At the bottom of the stairs, propped against the wall, is the broom I used earlier to sweep the glass from the floor. The front door is wide open and the doorknob is wedged into the sheetrock. With my back to the wall, I ease forward, grabbing the broom. It’s not much of a weapon but it will have to do.
A thud sounds from the hallway, in the direction of the kitchen. I honestly hope this is not a burglar, I do not want to deal with that while Makayla lay helpless upstairs. Raising the broom handle up like a baseball bat, I tiptoe toward the sound of loud, unsteady footsteps. If this is indeed a burglar, they aren’t afraid of being discovered.
Pressing my back against the wall, I inhale deeply. If by chance this is a burglar, I pray they do not have a gun because I don’t stand a chance against a loaded weapon. Slowly, I peek around the doorjamb. The perpetrator is bent over with his head in the fridge.
Inching forward, I slide a knife out of the wooden block on the kitchen island and aim it at the intruder. “Turn around, slowly.”
On wobbly legs, the intruder stands and sways on his feet. Once that golden-blonde hair is in view, I sigh in relief. It’s Thaddeus. Sliding the knife back into the block, I prop the broom on the edge of the kitchen island.
Thaddeus stumbles, catching himself on the door of the fridge and for a moment I fear he might pull it over on top of himself. I guess I know where he took off to earlier. Judging by the looks of him, I would say he is drunker than a skunk.
“Thaddeus, are you okay?”
Slobber trails down his chin and he wipes it away with the back of his hand. “Yep. I’m just peachy.” Glowering at me, he adds, “Why the heck you still here?” His words are slurring together, and his focus is off.
Jeez, how much did he have to drink?
If looks could kill, I would be a dead man right now. Ignoring his death glare, I cross my arms. “I didn’t want to leave Makayla home alone.”
At the mention of his sister’s name, Thaddeus’s glower falls away and his eyes mist over. Leaning his hip on the counter, his body sags. “That’s good, she needs someone to keep watch over her.” In the few hours after seeing his mother in the hospital, Thaddeus seems to have aged around his eyes. “Lord knows I’ve failed her.”
What? Failed her?
This confession puzzles me. What could he have done that failed his sister? Grabbing a chair, I slide it toward him and motion for him to sit. “What do you mean, you failed her?”
Thaddeus sits in the chair, leaning back. “I didn’t know.” He shakes his head. “I went to her room to return her phone to her nightstand and I found it. I was curious so I read it.” The broom falls to the floor when his fist hits the countertop. “It’s all my fault.”
Dread creeps up my spine. What did he discover in Makayla’s room, and is this the reason that she looks like she has not slept in decades? “What’s all your fault?”
A shadow appears across the base of the island and I turn to see Makayla standing in the doorway, glaring at her twin. “You went snooping through my things?”
Thaddeus straightens and almost falls out of his chair. “It’s not like that, sis.”
Propping her fists on her hips, she nods toward the front of the house. “I think it’s time you showered and went to bed. Jeez, how much whiskey did you drink anyway? You reek.”
The body language between the two of them confuses the crud out of me. She is clearly angry and he looks sorry, sad, and lost.
I watch him stumble from the room, bumping his shoulder on the doorjamb on his way out of the kitchen.
Chapter Thirteen
Makayla
Nightmares consume me. This is the very reason I have been having a difficult time getting sleep at night. My body and mind are exhausted and I can hardly function anymore. For the last couple of weeks, I have been nothing more than a walking, talking zombie. It is moments such as this that the thoughts of suicide overwhelm me. I can’t escape this continuous nightmare that has become my life. All I want is peace and freedom from these chains that bind me.
I hate reliving my nightmares in both my waking and dreaming hours. This burden is too much for me to bare. It chokes me with its evil hands and taunts me every minute of every hour of every day.
Standing in front of the medicine cabinet, I take the bottle of Oxycodone in my hand. The bottle is nearly full and offers promises of peace. God, I want peace. I want it so bad I can taste it. My fingertip rubs the edge of the bottlecap, going around and around the smooth plastic.
