After King and his date leave, thanking Toby for interrupting his day, Toby takes a nap, which lasts approximately ninety minutes, enjoys two beers by the pool while dangling his feet in the warm water, and relaxes, absorbing the evening.
Following these actions, he decides to knock off the queer mystery next to the pool, retires inside with the tome after it becomes dark, and reads in Denver’s small study, relishing every word, sentence, and paragraph. Once he is finished with the mystery, he decides to put it away where he first discovered it, and pick a second mystery off the same shelf, enjoying another work by the same author.
As he returns the book to its proper place, beginning to slip its width between two other mysteries, he sees something behind the row of books. After further inspection, pulling out a few vintage and newer paperback mysteries off the shelf, setting them aside, and peering inside the confined empty space he has created, he discovers something most interesting. Thirty-three homemade DVDs are lined up behind the row of thin paperbacks. All their plastic cases are a charcoal black hue and labeled with single names. Toby counts the set and confirms that there are three names among the grouping—Ross, Stephen, and James—and their labels are comprised of white squares with Sharpie blue ink on their spines. Twelve are labeled Ross. Seven are labeled Stephen. And fourteen are labeled James.
Curiosity butchered the cat this time instead of just killing it, Toby thinks, pulling all twelve Ross DVDs off the shelf. Each contains a silver DVD inside and a date: Summer 2012. And for the next hour he reviews all dozen DVDs, learning that their content is racy, private, but not at all shocking, if the truth be shared.
The first collection of DVDs consists of twelve detailed sex scenes between a stranger named Ross and his lover, Denver Rawlston. They are homemade skin flicks that Denver has created, keeping them as mementos of his once-bedfellow. To Toby’s unsettling surprise, Ross is the spitting image of him and can pass as his twin. They both have the same brown hair and blue eyes. And both have hairy chests, looking like cubs instead of full-grown bears in the city. Ross also has sideburns, just as Toby does, sharing an eerie resemblance. And Ross looks to be Toby’s age, a young twenty-four, and stands at five-eleven, Toby’s height.
The twelve sex scenes are similar to the gay XXX amateur videos on the Internet that Toby will sometimes view in private, becoming feisty. Ross provides Denver with a blowjob in one, an ass-lick and -suck in a second one, and fucks Denver in almost all of the twelve scenes. The duo practice safe sex, use a variety of pleasure toys, and also meet at Barefoot Beach Park, jacking each other off in a set of bushes, digitally videotaping the event for Denver to burn it on a DVD for his Ross Collection.
Chapter 27: What Toby Continues to Watch
Unsurprising again to Toby, the Stephen Collection (dated Winter 2012) and James Collection (dated Summer/Fall 2013) are similar to the Ross Collection of DVDs. Each sexually explicit scene explores the nature between Denver and his boyfriends. Some of the scenes are twenty minutes long while others are over two hours. And each ends with Denver kissing his male companions on their lips while holding their cheeks.
What challenges Toby is that all three men—Ross, Stephen, and James—look exactly like Toby. It’s as if Toby is watching himself have sex with Denver, under the man’s spell, being an actor in the scenes, and performing the most graphic sexual acts that Denver enjoys with his boyfriends.
“Does Denver have a crush on me?” Toby asks himself, slipping the final DVD of the trilogy inside the DVD player. “I think he does. All of his boyfriends look the same…just like me.”
As he contemplates his current situation, feeling numb and confused, somewhat enjoying an against-the-tile-wall sex scene between James and Denver inside the men’s bathroom at Scales, a thundering wave of eroticism floods throughout his body, he becomes horny and grows the hardest erection between his legs, which he wants to jackoff.
But just as shock begins to settle into his brain, enjoying the last DVD in the set of thirty-three, studying the bathroom fuck scene, he hears Denver behind him say, “I see that you found my secret stash of boyfriends and sex scenes, Toby. Tell me what you think of my work.”
