Dear Elijah,
In the words of Beyoncé, “Why don’t you love me when I make me so easy to love?”
The letter I sent to Elijah
Elijah Huck
245 West 107th Street
New York, NY 10025
October 13
Dear Elijah,
One of my favorite things to do here is canoe alone. You know how much I love my alone time (remember how Wednesdays were my introvert days, and I’d refuse to talk to anyone except sometimes you?), but it’s so scarce here—they really schedule us within an inch of our lives with shared work, nonviolent communication, and electives. So sometimes I just escape to the pond with a few books and my parasol (and, if I’m being honest, the dark chocolate truffles my friends send me from the city) and spend the afternoon floating. I’ve only been attacked by bugs a couple of times; usually it’s perfectly beautiful.
It’s almost like I don’t know what to do with myself here. I haven’t really settled into any role like I had at Bowen: I’m nobody’s friend (well, I kind of have one friend, actually), nobody’s sister, nobody’s muse. It’s a precious time, I guess, the predefinition stage, but also a disorienting one. Maybe that’s why I’m clinging so furiously to my old stuff—dressing in all my old clothes, clacking on my typewriter until my roommate groans and leaves the cabin to study elsewhere. It’s really the only thing reminding me of who I really am.
I’d love to hear about your sophomore year!
Flora
To: Faculty, staff, and students
From: Miriam Row
Subject: Re: birth
October 13
Everyone,
I know you’ll join me in congratulating Allison on the birth of her child, as well as thanking her for demystifying the process of childbirth.
On an unrelated note, I’d like to make a request: the Oracle mentioned that the package room is looking rather crowded. To ensure that everyone feels comfortable in this space, please request packages from friends, family, and vendors off campus only when absolutely necessary.
I invite you to come speak with me if this presents a problem for you.
Blessings,
Miriam
QUARE TIMES
The Quare Academy Student News Collaboration, October 15
QUARE SHARE DELIGHTS AUDIENCE
By Shy Lenore
To those of us who were at Quare since first year, Quare Share—a start-of-school tradition featuring student talent in both classes—is nothing new. For others, it’s a chance for students to see what their new peers are made of.
Dean Elliot, master player of Guild, Quare’s oldest and only theater troupe, hosted this year’s Share; it’s tradition for master player to serve as emcee.
“Oh, it was a blast,” Elliot said. “All the kids did such a neat job.”
One of those “kids,” as Elliot, a second-year, called them, was Marigold Chen, a first-year from San Francisco. Chen performed Eminem’s “Lose Yourself,” much to the delight of her audience.
“I first sang the song last year, at my old high school,” she said. “Everyone was kind of shocked and then I became known for it.”
Here at the Academy, Chen was bombarded with applause.
And so was Agnes Surl, another first-year from outside of Atlanta, GA. Surl, who organized the largest Atlanta Moth story share, told the audience about a cross-country road trip with an alcoholic uncle.
“[Surl] was sensational,” said Alice Jackson, a second-year. “I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.”
GOT WATER? STUDENTS DISCUSS MEANS OF TRANSPORTATION
By Juna Díaz
We all know it’s a good idea to stay hydrated, but on a campus that’s long outlawed plastic bottles, what’s a person to do?
Perhaps the most prevalent trend for transporting water is the Nalgene bottle.
“I don’t go anywhere without my Nalgene,” said Clive Daniels, a second-year. “It’s the perfect size, and it hardly ever spills.”
Others, however, are partial to the aluminum bike bottle, whose ergonomic shape and handy keychain makes carrying it simple.
“It keeps the water nice and cool, too,” said Fern Hastings, a first-year. “It also fits perfectly in the little water holder on my bike.”
Most ubiquitous, for hot liquids especially, are Mason jars; students are often seen drinking soup, tea, and coffee from them.
“Mason jars are the bomb diggity,” said Dean Elliot. “I have at least four in my A-frame at any given time.”
Long explained that there is a crucial difference between Mason jars and other similar jars with which they are often confused, such as the Ball jar.
“Balls are ideal for canning,” she said. “If you’re making jam, don’t even consider using anything but a Ball.”
For some, neither the Nalgene nor the aluminum, and neither the Mason nor the Ball, appeals. One student’s unusual choice—a Pastis 51 French antique jug made of glass—may be nifty, but gets her occasionally into trouble.
“I keep dropping it, because there’s not really a handle,” said Flora Goldwasser, a first-year. “It’s almost been really bad a couple of times.”
SOCIETY BY SAM
By Sam Chabot
Sources have confirmed that an unseemly shower run-in (she was showering; he wasn’t paying attention) served as the beginning of the romance between LW and GH. According to the source, her music makes him come alive, while his obvious passion for permaculture gets her going.
Chabot is a first-year. This is his first humor column.
The Quare Academy
Midterm Progress
October 16
Student: Flora Goldwasser
Year: First
WOMEN’S LITERATURE
Instructor: Pearl Bishop
Credits Earned: 5.0
It would be an understatement to call Flora Goldwasser an “outstanding” student. She’s deep, sensitive, creative, and a joy to have in class. Her comments, insights, and interpretive ability for literature has touched and impressed all of us. Her reading of the red room in Jane Eyre, for example, as a gaping vagina both illuminated Brontë’s original meaning and provided us with a jumping-off point to discuss “literature of the womb” in other works.
