“Nah. Luke suffers from an aversion to authority figures.” Murphy winked again. “I think it stems back to childhood. Something about taking orders from all those nuns in school.”
Luke glared at him in response, refusing to rise to the bait. “I can handle the sisters. It’s just the boneheads I have trouble with.”
“Wow. That’s a Glock, isn’t it?” James leaned over his forearm to get a better look. Luke’s surprised gaze shot over the little boy’s head to finally acknowledge Jillian’s presence. She noticed that even Murphy had been temporarily stunned silent.
“Yeah, kid. How’d you know?”
“Oh, that.” James puffed out his chest, incredibly proud to be right. “Sarah’s daddy had some of those. And so do all his friends. His friends had all different kinds.” He bent over to take a closer look, his nose scrunched up in concentration, completely missing the stunned looks that passed between the adults. “His gun had a thing on the end of it, though,” he continued. “It made a poof sound when he used it. He always promised he’d show me how to shoot it, but he never did. He never kept promises.”
“That was probably a good thing, Jimmy. Guns are very dangerous. They should never be left around small children,” Luke explained. “Bad things can happen with a loaded gun.”
“Slow had a whole closetful of ’em.” James settled into the chair opposite Luke, continuing to watch as he loaded the clip. “I always made sure to keep Sammy away from them. He’s too little to know better.”
“Slow? Did I miss somethin’? Who’s Slow?” Murphy set his box of supplies down and then carefully placed his shotgun on the high bureau in the corner of the room, far away from the kids.
“Slow’s Sarah’s daddy.”
Chapter 11
Slow’s Sarah’s daddy. Luke felt the air rush out of his chest and his heart started racing a mile a minute. He flashed back over his conversations with James. Once she an’ Slow left us for four whole days. Slow. Sarah’s daddy was Slow. He was real mean to us.
James’s singsong voice came back to haunt him and his photographic memory began placing missing puzzle pieces into the correct slots. It wasn’t possible. If he’d only been paying closer attention to the kid. He’d had access to critical information for the past four days.
Slow.
Sloan.
“Sloan,” he rasped. “You mean Sloan, don’t you, Jimmy?” He rose from the table and shoved the gun into his waistband.
“Yeah, that’s his name. That’s what Mommy called him.”
“Damn. I can’t believe I didn’t put it together before now.” He glanced at Murphy and saw the dawning understanding in his partner’s eyes. He turned on Jilly then, anger throbbing through him at the knowledge that he’d been played by her, not once but twice. The princess had held out on him again.
“When the hell were you going to tell us that your sister was screwing one of the biggest drug dealers on the east coast?”
Jillian took two steps back and bumped into the bed. Her face drained of color and her smoky-blue eyes filled with tears. He didn’t miss how her mouth quivered before she bit down on her lip and composed herself. Dammit, he refused to let her tears get to him this time. She turned them on and off like a faucet.
“Luke, hey! It’s not her fault.” Murphy stepped between them, intent on protecting Jillian from his wrath. “How the hell would she know?”
“She knew. She had to know.” Luke refused to believe that she was the innocent in all of this. “Just like she knew she was a freakin’ duchess all this time that she’s been yanking my chain.”
“Oh, Lord,” she whispered, comprehension flaring in her eyes. “How did you find out?” She sagged to the bed and stared woodenly out the window. Sarah chose that moment to begin fussing. On automatic pilot, Jilly got to her feet and walked over to the ancient cradle.
“Your mummy was looking for her precious daughter. You forgot to phone home.” He knew he’d hit his mark when she visibly winced, but it didn’t make him feel any better. In fact, it made him feel foolish.
“I don’t care for your tone, Luke. Who I am is not pertinent to our situation. Being a bloody duchess is hard enough without having to announce it to the world. Besides, it only would have made you worry more.”
“I should have been the one to decide that.”
Something flashed in her eyes and Luke watched as angry color flowed back into her cheeks. She hoisted Sarah from the cradle and yanked the diaper bag from its perch on the chest of drawers.
“My being a duchess didn’t foul up this operation, Luke. You boys did that all by yourselves. Therefore, I would greatly appreciate it if you would refrain from taking out your wretched temper on me.”
She advanced on him then, her eyes sparking with fury while her hands carefully cradled Sarah to her chest, her fingers stroking the baby’s back. Despite his anger, Luke found the contrast fascinating.
“For your information, I didn’t know anything about this Sloan person. Your memory is obviously selective when it comes to me. I clearly remember telling you that I didn’t even know about Sarah’s existence until two weeks ago. How the hell was I supposed to know who her bloody father was? The man who tried to claim paternity after I got here wasn’t named Sloan. That I would have remembered.”
“What are you talking about? What man?”
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Two days after I arrived, I had to go to court because some man wanted to take Sarah away from me. I had to hire an American lawyer and we went to the judge…and I got her back.”
“What happened? Who was he?”
“I don’t remember. Everything happened so blasted quickly.” Her lower lip began trembling and Luke felt his heart drop to his feet. When she was furious—hell, even when she was crying—she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever known.
