by Vella Munn
“I’m going to call every fifteen minutes starting at five in the morning.” She warned. “How come you get to sleep in?”
“I’m the boss. Everyone serves at my pleasure.”
That wasn’t true since he worked as hard if not harder than anyone here. “We didn’t say anything about exchanging gifts,” she said. “But this”—she held up the tin—“is somewhere between a present and just because.”
“Thank you. This”—he brought his other arm around so she could see the small gift-wrapped box he was holding—“is somewhere between Christmas exchange and a housewarming.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“Neither did you.” His voice was so darned seductive she wasn’t sure she trusted her legs to continue to hold her. “How about we slip into my office? Hopefully no one will notice.”
She didn’t care what anyone thought as he took her hand and led her into his office. He closed the door behind them, placed the gifts on his desk, and studied her with his arms folded across his chest. This was the first time she’d seen him in slacks and a dress shirt. Whatever he wore was perfect—naked even better.
“You do things to me,” he said in a near whisper. “I love that blouse. The yellow is so darned feminine. Holding you like I did out there—I’m not sure it was wise. Haley, I want you so much.”
She licked her lips and dug her nails into her palms. She was very, very aware of the cleavage the blouse with its tiny buttons revealed. “I want you too.”
There it was. The admission made. Both saying the same thing. She felt strange inside, kind of electrified. As if she was about to step out into space. With him around, she wouldn’t fall. She’d fly.
Taking him with her.
He slid closer then stopped. “I’m going crazy wanting to kiss you, but if I do, I’m certain I won’t be satisfied with that.”
Let it go. Tap into the woman inside you. “Neither will I.” She indicated her balled hands while wondering if he knew how incredibly hard talking had become. The electrical sensation grew. Much more and she wouldn’t be able to think or speak.
He blew out a long breath. “Then we need to open our gifts and get back where it’s safe.”
Was anywhere safe where they were concerned? Maybe not, she acknowledged as, lightheaded, she unwrapped the box that held a half dozen amaryllis bulbs. Shaw explained he’d been influenced by her pots and had decided she needed something she could grow inside in winter.
“Perfect. I love flowers.”
“And I love cookies,” he said around the one he was eating. “Ah, homemade. Keep this up and I’ll kidnap you and keep you prisoner in my kitchen.”
“Kitchen?”
His eyes narrowed. “I get what you’re saying. Look, we have to get out of here. Before it’s too late.”
He was right, unfortunately.
Back among the crowd, she again stood with him behind her with his hands on her shoulders while they watched children interact with Santa. Despite the distraction he was responsible for, her thoughts turned to how much she wished her brother and his family were here. Shaw obviously felt the same way about his family. Not only that, he’d told his brother and sister-in-law a little about her. She hadn’t yet confided in Mick because her brother would undoubtedly ask what Shaw knew about their parents and she’d have to be honest.
“Santa has to leave pretty soon,” Shaw announced. “He has a pretty busy night ahead of him.”
“He looks pretty relaxed for someone with the schedule he keeps,” she said just loud enough for him to hear, “but I wouldn’t be surprised if all that pint-sized energy is wearing him down.”
“His beard’s slipping.”
Nate’s beard was indeed lower on the left side than the right. Fortunately his helper stepped behind him and made the necessary adjustment. The loving look that passed between Nate and Alisha made Haley ache. Maybe Shaw had noticed and that was why he brushed his lips over the side of her neck. It took all she had not to moan.
“You and I need some us time,” he whispered. “The minute and a half we spent in my office made that absolutely clear.”
“Yes, it did.”
He started stroking her shoulders and the sides of her neck.
Not certain she trusted her back to keep her upright, she shivered. “I’m just not sure how we’re going to make it happen,” he said. “Our respective places—I don’t need to point out how public they are. If one of us spends the night…”
“I know.” How many of the couples here were looking forward to when their children, if they had them, were asleep so they could privately celebrate the holiday? It was more complicated between her and this man who wasn’t her lover, yet.
“Tomorrow’s going to be crazy busy for me.” She pointed out unnecessarily. “But the twenty-sixth is a weekday. It should slow down here.”
“I keep remembering when it was just the two of us out in the wilderness.”
She’d brought that memory out every night when she was falling asleep or rather trying to. Knowing the trip had made a similar impact on him warmed her heart and more. Sexual desire was becoming a living thing, a powerful need. “It might not have been just the two of us. Don’t forget the wolf.”
“Never. All right, if you could go anywhere you wanted, where would it be?”
If he was deliberately redirecting the conversation, maybe it was for the best. “I don’t—the Scapegoat Wilderness. I’d love to see the limestone cliffs.”
“So would I.”
Santa’s helper announced the jolly old man’s eminent departure. Santa had left the room to the wail of a toddler when a dozen employees all wearing Santa hats gathered around the fireplace and started singing carols. A number of guests joined in.
