No, I would like to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee without retching.
“No, thank you.”
He sits back down but watches me like I am a fragile glass doll. It is both endearing and annoying. In hopes of getting him to relax and enjoy his breakfast, I take a sip of the steaming coffee.
The soft velvety liquid fills my mouth and for the first time in a while, it doesn’t upset my stomach. Surprisingly, the smooth java settles well and I roll my eyes back at the heavenly taste.
“What is this? This isn’t mom’s coffee.” Tipping the cup to my lips, I take another sip. The warm java glides down my esophagus like silk then settles in my stomach. “This is fabulous.”
A laugh tumbles out of Eryc. That laugh earns him a smack on the arm which only causes him to laugh more. “It’s gourmet.” He is still chuckling when he brings his cup up to his lips. After a couple of healthy drinks from his steaming cup, he says, “I buy from this gourmet company that uses Ganoderma extract in their coffee. I love the stuff.”
Tapping my nails on the ceramic, I ask, “What in the world is Ganoderma?”
The smile that spreads on his face is absolutely wicked. “I’ll tell you later.”
Suddenly afraid that this Ganoderma product is going to grow teeth and eat me, I set my cup down and push it away.
He pushes it back toward me with a chuckle. “Relax, Kay, Ganoderma is just a mushroom.”
I frown at my cup of coffee. Mushroom? I hate mushrooms with a passion. In fact, I have one word for them. Fungus.
There is a war taking place in my mind. Part of me wants nothing to do with his fungus infested coffee and the other part of me wants more of that delicious java. It doesn’t take long for the coffee-loving part of me to win, and I sit back and enjoy the heavenly drink once more.
Eryc watches my every move with a look of satisfaction on his face.
My insides twitch with a feeling I have never experienced before. Our relationship is different from what it used to be. I’m not sure what exactly has changed between us, but he looks at me like I am precious.
I now feel closer to him than I have to anyone, including my twin brother.
“What?” he asks. “Do I have something on my face?” He swipes a hand across his mouth.
“Nope.”
Pointing his fork at me, he nods to my untouched plate. “You should eat before it gets cold.”
How did I get so lucky as to have Eryc as my best friend?
Surprise, surprise. Rene wants to see me today to do an official pregnancy test and whatever else that is involved in a prenatal visit. Since her schedule is pretty full, she is squeezing me in during her break.
The ride to Rene’s clinic is a quiet one. I’m not sure how I am supposed to act, and I think Eryc feels the same way.
He glances at me every so often, his eyes full of kindness and maybe a hint of pity.
Saint Francis hospital comes into view and my mind wonders over to my mother. I need to visit her sometime today. She is conscious now and I am not there with her.
Guilt eats at my heart and I begin to feel like a failure for not being a good child. The woman that gave birth to me, the one who suffered sleepless nights when Thaddeus and I were babies, is helpless in that hospital bed and I have been at home like a shellfish brat. The last thing I want is for her to feel like I have abandoned her, just like my father did to us all those years ago.
Turning into the hospital parking lot, Eryc follows the lane that leads toward the back of the building, where the clinics are. Nerves twist my stomach like a wet dishrag and moisture collects on my palms. I’m not sure I want to go in there. Can I just rewind time and stay in the comfort of my bed?
The car veers into a parking space, between two minivans. Minivans. Ick, there is no way in hades I will ever be caught dead behind the wheel of one of those horrid monsters.
Rough, calloused fingers graze my wrist and I look over at Eryc.
He smiles and says, “Come on, Kay. It’ll be okay, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Words fail to form in my mouth so I nod and unbuckle my seatbelt. Before I can grab my purse from the floorboard, he is already out of the car and opening my door. He holds out his hand and helps me out of the car. It is still awkward when he, or Thaddeus, touch me, but Eryc pays close attention to my reactions and pulls back when he sees me struggling. Because of his attentiveness, I am slowly reacquainting myself with a man’s touch.
The moment those sliding glass doors open, my nostrils are assaulted with sterile air that immediately leaves my nasal passages dry. Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I cross the threshold and follow Eryc down the hall to Rene’s clinic.
The waiting room is full of expecting mothers with large round bellies. Some of these women have toddlers bouncing on their laps and I cringe inwardly at the thought of motherhood.
A baby is not something I look forward to. Babies are supposed to be a happy season in a woman’s life, one she can share with her husband. My pregnancy is not a happy one, nor is it wanted.
A gentle tug on my hand draws my attention down to the hand gripping mine and my gaze travels up his arm, settling on his brown eyes.
Eryc nods toward the check-in window. “You’ll be fine, I’m right here with you. I’ll never abandon you.”
A petite nurse looks up from her computer screen, her fingers still tapping on the keyboard. The moment she sees us, her lips turn up in a huge smile. “Hi, sweetie.” She glances down at the screen, taps a couple more keys, then looks back up. “Your aunt is with a patient but she said to go on back to her office and she’ll see you shortly.”
Eryc smiles at the nurse. “Thanks, Mel.”
“No problem, sugar.” Nurse Mel smiles and gives me a friendly wave before giving the screen her full attention.
