alert as I reached for it. The paper in my hand weighed heavily on my mind. Did I want to read it? The words this piece of paper contained had the power to change everything between us. Was I truly ready for that change?
Pushing every ounce of hesitation to the back of my mind I opened the piece of paper, my eyes gliding over the words.
Gia,
I stayed with you all night, unable to pull myself from you. Unable to wake you up because you looked content as you slept the night away. I would be lying if I said you didn’t have a hold on me. Because you do, and if I’m being honest I’m already in too deep. As I write these words on this paper, I realize deep doesn’t seem deep enough. I want to be deeper. In you and in us, so deep that everything I feel for you is solidified and our relationship is forever grounded in one another.
Give me time to prove all of this to you.
Give us a chance and I promise I’ll show you that you have always been worth it.
We both have made mistakes and wasted time, but I’m done watching time pass us by. I’m done with you not being mine.
Love,
Chase
I could hear my heart beat in my ears as it thudded loudly. My eyes had a frost over them as if I was about to cry, but was holding myself back. Chase had never spoken such words, let alone written them down, and right now they were pulling at my heartstrings like a sick, lost puppy on the side of the road. It was clear as day what he wanted, it always had been. I was just always too busy running in the opposite direction attempting to ignore the pull between us to just let us happen.
“Deep breaths,” my own voice met my ears as I gripped the bed sheets. How could something so small push me to the verge of having a panic attack?
Chase Winchester was reaping havoc on my heart and mind. Thinking straight was no longer an option. All I could do now was choose to follow my heart because I was done fighting the inevitable between us.
One chance.
That’s all he was asking for, right? All I had to do was say yes, then we could be happy and no longer living in limbo.
My cell started to ring next to me causing me to look down at the screen. The name blinking on it pulled me out of all thoughts concerning me and Chase.
“Shit!” I whispered to myself as I gripped the phone in my hand watching ‘Dad’ continue to flash across my screen.
I wasn’t ready to spill the beans about me and Chase just yet, at least not to my dad, but I knew whatever my father wanted it was important since he usually had Mom call me. Not wanting to wait a second longer I pushed the answer key.
“Hi, Dad.” I tried to sound excited, all while butterflies were exploding deep in my belly.
He chuckled loudly into the phone, which calmed me a little. “Hi, sweetie. Don’t worry, nothing has happened. I know your mom usually calls, so I wanted to let you know that right out of the gate.” He paused as if he wanted to say more but waited to hear my response.
“Okay,” I responded slowly, wondering why he had called then.
“Anyways, I know you told your mother you would be coming home for Thanksgiving, but I wanted to make sure since some things have changed. We are excited to spend time with you and I know your brothers are too. Not only you, though, we expect to see Chase as well.”
“Ummm…” That was all I could say. No other words would come out.
“I mean I know you haven’t been together that long, but I’m going to be home this year, and I wanted to spend some time with you and get to know this boyfriend of yours better.” He was rambling and his demeanor was off, two things that were definitely unlike my father. Did he think I wouldn’t come?
“Of course I’m still coming home for Thanksgiving, Dad. I wouldn’t miss it for the world, especially with you being home,” I said sweetly, shying away from the whole Chase coming home for dinner too part.
I knew I was going to have to tell him the truth sooner or later, preferably the later.
“Perfect, I will let your mother know that you and Chase will be here for Thanksgiving.” It was then that I realized we had hit a snag in communication, obviously he didn’t get that I was ignoring the Chase part for a reason.
“I’ll talk to Chase, but−”
“Oh no you don’t, Gianna. He is your boyfriend and if he cannot come to Thanksgiving dinner with our family then you don’t need to be dating him. He should have balls if he plans to date my daughter. He does know I was once the Kingpin, right?” My father growled in agitation.
“Dad you haven’t been a member of the Mafia in years,” I added.
He scoffed, “I was raised in the Mafia, I know how to kill and how to hide dead bodies, sweetie, and believe me when I say Chase is just another body.” A shiver worked its way through my body. If he found out that none of what I had told him was true, that I had lied to him, and that Chase and I were just hooking up he would lose his shit in more ways than one.
What was I supposed to say? Now I had no option. I had already planned on telling Chase I too was in deep and wanted all the things he wanted and more, but now I had to tell him we both were expected for Thanksgiving at my family home with my family. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous, I didn’t want Chase to feel as if my feelings for him was only being used as a plot to get him to go home with me.
“I wanted to call and extend the offer, but as your father I will not take no for an answer. We’re your family, and if Chase is someone you care about then he is considered a member also. As long as he doesn’t break your heart, he will have a seat at our table and air in his lungs.”
I rolled my eyes at his protectiveness. “Enough, Dad, we’ll be there.”
“Good. Love you, baby girl.” And then the phone went dead in typical Alzerro King fashion, just as it always did. He no longer said goodbye, because goodbye meant there would be no tomorrow and with my dad there was always a tomorrow.
I smiled as I glanced down at the paper in my hands again. I was going to let Chase know how I felt, and I was going to drop the bomb about Thanksgiving too.
