Before he could push her away, she leaned in and kissed him. It took only a moment before he was kissing her back, only a moment for the passion that simmered beneath the surface to ignite and flash over, melting her with its intensity. He crushed her against him and she groaned as their bodies collided. Luke’s body was lean, corded muscle, all of it rock-hard and rigid with control.
“Baby, we—”
“No.” She shook her head. “Please don’t say it. I know it’s wrong. I know you’ll regret it, but I don’t care anymore.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying.”
She never would have believed she could be so bold. A part of her stood to the side, mouth dropped open in disbelief, watching as the fearless Jillian tugged her T-shirt over her head, smiling brazenly when Luke’s eyes darkened with passion. A part of her couldn’t believe that she, Jillian Moseby, was the sole reason the intensely beautiful man standing in front of her was rasping in air as though he’d just run several miles.
“What I’ll regret is waiting another second to make love with you.”
He groaned and pulled her hard against him. She reveled in the way he kissed her, as though he’d been tested to the limits of his endurance, as though he’d waited all his life for this very moment. Luke devoured her, first with his mouth and then with his hands as they stroked her body into painful awareness of how desperately she needed him.
She leaned against the bathroom counter, her breath coming in short, shaky gasps while his lips trailed over the wildly beating pulse at the base of her throat. A sharp cry of longing tore from her lips a moment later when he released the front clasp on her bra and cupped her breasts in his hands. Her eyes fluttered open and she watched him stroke her nipples into tight, aching nubs. She could only moan when he lowered his mouth to her breast, tugging at her nipple until the coils of pleasure building inside of her finally tore free, nearly rocking her to the core.
“Luke, please tell me you’re not going to stop this time.”
“Not a chance, sweetheart.”
“Bloody hell, I don’t think I can stand up anymore.” She sagged against him then and felt him lift her to the counter. She pulled him back to her and kissed him again, all the while running her fingers over his clenched muscles. Her breasts were pressed tightly against his chest and, oh my, didn’t it feel wonderful.
He had the most beautiful body she’d ever seen. She trailed her mouth along his jaw and dropped to the steely cords of his throat. She tasted the salt of his perspiration and buried her nose into his neck. She loved the clean male scent of him, loved how strong and sure of himself he was. She loved every damn thing about him.
Her hands fumbled with the button on his jeans. He groaned when she stopped to stroke him through the fabric. Luke was hot and hard and more than ready. She tugged the jeans down over his lean hips and bit back a cry of frustration when he took a step back.
“You’re not leaving this time. I swear if you do, I’ll shoot you myself.”
He had the audacity to grin as he tugged off his jeans, returning to stand between her parted thighs as she watched him from her perch on the counter. “I’m not leaving. Not in a million years could I walk away from you tonight.”
She reached for him again and Luke stepped into her embrace, eager to get his mouth on her again. His body was burning up for her and if he didn’t take her soon, he knew for sure he would go mad. Her legs were locked around him and all he could feel was Jillian. Her mouth moving frantically under his, her arms wrapped tight around his neck and the moist hot center of her, thrust against his throbbing erection. His hands were wild in the frenzy to relieve her of her jeans. He lifted her off the counter and tugged them down her legs in one fluid motion borne of desperation. If he didn’t get inside of her soon, he would die.
He relieved her of her panties before he set her back down on the counter. By then, Jillian was trembling in his arms and the soft whimpering sound she made in the back of her throat was making him crazy. The thought of her needing him as much as he wanted her was an incredible turn-on. The mental image of her going wild in his arms was almost more than he could stand.
“Now, Luke.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him to her.
He was only too willing to comply. He meant to lift her from the counter and to carry her out to the empty bed. But in the recesses of his fragmented thoughts, he worried about the bedroom. They would have to be very quiet so as not to wake the kids and he wasn’t quite sure that was possible. When he finally came inside of her, it would be all he could do not to shout. He’d only carried her a step when her low, husky voice stopped him.
“Bloody hell, Luke. I mean, right now.”
He opened his mouth to explain and she tugged his head down to meet hers. And the raw, sensual heat she displayed nearly made his knees buckle. When her hand dropped down to stroke him, Luke knew he was utterly lost. With a sharp cry he tightened his hold on her waist and drove himself into her.
He took a shaky breath once he was imbedded deep inside her, the gratification almost too exquisite to live through. He had waited too long for this moment, wanted her far too much to last very long. He prayed he hadn’t hurt her with the force he’d used in taking her. And then he heard Jilly’s ragged moan, felt her move against him, and he withdrew and entered again. She cried out this time and the sound sent a rush of sweet agony jagging down his spine.
She writhed in his arms, slowly driving him wild with the movement. He took her nipple into his mouth, tugging hard as he felt her tighten around him, her luscious body contracting on a wave of pleasure. She sobbed his name and he thrust once more before he was rocketed by his own splintering release. Luke staggered against the counter as he lost control, the white-hot intensity so blindingly perfect it was almost too much to bear. His last coherent thought was one of bewilderment. He’d never come close to experiencing anything like this before.