For several minutes Haley came close to believing she could do this. She would experience Christmas Eve in the present with Shaw, not let the past escape. However, the contrast between this festivity and her childhood proved too much to discount. Maybe it was the music, maybe it was knowing she was important to Shaw and, for the first time in years, she wasn’t alone. She kept him behind her as her tears fell. She didn’t sob or sniffle or shake, just cried silently.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” a female voice asked. Startled, Haley blinked until she recognized Alisha. “Woman to woman,” Alisha said.
Shaw didn’t seem to want to let her go, but Haley was too emotional to do anything except let Alisha direct her through the back door that led to the deck overlooking the frozen lake.
“We won’t be out here long,” Alisha said. “I’ve been watching. Something’s bothering you.”
Haley wiped away what she hoped were the last of her tears. “I guess I’m a little nostalgic.” She hedged. “Holiday memories can get complicated.”
Alisha tucked her hands under her armpits. “You know my parents are dead. Between that and not having siblings, Christmas wouldn’t be much if Nate wasn’t in my life. Loving him has made an incredible difference in so many ways.”
“I’m glad.” She slid her hands into her pockets.
“Anyway, watching you, I couldn’t help but wonder if Shaw knows what you’re going through.”
“Not everything. We’re still in the getting to know each other stage.”
“Honey, you’ll never get past that stage and why would you want to? A little mystery keeps things interesting.”
Suddenly something from the past enveloped her. She wasn’t sure when Shaw had said what he had only that it had been before she’d told him about her mother’s murder.
“Haley, you didn’t go through what I did. You can’t possibly understand.”
What, she needed to know, had he been talking about?
“Anyway,” Alisha said, “I mentioned this to Nate. He thought it was a great idea. Just like a man, it wasn’t on his radar until I brought it up but now he’s trying to take credit.”
“What are you talking about?”
Alisha smiled. “Thanks to our
snowmobile, Nate and I are going to spend tonight at our cabin. You know, getting some well-deserved rest after filling in for Santa and his helpers.”
“Rest?”
“All right. It’s possible we’ll be doing something we’ve gotten pretty good at. Unfortunately, we’ll only be there tonight because we have to go back to town.” She smiled again. “That means no one will be at the cabin tomorrow night. Lots of privacy.”
“What—”
“What am I getting at? Isn’t it obvious? What if we drop by either your place or office on our way home tomorrow. If you want the key, all you have to do is say yes.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
Chapter Seventeen
Why was she so nervous?
Even as she posed the question, Haley already had her answer. When she’d told Shaw about Alisha and Nate’s offer, he’d asked if that was what she wanted to do. After she’d nodded, he’d squeezed her hand and suggested he meet her at the snowmobile shed after work. They’d said nothing about bringing along personal belongings let alone something as telling as protection.
Shaw didn’t arrive until after Daron had left, following a hectic Christmas Day. Even if he’d been there, Daron might not think much about seeing Shaw since Daron had decided to take a total of three online classes and was both nervous and excited. Shaw had cleared his schedule so wasn’t due back until the afternoon of the twenty-sixth. Haley had gotten Terron to cover for her during the same time period and had told Daron and Terron she’d be using one of the new snowmobiles. Probably people would put one and one together, but they wouldn’t know where she and Shaw were.
Instead of giving into the impulse to embrace him, she asked him if he wanted to drive. His response was a grin worthy of a sixteen-year-old being given the car keys. It was already dark, but the powerful headlight should make staying on the trail that went around the lake easy. They didn’t say much as they loaded their belongings, including the fixings for hamburgers, onto the snowmobile.
“I feel as if I’m playing hooky,” he said as they started out, “with my best girl.”
“Your what?”
“You heard me.”
“Yes, I did.”
“Is that all you have to say?”
“No.” She grinned. “That makes you what, my guy pal?”
“Hardly, Haley, hardly.”
“I know,” she whispered. “Shaw, I have to ask you a question.”
“I figured you would and the answer is yes, I have my Glock with me. How do you feel about that?”
“I’m not surprised.”
“Good.”
Between the whooshing sound and the occasional crack of ice coming from the lake, they couldn’t carry on much of a conversation. Despite the distraction of having her arms around his waist and replaying what they’d said, she spent most of her time studying the terrain only she and Shaw were privy to. In the artificial light the trees rose like magnificent secret-keeping ghosts.
For years after her mother’s murder, she’d hated and feared night but something, maybe just growing up, had helped her get past that. Also, she learned that being in the wilderness was more relaxing than being in congested areas. She wasn’t alone because Shaw was the other half of this adventure, this hooky playing, but because he was occupied, in large part it was just her and her thoughts.
She and Shaw were on their way to a small, remote building. Hopefully the electricity would be working but if there was an outage, they’d make do with candles and lanterns. Sounds would come from the crackling wood stove inside and wind outside. There probably wouldn’t be any of what passed for neighbors around and no illumination beyond what the snowmobile and cabin provided. As a result, isolation would become a force.
It already had.
“I think we’re getting close,” Shaw said. “There’s the first cabin.”
He’d slowed which made it easier to hear him. Just the same, she leaned closer to make sure she caught his every word. He was in there somewhere, masculinity protected by bulky clothing. Maybe having thoughts that mirrored hers.
