Liane squeezes my hand, and I know I’ve missed something. “I’m sorry? What did you say?”
“It’s a little early to find out the sex,” the doctor says again. “But by your next appointment we should be able to see more clearly. Do you want to find out?”
“I do,” she says. “I want to know. Do you?” I’ll do anything to see that smile on her face, so I nod.
“Of course.”
“Now there’s a chance that the baby won’t cooperate, or that the prediction can be wrong. I have to tell you that. But many times, we’re able to give couples a little insight into what they’re having so you can start planning.”
“Thank you,” Liane says, her voice cracking. I lean over and wipe the stray tear off of her cheek. Despite everything, I hope that’s a happy tear. “That’s our baby,” she says, and I know she’s as floored as I am.
“I know,” I say, kissing her softly. “He’s part of both of us.”
“He?” she laughs. “What about she?”
“Either way,” I tease. I don’t care what it is. All I know is that it saved us, and I’ll never forget that.
The doctor helps her sit up and I kick myself for not thinking to do that. I need to get better at these things. “I want to see you back in one month. They will set up the appointment for you at the desk. I’m changing your anti-nausea meds. If it doesn’t get a lot better in the next two days, I want you to call the office back and we’ll see what we can do. You’ve lost fifteen pounds since last year at your annual, and I want to see some gain by the next time you come.”
The doctor looks at me, and I wonder what he’s thinking. I’m sure he sees this a lot, but I still feel ashamed. Here’s my eighteen-year-old girlfriend, knocked up. I guess it could be worse. We could be sixteen. “Take care of her,” he says.
“I’m going to,” I promise.
“I’M GOING TO be sick,” Liane whispers as we pull in the driveway. She’s breathing in and out, her eyes closed as she rests her head against the headrest. “This is worse than telling my own parents.”
“No, it’s not,” I say, even though I don’t believe that for a second. I’m terrified to tell my parents. They have a lot of hopes and dreams for me, like all parents. The difference is, they want me to do what they want me to do. Like going to New York. Of course, I do want to be successful like my father and grandfather. Watching them build their careers and life comfortably has definitely motivated me to follow in their footsteps. But I would’ve been just as happy staying in Kentucky for school. But only the best for their only child.
I’d always wished for a sibling, but my parents had always told me they stopped with one because why mess with perfection? I grew up thinking that. Now I know that is so far from the truth. And they aren’t going to think I’m perfect anymore after today. They are going to give me that ‘look’, the one that says they are disappointed in me. And later, after Liane goes home, they’ll tell me this is exactly why they didn’t want me serious with her in the first place. They could care less about me having sex with her or anyone else; they told me that themselves when I was fifteen. What they did care about was me messing up my future by ‘dipping my stick without thinking’, as my dad said often.
Lo and behold, I’ve done exactly what they were terrified of. Never mind the fact that we had been careful. It isn’t going to matter to them. I wouldn’t put it past them to disown me and cut off all future support. Oh they love me alright, as long as I stay right in line with what they want me to do.
“I’m here,” I try to reassure her, willing my voice not to shake. All I want to do is pull back out of this driveway and take Liane somewhere, just the two of us. We haven’t made love since we’ve gotten back together. I don’t want to push her, and I’m a little freaked out about the baby thing. I still wonder if Liane is really all with me, or if she’s just here because of the baby. But I’m determined to have her love me the way she used to. Someday. I’ll show her that I’m going to be a wonderful father and husband to her. She had wanted that once; she can again.
We sit for a few more minutes before I decide it’s now or never. “Let’s get this over with,” I say, getting out of the car and walking to her door. Helping her out, we both stop and look at my parents’ beautiful home. “Come on, Lia. We’ve got each other. It’s going to be okay.” She nods, and we walk silently into the house, our hands linked.
“Ronan! Liane! Just in time! Dinner’s ready!” My mom waves us in. “Grab what you want to drink and meet us in the dining room.”