Voices travel up from the vents and meet my ears. Who in the world is in the house? Curious, I hide the bottle of Oxycodone behind my box of Claritin and make my way downstairs. Cars zooming down the road draws my attention to the front door, which is standing wide open. I ease it closed and notice the hole in the wall the size of the doorknob.
Thanks Thad.
Following the voices to the kitchen, I stand in the doorway quietly and listen. Thaddeus is clearly drunk. His words are slurring together like a drunken sailor. But the words coming from his mouth is like a punch to the gut. The only thing in my room that he could have read that would make him feel guilty, is my journal.
How dare he? That is my private thoughts meant for my eyes only. If I had wanted him to know my secrets then I would have shared them with him. Anger consumes me at the thought of him snooping through my private journal entries.
Gaze focused on his hands, Thaddeus doesn’t see me standing in the doorway eavesdropping. Fire is burning in my gut, searing through my veins. I take a step forward and Eryc turns his head, his eyes going wide when he sees me. The murderous anger must be evident on my face.
I need to shut up my brother before he spills my secret. “You went snooping through my things?”
Body stiffening, Thaddeus finally turns toward me. Panic flares in his eyes. “It’s not like that, sis. I promise.”
Muscles tightening in my arms, my hands form into fists. Settling my fists on my hips, I give a nod behind me, toward the front of the house. “I think it’s time you showered and went to bed. Jeez, how much whiskey did you drink anyway? You reek.”
Recognition sets in and his features soften. His eyes flick to Eryc and back to me as if he is begging me to confide in the two of them. Yeah, fat chance. Those were my private thoughts and were never meant for his eyes. The fact that he invaded my privacy irks my nerves in a way they have never been irked before.
My brother’s eyes are sad, his expression is one of defeat. He is carrying the weight of my written words on his shoulders. That weight is not his to bare. I wish he had never seen my journal.
I step aside to allow him to pass. He stumbles into the doorjamb, cursing under his breath when his elbow hits the wood. Day drinking is not the norm for my twin, so the fact that he is drunker than a skunk worries me.
Waiting until his footsteps disappear up the stairs, I finally meet Eryc’s gaze. “I’m sorry about that.”
Studying me, he stands, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Don’t worry about it.” Rocking back on his heels, he asks, “Is there anything I can get you? Tea, water, hot chocolate?”
Hot chocolate. Yum. I point to the glass jar sitting on the countertop. “If you don’t mind, I’ll take a cup of hot chocolate with a peppermint stick.”
The corners of his mouth tilt up until his eyes crinkle at the ends. “Still love peppermint in your cocoa, huh?”
A smile turns my mouth upward. “Yeah, it’s the only way to drink hot chocolate.”
“I agree.”
“What?” I raise my brow. “You always gaged when I put peppermint in my hot chocolate. You said peppermint and hot cocoa do not mix.”
Eryc crosses his arms over his chest. “Yeah, well, I changed my mind.”
“Hum.” We stare at each other for a moment, neither of us speaking. “I need to go check on Thad, he’s pretty drunk.”
He nods but neither of us move. Eryc continues to stare at me with questions brewing in his brown orbs. Uncomfortabl
e with his scrutinizing gaze, I focus on my fuchsia painted toes.
Black chucks step into my view, the toe of his shoe nearly touching my bare toes. Being this close to Eryc brings out two conflicting emotions in me. Comfort and fear. Part of me yearns to lean into his embrace and let all my worries fall away. The other part of me fears him, not because he has ever hurt me but because of what he is. A guy.
And then there is the fear of what he will think of me when he discovers my secret. Let’s face it, now that Thaddeus knows, it will only be a matter of time before Eryc knows.
With a finger to my chin, Eryc tilts my head up until our eyes meet. “Kay, you want to explain why you shut up your brother?” A long pause causes goosebumps to prickle my skin. “Just why does he feel like he has failed you?”
