by Linda Turner
She had no answers for that. Her heart numb with pain, she lay in bed long after the boys had gone to sleep, fighting the need to cry. It had been a long time since she’d felt so empty.
When the phone suddenly rang in the darkness, her heart jumped into her throat. Who would be calling at ten-thirty at night? She wanted to believe it was Max, but she was afraid to let herself hope. Idiot! she told herself. If you want to know who it is, answer it!
Leaning over to the nightstand, she snatched up the phone with fingers that weren’t quite steady. “Hello?”
“Natalie?”
She almost dropped the receiver. She hadn’t heard Derek’s voice in five years, but she would have known it on the far side of the moon. And in the time it took to blink, sudden, inexplicable fear was twisting like a snake in her stomach. Why, after all this time, was he calling? “What do you want, Derek?” she asked coldly.
“I’m sorry to be calling so late,” he said stiffly. “I tried calling all weekend but couldn’t get anyone, and I didn’t want to leave a message on the machine.”
“What do you want?” she repeated. “I haven’t heard a word from you in almost six years. Why are you calling now?”
He hesitated, only to blurt out, “I’m in town. I’d like to see you and the boys.”
Horrified, she felt her blood turn cold. This couldn’t be happening! How many times had she dreamed of this? Dreamed of him showing up on her doorstep with no warning, wanting the only thing in the world she cared about—her sons. No! she cried silently. She wasn’t going to let him do this!
“People in Hell want ice water,” she said flatly. “It’s not going to happen!”
Furious, she slammed the receiver down on its base and only then realized she was shaking. How dare he! He’d walked out on her, on his unborn sons, to be with another woman and hadn’t cared if they were alive or dead. It’d been over five years. Five damn years, for God’s sake! And not once in all that time had he called to see if they were all right, let alone sent some money for their support. Damn him! Where was he when they were sick or needed clothes or had to stay with Susan while she worked every available hour she could at Finn’s just so she could keep the lights on? She’d never felt so alone in her life as the day she’d come home from the hospital with her newborn twins and there’d been no one to help her. And now he wanted to see the three of them? Like hell!
Livid, she paced the confines of her bedroom like an angry lioness, years of pent-up resentment over his abandonment fueling her rage. But when she walked off the anger, the fear set in. What if he didn’t just want to see the boys? What if he wanted to take them? He was a lawyer. He knew judges…
Panicking at the thought, she reached for the phone. She had to call Max! She just needed to talk to him. He would know what to do….
But even as her fingers closed around the phone, she dropped it back onto the base. No! She couldn’t call him, she thought with a sob. There wasn’t any kind of commitment between them. They weren’t even dating! How could she put this on his shoulders when he wasn’t really a part of her life and didn’t want to be? This was her problem, her nightmare to deal with. And she had to handle it alone.
Max lost track of the number of times he reached for her during the night. Frustrated, missing her more than he thought possible, he couldn’t wait for class Tuesday just so he could see her.
“You’ve got it bad, Sullivan,” he muttered as he headed toward campus on his motorcycle. “So what the hell are you going to do about it?”
He didn’t have a clue. At that particular moment all he cared about was seeing Natalie.
She didn’t, however, show up for class on Tuesday. Surprised, he frowned when the bell rang, then checked his watch, but it was eight o’clock on the dot. So where was she? She’d only missed class once before, and that was the week she was sick. Concerned, he assured himself she was fine. She’d been perfectly healthy when she helped him clean the bus on Sunday—she couldn’t have gotten sick that quickly. And if she had, she would have called him. She was just running late. She’d probably come rushing in any second.
But an hour and a half later when the bell rang again, signaling the end of class, there was no sign of Natalie. Maybe she wasn’t the one who was sick—it could be the boys. They could have picked up some kind of flu bug while they were gone. Concerned, he pulled out his cell phone as the class filed out and quickly punched in her number, but all he got was the answering machine. Then he really started to worry. If the boys weren’t sick, was she? Was that why she wasn’t answering her phone? Or was she really not home? She could have had car trouble on the way to school. If she’d had a cell phone, he would have called her just to make sure she was all right. As it was, all he could do was leave a message on her answering machine and ask her to call him. He was, he decided grimly as he hung up, getting her a cell phone for Christmas.
His next class started, but he still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. He’d felt the same way the last time she’d missed class—when she’d been sick. This time, though, he wasn’t waiting nearly a week to check on her. He’d drop by to see her between his second and third class.
Keeping the blinds drawn and the television off, Natalie flinched when someone suddenly pounded in the front door. If it was Derek, he was wasting his time. She’d kept the boys out of school yesterday and today, sent them to Susan’s and then waited. She might not have seen Derek in five years, but she hadn’t forgotten what kind of man he was. When he wanted something, he didn’t let anything get in his way. And he’d decided he wanted her sons. Oh, he hadn’t said the words, but he hadn’t fooled her when he’d claimed he just wanted to see her and the boys. He never did anything without a reason. He wanted the boys. Well, he damn well wasn’t getting them, not as long as she had anything to say about the matter.