Still joined together, his arms still wrapped tightly around her, he leaned back against the counter. His brain reeling from the force of his mind-blowing release, all he could think was that he didn’t want to drop her. He was relieved to note that Jillian wasn’t faring much better. She lay slack in his arms, her breath shuddering out as she kissed the side of his neck, her slender body still trembling as she spun back down to earth. His strength sapped, he clutched her tightly against him and tried to convince himself it was only so he wouldn’t lose his grip. But damn, she felt so unbelievably good in his arms. He loved the way she melted against him when he kissed her, loved how she held him as though he were the single most important person in her world—loved how she clung to him still.
Jillian finally raised her head to stare at him. Her eyes were still cloudy with passion but her smile was one of sleepy satisfaction. “Wow.”
“Is that all you can say?” He felt her throaty chuckle all the way down to where they were still connected. A part of him wanted to stay that way. He longed to hold her in his arms for the rest of the night. This was as close to another human being as he’d been in the last several years. And a part of him didn’t want to give that up again so soon, didn’t want to return to being numb. He felt alive—for the first time in years. This situation with Jilly and the kids made him feel challenged. She made him…feel. She forced him to connect with her in a way that for too long he’d been happy to avoid.
But when his brain finished short-circuiting a minute later, another more urgent part of him wanted to put Jilly down and run. And if he didn’t do it soon, he was going to want her all over again. He set her gently on the counter and carefully disengaged, keeping his head down when he heard her soft mew of disappointment.
Sweet Jesus… What did that mean? His heart started pounding in reaction to her little sigh and Luke groped nervously for a rational reason how he could excuse his desperate need to pull away. He had to put some distance between them—quickly. He didn’t want her thinking anything had changed between them. Because nothing had. He
couldn’t offer Jilly more than what they’d just experienced and he didn’t want more.
In his line of work a family was nothing but trouble. He scowled away the thought of Murphy with his wife and kids. All right, so some of the guys had families. But he couldn’t be one of them. He didn’t want to be one of them. End of subject. He’d screwed it up too badly the first time around. He couldn’t afford to chance it again.
“Honey, we’d better get you to bed. You’re not going to have long to sleep.” And he wouldn’t have enough time to recover from what just happened. To get his head screwed back on straight he needed distance. A lot of it.
“Will you come, too?”
The uncertainty in her voice crawled through his system. He heard hope in the husky timbre and felt the answering call in his gut. And his blood ran cold. He swallowed the fear that wanted to pound through him and carefully masked his expression when he raised his gaze to meet hers. He would not run. He would not leave them. And he would not—God help him—touch her again.
“No, baby. I have to keep watch.”
Chapter 10
She was still awake. Her frustrated sigh reached out to torture him each time she twisted restlessly under the sheets and it took every ounce of strength left in him to stay in his chair by the window. Luke cursed his stupidity. How could he have been so weak? He knew better than to give in to the temptation Jillian offered. Yet he’d done it anyway. Even more pathetic was that he wanted her more now than he had before. He wanted to pull back the blankets and climb in beside her. He wanted to take her into his arms and never let go.
He stood abruptly and stretched the tension from his muscles. It was only sex, he reminded himself. Incredible, heart-stopping sex. His reaction to Jilly was physical, strictly a reflex to a need he’d denied for too long. He hadn’t had a one-night stand in more than two years. What did he expect? He was a normal, healthy male. Of course he wanted her again.
Taking a deep breath, he sat again, his mind whirring with a list of perfectly plausible excuses. After Linda’s death he’d isolated himself, accepting any assignment that took him away from Washington. His guilt over her death had existed on many levels. Their marriage had been shaky from the start. She’d driven him crazy with her neediness, a trait he’d tolerated during college but found smothering once they’d married. Her nearly obsessive desire for a child had been another weight he’d carried. Out of loyalty, he’d agreed to try, but deep down, he’d been uncertain whether Linda could handle motherhood. A part of him had wondered if she would use a baby as another weapon in her battle to make him quit the agency.
It had been an unnecessary worry. He’d failed to give his wife the one single thing she’d claimed to need most. The one thing that could have saved her from the dark cloud of sadness that had clung to her. What he alone had to offer his wife simply hadn’t been enough. And Linda had left him, preferring to take her own life rather than spend the remainder of it with him.
He hadn’t been there to stop her overdose. He hadn’t even noticed she’d had a problem. After he’d worked through her death, he’d been troubled by a new discovery. Luke was startled to realize that he was relieved to be alone. And a new wave of guilt had threatened to drown him. What did that say about him? Had he ever really loved Linda at all?
“Luke?” Jilly sighed and thumped the pillow.
“Why aren’t you sleeping? You’re gonna be sorry later.”
“Can we talk for a minute?”
Her breathy whisper reached out to sucker punch him. He studiously ignored the clenching sensation in his gut. “No. Go to sleep.”
