“Something we can do to make it better for you. I’m not having sex in a hotel lobby, or swinging in the snow. Toga-ing seems silly and I’m not really into the whole stairs thing.”
“I won’t let you fall.”
“It’s not that.” She sighed and squinted out the window. “I’m not an on-your-knees girl.”
“Because of the gag reflex thing. I know.”
“That, and I—” She pursed her lips and cleared her throat. “We can try it.”
“Yeah, no.” She obviously didn’t want to, and her wanting was what did it for him.
“It’s fine. I’ve been sexually selfish all week.” Her stomach announced its presence again. “I’ll make breakfast and then we can try the stairs.”
“Tell me.”
She tried to get away, but he held her closer.
“It’s nothing. Do we still have eggs? I think I’d burn pancakes.”
“Tell me.” He tightened his hold, not knowing what else to do.
She laid her head on his chest and stared out the window. “I just can’t get into it. Maybe it’ll be different, but sometimes it makes me cry and I don’t want you to think it’s you. Turned away like that it’s like I’m not really there, like I could be anybody.” She sniffed and tightened her hold on him. “And I feel used and start counting, waiting for it to be over.”
He massaged her scalp, his eyes heavy with regret. “I should have kissed you at that toga party.”
“I would have slapped you for trying.”
“But you would have seen me, seen another path you could take.”
“I was too narrow-minded back then to even consider it. I loved Chris, and even if I wasn’t in love with him I wouldn’t have betrayed him.”
“I know. That’s why I didn’t do it.” His bathroom light flickered, a low hum washing through the cabin as the electricity came back online. He wanted to shut it all back off.
She lifted her head and smiled, her eyes rimmed with red. “We have power.”
“Seems so.”
“I can wash my clothes and check my email.”
“If the server is working and the cell towers come back online.” They would, always did. He didn’t want to get out of bed, to let the world in. An electronic trill came from upstairs, followed by enough beeping for a video game.
“My cell phone. I plugged it in when the battery ran out.” She sat up and pushed her hair behind her ears as she scanned the room. “Did I come in here naked last night?”
“We both did after you put on a show in front of the fireplace and dared me to a massage contest.”
Her cheeks reddened. “In front of a fire was on my list.”
“And I’m up for that ride any time you are.” He winked and her blush deepened to her neck.
She snagged one of his flannels from the closet and a pair of wool socks before coming back to the bed to put them on. “The floor is freezing in the morning.”
“So pick me out a rug.” He sat up, wanting to draw her close, to block out the world. But her phone pinged to life again and she shot out of his room like it was on fire. He ought to go shut off power to the house and give them more time.
But he couldn’t keep her here forever, not unless she wanted to stay.
13
Marissa slipped behind Scott, digging into the muscles around his shoulders. He hadn’t been this tense the whole time she’d been here. She kissed his temple, then whispered in his ear, “Tell me you got it up.”
“Oh, I have no trouble getting it up. Remember the game?” The laptop keyboard clicked beneath his quick fingers.
“It’s a miracle I can still walk.” She brought her hands to his neck and started to rub. He was a complete sucker for a massage. “Did knocking the snow off the receiver help?”
He leaned his head back against her and grinned. He tapped his lips for a kiss. Strange how quickly they’d developed their own way of communicating. She leaned down, her lips on his. Kissing had become her favorite way to pass the time, but upside down was just, odd. She straightened up. “It’s weird to do it backwards.”
“At least you can cross it off your bucket list, just like the washing machine. Maybe I’ll go for the trifecta and take you outside later.” He waggled his brows before turning his attention to the computer again.
“No, thank you. I don’t want to freeze any bits off.”
She dug deeper into the tight muscles of his shoulders. The contents of her email inbox could mean the difference between driving home immediately or indulging in one last night with him. She couldn’t in good conscience stay if there was some emergency with the training event tomorrow. The highway had opened and she only needed to buy a set of chains to get over the pass. Not that she knew how to put them on, or take them off for that matter. But she’d find some kind of web tutorial as soon as Scott got the damned Internet working again.
“Sugar, I told you I’d work faster if you were naked.”
“Then you shouldn’t have told me where the laundry room is.” Getting back in her own clothes again reminded her how fleeting their time together was. They couldn’t stay in this intimate cocoon forever, no matter how tempting. The snow melted a little more with each passing day.
“Your outfit only makes me want to peel it off of you.”
She glanced down at her basic black running shorts and fitted half-zip hoodie. She had six versions of the same outfit for her early morning trips to the treadmill. She’d never thought of it as anything but practical. “If you like this, you should see my sports bra. It has a zipper and everything.”
He spun his chair around, grabbing her waist and pulling her onto his lap. “Let me see.”
“Let me online.”
His smile widened and so did hers. She couldn’t remember a time in her life when she’d been this completely comfortable with another person. Now that she faced going back, she wasn’t sure she liked it, the inherent vulnerability in not keeping her guard up. Being with him was like a vacation from reality. Delicious and decadent and perfect in the moment. But she needed to steel herself in case this became nothing but a memory. Distance made the heart wander. The thought saddened her and she must have let her smile falter.