“I mean, I buried my sister one day and the next day I tried to pick up the kids from social services and…”
She turned her back on all of them, pretending she wasn’t really crying as she pulled out a diaper and set about changing Sarah. Luke watched Samuel cross the room to sit next to her, one thumb stuck in his mouth and the other chubby little arm wrapped around Jilly. She gave him a watery smile and tousled his still messy hair. Even James gave Luke a bewildered look and shrugged his shoulders in confusion. Then, as casually as he could manage, he slid out of his chair and went to sit with her, too.
It was Murphy who finally broke the awkward silence. “So then what happened? When did you go to court?”
“They told me I could have the boys, but someone was trying to claim Sarah. So I got out a phone book, found a solicitor and we went to see the judge the next day. All the court papers are buried somewhere in that blasted car of yours.” She flung her finger toward the curtained window. “That’s assuming we didn’t leave them in one of the umpteen motels we’ve lived in over the past week. But if you want to tear apart the car looking for them, be my guest.”
Luke glanced at Murphy and looked quickly away, ashamed that he’d let his anger get the best of him. Ashamed that he’d ripped into Jilly. She hadn’t deserved it. He’d been frustrated on so many levels that he wasn’t seeing anything clearly. His feelings for her were too intertwined with the case. But that still didn’t make it her fault.
He made a mental note to apologize before he left and then his brain clicked back to the business at hand. He crossed the room and snatched the diaper bag from the corner of the bed. Jillian’s eyes questioned his actions, but he wasn’t willing to meet her gaze, not after the way he’d treated her.
“You done with this?” His voice sounded gruff to his own ears.
“Yes.”
“Is this the only suitcase of your sister’s?” Luke asked.
“No. There’s one other.”
He riffled through the bag before turning back to face Murphy. “If Sloan is Sarah’s father, then Annie Moseby is—”
“Winnie.” Murphy’s
eyes widened in comprehension. “Winthrop—Winnie. Makes sense now. The missing money—”
Luke nodded, his eyes narrowed and purposeful. His gut tightened noticeably as another of the puzzle pieces fell into place as they always did when a case was about to explode. Jimmy’s story about his mother having money came back to gnaw at his brain.
“Is probably right here.” He unzipped the outside pocket of the diaperbag and ran his hand along the lining. Finding nothing, he flipped it over and checked the seams. “That’s what Sloan wants. Not Jilly. Not me. He’s after the money Annie took from him.”
Murphy shook his head in disbelief. “Where’s the other bag?”
Jilly spoke from her perch on the bed. “Did we bring everything with us or did our bags get left behind last night?”
“After you left last night, I cleared out the car Luke drove yesterday. When you switched vehicles, I took everything with me.”
“Then they’re still in the boot.” She tickled Sarah and set her on the floor to play with Samuel before walking over to Murphy. Luke noticed that she gave him a very wide berth, skirting around the far bed to avoid him. And even while his gut twisted into a knot of regret, he didn’t blame her one bit. He’d acted like an idiot. Again.
“I can show you which case is hers if you’d like.”
Her voice was all sweet helpfulness and it served to make him feel even worse about the accusations he’d flung at her. He’d blown it with the one woman he wanted more than anything. But royalty or not, it would have ended between them anyway.
He couldn’t handle a woman like Jillian. Couldn’t handle all the damn emotion and tears. Couldn’t handle loving her kids. They were sweet and precious and in need of so much more than he could offer. He wasn’t up to it. He was far from qualified to become a dad.
“I don’t want you leaving this cabin.” He made the announcement to Jillian, but kept his gaze on Murphy.
She whirled to face him, hands on hips, and frowned. “Well, then how will he know which case is Annie’s?”
“You can describe the shade of periwinkle to him. I’m sure he’ll catch on faster than I did.”
“What’s this about periwinkle? Damn, not a discussion about colors.” He threw his hands up in the air. “I don’t know what it is, all right? I’ve been married fifteen years and I still don’t know what color that is.” Murphy rolled his eyes and headed for the bathroom. “I’ll be back in an hour when the two of you have resolved this. G, you gonna call Duncan or you want me to?”
Luke didn’t take his eyes off Jillian. “You do it.”
She waited until she heard the bathroom door close before she approached him. “Don’t you think you’re being just a tad unreasonable? Murphy’s car is about twenty feet away.” She’d folded her arms across her chest and was heading for the door when he cut her off.
“Princess, you’re not going anywhere until I say you can.”
“I’m not a bloody princess. I’m a duchess.” Not that it mattered anyway. “I knew you’d find something—some excuse to stop seeing me.” She glanced at the kids and dropped her voice to a whisper before advancing on him.
“This has nothing to do with us,” he snapped back. “There is no ‘us,’ remember? This is about your failure to communicate a vital piece of information during an ongoing investigation.”
“You don’t give a damn that I’m a duchess. It has no bearing on this investigation whatsoever. You’re simply too afraid to see what might happen if we continue to see each other.” She ran a disapproving gaze down his face. “You’d sooner take a bullet than have a serious conversation with me. You’d rather run away than face the fact that we could be great together.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” He knew she had to see his heart pounding, knew she must see his hands shaking. He folded his arms across his chest and fisted his hands.