I hesitate for a heartbeat but then allow Eryc to lead me through the door separating the waiting room from the hallway that is full of patient rooms. The carpet is snot-green and ugly as sin but so cushiony, putting a comfortable barrier between my feet and the hard-concrete floor beneath.
Passing the last door on this hall, we turn to the right and the hallway ends with one final door. Rene’s personal office.
A low buzzing sound rings in my ears and my lungs constrict. I don’t want to be here. I would rather face a den of lions than sit in this room.
Eryc releases my hand and points to one of the chairs against the wall. “Kay, sit down and relax. Everything will be fine.”
Relax?
Everything will be fine?
Easy for him to say, he is not the one carrying a monster child in his belly. And how do I explain my ill feelings toward my own unborn child to the preacher’s kid standing next to me? He will never understand why I can’t keep this baby. Keeping the baby means a constant reminder of Brandt and all the pain and humiliation he caused me.
Just as I open my mouth to voice my fears, and most likely humiliate myself, the door opens and Rene walks in wearing a white lab coat. “Good, you’re here.” Stepping further into the room, she gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “How are you doing, sweetie?”
“Um.” I look at Eryc and then back at Rene. “I’m okay, I guess.”
“You’ll be just fine.” Rene pats my arm like I’m a two-year-old.
What is it with these two? I am not fine. I won’t be fine. Ever. I am just stuck in this life trying to get by one day at a time.
Rene nods toward the door. “Come with me and we’ll get started.”
I stop at the threshold and look back at Eryc. He crosses the distance and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’ll say these words a thousand times if I have to. I’m not going anywhere.” His hand is still touching my ear and he leans in close enough I can feel his breath on my cheek. “I’ll be here for you until the day I die.”
Those ten words are all it takes to calm the raging storm within me. Letting out a breath, I nod. He is here and will not abandon me whe
n I need him most.
Eryc is my rock.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Eryc
Makayla releases a breath and her shoulders visibly relax at the mention of me being here for her until the day I die. She may not know this but when she gets nervous, her face heats up and turns bright red. Even the tips of her ears are crimson and hot to the touch. If I could stay with her during her exam, I would, but Aunt Rene explained to me last night that the exam is personal and involves next to no clothing.
“I’ll be right here,” I say again. I’ll repeat those words to her for eternity if need be, the last thing I want is for her to feel alone and lost in this world. My girl has felt lost and alone for far too long as it is. Never again will I allow her to go through this life alone.
Her eyelids flutter shut and her body relaxes further. The red in her face lightens and the worry lines smooth out. Makayla is the prettiest girl alive, even with red blotches marring her beautiful face. I’m pretty sure I am falling in love with her. I have always loved her, we have been friends our entire lives, but this is something else altogether. This feeling is soul deep. I would walk through fire for her, heck I would take a bullet for her.
Makayla takes a deep breath, blows it out slowly, and turns to follow my aunt out of the room. She is scared but my aunt will comfort her. Those two are pretty close, they are close enough for Makayla to occasionally call her Aunt Rene or Momma Rene.
The door clicks shut and now I sit in the all-too-silent room. Voices drift in from under the door. Two nurses out in the hallway are chatting about their weekend plans. I pull my cell phone out of my back pocket and open my messages. There are five missed texts from my football buddies. All of them asking if I will be at practice this afternoon. I don’t miss many practices but the last two I missed so I could be with Makayla.
I open a group text so I can message everyone with one simple text.
Eryc: Yes, I plan on being there. Unless there’s an emergency.
They are sick of hearing this excuse, I know they are. Since Brenda’s accident, I have used this excuse on occasion to get out of fifth and sixth hour classes, as well as the last couple football practices. It will eventually backfire on me and get me kicked off the football team, but honestly, I would gladly give up football for Makayla. Football is just a sport and is easily replaceable in my life, Makayla is not.
Sixty seconds pass before my phone vibrates with a reply.
Chad: Be there, man. We need you to get your head in the game if we’re going to win against Union on Friday night. Besides, Coach said for you to get your butt on the field this afternoon or you’re out.
I knew this was coming, and frankly, I don’t blame Coach. He needs a team that is there and on their game, not a no-show, scatter-brained dimwit like I have been here lately. The last thing I want to do is let my team down but my number one priority is Makayla, everything thing else in this life can, and will, take a back seat.
Tossing my cell phone on my aunt’s desk, I pick up a magazine. The cover is of a pregnant woman with both hands resting on her round belly and the caption reads Rockin’ Your Baby Bump. I open the magazine and flip through the pages. Nothing within interests me, it is full of toys, foods, stylish maternity clothes, and an article on breast feeding.
Blowing out a puff of air, I toss the magazine back in the basket on the end of my aunt’s desk. “I wonder how long this will take.” Sitting here with nothing but my thoughts will slowly drive me insane.
Time seems to pass by at a snail’s pace. I dig through the pile of magazines but they are all the same. What to wear, what to expect during each trimester, what to pack for the hospital, and how to breast feed. All things that do not interest me in the least. Giving up on reading material, I begin pacing the office. Thoughts of this week’s game run through my mind.