Why can’t he just leave this alone? This topic is not only painful but it is downright humiliating. “No.” I shake my head. “I do not want to discuss this.” I never want to discuss this.
“But—”
I shake my head. “There are no buts, the answer is no. Drop it. Okay?”
Pursing his lips, he looks as if he is going to argue but then he shrugs his shoulders in defeat. “Okay.”
Releasing a relieved breath, I say, “Just promise me you’ll still be here when I come back down.”
Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he says, “I’m not going anywhere, Kay.”
If only I could believe that. Sure, he may still be here when I come back down but I know the truth. As soon as he discovers who I really am and what I have done, he will run like the fires of hell are chasing after him. Fear of losing my only friend is what keeps my lips a locked vault.
Bolting from the room before my tears fall, I take the stairs two at a time. My limbs are shaky and my stomach convulses with silent sobs. The walls I have taken great care in building are slowly crumbling underneath me. Pain slices my heart at the thought of Thaddeus knowing my secret. Is that the reason he is a drunken mess in the middle of the day? Is my secret, combined with mom’s condition, what drove him to day drinking?
Awesome. I have ruined, not only my life, but my twin’s as well. I have driven him to daytime drinking and he will most likely end up an alcoholic. Way to go, Makayla. More than ever I wish the earth would open up and swallow me whole.
The sound of water running is briefly heard from the bathroom at the end of the hall and I dash into my bedroom before Thaddeus can emerge and see the mess I have become. This is what I get for leaving my journal out in the open for anyone to see. A light rap of knuckles on the door brings me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah?” In hopes that he will not hear me and continue on to his room, my voice is nothing but a whisper.
No such luck. The door cracks open and Thaddeus pokes his head inside. “Look, sis, I’m so sorry for opening my big mouth to Eryc. I think the booze just got to my head.”
Well, duh.
“Ya think.” Gripping the edge of the door, I yank it open and the sudden movement causes Thaddeus to sway. Pointing toward my nightstand where the journal lay, I say, “First off, that was none of your business.” Crossing my arms, I square my shoulders and summon the strength to continue. “Secondly, you had no business hinting at my secrets to outsiders. What if I hadn’t walked in when I did? You would have blabbed it all. How could you do that to me?”
Shoulders sagging, Thaddeus takes my hand and his eyes plead with mine. “I’m sorry, Makayla. I only read the first entry but it was enough. You should hate me, I failed you, big time.”
“You haven’t failed me. The blame is not on you.”
Squeezing my hand and blinking back his tears, he repeats, “I’m so sorry. Sorry that I read your journal and sorry that I almost told Eryc, but most of all, I’m sorry I got you involved with Brandt.”
Deep in my soul I want to say it’s okay, I forgive you but the words fail to leave my mouth. The silence brings mist to my eyes and he drops my hand, exiting the room with a heavy sigh.
Chapter Fourteen
Eryc
Thoughts of how Thaddeus could have possibly failed Makayla leave me confused. At first, I thought he had been talking about leaving her alone at the hospital to deal with their mother’s condition all by herself, but after the way she reacted, I’m not so sure.
What is she hiding and why does she feel the need to keep this from me? I wish she would trust me with her secrets like she used to.
Twisting the cap off the bottle of water, I tip it to my lips. Cool liquid quenches the dry ache in my throat and I sigh at the relief. My eyeballs feel like sandpaper from the lack of sleep but I refuse to leave her until I’m sure she will be okay. Capping the bottle of water, I carry it to the living room and stretch out on the sofa. The textured ceiling draws my attention and my eyes move back and forth over the wavy lines.
Soon my eyelids grow heavy and a yawn stretches my mouth wide. Thoughts of Makayla invade my mind. Happy thoughts, of a time when we were best friends and did everything together. Of days when we built forts in her bedroom, caught frogs out by the pond, chased fireflies in the dark, and shared secrets.