“Natalie? Are you in there? It’s me…Max.”
For a second all she heard was a male voice—then his words registered. Her heart thundered, but she couldn’t throw open the door and fall into his arms as she longed to. As much as she loved him, he couldn’t help her, not with this. And that hurt. All these years she’d thought she could never trust another man enough to let herself fall in love, and now that she had, she couldn’t turn to him in a crisis.
“I’m okay,” she called huskily through the door. “You don’t need to worry about me.”
“Then open the door, sweetheart, and let me see that for myself.”
She almost didn’t, but she knew he wouldn’t go away until he saw with his own eyes that she was all right. Quickly wiping the tears from her eyes, she smoothed her hair, pinched her cheeks and reached for the dead bolt. “See, I’m fine.”
Max took one look at her drawn, pale face and knew that something was terribly wrong. Without a word he reached for her and pulled her into his arms. “What is it?” he asked gruffly, holding her tight. “What’s wrong? And don’t you dare tell me you’re fine! Your face is an open book, sweetheart. You’re as white as a sheet. Is it the boys? Tell me.”
For a minute he didn’t think she was going to. She stood as stiff as a board in his arms, holding on to her control with everything she had in her. But she couldn’t stop the sob that welled up in her throat or the tears that spilled into her eyes. “It’s Derek,” she choked, burying her face against his neck. “He’s in town and wants to see the boys.”
Whatever Max had been expecting, it wasn’t that. Relief hit him first—no one was dead. Then he was surprised to discover he was hurt. “You should have called me. You don’t have to go through something like this all by yourself.”
“I couldn’t put my troubles on you,” she said simply. “That’s not fair to you. He’s my ex. I’m the one who has to deal with him.”
“Not alone you don’t,” he retorted. “Dammit, Natalie, I care about you and the boys! You’re not going through life alone anymore. Okay? I expect you to call me when you need me.”
She wanted to
believe him, wanted to believe that he was always going to be there for her, but how could she? Even if he had been willing to make a commitment, Derek had taught her the hard way that there were no guarantees in life when it came to love. “I wanted to call you,” she said huskily. “I’ve just handled everything on my own for so long that it didn’t seem right to pull you into this.”
“But I am in it, sweetheart, because I care about you.” Following her into the living room, he frowned as she prowled restlessly from window to window. “Where are the boys? Do they know about this?”
“No, and they’re not going to.”
“He’s their father, Natalie,” he said quietly. “You’re going to open up a whole can of worms if you don’t let him see them.”
“He abandoned them!”
“I know, sweetheart, and I’ll be the first to agree that the man’s a slimeball. But he’s still their father…and an attorney.”
“If he wants to fight, then fine. I’ll hire my own damn attorney, and I’ll win. He walked out on us and never paid a dime in child support. How do you think the courts are going to look at that?”
“Not well,” he agreed. “But is that what you really want? A knock-down, drag-out fight in the courts? Because if it is, you have to know that nobody wins in that situation, least of all the boys.”
In a world of panic, his was the voice of reason, and she knew it. But tears welled up in her eyes just at the thought of Derek hurting her sons the way he’d hurt her. “I can’t let him come into their lives, then walk right back out again. I won’t let him hurt them the way he hurt me.”
Crossing the room to her, he pulled her into his arms. “I understand, honey. I don’t want the boys—or you—hurt, either. But you don’t even know why Derek wants to see you and the boys. Until you do, you’re boxing in the dark. Call him. Find out what’s going on, then decide what you want to do about it.”
She knew he was right, but she was afraid. Terror gripping her heart, she hugged him fiercely. “I can’t lose them, Max.”
“You’re not going to,” he promised huskily. “No judge in his right mind would take them away from you, Natalie. You’ve done a wonderful job with them, and all on your own, so don’t tear yourself up this way. Call Derek and find out what the devil he wants. It’s the only way you’re going to be able to deal with this.”
She knew he was right, but just thinking about seeing him, talking to him, made her sick to her stomach. “All right,” she said with a sigh. “I’ll do it. But if he gives me any kind of trouble, the deal’s off. I won’t even talk to him, let alone let him see the boys.”
Snatching up the phone, she punched in the number he had left when he’d called Sunday night. “I can meet you tomorrow afternoon at two at McCormick Park,” she said flatly the second he answered the phone. “I’ll be at the pavilion, but I won’t bring the boys. Not yet.”
“I understand,” he replied. “I’ll see you then.”
There was no idle chit-chat, nothing else to say. She hung up, then turned to Max. “All right, I did the right thing. So why do I feel so lousy?”
“Because you’re a mother and you’re worried about your kids,” he retorted. “I’d be worried about you if you weren’t worried. I can go with you tomorrow, if you like,” he added. “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
He didn’t have a clue how much he tempted her. She would have liked nothing more than to cling to him and let him fight her battles for her, but she couldn’t take advantage of him that way. Derek was her problem, and she was the one who had to deal with him.