Scott touched her cheek and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just thinking about learning how to drive with chains on my car. Which you said were more like wires, and so now I’m confused.” She tried to grin over it, but he didn’t seem to be buying her cute and bubbly act.
“I’m following you over the pass, so I don’t think that’s it.”
At first he’d tried to make a case for taking her all the way home in his monster rig. But she wasn’t going to leave her car here, or try to go to work with her mind on Scott sitting back at her apartment, waiting for her.
“You’re not going to tell me what’s really bothering you?”
“Nothing’s wrong, so there’s nothing to tell. Though I’ll need to head back to the resort if you can’t get it up.”
“I’ll get it up as often as you can take it.” He moved his lips to her neck, his kiss firing up her desire once more. He slipped his hand to her breast and she remembered his version of massage was far more enjoyable than hers. “I haven’t had you in here yet.”
“Shouldn’t there be one room free of our debauchery?” She forced herself to think about work, about scheduling box lunch delivery and coordinating airport shuttles.
“The shower up here is half the size of mine, so we won’t bother with that room.”
“How many condoms are left?” Her question stalled his advances. Even with the collection he’d pilfered from a neighbor they were on their last two. And if she was going to stay the night, and say goodbye properly in the morning, she wanted to save them.
“I can be creative.”
Could he ever. “I mean it, Scott. If the Internet can’t connect up here, I’ll need to head back down to the lodge. Four days off the grid is pushing it.”
“You talked with your boss yesterday.”
“Yesterday morning. And today all I’m getting is voicemail, and a million texts asking me to call as soon as I get to town. Any minute now she’s going to stop being understanding about the weather situation. I was supposed to drive home on Sunday. It’s Wednesday. We have a huge training event starting tomorrow.” Hearing it out loud was like a bucket of ice water. She had to go, had to get back so that she’d be available to smooth out any wrinkles that came up.
His handsome features fell into a somber expression. “I think it will be safer if we head to Portland this weekend. The forecast says rain is coming, so that will clear all the snow.”
“We aren’t going to Portland. I’m going home. You live here, I live there.” She stood and set her hands on her hips.
“When should I come visit?”
She let her eyes close while she took a fortifying breath. Part of her didn’t want to leave at all. But that part got no vote, hadn’t for years. She had to protect herself in case this whole relationship she’d spun in her head disappeared like a dream. She met his gaze, trying like hell not to ruin what little time they had left. “My calendar is full until Thanksgiving weekend, and after that I have to work like crazy because our corporate offices close for ten days for Christmas and New Year’s.”
“You’ll love the holidays here. Lots of events for the tourists. Do you ice skate? That seems like the quintessential couples holiday date.”
“I can’t risk getting stuck here again. Once is an accident, more than that is poor planning, and planning is what I do.”
The intensity in his green gaze pinned her in place. “Thanksgiving is two weeks away.”
He wanted her to say something, but she didn’t know what. He couldn’t possibly expect her to reorder her life. Not after having her entire future erased like a blackboard. Everything you thought you wanted, you can’t have. Start over. From nothing.
Never again. She liked the woman she’d become. It had been a struggle, and she still had to hustle to get where she wanted to be, but the one perk to rebuilding a life is how proud it makes you. Everything she had, she’d earned. There were times these last few days where her heart might have forgotten how broken it used to be, but she’d decided a lifetime ago her heart did not make decisions. Not anymore.
“The Wi-Fi is working.” He looked at her as if they were in a staring match and the first one to blink had to do something awful. Or maybe he was looking at her like she already had.
“Thanks.” She marched back to the guest room and closed the door. It wouldn’t keep him out if he wanted in, but she needed the barrier. And sure enough, an urgent email from her boss meant her time playing hooky was over. Back to work.
Back to real life.
Why couldn’t she cling just a little bit? This woman knew what she wanted, and had a plan to get there. A plan that did not include him.
He should have planned for a proper goodbye, not some side-of-the-road See you later. The only thing that kept him from following her all the way to Portland was the terrified look in her eyes that had been there all day.
The rain had started while he helped her remove the traction cables from her tiny car. Marissa was a quick study. She hadn’t known a thing about them when they went on, but had managed to undo two of them herself once they cleared the pass. Which meant it wouldn’t be something she’d ever need him for again.
She’d given him a quick kiss goodbye, more friendly than anything, and then rushed back into her car to avoid the rain. Or to avoid him. He wasn’t sure which. So he’d circled back around and headed to work. Like he did every day. As if they’d never been snowed in.
He’d had more than enough work to keep him busy while he waited for her to call and say she’d made it home safely, but that didn’t stop him from checking his phone. Enough to make Darby and everyone else in the office laugh their asses off. And it was ridiculous. Somehow the last few days had hit a reset button on his life. Time would be logged as Before Marissa and With Marissa. He prayed there never would be an After. But as the hours rolled by he wondered if he was already there.