Union is a big school and their team is one of the best in Tulsa. Beating them will take practice and dedication. Since I have no idea how long Makayla will be in the exam room, I run through the plays in my head. Just as I get lost in my thoughts, my cell phone chimes with a text.
I pick the device up from the corner of my aunt’s desk and check the incoming message. There isn’t one. My last message was from the guys on the team. The chime sounds again and I realize it’s not coming from my cell phone. Searching my aunt’s desk for a cell phone, I carefully lift papers and look behind a file rack but I don’t find a cell phone.
“Huh.” My eyes roam around the office, looking for any signs of the tiny device but I’m not seeing any. Then it sounds again and my eyes follow the noise to my left. Makayla’s purse is sitting on one of the chairs. I hadn’t even noticed that she had left it behind.
Not wanting to invade Makayla’s privacy, I continue my pacing and leave her purse untouched. My thoughts just get back into football plays when her cell phone chimes again. And again. Four texts later and I unzip her purse to look for her phone. It could be Thaddeus with urgent news on Brenda and if that’s the case, I want to let Makayla know ASAP.
The shimmery-pink device is peeking out from an inside pocket. Another text comes in as I slip it free. I press the home button and the device prompts me for the passcode.
“What is your code, Kay?” I wonder aloud.
I try a wide array of four digit numbers to no avail and have timed out the device twice. One more wrong number and it will time out again. If these texts are from Thaddeus about their mother, I really want to get this to Makayla, so she can head to that division of the building.
“Thaddeus.” The name suddenly hits me. Those two are twins and as close as two people can get. Glancing down at the number pad, I search for the letters THAD.
Eight, four, two, and three are the magic numbers. Pressing the green message button, I check to see who the texts are from.
Not Thaddeus, it’s an unfamiliar number with no name attached. Satisfied that it’s not an emergency from Thaddeus, I press the off button. Just before the screen shuts off, a preview of the text catches my eye.
It’s been too long since I hit that…
I unlock the phone, again, and open the text message. Scrolling up, I read the string of messages from the beginning.
Unknown: Mickey, it’s Brandt.
Mickey? Seriously?
Makayla hates that name, which he would know if he had bothered to get to know her. Every message after that is a guilt trip of sorts.
Unknown: I need you.
Unknown: It’s been a crap week and I need you to make me feel better.
Unknown: You’re the only one that understands me.
Unknown: I’m depressed.
Unknown: You’re the only one that can ease my pain.
What a load bullcrap. Finally, I get to the last few messages.
Unknown: Parents are gone tonight.
Unknown: Come over.
Unknown: It’s been too long since I hit that.
Heat rises up my neck and trails to the tips of my ears. How dare he contact her after all the hell he put her through. What if this isn’t the first time he has contacted her. Does she endure this on a weekly, or a daily basis? My blood begins to boil which causes my heartrate to accelerate. If ever there was a time I wanted to choke the life out of someone, it’s now. The more I look at these messages, the angrier I become. Pain radiates through my palm where my nails are digging into my skin.
In my rage, I don’t hear the footsteps outside the door, so I jump when the door opens, and my aunt walks in. “Eryc, what are you doing?” She glances down at the pink cell phone in my hand.
“Nothing.” I turn the screen of the device toward my body to hide the written words.
Aunt Rene furrows her brows. She can tell I am lying, I’m a lousy liar. Instead of pursing her lips and condemning me for lying, like my mother would, she smiles. Closing the distance between us, she kisses my forehead as she reaches for my hand, turning the screen so she can see what is bothering me.
Air hisses through her te
eth as she reads the last message.
That must have been enough for her because she doesn’t even bother scrolling up to see the others. “Eryc,” she squeezes my hand. “Makayla doesn’t need to see this. She’s a mess as it is.”
“I know.”
Releasing my hand, she turns toward the door. “You need to get rid of those.”
I nod.
“We haven’t started the exam yet, she’s preparing for that now. In the meantime, delete that garbage.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I watch my aunt walk out the door and glance back down at the cell phone. I don’t think about what Makayla will say when she finds out I messed with her cell phone. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. First, I block the number and then I delete the entire conversation. She does not need this kind of crap in her life.
Shutting off the screen, I place the pink device back in the pocket in her purse where she had left it.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Makayla
Picking up the paper gown Rene gave me, I strip out of my clothes and tie the gown around my neck. Cool air caresses my back where the material gaps open. The flimsy material does very little to keep my body covered, but I suppose it does hide all the important areas. My fingers play with the rim of my socks as fear makes an appearance and twists my insides like a washing machine.
This is the first time in my life I have been to see a gynecologist and I have no idea what this exam is or what to expect.
Will it hurt? I certainly hope not.
A soft knock on the door echoes in the silent room. “Honey, are you ready?” Rene’s loving voice brings a little peace to my panic.
In reality, I am nowhere close to being ready. I would rather donate a kidney than have to endure this exam and confirm what I already know. This is a nightmarish ordeal that I wish I could go back in time to avoid.
Being pregnant by a sick, twisted, and mentally abusive prick is not a reality I want to live.
Pieces of Me Page 13