None of this was ever your fault. You have nothing to feel bad about. There is nothing you can do to make it better. Stay sweet. Stay a good boy.
Remember no one will believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself. Remember that always. Believe in yourself and everything will turn out alright. Okay? Now come give me a big hug. I love you, Billy.”
Billy went home, thinking a lot about what his aunt told him. What stood out in his mind was that he had to believe in himself before anyone else could believe in him. That was the message from his aunt. I’ll try, Aunt Lizzy, he thought to himself. As soon as he opened the door, his mother started screaming at him.
“Where have you been? Don’t you know I need you to help around here? Bring this garbage out and after that come do these dishes! I have to take care of Susan!”
He did as he was told and when he had permission to go to his room it was worse. His brother, Jimmy, had his friends over. They were playing their music very loud. He went to climb up in his top bunk when his brother grabbed both of his legs and yanked him to the floor.
“I don’t want you in my room when I have my friends over. You know that.”
“Mother, make Billy get out of my room!”
“Billy, get out of his room!” his mother yelled at him.
Billy grabbed a book he had on his bed and went and sat in the hall to read.
Try as he may, it didn’t do any good. He gave up trying to please his family.
Chapter Two
Aunt Lizzy finally reached a point in her health problems where she had to tell her family. She waited until after supper was over and dishes washed, dried, and put away to talk to Maggie, her sister, and Philip, her brother-in-law, and even their children. Her pain was getting worse and it was affecting her actions. She had a malignant, inoperable tumor of the brain. She only could keep it from her family because of the help she was getting from her best friend and neighbor, Patsy, but the time had come when they had to know. She needed their help. They were all alarmed by the news, but Billy was devastated. He couldn’t loose the only person that showed him love.
“Aunt Lizzy, I will do everything I can to help you. I will do all your work for you. Everything. Promise.” He didn’t like the looks he was getting from his parents or his siblings, but he did not care. He had just learned he was going to lose his best friend, his aunt.
He did help her. His parents did also. She lived the six months that her doctors gave her, but no more. As Billy stood by her bedside, he knew she had only minutes left to live. He leaned over to kiss her cheek and whispered, “I love you, Aunt Lizzy.” She could hardly get the word out and it was so quiet Billy could not hear her. He put his ear close to her mouth and heard what she was trying to say to him. “Believe,” was her last word with her last breath. Billy fell on her body, crying. It will always be the one thing he will remember of his aunt. He thought to himself, yes, I must believe. She left this world surrounded by the people that loved her. It was so hard for Billy to handle. He cried himself to sleep every night until he cried himself out. Neither he nor his family was religious people.
They never spoke of a higher power, never mentioned God. So in his grief, he had to handle it alone.
Lizzie’s house was sold and half of the money from the sale plus money in her savings at the bank was willed to Billy with a surprise. The other half was to be divided between his mother and his brother and sister. Billy was only to receive the money after he completed high school and was to be used for his college education, plus transportation. Tempers flared from his family. Why was he given the best of all their Uncle Harry worked for? It made the situation worse for him living at home, but knew it was his aunt’s way of getting him out of the situation he lived with all his life.
When he graduated from high school he could move to a college campus. As the years passed, that is what helped him to bear the torment he lived with. He had no friends. No one wanted him to join them in their fun times. They saw him for what he was; a drag, a looser, and a person that was always depressed. He remembered his aunts words to him, ‘you have to believe in yourself before anyone else can.’ He tried, but couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried. How can I believe in myself with everyone tearing me down? Maybe when I move into the college dorm, and get away from my home and family, I could then. Oh, how much he looked forward to that. That is why Aunt Lizzy willed that money to me. She knew. She knew I had to get away from home. I’ll study hard, Aunt Lizzy. I’ll make you proud of me. If you can hear me in your spirit world, you will be proud of me.
Chapter Three
As he was growing up, he occasionally would go to work with his dad, riding on the Natchez Sternwheeler. He didn’t need pillows to sit on anymore. He was growing tall, taller than Jimmy, his brother, even taller than his dad. He wasn’t a handsome boy, nor ugly, just average looking. The girls never paid any attention to him, but snickered to themselves whenever he passed by them. He would have liked to have a girlfriend or any friend. Time will change things for me. I must be patient.
His thoughts became dull and were overtaken by the view of the Mississippi River. As the boat left the city behind, and the country was in full view, he was always overwhelmed by the beauty of the Weeping Willow Trees that lined the banks of the river, with their shadowy, shade spreading out over the water. Sometimes he would get off the sternwheeler when his dad would anchor at one of the piers to let people exit and some people to load onto the boat. He had his favorite spots where he would wait for the return trip to bring him back to the city. It would be more than a two hour wait which he looked forward to. Beside his book he brought to read, he always had a snack and cold drinks. Close to the pier, beneath a shady Weeping Willow tree he would spend the most enjoyable two hour wait. This is where he would love reading of the history of this river road.