* * * *
A jumble of misaligned thoughts races through Toby’s mind. One, what is Denver doing home when he should be in Denver with his family? Two, why isn’t Denver outraged at Toby for viewing Denver’s personal sex videos? And three, what is Toby supposed to do with the bulging dick between his legs, somewhat hidden by boxer-briefs, but ready for use?
Nervous, perplexed, and turning a shade of off-red, Toby says, “Denver, what are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be back for another few days.”
Denver places his single bag down on the living room floor next to his right foot and says, “Sometimes my family likes to play together. Other times they just want to kill each other. This was the killing season, which I didn’t want to stick around and witness.”
Toby gets exactly what Denver is saying. He too doesn’t always like to see his family fighting over the most mundane and ridiculous concerns. Therefore, this is why he likes to be alone, writing his bear blogs and enjoying his time away from the crazies. “What happened?” Toby asks, attempting to learn details of Denver’s short stay in Denver.
“It’s a long story that I just don’t want to get into right now. Let me just say that my brothers can be impossible and selfish, every one of them. They can make my life a living hell.” He points to the Sony in front of Toby and says, “What I would like to talk about is what you’re watching. I see you’ve found my James Collection.”
Toby says, “Why do they all look like me?”
Denver shrugs, steps up to Toby, and places his palms on the blogger’s shoulders. He provides the pair with a gentle and caring squeeze, and replies, “Some men like gingers and other like blonds. I just happen to like men who look like you. Tell me you can’t be all that surprised.”
But Toby is surprised. Surprised that the two men have known each other for the last few years and Denver has never hit on him. Surprised that Denver probably is in love with Toby, adoring his looks and personality, but failing to let Toby know such a strong emotion exists in Denver’s heart. Surprised because Ross, Stephen, and James can pass as Toby’s clones. And surprised that—
“What can I say? I love you, Toby,” Denver says, interrupting Toby’s thoughts and struggling moment to digest what has just unfolded between the two men. “I think I’ve always loved you, ever since the day I met you.”
Chapter 28: Muddled
Toby’s more confused now than ever. He’s known so little about Denver in the past three years. The guy isn’t Toby’s best friend, and probably never will be. They click, but maybe not that strongly. Hell, Toby can’t even explain ten significant likes or dislikes that Denver has. Frankly, they’re acquaintances more than friends. They pass in time and place, but they share no involvement with each other in the process. None. Nada. Zilch. He knows next to nothing about the nutritionist, besides what King shares with Toby, which is also limited.
Quiet settles within the living room for a few seconds. Eventually, Denver shakes his head. His skin is already pale, but now it seems to become bleached. Nervous, shaking his head in slow motion, he says to Toby, “Look, I didn’t mean to say that.”
This is an unbelievable evening, Toby thinks, seeing tears begin to bubble at the corners of the man’s pale blue eyes. “But you did,” he whispers, nodding. “You meant every word of it, and you can’t do a take back.”
Denver’s head falls and he looks at the floor, probably crying. He whispers, “It’s hard for me to see you sometimes, particularly when you were with Blue. I try to stay away from you to tell you the truth, except this time. My head and heart got the best of me.”
This weekend was entirely planned from start to finish, wasn’t it? Toby thinks. The way the two of us bumped into each other at Cup of Beans, the house-sitting job, and Denver coming home early from his trip to Denver
. Toby climbs off the sofa, crosses the living room, and stands in front of Denver. He reaches his right arm and hand forward and grasps Denver’s left hand, clutching it within his own, gently squeezing the appendage. “You didn’t even go to Denver, did you?”
Denver shakes his head, still looking at the floor. “I didn’t.”
“Where did you stay last night?”
Denver lifts his head. Tears roll out of his eyes and down his cheeks. His face is red now, not of embarrassment, Toby thinks, but of endearment. “King’s place. He doesn’t use it since he stays in the efficiency above the gym. I have a key and made myself at home with his brother. King said I could use it anytime I needed or wanted to, with or without his brother there.”