I was just hoping the real start of our relationship could withstand the force of my family. Otherwise, there was no hope for either of us surviving an entire weekend there.
A smile was permanently plastered on my face. My mind had been filled with nothing but images of Gia all day, I longed for her in the worst way, but even I knew that for something as crazy as us to work she needed time. Time to understand what she was getting into when she said she was mine.
When it came to Gia King, I would go to hell in a hand basket before I allowed anything to ever happen to her again. I’d rip my own heart out instead of breaking hers. At the mere thought, insecurities slithered into my mind like a snake in the grass. What if you gave her everything and you still ended up breaking her heart?
“Did Dad call you?” Chance interrupted my thoughts as he stuffed his mouth full of food from the mess hall.
“Probably, I don’t know. I haven’t checked my phone all morning.” It wasn’t a lie, I was trying my hardest to resist the need to text Gia and make myself look even more like a lovesick puppy.
Chance smiled. “He wanted you to stop by the house sometime today. Apparently, you have mail there. But what I really want to know is when did Mom start doing your laundry and why didn’t you take mine over too?” he asked in a condescending tone. He was starting to annoy me, and I could feel the irritation with him filling my veins.
“She doesn’t do my laundry, asshat. She occasionally finds my shit over there and that’s why it gets washed.” I scoffed.
Chance tilted his head at me, a smirk lingering across his face.
“Basically you leave your shit over there on purpose just so Mom can wash them? Like you don’t wash your clothes, that’s what you’re saying right?” A group of girls that I’d seen more than once hanging around camp
us must’ve been eavesdropping as they walked back because the looks of disgust upon their faces couldn’t be missed. I rolled my eyes, as if they had room to talk. I’d heard the rumors about them, seen some of them in action. They were spreading their legs more than I was doing my own laundry. Therefore their dirty looks didn’t bother me in the least bit.
“The real question is does she know yet?” I smirked, looking out into the courtyard, my eyes skimming over all the students. He wanted to be a dick beater, then so would I.
“Alright, fucker now you’re just pushing my buttons,” he grunted, the humor disappearing from his face. This is what having a brother was really about. Pissing one another off and giving each other advice.
“You could just tell her how you feel, stop running circles around each other.” I turned to him, not missing the shocked expression that appeared on his face.
“Let me tell you something, brother, when it comes to advice…” he leaned into my face, “let me be the one that gives it. I’m not going to fuck up the good with something more.” I knew he meant every word he said. Even if there was a part of me that wanted to see him happy with Taylor, I wasn’t sure he would ever change his mind.
Once Chance made a decision, it usually stuck.
“Dad?” I bellowed as soon as I entered the house. Family pictures greeted me in the foyer, the same welcoming feel I always got when I was home, surrounded me in the most comforting ways.
“In here, Chase!” he yelled back from the direction of the kitchen, and I followed his voice. It was pure luck that I needed to come home and pick up my mail and things Mom found, but that wasn’t the only thing I needed to come home for. I needed to talk to my dad. I needed to know that I was making the right choice. Not just that, but I wanted to know that I wasn’t alone in what I was going through.
“Chance said you tried calling me, but couldn’t get me on my cell. What’s up?” I acted casual as I walked in on him mixing a large pot of something that smelled like vegetable beef soup on the stove.
When did he become Betty Crocker?
“Yeah, you have some mail here and of course, your mother found some more of your clothes.” He smiled. “You know how she is, finding whatever she can to get you guys to come home and visit.”
“As if we need a reason to come home or something?” I rolled my eyes as my dad’s deep laughter filled the room, but just as fast as it surrounded us it disappeared and a look of remorse flashed in his eyes.
“Actually, Chance called me and told me you were going through some shit with a girl, who happens to be one of your new roommates.”
Without thought, my teeth were clenched together and I was a second away from heading out the front door to kick my brother’s teeth down his throat. He had absolutely no fucking room to talk.
“It’s not like there is an issue per say,” I stated firmly. I didn’t plan on having to give my dad the complete play by play. I mean we hadn't talked about girls since I was thirteen when he had the talk with us.
“Nonsense, Chase, you’re my son. You should’ve come to me at the first sight of something going down.” He headed towards the fridge grabbing two beers. I watched him, wondering how my mother and he had stayed in love for so many years. Maybe it was the playfulness they had in their relationship. The sarcasm, jabs, and bantering.
No wonder I would fall for the first girl who put me in my place, I grew up with Mimi as my mother and Corey as my father.
“I wasn’t hiding anything. In fact I was going to come and get some advice, make sure that I’m making the right choice. Now, all I’m concerned about is how I’m going to pay Chance back for setting me up.” I popped the top on my beer and took a swig, letting the coldness of the beverage cool my temper.
“He’s your brother, as if you could expect any less of him. Plus, his time will come soon enough,” he added, taking a drink of his beer and I nodded my head in agreement.
Silence settled over us and I knew that I needed to confide in him, tell him what had happened between Gia and me.