His phone vibrated, moving across his desk. His chest tightened when he saw the text message.
Went straight to work. Thanks for everything.
She might as well have said Have a nice life. He wanted to call and force her to talk to him, to talk about them. It took all the restraint he had to type back. Anytime. My door is always open.
And unlocked.
She had no idea. How’s work?
I have it handled.
Speaking of things you’ve handled, when do you want me to come up?
I’ll let you know. Back to moving tables.
I could have helped with that.
He sighed when she didn’t respond. Her world was spinning double-time again, while he was stuck back in what could have been.
Maybe he’d head over to the condo remodel, find something he could tear down or smash. Anything to keep him from going home alone, to a cabin that probably still smelled like her.
Marissa liked sleeping alone. With Chris they’d had curfews at home, and then in college his dorm and her sorority house had visiting hours. They’d taken a trip together once, to find an apartment in Miami. But he’d gone out with the players each night, and she’d been underage. And the guys she’d dated after, well, not many of them made it into her bed, and none of them had been invited to stay.
It had taken her forever to get to sleep that first night back, and a week in she was still struggling. She could keep her whirling thoughts about Scott and the cabin quiet when she was busy, but at night the loneliness hit. She even tried staying over at Amy’s, but that only made it worse. She had to do something, and since she wasn’t going to buy a television and have it delivered and cable hooked up in the next hour, she picked up her phone from the charger beside her bed.
Would he be alone? The mere thought turned her stomach. Chris had kept his hookups on the down low by having them on the road where she couldn’t see, wouldn’t suspect. His betrayal had left a gaping wound, and even now she had a hell of a scar from it. Her heart told her Scott would never, but her head warned how easy it would be for him to play her. Maybe if she just sent a quick text to see if he was busy.
I’m having a problem.
Real smooth. She wanted to grab the words back from the ether. She’d kept their communication to text messages since coming back for just this reason. No telling what she’d agree to if she didn’t have the typing delay. Probably something desperate and impulsive like, I think I love you. Or get here as fast as you can.
I have a big one.
Problem? Or . . .
Both. I can’t stop thinking about you.
I know the feeling.
Scott texted a dark and grainy selfie of him lying on his pillows.
She scanned through her photos, finding that silly one of them together in the snow, and sent it.
After she’d picked up the pieces of her life and made something of herself, she wasn’t afraid of much. But Scott, now he terrified her. So much she hadn’t even let him kiss her goodbye, just planted a perfunctory kiss on his cheek and hustled into her car before he could respond. Every step she took away from him ripped at her soul. She wouldn’t have been strong enough to leave if he’d touched her.
Her phone rang, vibrating in her hand. Excitement shot through her, followed quickly by dread. She wanted to hear his voice, but she didn’t want to do something stupid like tell him she wanted to run away to his cabin and have his babies. Because every time life stressed her out lately, it crossed her mind.
Her throat went tight and she wasn’t sure what it was she wanted to say, so she answered with a tentative, “Hi.” So lame.
“Marissa, it’s one in the morning.” His voice slid through her, warm and molten. Not to mention sexy as hell.
“Sorry. I’m awake.” And my mind is spinning out of control.
&n
bsp; “And I’m awake, but we’re a little long distance for a booty call. By the time I get there, you’re going to need to get ready for work.”
“True.” That was the problem with living so far apart. You had no idea what the other was doing, or who they were doing it with.
“Should I get in the truck?”
“No.” She laid her head on one pillow, then put the phone on speaker and set it beside her. “I haven’t been sleeping well.”
“Waking yourself up with all that talking in your sleep?” His smile came through the phone and some of her tension released.
“What do I say?” She hoped it wasn’t too mortifying.
“You’d blush.”
She already was. “Try me.”
“You sure?” He cleared his throat and mocked her voice, sighing between each sentence. “‘Don’t stop. Yes, please. Like that. Marry me. Let me try. Oh, yes. Lick me. More wine.’”
“Wait, go back. Did you say ‘marry me’?”
“No, you did,” he said tenderly.
“Oh. My. God. I can’t believe I did that.”
“Told you you’d blush.”
She pressed a hand to her flaming cheek. “I am so sorry.”
“Hey, it was my first proposal. Don’t ruin it.”
“I think I may have to slink away in abject mortification now.” If she wasn’t awkward enough awake, she could embarrass herself even more in her sleep.
“I said yes.”
“Stop.”
“Okay, I rubbed your butt. It puts you right back to sleep. You should try it for your sleeping problem.”
In spite of herself, she did. Exhaustion made her desperate.
“Did you do it?”
“I did. Nothing happened.”
“I don’t know about that.” The sensual undercurrent in his voice promised to drag her down the same path.
She cleared her throat. “I don’t think I can be all phone sexy without turning it into a joke.”
“Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.” From his laugh she worried she’d misunderstood what he meant.
“Come on, even when I talk in my sleep it’s rated G.”
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