This is the strangest situation Toby has ever been in. How bizarre. How muddled. Yet, he gently strums the back of Denver’s hand with his thumb, caressing the digit along two knuckles, and says, “You know, Denver, you could have just asked me out on a date instead of going through all this. I would have said yes.”
A semi-smile appears on the red’s face and an infiltrating twinkle brims his eyes of fresh life. “You would have said yes?”
“I would have,” Toby confesses, closes in on the man, and places his free palm against the strange man’s chest, over a pec, and gives it a masculine rub, which proves his affections, and a beginning to their night alone.
Chapter 29: Getting to Know Denver
It’s not rough sex, pornographic, or repulsive to watch if one sort of likes such involvement between two adult men, Toby thinks. It’s robust, alive, gentle, simple, and romantic. And before he knows what’s happening between them, after a long period of kissing and undressing, Toby is on all fours with his legs separated. His dick is steel-hard, and Denver’s latex-covered erection is inside his body, which causes Toby to enjoy a pleasurable ride with the man, getting to know Denver better, intimately.
Denver says down to his back, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
And Toby whispers over his right shoulder, “Sometimes I want it to sting.”
It’s not how Denver probably makes love to his men (Ross, Stephen, and James), Toby surmises, but Denver does become somewhat brisk with his quick motion inside Toby’s asshole, which causes Toby to whine and moan with pleasure. The motion between them continues to build, escalating into a long and passionate period of humps, grinding, and Denver pushing his fingertips into Toby’s hips.
What occurs between the two men is the act of rocking to and fro, but in opposite directions, which adds friction to their action on the floor. There is extended huffing, much sweat, and toes curl. Grunts echo within the living room and the sound of slapping balls together is also heard. They move fluidly, puff for air, and pleasure each other with excessive force, but nothing that prompts discomfort or humiliation.
What Toby is left awestruck the most about is Denver’s lengthy stamina. The guy humps his bottom for over twenty-five minutes, rushing his pelvis against Toby’s behind, smacking his scrotum sack against Toby’s sack, and clenching Toby’s hips with powerful grips, sometimes pulling or pushing the man away or against him, adding gratification to their play. The action is not rough or chaotic. Rather, it’s prosaic, exactly what the two men desire, and nothing short of thrilling.
Following their union of friction, sharing a string of pants between them, finding it impossible to keep their loads pent for another second, it is Denver who tells Toby, “Jack off with me.”
Toby listens, cupping fingers and a palm around his cock, stroking it up and down. In doing so, Denver cranks his own dick inside the blogger a few more times, twists and turns, pulls out, loses the latex from his cock, and begins to jack his dick to and fro, aiming the head of it against the base of Toby’s spine.
The two men come at the same time. After numerous tugs, gasps, and murmurs, Toby feels a buzz of elation pulverize his stomach and splashes strings of semen on the living room floor. During his unloading, Denver chants, “I’m coming on your back right now, guy,” and shoots three arcs of ejaculate out of his dick, aligning Toby’s spine with the white and sticky blend, draining his erection of every drop.
* * * *
Minutes later, after clean-up with available cotton towels, the two men lay on the living room floor together, panting and overcome with breathlessness. Both are still somewhat sticky and perspiration-covered. And both grin from ear to ear. Their hips touch and two arms are tangled together. And Denver says, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you like me a little.”
“I have this secret fetish for red bears. Always have. Probably always will.”
“Shame on you, Toby.”
“Shame on me,” Toby repeats, and decides to get Denver on his knees this second time of sex-play, while he kneels behind the man, pumping Denver with his erect dick, until the nutritionist blows semen over the living room floor, getting off.
Chapter 30: Bear Blog, August 1
I have a new boyfriend.
Everyone go Woot! Woot! How long has it been? Too long.
I’ll just call him Red because he’s a big gingerhead with fur all over, a grin that drops me to my knees, and a heart that is just too sweet and pure to handle.