It doesn’t take long for my memories to morph into dreams. Dreams with promises of everlasting love. Of Makayla smiling up at me, her ruby-red lips puckering for a kiss. Of her slender body pressed against mine and her auburn hair splayed across my pillow.
With my lips hovering above her, inching forward for a kiss, my cell phone rings, cutting through my dream. I groan at the interruption of a perfectly good dream. Glancing at the caller ID, Aunt Rene flashes on the screen.
Wiping sleep from my eyes, I swipe my finger across the screen to answer the call. “Aunt Rene, what’s up?”
“Hey, honey, are you home?” The sound of a car door shutting comes through the line. “I’m off work and picking up food as we speak. I thought it would be nice if Thaddeus and Makayla didn’t have to fret over dinner tonight.”
Judging by the foreign language spoken in the background, my aunt is at the Chinese restaurant. I hope it’s my favorite one on the corner of 129th East Ave. and 31st Street.
“Actually, I’m at Kay’s,” I confess. “I believe they’re both upstairs sleeping.”
“Oh, perfect.” The foreign voices grow louder and her muffled voice says a polite, “One moment, please.”
“I’d love an orange chicken.” I debate on whether to wake the others and ask if they have a preference but knowing my aunt, she will pick up a nice variety. “Be sure to get plenty of egg rolls…please.”
Laughter graces my ears. “Yes, my little Chinese-food-loving boy.”
She’s right, I do love my Chinese food. I could eat it all day, every day.
“See y’all in a few,” she says. With that, the phone line disconnects and I set my cell phone on the coffee table.
Sleeping on the sofa is killer on the neck. No amount of stretching is straightening the kink deep in my neck muscles. How long have I been sleeping anyway? Aunt Rene usually works until seven in the evening.
I glance at the clock on the wall. 7:15pm. “Dang, I slept the entire day away.”
I should probably go wake the twins so they can get ready for my aunt’s arrival.
Standing at the top of the stairs, I look from door to door. Who should I wake first? Thaddeus and I have never been great friends so I don’t feel comfortable enough to just walk into his room. Walking past his door, I continue down the hall and gently rap on Makayla’s door. Fabric rustles on the other side, followed by the soft padding of her footsteps.
The door swings open and Makayla does her best to tame her frizzy curls with her fingers. It’s a vain attempt but she is adorable, so I let her finger-comb her hair.
Letting out a puff of air, she spins around and snatches a hair tie off the dresser and twists the massive mane up into a knot. “I swear I’m going to shave my head someday.”
Of their own accord, my fingers graze her cheek. “Don’t do that. You’re beautiful just the way you are.”
“That may be, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re beautiful.” Rose tints her cheeks. That color looks good on her and butterflies soar in my belly knowing that I’m the cause of her blush.
Casting her eyes downward, she folds her hands in front of her, twisting them nervously. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” I tip her chin so she can see me. “Aunt Rene is on her way over with Chinese food.”
In response, her stomach growls. Makayla presses her hand against it as if to shut it up. “That sounds good. Thank you.” Glancing down at her wardrobe, she frowns. “I’ll just change out of these pajamas and meet you downstairs.”
“Okay.”
As an afterthought, she adds, “I’ll wake Thaddeus, unless you’ve already done that.”
No, I have not.
“Nope, he’s all yours.”
Without another word, she grips the door and eases it closed, her eyes never leaving mine. The pain behind those eyes kill me every time. I want to take that pain from her, she is far too young to look so haunted.
Chapter Fifteen
Makayla
Beautiful. Eryc thinks I’m beautiful? I wish I could be the person he wants me to be but I can’t. He will never understand, but I can never be good enough for him, not as a friend and definitely not for anything more. I’m broken. There is nothing left but a thousand shattered pieces of me. Some days, I’m afraid I will never see the girl that I used to be.
I fear she is lost forever.
Opting for my Forget Being a Princess, I Want to Be a Vampire shirt, I pull on my denim shorts and make my way to Thaddeus’s room. I knock and give him a minute to announce his indecency.
Pieces of Me Page 6