I get both of us some tea and we walk to the dining room. Both of my parents are sitting there beaming, and I instantly wonder what’s going on. My grandparents are at the other end of the table. Oh, great. Now I get to break two sets of hearts tonight. “Gram, Gramps. Good to see you both,” I say, hugging them. “You remember Liane?”
“Of course,” Gram says, kissing Liane’s cheek. “Such a beautiful girl. They make a wonderful couple, don’t they Bill?”
Gramps winks. “They sure do. Glad to see you again, Liane. How’s school going?”
“It’s going well,” she says, her voice wavering only slightly. “Thank you. It’s nice to see you all again. Thank you for having me for dinner.”
“Of course. We’re happy to hear that you and Ronan have worked things out. Now, sit. Let’s eat. You’re looking thin, dear,” my mom says. I want to roll my eyes because I know she doesn’t mean that at all, but I don’t.
Liane grabs my hand under the table and despite my nerves, I can’t help but be happy that she’s turning to me for comfort.
“WE HAVE SOMETHING we want to tell you,” my dad says after the dessert dishes are cleared. Liane looks over at me, fear in her eyes. There’s no way they know anything, so I smile at her and I feel her relax.
“What’s that, Dad?”
He looks over at my mom, then at my grandparents. “We’re moving.”
“Moving? Where?”
“To Florida. I’ve gotten an amazing offer to be partner in a huge firm down there, with the chance to be managing partner within five years.”
“And we’re going too,” Gramps says. “Time to retire at the beach.”
I’m shocked. We’ve lived in Kentucky my entire life. I never thought in a million years my parents would want to move. “Wow. Congrats! That’s fabulous, Dad!” My mom has never worked, choosing to spend her time supporting my dad and doing charity work around Kentucky. I guess she’ll be continuing that in Florida. I stand and hug them both. “Did you apply for this, or did they come to you?”
“They came to him,” my mom gushes. She’s always been my dad’s number one cheerleader. After over twenty years married, they still act like newlyweds. I look over at Liane, hoping for the same thing to happen to us. “They gave him an amazing offer that we couldn’t refuse. They’re paying all moving costs and giving him quite a step up in pay. We’re looking at a house right on the beach. Isn’t that exciting?”
Liane squeezes my hand. I look at her, and she shakes her head no. She doesn’t want me to tell them. But I have to.
“I’m so proud of you, Dad. Liane and I have something to tell all of you.” Silence takes over the room as all four of them look at us. Just like that, it feels like all the oxygen has been sucked out of the room. I hear Liane’s sharp intake of breath, but I know I can’t wait anymore.
“What’s going on, son?” I can read my mom like a book; she’s starting to panic. All sorts of crazy things are running through her head. My dad crosses his arms in front of his chest as if to ward off the news he’s about to get.
“I—we—we’re having a baby,” I stutter out. “Liane is pregnant. She’s due in April.” I want to look down so I can’t see the looks on their faces, but I force myself to hold their gaze. It’s time to be a man. Silence echoes through the room like the aftermath of a bomb. In a sense, that’s just what I’ve done. Thrown a grenade in the middle of this happy room and killed everyone’s good mood.
I meet my dad’s eyes. I can hear my grandmother start to cry, but I can’t look at her. “Dad. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? I think it’s a little late for that, don’t you, son? You just ruined everything! How in the hell are you going to support them? How are you going to go to school? Oh, my god.” He pushes his chair back and starts pacing through the room. My mom’s still crying, and now Liane is too. Her body is shaking, her head bowed down so the tears drip onto the table.
“Liane,” I whisper in her ear. “Nothing matters but us, Lia. We can do this. I promise.”
“Dad,” I stand, letting go of Liane’s hand so I can walk across the room. “I know you’re upset. We can’t tell you how sorry we are. But, we’re keeping the baby. We’re going to be a family, and your support would be greatly appreciated.”