She shook her head sadly. “You’re such a liar. And I am, too. I love you, Luke. Last night was the most incredible night of my life. I could try to pretend otherwise, but why should I? These past four days with you have made me realize what my life could be like.”
“You’ve been chased and shot at—”
“Stop it,” she interrupted forcefully. “That’s not what I meant and you know it. Despite all your efforts to keep me at bay, I’ve gone and fallen in love with you. How sorry is that?”
“Don’t say anything else,” he warned, wincing at the desperate sound of his voice. He could not cave in on this. He only had to hang on a little while longer and then he could retreat to safety. “You don’t love me. If you knew me, you’d realize that you’re wasting your time.”
“I do know you,” she argued. “I know everything that’s important. I’ve already seen most of your faults. You’re incredibly foul-tempered. You get easily frustrated.”
She’d evidently thought long and hard, he realized as he watched her tick them off on her fingers. “Easily frustrated? You’d try the patience of a saint.”
Unfazed, she continued with her list. “You have to think through every bloody angle before you make a decision. I have several perfectly normal habits that seem to drive you completely mad—”
“Jill. God, don’t do this. Please? I’m sorry for what I said earlier about you and about your sister. I was angry and I didn’t mean it. That’s no excuse. But I don’t… I can’t—”
Luke felt as though he were drowning, that each time she spoke, another huge wave crashed down over his head. If she persisted in trying to convince him, he knew he’d go under and he’d never come up for air. He’d be lost for sure, because if he gave in, he would never let her go. She couldn’t love him. Not really. Those feelings didn’t last. He’d believed that he loved Linda. What if he fell for Jilly and then she came to her senses? She’d leave him, too.
“You’re always bragging about your gut instinct. What does your gut tell you about me?” Her wistful smile faltered when she saw the panic that must be visible in his expression.
The million-dollar question. Luke dragged his fingers through his hair and looked away. He couldn’t risk it. Not when it meant losing everything. His jaw clenched, he turned back and looked her straight in the eye. And lied.
“My gut is telling me to walk away and never look back.”
Her face remained stoic, a true testament to her ironclad control. But her eyes, her eyes told him a different story. Where a moment before there had been a defiant hope, the spark of her eternal optimism, now there was emptiness. She had her answer and she would live with it. He knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t ask him again. The crushing weight of reality sat heavy on his chest. There would be no second chances after this. She’d laid herself out on the floor and he’d wiped his feet on her.
“I see. Well then, I guess that’s settled.” Her beautiful eyes filled with tears and she dashed them away with her fingers. Several teardrops still sparkled on her lashes and it was all he could do not to wipe them away.
“I still love you. I know it doesn’t change anything. I can’t make you feel the way I do. And it’s okay. I’ll survive this.” She gave him a watery smile. “Maybe not completely happily, but I’ll make it. We’ll make it just fine,” she emphasized. “I just…wanted you to know how I truly felt. So when you’re off on your next adventure and you’re far, far away, you can know with absolute certainty that someone, somewhere…”
A desperate bubble of laughter surfaced through her tears and the sound sent a knife into his chest. It made him want to take her in his arms and hold her forever.
“That someone in New Hampshire loves you very much,” she finished bravely. She wiped her eyes again and took a deep breath. “That’s all.”
“Jill.” He swallowed hard, completely uncertain of what to say. She surprised him again by reaching her fingers up to press them against his lips. He was helpless to control the shudder that tore through him with the simple contact.
“Don’t say anything, all right?”
<
br /> He heard the bathroom door open and Jillian jerked away from him, pasting on a smile for the benefit of Murphy and the children, who were now watching TV and clamoring for something to eat. He realized as he watched her that she had as much, or maybe even more control than he did. Her upbringing had forced her to hide behind a smile, no matter how she was really feeling.
More than anything else, Luke couldn’t handle what he felt for her. He’d never imagined he could love someone again. Never imagined he’d experience the tidal wave of emotion that he felt when he thought of her. Panic and hope intermingled. Loving Jilly and losing her would kill him. Ending it this way was better in the long run. He could start nursing the pain now.
Murphy finished his conversation with Duncan and flipped his cell phone closed. “Well, that went well. Not. Instead of heralding our major breakthrough, Duncan is twice as determined to come down here and take over.” He flicked a glance at his watch. “Chopper’s gonna drop him around ten miles from here. Should be here in about half an hour.”
Sensing the tension throbbing in the room, he glanced from Luke to Jilly and back. Jillian pretended to be oblivious, busying herself with feeding the kids the fruit and cereal Murphy had brought with him. He raised an eyebrow toward Jillian, questioning him with his eyes. Luke shook his head and Murphy shrugged his shoulders in what appeared to be exasperation.
“G, he wants one of us to pick him up at the airstrip. Actually, he wants you. You want me to go instead?”
“No. I’ll do it.” Too quickly he responded. “You stay here with the rest of them.”
James glanced up, seeming to tune in to the conversation. “Can I go with you, Luke?”
For Her Protection Page 20