“Alisha said to look for a widow-maker near a cutout in the bank,” she said. “Hers is the second cabin after that.”
Shaw nodded and continued at the same slow pace. The snowmobile was making less noise now. As a result she heard or thought she heard him breathing. She’d been a mess of strange new emotions from the first time she’d met him. In the beginning, she’d been nervous about how she’d handle her interview but even then she’d been aware of him as a man. Long before their relationship started to change from professional to personal, she’d looked forward to seeing him. However, her need to protect herself had kept her from sending silent but telling messages his way. In the past she’d shied away from romantic relationships because she believed a man deserved more than a body to spend the nights with. He deserved an emotional connection. Honesty.
But how could she tell a man—Shaw—the truth when it was so hard for her to face?
She wouldn’t go there. The next hours were about getting to know each other sexually. Nothing else.
Maybe.
“That’s a widow-maker.” Shaw pointed. “Fortunately it isn’t near a cabin. If it was, surely someone would have already cut it down.”
The tree was impressive. Not only was it one of the tallest around, it was split in two about halfway up. She’d heard about the skill of the two men who dealt with Lake Serene’s problem trees and was hoping she’d be able to watch them at work. Once the snow had melted, she intended to simply enjoy Lake Serene. She’d do some hiking, maybe try her hand at fishing, perhaps help Kolina set up the educational center. She might get Echo to take her close to the bear den. And maybe, just maybe, while she was out hiking, she’d spot the wolf.
What if Shaw was with her? What if he became more to her than he already was?
“There,” he said. “We’re here.”
*
Shaw had known the cabin with its combination kitchen-living room would be cold, but the icy air still took away his breath. Fortunately the electricity was on, and Nate and Alisha had left matches, newspaper, kindling, and dry wood. While he got the fire started, Haley brought in their few possessions. Waiting for them on the counter were two mugs, some coffee, several packets of hot chocolate, and a note with one word on it—enjoy.
“I suppose,” Haley said, “to be authentic we should bring in snow and melt it on the wood stove but how about I heat some water on the cook stove?”
The thought of wrapping his hands around a steaming mug had him giving her a thumbs-up. The fire was crackling, but it was still too cold to take off their coats so, once she’d finished her small task, they stood with their backs to the black cast iron looking around the compact space.
Or rather Haley seemed to be taking in their surroundings. As for him, he couldn’t take his attention off the woman he’d be spending the night with. His soon-to-be lover.
When he’d phoned his brother’s place this morning, Alexa had insisted on talking to him. Even though she’d already told him what she’d received for Christmas, Alexa again went through her list. She was still a little miffed at Santa for not getting a horse down their nonexistent chimney but having Grandma and Grandpa over for dinner had almost made up for it. After saying, “I miss you,” three times, she turned the phone over to her father.
Shaw hadn’t judged the wisdom of what he was doing, he’d simply told Boone why he was going to be out of contact. Because he’d filled Boone in on what he knew of Haley’s background, he hadn’t been surprised when Boone asked if he intended to share his own experience with her.
“I don’t know,” he said.
Now, hours later, he still didn’t have an answer. Neither had his opinion of how hard the telling was going to be changed. Nevertheless, he was glad this night had come, that he was with this woman.
“Alisha said we might want to take off of some of the shutters,” Haley said. “Ev
en if we can’t see anything tonight, I’d like that.”
He handed her his mug and went outside, clambered to the top of the snow piled around the cabin, unhooked three shutters and refastened them against the wall. Through the tree tops he spotted stars. Hopefully the moon would appear. Too bad they couldn’t stand outside and experience the view together but that wasn’t why they were here.
“Thanks. That’s better,” she said when he returned.
Going from the all-consuming wilderness back to where he shared space with another human being took him a moment to acknowledge. Seeing her again, hearing her, made her real in ways he hadn’t felt earlier.
She handed him his mug, drawing out the exchange. “I’m sorry you had to work so hard, but I was getting claustrophobic.”
He couldn’t stop looking at her. “We don’t want that.”
“No, we don’t.” Her expression said a great deal and yet not enough. “That’s an efficient stove. If I had a cabin, I’d make sure it had one just like this.”
Talk. Carry on a conversation. “You’d like to own a cabin?”
“I don’t know where that came from but, yes, I think I would.” She chuckled. “One that looks like it’s a hundred years old but with modern plumbing and electricity.”
“Where?”
“Right here. After my mom—Mick took me to live with him. I stayed there until I turned eighteen then got my own place.”
“I’m impressed. Most people that age can’t afford to go out on their own.”
“I had a well-paying job and had saved up. My apartment was drafty with nasty carpet and rusty pipes.” She shook her head. “I swear it was spider headquarters for the entire county, but that was all I could afford. Because of that experience, I’m used to roughing it.”
Even though he hadn’t finished his chocolate, he placed his mug on the table. She did the same. They continued to stand backed to the stove but far enough away from it that his skin no longer prickled. Every inch of his body was alive with a heat that had nothing to do with burning logs. Profound silence surrounded the cabin. In contrast, life and light filled the interior. He still couldn’t quite grasp that this was happening.