Each plantation had its own pier because in the 1700s there weren’t any roads. The river was their only means of transportation. The summer months were their traveling time on the boats. The winter months were spent in their city homes; but thru the years the roads were built, first for their carriages then their cars and the river was used less for their transportation. Only a few piers were left in use for the Natchez Sternwheeler to dock for people to enter and to exit.
Billy would be so absorbed in his books and surroundings. He was experiencing a time back in history. He loved it and wished he could have lived in those times. He stopped reading and looked around trying to picture what it was like back then. Women with their wide dresses held out with their hoops and they being shapely with their corsets strung tightly; men in their formal attire holding on to their top hats to keep the wind from blowing them away. It was cooler here then living in their city homes where the heat rose from the cement city into their homes; but here their large houses with large windows open wide; there doors opened with a draft blowing the curtains with each puff of the wind. Ceilings were high for the heat to rise, leaving the living area refreshingly cool. Where slaves toiled from sun up to sun down, working the fields picking cotton, and sugar cane, taking complete care of all the animals and the land. They lived in cabins and worked while sweat poured off their dark skin.
Billy could see further up the river; people riding horses down the levee and on the rode. That went into the picture in his mind knowing that that was part of the way the plantation owner and their families spent their time.
The Natchez Sternwheeler approached the pier and as he entered, he was back in the real world again.
Chapter Four
Billy was in his senor year at Metairie High School. To give him a little spending money, he flipped hamburgers at Burger Hut on Metairie Road. Sometimes he would ride the Metairie Bus back home, but sometimes he would walk. One day as he was walking home from work, he saw a large revival tent. But what caught his attention was what he heard.
“Believe in the Lord Jesus
Christ and you shall be saved. Believe, people! You must believe!” The words stopped him in his tracks. He entered the revival tent and saw that every bench and chair was occupied. He stood in the back of the tent, amazed at what he was seeing and hearing.
He heard the words the preacher was saying, but because he had no training in any religion, never had a Bible to read, he couldn’t take in everything the preacher was shouting to the people. He stood there amazed. People were going forward to the pulpit. Why? He inquired and found out that the revival would be there for the next three days.
I must go back. I must understand what was being said. He bought a King James Bible and started at the beginning reading it. He read, amazed that he never knew anything about what seemed to be the most important thing in the world. Each night he went to listen to the preacher. Each night before going to sleep, he read the Bible. The preacher, Brother Hal Martin, gave him religious tracts to help him in learning. He invited him to his church and to his Sunday School classes. Every Sunday he wore his best outfit and grabbed his Bible and headed out the door.
One Sunday, his mother and father were waiting at the door for him knowing he would be leaving soon. “What are you getting yourself involved in?”
“I am learning about our Savior Jesus Christ; Mother and Dad.”
“It’s just like you to get involved in a religious cult!” she shouted.
“Please listen to me. It is not a cult of any kind. Why don’t both of you come with me. You will learn all about Jesus, our Savior.”
“See what I mean!” Maggie said shouting to her husband, Philip.
”Will you both come with me to church?”
“No! We will not be caught up in any cult!”
“Sorry, to leave you now, but I must hurry or I will be late.” He hurried out the door at a running pace. The Evangelical Church he went to was on Metairie Road. It was between his home and his high school, so he always walked there. No need to catch the bus.
Somehow I have got to get my parents and brother and sister to learn all about our Heavenly Father, our God who loves us and wants us to love Him in return, Billy thought.
Chapter Five
The years passed. Billy had finished his high school. This is the time he had been waiting for. He could find the college of his choice, study what he was interested in, buy a car, and move in the college dormitory. He was excited. He waited a long time for this day to come. What he wanted to study was navigation, and piloting a ship or rather a steamboat. He wasn’t sure he could learn it, but he would try. He took driver education classes at high school and felt confident in handling a car. He then had to decide what kind to buy.
Well, his father always bought Buicks’ so that’s what he would buy; a used one, but in good running condition. He learned how to drive and how to deal with traffic, but knew nothing about mechanic work enough to fix the car when it broke so he decided he needed to buy a fairly new one; which he did. He was not a flashy person, so he bought a black one. He was so excited.
He kept tract of his money his aunt left him. He had to be sure he spent it wisely and knew exactly how much his college tuition would cost him. He decided on going to a college in the city near Metairie where he lived with his parents. New Orleans had a good college. Tulane University, yes, I will go to Tulane.
He filled out the paper work and crossed the wide avenue where the St. Charles streetcar passes. Entering the Audubon Park, he walked thru the Live Oak Trees shaded grounds. It was a large park. He saw the Swarnboat loaded with people floating down the park lagoon; people walking around the zoo; and children running up and down “monkey hill”. It seemed alarming that he could walk thru this park and at the end, see the Mississippi River. He loved it here.