“Support? What you mean by that is that we take care of you, right? The two of you and this baby? We told you, Ronan. All these years! We told you that you couldn’t let this happen to you. You have your whole life ahead of you! Your future! What happens to that now?”
“I don’t need you to take care of us. I’m going to take care of us,” I retort. “But it would be nice for you to accept it and allow us to be a part of this family. I’m still going to go to school. After the baby is born, Liane will go back to school. We’ll figure it out. Together.”
My father turns his eyes to Liane, and I know he’s about to insult her. “Dad,” I warn. I can’t let him put this on her.
“Did you do this on purpose?” Liane shrinks back, shaking her head. “You couldn’t stand it that he broke it off, could you? So you had to trap him any way you could?”
“Son!” Gramps stands up, his booming voice silencing everyone. If there is someone that can get through to my dad, it’s him. “That’s enough. There’s nothing going to come from alienating the mother of your grandchild. Obviously this is a big shock to everyone. Let’s all just take a moment here before you start saying things you can’t take back.”
I want to kiss my grandfather right now. I pull Liane up, noticing she’s barely able to stand without my support. God, I hate this for her. She’s had weeks and weeks of this. “We’re going downstairs to the basement.”
When we get downstairs, I pull her into my lap on the couch. “That was awful,” she whispers into my neck.
“Yes it was,” I agree. “But they’re just shocked. It’s going to be okay, Lia.”
“Do you think I did it on purpose? To trap you?” I think about where she would’ve been had I not intervened with Blake, and I know that she didn’t do this. In fact, if I really admit it to myself, I know that I’m her second choice. But I can only hope that someday, I’m her first.
“No. Never. Please don’t listen to my dad. He was angry with me and lashing out. He doesn’t think that. None of them do. Let’s just let them chill out for awhile.” Liane lays down, her head in my lap. Within minutes, she’s asleep. I stroke her hair, hoping that for all of our sakes, my parents come around.
I CLOSE THE door to my bedroom quietly, leaning back against it. Liane had just gone home for the night. We’d tried to forget how serious our lives are now, but it hadn’t worked. Truth is, I know that my parents are waiting for the right moment to stick it to me. Especially my dad. But since it’s late, I’m hoping they are asleep and I can think of my comeback before they come after me.
I flop on my bed, my arm over my eyes. So much swirls through my brain. I’m going to be a dad. I saw my son or daughter on an ultrasound screen today. A knock sounds at my door seconds before the door pushes open. My parents stand there, both of them with solemn looks on their faces. Well, I guess they’re going to tell me their opinion sooner rather than later.
“Mom, Dad,” I say, feeling like I just swallowed a rock.
“I know that for some crazy reason, you’ve wanted that girl since the moment you laid eyes on her,” my mom starts. I brace myself for what’s coming. “But is this really what you want, Ronan? To be a father at eighteen? To give up everything? New York? Your life?”
“Of course he doesn’t want to give it up,” my dad starts pacing. “But you just had to knock her up, didn’t you? This can still be taken care of, you know. She can and should have an abortion. You can go back to college. Both of you can forget this ever happened, and move on. She’s not good enough for you, anyway. You aren’t ready to be a father. You need to be able to be a college boy, enjoying your life. Not saddled with a kid and tied down. This is why we never wanted you to date her in the first place.”
I knew he was going to react like this, but I’m not going to let him talk about Liane that way. “Why isn’t she good enough, Dad? And Liane wants to keep the baby, and I’m not going to tell her she is wrong about that. She’s not tying me down. I’m making the choice. She gave me an out. I told her no. I’m going to be a man, dad. I have to. I would think you would want me to.”
My parents exchange a look I don’t understand, and then my mom shakes her head. “Of course she wants to keep the baby,” she clicks her tongue. “Because she knows that you’re going to inherit your grandfather’s money someday. And she’ll never have to work a day in her life. Why not strap you down now? I bet she did do this on purpose. She spread her legs to you and you just couldn’t say no. All the while, she planned to do this to you. Now you’re forced to be a dad and support her. And she wants to go to school to be a teacher? What kind of life goal is that? Oh no. What that girl wants is to be the wife of Ronan Collier, the next Collier to make a name for himself. This is why we told you to break up with her.”