So Red, prior to me becoming his boyfriend, planned a little game between us that I didn’t know about. The game was simple: he wanted to spend as much time with me as possible. One, he tricked me into staying at his house to house-sit while he flew to the Rocky Mountains to visit his family. Two, he purposely let me find sexy bear videos that he starred in of some male play, caught me watching them, and admitted that he liked me, which I didn’t even realize. Three, he confessed to me that he never flew west to visit his family, and that he thought he loved me. Four, the bear had me exactly where he wanted me and I became lost in him. We spent the Fourth of July weekend together, had amazing sex together, decided to date a few times, just to add some fun to our mix, and I’ve been staying with him for a month now, enjoying every second of his company.
My point is this, Cubs: You don’t know when the right bear is going to come along. Bears are wild, don’t forget. A few will growl at you and some will want to climb your tree for some honey. But you honestly can’t tell me that you can pick a time and day of when your Mr. Bear Perfect is going to trespass into your life and knock over your garbage cans, which won’t piss you off at all. There’s no predicting when a bear like Red will show up on your doorstep and fall head over hills in love with you. Will it happen? Sure. Will you love him back? Absolutely. But will you know when a guy like Red will sniff out your sweet honey? No way.
Listen to me, Cubs. And listen closely. Don’t say you’re going to listen and you won’t. Be on the lookout for love from a bear. They like to hunt, stalk, and use men like as prey. And some of them want to be loved. Those are the important ones. Be aware of their existence and when they make a presence. Don’t turn them away, or turn them down. Bears need to be loved, so find a way of loving them back, just as I have done with Red.
Red. I’ve fallen in love you, big bear. You’re a good catch. Grrrrr.
Hit me back.
—Toby Cartwright
* * * *
Toby doesn’t upload the blog to his site. He reads through it a number of times, changes a few things, and half believes that the piece of work is shit and that he should delete it altogether. Somehow, someway he convinces himself to keep it. And before he decides to make love to Denver, head over heels for the man, riding him like a cowboy, he sends the short piece to his Bear Blog and shares the four hundred-plus words with the rest of the world.
Part 4: Carey Cunningham
Chapter 31: He’s Maybe Mr. Right
August 13, 20—
Toby practically moves into Denver’s house and the two men become lovers. Denver uses the term boyfriends, which Toby feels perfectly fine with, although the two men really have become lovers, and in such a short period of time. They are inseparable, Toby realizes. Their conversations are intense, the sex is e
nigmatic, and both care for each other.
One thing does stand out in their relationship that continues to drive Toby mad on a day by day basis: Minna Bowers. Minna is one of Denver’s best friends. A mouse of a woman with long nails, cloud-reaching high heels, too much lipstick, and an overwhelming amount of spunk. She’s twenty-six years old, the daughter of a wealthy broker, and always lets it known that she is madly in love with Denver, and plans on marrying him someday. Denver has been friends with the squeak since high school, Toby learns. The woman he would have probably married had he not been gay. His soul mate on this planet, minus the connection of their private parts.
Minna can be a pain the ass, though. Toby is constantly rolling his eyes when she calls a dozen times a day, continuously texts, and sends cyber pics to Denver on Denver’s phone. Minna is far too involved in their relationship and needs to find a job, even though she’s worth three-point-seven million dollars because of her wealthy daddy. She tells Denver what he can and cannot eat, dresses him when they go shopping together, insists that he works out at least four times a week, and has her nails so deep in his shoulders, that Denver doesn’t know how to make any of his own decisions, or up from down.
Of course Toby has had a talk with Denver about Minna and her control, but Denver insists, “She’s just friendly, Toby. The woman doesn’t mean any harm.”
Toby disagrees, learns to despise Minna, and claims her as one of his biggest enemies, butting in the way of the relationship he wants to share with Denver. Often, he thinks about confronting Minna, telling her to stop calling as much, texting, and showing up at the house without any notice. Toby doesn’t want to push Denver out of his life, though, or betray the man by chatting it up with Minna. Truth is he thinks that the red-headed bear is his Mr. Right. The guy of his dreams, and someone he could spend the rest of his life with, but without Minna.
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