“Please? It’ll only take a minute.” Jillian held her breath in the dark, her body crying out for sleep. But her brain crackled with an awareness that would not allow her to rest. They’d made love again in the shower. And all the while, she’d sensed Luke’s regret. It bothered him tremendously that he wanted her. Even as they’d climaxed, as he’d poured himself into her and groaned her name. Even when he’d kissed her with a sweet longing that made her want to weep, he’d held back. His eyes had mirrored passion but nothing more. He’d let her know that his body wanted her desperately but his heart would have no part of her.
She shouldn’t have cared so much when he’d withdrawn into his shell. If nothing else, he’d been honest with her. She’d known it would happen, had expected it. What she hadn’t known was how much it would hurt. Her body ached from the force of their lovemaking, but it was no match for the ache in her heart.
“Jill, I don’t want to have this discussion. I told you…” She heard a slight creak as he rose from his seat by the window. She didn’t hear another sound until he materialized by the side of the bed.
“I told you this would be a mistake. I told you exactly how it would be…and you agreed.” His voice was low and insistent and just a little bit angry.
She sat up hastily. “And I’m not asking you to change how you feel,” she quickly reassured. “I, um, just wanted to thank you for…you know—earlier. I really needed someone and I’m glad it was you, that’s all.”
“You’re thanking me for having sex with you?”
She lifted her hands to her cheeks and felt them burning and was grateful for the darkened room. She knew she wouldn’t have the courage come daylight. “Well, yes. It was more than that for me.”
“I don’t need to hear any more,” he interrupted. “You’re welcome.”
She could sense his body stiffening with tension and chuckled in spite of her sinking heart. “Don’t worry, Luke. I’m not going to get all emotional. Frankly, if it weren’t so dark in here, I wouldn’t have the courage to say this.”
“Don’t do it on my account.”
“I don’t particularly care if you want to hear this. It’s something I have to tell you. You’ll simply have to be tough.” His sigh told her he was clearly aggravated, but he didn’t try to stop her.
“Despite your claims to the contrary, you are a sensitive and kind man, Agent Gianetti. Whether or not you regret tonight, I wanted to state for the record that I do not, nor will I ever, regret it. I needed you desperately and you were there for me. And for that,” she emphasized, “I thank you.”
His silence reached out and wrapped around her. He was watching her. She could feel his eyes on her, could sense his alertness each time she moved. She waited another moment before she sank back against the pillows.
She had been so completely, utterly wrong.
She couldn’t make love to Luke and then pretend the act meant nothing. Not when her heart felt as though it was ready to burst. The moment he’d withdrawn, she’d wanted him back. She’d wanted to stroke and to soothe him, to take him in her arms and to never let him go. She wanted to shout at him that she wasn’t like Linda, wanted to convince him that she would never, ever hurt him.
But that was the last thing he would wish to hear.
“You can relax now, Luke. I’ve finished declaring my undying devotion to you. I wouldn’t want to overwhelm you with too many emotional outbursts in one night.”
“You need to remember why we’re here,” he muttered. “The only reason we’re still together is because I’m protecting you. Once this is done—that’s it. There won’t be a repeat of tonight’s performance, Jilly. You need to get that through your head. As soon as we nail Sloan, it’s over. You’ll never see me again.”
Her heart pounded with a dull, stabbing pain and she wanted to shout in frustration. Why couldn’t he admit that what they’d shared was incredible? Luke Gianetti would take a bullet for her, yet he lived in absolute fear of the possibility that she might want to see him again.
“Not every woman is like your wife, Luke.” She bit her lip while he digested her remark and knew, despite the darkness, that she had startled him.
“What the hell do you know about my wife?” He didn’t wait for her to answer. He leaped up from his perch near the bed and began pacing the room, his movements nearly undetectable despite his anger.
&
nbsp; “Murphy had no business discussing my personal life with you.”
“He didn’t. Murphy thought I knew.” She was quick to defend his friend. “He never would have said anything…except he thought you’d told me.”
“Why would I tell you? I haven’t spoken with anyone about her.” She felt his edginess from across the room. “Look, she’s dead. Despite what you think you may know, I don’t want to discuss her.”
“I’m just stating a simple fact. You obviously had a terrible experience and you have every right to be afraid of ever wanting to try again.”
“Wait a minute. I’m not afraid.”
“Yes, you are,” she said. “You’re terrified by the mere thought of loving another woman.”
“You’re really something.” He laughed then, but it was a cold, bitter sound. “Let’s get one thing straight. I don’t love you, Jill. I don’t even know you.”
She steeled herself against the pain his words caused. She’d asked for this. By provoking him, she was taking a huge risk. She was risking not only her pride, but his, as well.
“Yes, Luke. I know that.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I like you, Jilly. You’re a nice person. You’ll make a wonderful mother to those kids. But that’s where it ends. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but tonight was just sex, all right? You offered. I took.”
She felt the chill of his anger as it radiated out to wash over her and wondered how the same person could have been so loving only hours earlier. “It was just sex for you, and that’s fine. But don’t put words in my mouth. I don’t have sex with every man I meet.”
“I never thought you did.”
“You act like it’s a crime to care about someone. I care about you, Luke. Is that so terrible?”
For Her Protection Page 18