“It started out casual, as everything does. She was different though, the way her eyes ate up the distance between us. The way her teeth sank into her bottom lip every time I caught her staring at me. She wanted me, and I’m not the type of man to not give a woman a taste when I see them on the prowl.” I smirked, laughing to myself. How big of a lie that all truly was. We both should’ve known that there was no tearing us apart once we came together. We were toxic, but at the same time exhilarating. It was like watching yourself come back to life after every kiss.
“Basically she eye fucked you and you gave her what she wanted?” I nodded, answering his question.
“Then shit changed. My heart started to pound when she came around, and I questioned all my actions, because for the first time in my life I wanted it to just be her and her alone.” My heart clenched with every word, as if it knew I was talking about her.
“Obviously that’s not what happened,” Dad mockingly said. Chance and I both looked like him with the same body stature and smile, but I had his eyes where Chance had Mom’s. We favored her just as much, though, the perfect blend of both of them.
“Of course not. She pushed me away and ran at every chance. Then a lie was told. I felt used, so I pushed her away. Plus, the road I was on before I clashed with her isn’t exactly a clear path. She’s scared of my past, of what I’ve done and what it could mean for her. For us. Like most people say, a leopard never changes its spots. In this scenario, I’m the leopard. I can’t change my spots, and she’s having a hard time seeing past them to believe that she is different to me.”
“Let me tell you something.” He closed his eyes and then blinked them open real fast as if he was reliving something from the past. “I made some really bad choices when your mom found out she was pregnant with you and your brother. I was scared, hell I was terrified, ready to drink a whole bottle of liquor and waste away in an alley somewhere.” I laughed because it sounded like something he really would do and a lot like something I have done.
“And don’t even get me started on our ‘I hate you’ relationship. I gave her shit all the time, she busted my balls every chance she got. We pushed each other past one another’s limits. That’s what we did. We hated each other. I was an angry boy and she was just looking out for her best friend. I remember this one time, her and your cousin Jenna showed up to one of my parties and pulled a prank on me for being a dick. I’ll let her tell you all about that one day, but the bottom line is no one could compare to her because none of them held my heart. They simply weren’t your mom. I couldn’t walk away from her, even though I tried, even when she tried. She fought against us while I fought for her. For you and your brother, for us and our family.”
“And then this is where you tell me you had the happily ever after bullshit with the ride off into the sunset, right?” I asked as I raised an eyebrow.
He pursed his lips in annoyance. “No, son, relationships take work. It doesn’t matter if it’s love or friendship. To keep the boat moving you have to make sure both people are rowing. If one person stops, the whole boat stops.”
I gripped the beer in my hand at his words of wisdom. I had been the reason Gia and I’s boat stopped rowing. I had pushed her away when she was standing there trying to be more than what we were.
“Stop over thinking it, Chase.” My father’s hand landed heavily on my shoulder. “What’s meant to be, will always be. If you care for her, go to her. If she wants you and she’s running from it, remind her why she should want you above everyone else.” My head was pounding from all the information that he had shoved at me, but I had a much clearer understanding of not only how my parents had managed to stay together this long, but how I could manage the same thing with Gia.
The same way he fought for us, I needed to fight for her.
Thoughts of Chase filtered in and out of my mind over the next week. I wanted to go to him and tell him that he was it for me. That he had been since
the moment he smirked at me and opened his cocky mouth, yet I was still afraid all of this was just a figment of my imagination and the second I admitted my true feelings to him he would take his right back. I spent my time away from him, in my room every chance I got. I didn’t want to make a rash decision, one that would come back to bite me in the ass.
“What are you going as tonight?” Taylor yelled across our basement apartment.
It was Halloween and a party was taking place here tonight at the house. I hadn’t had a ton of time to coordinate anything because my mind had been preoccupied with when I was going to tell Chase. I knew I wanted to tell him before this place got crowded with drunken idiots, but other than that I was clueless.
Picking up my newly folded stack of clothes, I turned around and placed them in my open drawer before closing it and grabbing the Wal-Mart bag that contained a pair of black ears, a tail, and facial paint off my door handle.
“Cat,” I yelled over my shoulder as I made my way back to my dresser, not even bothering to see if she was listening as I searched it for an outfit to wear with my new getup.
“As in pussy cat?” His voice was sex on a stick, and my heart went into overdrive the second his voice met my ears.
“As in a black cat.” I corrected him, knowing I couldn’t say pussy with a straight face in front of him. Instead, I kept my back to him, hoping he wouldn’t come any closer. My hope, of course, was lost the second I felt his front against my back.
“Did you ever think about what I wrote you?” His breath was warm against my flesh as his lips brushed the shell of my ear. I wanted to turn around and place my lips against his, showing him with my mouth just how much I had thought about the words he wrote me. Yet, I stood there gripping a black shirt in my hand instead of answering his question.
“Don’t keep me waiting, Gianna,” he grunted, as if he was feeling everything I was, as if he was on the same edge as me.
Before, I wasn’t ready to take the leap, but now I knew the answer was yes. It was all along if I’m being real with myself.