“I appreciate that,” she said, “but I need to do this alone, Max. I’ll be all right. It’s not like he’s violent or anything. He’s not going to hurt me, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
There were other ways to hurt someone besides physically, but this was her call. “If you change your mind, you know where I am.” Giving her a fierce hug, he growled, “I’ve got to get back to my next class. Call me if you need me.” Feeling as if she was shutting him out, he walked out.
Chapter 12
Later Max couldn’t have said how he found the resolve to walk away from her. If she’d just given some indication that she wanted him to stay, he would have skipped his last class and spent the rest of the day with her. She hadn’t, however, said a single word to stop him from leaving.
That ate at him all afternoon.
He’d thought she would call after his last class, but his cell phone never rang. There was nothing waiting for him on his answering machine at home, either, but he got her message loud and clear. She didn’t need his help dealing with Derek. Oh, she’d gone into his arms when he’d shown up on her doorstep earlier that morning, Max readily acknowledged, but he hadn’t spoken to her since.
Frustrated, irritated with himself and her, he tried to distract himself with work, but he didn’t get very far. All he could think of was Natalie…and Derek. Had he called her again? Is that why she hadn’t called? Was the jackass trying to convince her to let him come back to her?
She wouldn’t do that, Max assured himself. She might find a way to forgive and forget what her ex had done to her, but her sons were another matter. She loved those boys with all her heart and she was extremely protective of them. Derek could talk until he was blue in the face, but it wasn’t going to change anything. He’d turned his back on his sons before they were even born. Natalie would never be able to get past that, and he couldn’t blame her.
He couldn’t begin to imagine how difficult the last five years had been for her. Who was with her when she had given birth to the boys? Had her mother come into town to be with her? Or had she been alone, with no one but her doctor and the nurses there to help her through the pain of childbirth, not once, but twice?
No, he thought grimly. After everything Derek had done to her, Natalie wouldn’t be interested in taking the jerk back. And if he had any brains at all, he had to know that. So why was he back in town? What the hell did the bastard want?
Natalie had to be wondering the same thing. His frustration evaporating at the thought of the hell Max knew she was going through, he reached for the phone. If she wasn’t going to call him, then, by God, he’d call her!
But just as he started to punch in her number, the doorbell rang. He wanted to believe it was Natalie, but she’d never been to his place and he didn’t think she would just show up without calling. It was probably one of the neighborhood kids selling something for a school fund-raiser—they all knew he was an easy mark.
But when he opened the door, it wasn’t a kid standing on his front porch—it was his father. “Dad! What are you doing here?”
“I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d drop by, if that’s okay.”
“You know you’re welcome here anytime, Dad. C’mon in.” Opening the door wider, he stepped back, then frowned as his father meandered around his living room as though he didn’t quite know what to do with himself. “What’s up? You all right?”
John Sullivan grinned sheepishly. “Becky had to go to Denver on business, and I’m feeling kind of lonely. You want to go play some pool or something? We haven’t done that in years.”
At any other time he would gladly have taken his father up on the invitation—they didn’t spend nearly enough time together—but the timing couldn’t have been worse. “Maybe another time,” he said with a grimace. “I just got back from the dig and I’d really rather stay home tonight.”
Surprised, his father studied him through narrowed eyes. “You’re not usually a homebody, even after a dig. What’s going on? What’s her name?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do,” his father retorted with a broad grin. “You’re not the type to sit home and brood and you know it. There’s got to be a woman involved. Don’t try to deny it,” he warned when Max scowled and started to protest. “I know the signs, remember? I’ve been there eight different times, son, and I know how a m
an acts when a woman knocks him out of his shoes. So…who is she?”
Irritated that he’d seen right through him, Max reluctantly grinned. “You’re worse than an old woman gossiping. You know that?”
“Quit trying to change the subject and tell me about her. How long have you known her?”
He hadn’t intended to tell him anything, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. “A couple of months. Her name’s Natalie. She’s one of my students.”
“I thought you didn’t date your students,” his father said, surprised.
“I don’t,” he said defensively. “But she’s different. She’s thirty-six. She’s got kids…twin boys. They’re five.”
Images flashed before his eyes of the boys at the football game and Natalie on the back of his bike and in the mud at the dig, marveling over the beaded pouch she and Barbara had found. And just that easily, words came pouring out of him. He told John Sullivan about how she’d raised her boys alone, how independent she was, how frustrating it was for him when she wouldn’t let him help her. “Her ex is back in town and wants to see her and the boys, and she’s worried sick about it. She’s not the only one. What if he wants her back?”
“Don’t torture yourself with what-ifs,” his father said. “How long have you been in love with her?”
“I’m not in love—”
When his father just looked at him, daring him to argue further, he swore softly. “I don’t know…maybe from the first moment I laid eyes on her.”
Delighted, John Sullivan grinned like a Cheshire cat. “There’s hope for you yet. I was beginning to worry about you.”
“Are you kidding me? I’m in love with a woman with two five-year-olds, and her ex-husband has just come back into the picture, and you think there’s hope for me? Dad, what the hell am I going to do? She’s all I can think about. I want to protect her and take care of her and do whatever I have to to make her happy, and she won’t let me!”
“Does she love you?”