It’s a thrill and an immense pleasure to have her in class, and I’m looking forward to all the work she will continue to do. On a more personal note, my family and I have immensely enjoyed having Flora on our dinner prep crew on Thursday nights. She makes a mean vegan peanut butter cookie!
ENVIRONMENTAL STUDIES
Instructor: Gabriel Cohn
Credits Earned: 5.0
Flora is a brilliant and thoughtful student. When she participates in class, her ideas are important contributions, benefitting the entire class. The other students value her comments, and her work ethic sets a good example for the entire class. I especially enjoyed her analytical essay on Cronon’s “The Trouble with the Wilderness,” and I even photocopied it to share with the entire class.
WORLD ISSUES I
Instructor: Jaisal Veerasuntharam
Credits Earned: 5.0
Flora’s written work has been outstanding, some of the best I have encountered in terms of comprehension of the material, critical thinking, and technical proficiency. She possesses a deep understanding of all topics we covered in our first unit, Global Capitalism. (Even though she sympathizes with Paul Krugman more than some of her peers would like!)
There are many options for raising the level of expectations for her, if she is interested in being pushed further. I hope that she will accept at least a couple of more difficult assignments in the weeks ahead.
PEACE ON EARTH
Instructor: Allison Longfield and Gus Phillips
Credits Earned: 5.0
Flora is a deep thinker and provides an outspoken perspective on a number of the difficult issues we cover in Peace on Earth, a class that examines st
ructures and models of nonviolence throughout history and culture. Her ability to connect past course work and experiences, the readings assigned, and others’ contributions to class discussion is exceptional. Her essay on Gandhi and King was both nuanced and thorough, prompting me to reflect on ideas that I had previously held without question.
I hope she will continue to set an example to other students by being able to change her mind as she becomes more informed.
FRENCH
Instructor: Yvette D’Arles
Credits Earned: 5.0
Flora is an excellent student whose French language proficiency puts her at the highest level of Quare students. Her beautiful accent and impressive written work have urged me to request that she work with a couple of students at a lower level on their grammar and expression. I am happy to say that she has acquiesced.
CALCULUS
Instructor: Gail Jacobsen
Credits Earned: 5.0
Flora is a superlative student who works hard, thinks deeply, and does not let anything slip by. Her work is beautifully done and well thought-out. Flora is working at a good pace that she would do well to keep up for the duration of the semester.
Amsterdam Dental Group
1243 Amsterdam Avenue
New York, NY 10027
October 18
Flora,
Your father has received your midsemester progress report in the mail, and he commends your excellent performance and urges you to “keep up the good work”! He was considering sending chocolates, but I advised him that perhaps flowers were a more prudent choice (it’s warm for October, and I didn’t want you to have a mess on your hands). So I called the flower place, but they don’t do deliveries in Main Stream. Nonetheless, congratulations on your well-earned success!
Sincerely,
Linda Lee Lopez, Receptionist
Cora Shimizu-Stein
95 Wall Street, Apt. 33A
New York, NY 10005
October 20
Corset,
Sam is in love with Marigold.
At first he wouldn’t admit it, but every time she comes and sits with us in the dining hall or he happens to be next to her in class, he gets all fidgety and trips over his words.
“How’s Marigold?” I asked him on our way to World Issues this morning, sort of teasing.
“I assume she’s fine,” said Sam. He kicked a rock with the toe of his white sneaker, and we both watched it sail far away. “Why do you ask?”
“Because you like her.”
He put his arm around my shoulders and breathed in the quilted shirt I was wearing, one of the only cute items in the Free Store that week. I’d cinched it with a black belt to keep it from billowing open in the passing breeze.
“What, was this your grandmother’s?” he asked. “It smells like Boca Raton.”
“How do you know about Boca Raton?”
He shook his head. “I’m from Montréal, not Siberia. I’m hardly provincial, Goldwasser. Give me some credit, please.”
“Actually,” I said, “I’m pretty sure it was Pearl’s. Every time she sees me wear it, she gives me this squinty look like she definitely recognizes it but doesn’t want to bring it up.”
Sam nodded. “That’s like the time I saw Zev in my boxers. First I was like, ‘I hope you washed those,’ but then I was like, ‘Wait a minute. How did those end up in the Free Store?’”
“Why don’t you just go up and talk to Marigold?” I asked, trying to catch him off guard.
His lips flew open. “And say?” he asked finally.
“I don’t know,” I said. “It doesn’t matter what. Just make contact.”
Sam doubled over and wailed in pain. “I’m bad at this,” he said. “She won’t like me. I’m nothing special, if you really think about it. I doubt she even knows my name.”
I rolled my eyes. “She obviously knows your name,” I said. “There are sixteen people in our class.”
“Okay, so she knows it.”
“Have you ever kissed anyone?” I asked.
He stared at me. “Haven’t you ever been to Jewish summer camp?” he asked.
“Do I look like I went to Jewish summer camp?”