“And I did,” I say. “Even though I didn’t want to. And you know what happened? Everything fell apart. I feel like this baby has given us a second chance. It may not be the ideal time, but we will make it work. Please. I need your support.”
She sighs and looks at my dad. A silent conversation happens with them for what seems like forever. Then she turns back to me. “We figured you would say all of this. I swear that someday you will regret saddling yourself with all of this at your age, but if there isn’t anything we can do to stop you, then you’re going to have to come with us to Florida.”
I blink, looking at her like she just grew another head. What? Go with them to Florida? Why? “What?”
“You aren’t staying here,” my dad speaks up. “We’re moving to Florida. We aren’t going to tell anyone here about this. As far as anyone is going to know, you’ve decided to switch to a school in Florida. Liane will come with us, and the two of you will go to school.”
“I don’t understand,” I admit, wondering what just happened. First they didn’t want me with her at all, and now they are going to take us with them to Florida. “Why do you want us to go with you?”
My mom laughs. “What did you think, that we were going to let you two be the laughing stocks of this community? We’re well known here. You’ll never be accepted. The two teenage screw ups that ruined their lives by being careless? Oh, no. You aren’t soiling the Collier name that your grandparents built to mean respect and honor. You’ll both go with us and we will try to keep this as hush-hush as we can. Plus, you and Liane aren’t in any position to take care of yourselves. How are you going to support a baby?”
Realization dawns on me. They want to save face. This isn’t about helping us at all. This is about not telling anyone what their disappointment of a son had done, then trying to cover it up. And if someone does find out, they can be the doting parents who helped their wayward children even after they made bad choices. Either way, it’s a win-win for my parents. They could care less about me and Liane or our unborn baby. But I also know I’m stuck. They’re right. How will I support them? I’ve been accustomed to having money my entire life; how will I make enough to pay for us to live? Go to school? Take ca
re of a baby?
“Thank you,” I say, the only thing I know they want to hear. They both smile and nod, turning to leave. “Wait,” I stop them.
They turn back to me as I reach for the ultrasound photo I’d gotten for them at the doctor’s office. “This is for you. Lia and I went to the doctor today. I thought you might want the first picture of your grandchild. He or she is due sometime in April.” I think about Lia’s mom wanting the picture for her refrigerator and know my parents won’t have the same reaction.
My mom stares at the picture for a long time before taking it from my hand like it’s a poisonous snake about to bite her. She doesn’t look at it, just folds it up in the palm of her hand. “We’re moving right after the holidays. We’ll have to take care of school and you would do well not to tell anyone else about your situation with Liane.” With that, they both walk out of my room and shut the door, leaving me to stare after them.
If I do what they want me to do, they’ll take care of us. That was pretty much the gist of their conversation. So we’ll move to Florida and Liane and I will become a family. I guess I can understand their reaction; I just made them a grandparent at the young age of 45. If I’m completely honest with myself, I’m freaked the hell out. I never wanted this for myself. I don’t know how to be a dad and I’ve never even really been around young kids. The thought of having a small human relying totally on me makes me want to throw up. I’m barely old enough to take care of myself, much less a helpless baby. I wish I could go back into time and not get Liane pregnant, not break up with her, and erase Blake completely from her life. But since I can do none of those things, if in order to get Liane I have to be a father too, well then I’m just going to have to suck it up and be the man I need to be. And the doubt and fear I have about being what she and this baby needs are just going to have to take a backseat.
IT’S CHRISTMAS DAY. I roll over and look out of my window. I see snow coming down, and I smile. There’s nothing better than having a White Christmas. The new medicine has made all the difference in the world, and I’m actually able to eat now. I’ve gained back five pounds, and my skin no longer has a green tinge to it.
Twisted Souls Page 18