He was to share his dormitory room with a young student named Ronald. He was pleasant enough. They got along very well, but never had anything in common. Ronald was on the chest team. His extra time was spent with his friends from the chest club. He invited Billy to go with him; even offered to teach him to play, but he had no interest in learning or playing chest. Ronald was hardly ever in his room. If he wasn’t in class, or in the library studying, or playing chest, he was with his family at home. Billy had invited him to go to his church with him one Sunday.
“I go to church with all of my family, Billy. I am a Christian. You don’t have to worry about my Salvation. My family and I are very close to the Lord. But thanks for thinking about me.”
Chapter Six
This was a special day in his life. He had to talk to the preacher. “Brother Martin,” he said to him, “I feel an emptiness and need to be closer to the Lord. I need to confess my sins to the Lord. ‘For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.’ I know as a sinner, God can not look upon me for He is so Holy that He can not look at anyone that is filled with sin.”
“We are all sinners. We are born with sin and only by confessing our sins to God and believing in Him can we be saved; not by works, but by faith. I have learned by studying my Bible that our salvation comes only from Jesus, the Son of the living God. That He was born of the Virgin Mary and died on the Cross to save us from our sins.”
“For our salvation comes only with our faith in the Lord. Not by works, not by anything we can do. Infact the more we try to save ourselves, the more we are sinning. It is like telling Jesus that He died on the Cross for nothing. That we didn’t need Him to suffer for us, because we can save ourselves by our works, not by faith in Him. What an insult to the Lord to think we have other ways to save ourselves.”
“It is like being in quicksand. The more we try to get out by ourselves the deeper and faster we sink. Likewise, the more we try to save ourselves, by being good or being a church member, or even preaching for our Salvation, we are sinking deeper in sin; a sin that covers us inside and out. You can not take off the covers of sin. Only Faith in Jesus can rid us of our sins.”
“I must come to Him; confess my sins to Him; receive Him as my Lord and Savior and be baptized in His name and the Holy Spirit will fill my soul and be with me forever.”
“Then that is when my work begins. I must continue to study my Bible, continue to attend church regularly, turn from any action or thought that displeases Him. For now I will be a disciple for God. I will spread His Word to as many as I can. For now, God can look at me, and hear my prayers. He can walk with me throughout my life. Through all my problems and all my joys, He will be with me.”
“I will give thanks always for His gift of Salvation. So you see Brother Martin, I realize why I feel this emptiness. I am separated from God. I cannot live without God in my life. I don’t want to live without Him in my life. I have been doing the opposite of what He wants of me, but by receiving Jesus as my Savior and receiving the Holy Spirit upon my baptism, I will be free of sin and He and I will be together forever.”
“You have learned a lot, Billy. We are having our monthly baptism this coming Sunday. I will be so pleased to baptize you in the name of the Lord. We will meet at the Mississippi River where there is a piling up of mud making the river shallow enough to stand waist deep in it. It is near the park that is across from the Tulane University. We have two people with campers that we use for changing into our white robes to be baptized in and to change back into your own clothes. One of them is for the women and one for the men. We go there right after our Sunday Services. I am so happy you are coming to receive the Lord.” Brother Martin was so happy.
It went just as the preacher said. He followed the others to the Mississippi River. It was like a caravan, with the two campers and ten cars following. Everyone was excited; especially the ones that was to be baptized and receive the Holy Spirit today.
Billy was so excited as he followed in his car. When they parked, the ones receiving the Lord today was brought to the campers. One at a time they went inside the campers and changed. Billy was even more excited now when
he exited the camper wearing a long white robe.
He walked where the group of people were sitting on folding chairs brought from the church. They were singing the song, “Dear Lord, We Pray, Wash Away Our Sins Today.” The ten people that were to be baptized today stood in the water waiting their turn. Then it was Billy’s turn. Brother Martin walked up to him and led him where the water was waist deep. He put his hand on Billy’s back to support him and submerged him into the water, saying “I Baptize you in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
When he lifted him from the water, he said “Walk with the Lord forever. The Holy Spirit now lives in your soul.”
Billy felt like a different person. He couldn’t describe the feeling; only that he felt pure and clean, like a new being. It was a Holy feeling the best he could describe it. He went into the camper and changed into his regular clothes. He wanted to shout for joy, but instead as he had tears in his eyes, he knelt and said a prayer thanking the Lord for accepting him and taking all his sins from him and filling his soul with the Holy Spirit.
When he returned to the people, they all went down the line of new Christians, shaking their hands. What a glorious day this is, Billy thought.
Chapter Seven
Afterward, everyone returned to their cars to return home. Billy drove his car to a parking lot by the entrance to ride the Natchez Sternwheeler. He took his usual ride out to the river road.
Where he could have driven his car there, he preferred his ride on the Natchez Sternwheeler. He exited at the same pier and sat under the same Weeping Willow tree. He always had his binoculars with him because he loved looking at things that would have been too far for him to see; like the shore line on the other side of the river or the foreign ships traveling up and down the river. Even seeing different species of birds in trees a distance from him delighted him.
1- The Glass Room 2- The Spirit Stone -3-bear Hugs-4- Believe Page 14