He laughed. “Okay, so no. But kissing is a full-fledged activity. You pretty much sign up for it along with basket weaving and tennis. Have you ever been kissed?”
“It’s not very classy to kiss and tell.”
I might have sounded confident, but my heart was racing.
“You might even call it déclassé,” he said.
There was a pause. He wiggled his eyebrows at me, but I just shook my head.
“I keep forgetting that you went to an all-girls school,” Sam said. “Boeing. Was that what it was called?”
I threw my head back. “BOWEN,” I corrected. “It’s a fancy private school, not a midsize commercial jet. You should write about Marigold in your column. ‘Society by Sam.’ That would be so romantic.”
It’s still funny to me that Sam writes for the Quare Times, because it makes him such a Joiner, you know?
By that time, we’d arrived at World Issues, and I’d gotten out of answering his question.
Oh, Cora. Bowen did us no favors in this department. We can conjugate Latin verbs all the livelong day, but when it comes to boys, we’re illiterate.
Later that night, I took a good look at Marigold when she and I were brushing our teeth side by side in the communal bathroom. Silky hair, soft lips, and the most perfect complexion I’ve ever seen. I’ve been fighting the urge to borrow her (all-natural, of course) skin care products that have lined the shelves in the bathroom this entire semester. I could totally see why Sam would like her, not just because she’s beautiful, but also cool in that way that doesn’t announce itself too annoyingly.
That’s major shell speak, but still. Sam and I are being rebels and not participating in the “no shell speak” rule. So there.
Virginally yours,
Flo
Lael Goldwasser
Harvard College
2609 Harvard Yard Mail Center
Cambridge, MA 02138
October 20
Lael,
Well, whoop-de-doo. The first time I hear from Daddy in weeks, it’s through Linda Lee Lopez, and it’s about my grades (well, narrative comments—we don’t get grades here). Because of course he doesn’t ACTUALLY care about anything besides my transcript.
Maybe he’s trying. But he’s going to have to work a little bit harder than this.
Flora
Lili Shimizu Gets Posh Wall St. Apt. in Swift Divorce
By Helena Brown
October 17
Lorne Stein, former power attorney serving a twenty-year sentence for conspiracy, fraud, and money laundering at the Federal Correctional Institution at Sandstone, in northern Minnesota, has split with his so-called “geisha girl,” Lili Shimizu.
The Japanese-born ex-supermodel Shimizu will keep the couple’s six-bedroom duplex at 95 Wall Street, which they bought for $6.8 million in June of last year.
Stein, once known as the “king of the Financial District,” has replaced the queen of his now six-by-eight castle: he dumped Shimizu, reportedly over the phone, and is rumored to be dating fellow Sandstone inmate Gillian Zenk, charged with embezzlement.
Shimizu and her daughters, aged sixteen, ten, and eight, are left to nurse their wounds on Wall Street.
According to a source, “Lorne was happy to let Lili keep the apartment. It’s not like he can use it from where he is.”
Cora Shimizu-Stein
95 Wall Street, Apt. 33A
New York, NY 10005
October 20
Cora my love,
I just read the article. India sent me the clip. Helena Brown is such a jerk for writing that. And to call your mother a “geisha girl”? So shamefully racist. Promise me you won’t pay any attention to what idiots like her say about your family. It will blow over in one week flat. I promise.
Did you
ever go see him, by the way? Your father, I mean. If you’re going to go, I would go sooner rather than later. Northern Minnesota isn’t anywhere you want to be going past November.
What does Dr. Modarressi say about all this?
Please remember that I love you,
Flora
India Katz-Rosen
1025 Fifth Avenue, Apt. 9C
New York, NY 10028
October 25
India,
At dinner last night, as the whole school was circling up in the dining hall, I found myself next to Dean Elliot. She told me that starting in November, she’s directing a play of her own, one she’s been writing since the summer. It’s called 300 Years of Mourning.
She said, “You should audition. Later this week. We can meet beforehand and run lines, if you want.”
So we did. Today.
I got there early, because from Pine House it’s only a five-minute walk to Woolman Theater. Pine House is where Gus Phillips, who teaches Peace on Earth, lives. All the teachers get their own houses on the fringe of campus, and when it’s too cold to go outside, we usually have classes in their living rooms. Some of them are nice and make us hot chocolate and tea. Gus is one of the nice ones. Once there were a few condom wrappers stuffed between Gus’s couch cushions. People wouldn’t shut up about it for ten years afterward. (So much for sex positivity, am I right?)
Anyway, I was at Woolman Theater a little early. It was a pretty bleak walk over. There’s no snow yet, but all the leaves have fallen off the trees, so everything looks heavy and gray. I hadn’t been alone in the theater since the first Guild meeting, so it was a little weird to have it all to myself, all empty and dark and just a little bit sad.
When Dean arrived, her satchel overflowing with papers and books, she looked perfect, as usual, in a satiny black dress with a crocheted lace collar. I think I’d seen the dress in the Free Store, but without the collar and the white buttons going down the front, so I wondered if she’d sewn them. Her loafers were black and shiny too, just like her hair.
Everything Must Go Page 11