by T. S. Hill
“What’s that supposed to mean?”, I asked.
“It means that sooner or later, I’m gonna measure your dick! You may as well, quit maneuvering around and putting it off.” I busted out laughing.
“We’re trying to dodge getting killed, clear my name, get Milinni, I’m offering you perhaps the world’s most sumptuous breakfast, and you are worrying about measuring my cock. That’s, funny!”
“Dick!”, she snapped back.
Just then I spied a super truck stop/convenience store just off the next corner and wheeled in. I told her to stay put, and jogged into the store. Three minutes later I returned and tossed a package with two rolled up seamstress tape measures into her lap.
“Now, can we get breakfast?”, I pleaded.
“Sure, Cowboy, lead the way!”, she said beaming a big smile. She unwrapped the tape measures and placed one in the glove box, and the other in her purse. “Yah never know when you just might need a tape measure handy.”, She said, winking at me and smiling. Then she slid over next to me and placed her hand on my arm. “Thanks, Cowboy. That was sweet.”
“You’re welcome.”, I replied, chuckling to myself. When we arrived at Wasserman’s on East Sheridan Ave, Lori’s eyes widened.
“Cowboy, this looks like a high dollar district.”, she said, seeming a little awed.
“I told you, this isn’t a twenty-four-hour diner. It’s a really nice place. Everyone should eat breakfast here, at least once in their life.
When she saw people going in, she grabbed my arm saying, “Cowboy, I can’t go in there dressed like this! Look how those women are dressed going in there. Everyone will be staring at me!”
“It’s okay. I go in occasionally dressed worse than this. My money’s good there.”
She continued to protest, “No! Cowboy. I just can’t.”
“Sweet heart, you’re so beautiful, that everyone will be staring at you anyway. It’ll be fine.”, I cajoled.
“No!”, she said, through clenched teeth, and crossing her arms.
“You know what? I know how to fix this!”, I told her, shifting the truck back into gear.
“You can’t fix this cowboy.”, she said.
“Oh yes I can!”, I told her, “Just hold on a few minutes.” I pulled back out into the street and headed east for one block and hung a left, then north for three blocks, then west two blocks on North West Third Street, where I stopped the truck in front of, Lady Jean’s Fashions. There was a closed sign in the front window. “What time is it?”, I asked Lori.
“I don’t know, Cowboy.” It was five thirty when we rolled out this morning. I remember seeing it on a bank sign. I guess it’s got to be close to seven now?”, She offered as a question as much as an answer. “Close enough!”, I said jumping out of the truck. I ran around the truck and opened her door, grabbing her arm, and literally pulled her from the truck. This idea had me excited.
“Ow! Cowboy, easy! What the hell are we doing?”
“C’mon!”, I told her excitedly.
“Okay!”, she said stretching to close the truck door as I pulled on her. I pulled her along to the front door of Jeans, and tried the door handle. It was locked. “Cowboy, this place is closed. What are you doing?”, she asked.
“Just hold on!”, I told her, and began banging the heel of my fist on the side panel of the framed door.
“Cowboy have you lost your mind?”, she asked me. I ignored her question and kept banging. Pretty soon, I saw who I was hoping to see, coming from the depths of the store, hurriedly pacing herself toward us. Her long, hip length, straight, black hair framing her pretty face, the bourgeois fashion lines of her long dress billowing around her perfect figure, defining the same feminine lines that they covered. When she reached for the door, she was smiling, then her face turned dark, as she unlocked and pulled the door open.
“Get in here!”, she said. When we were inside, she closed and locked the door behind us, and started in on me, “I’ve been worried sick! Where have you been?”
“Mexico.”, I answered. “I didn’t know if you were alive or dead! Couldn’t you have called? Emailed? Texted? Carrier Pigeon? Something? Who is she?”, she said, jerking a finger toward Lori in a hostile way.
“Her name is Lori, and it’s complicated.”, I responded.
“It’s always complicated with you!”, she said in an irritated voice. We had been following her down the center aisle of the shop toward the back, where we reached an open area with chairs. This back area was a lounge area of sorts, where mostly gentlemen waited, while their ladies tried on various offerings of the shop. She stopped there and stood with her hands on her hips. “Are you alright?”, she asked with genuine concern in her voice this time.
“Yeah, I’m fine, Allie.”, I responded. “It’s been rough, to say the least, and a bit hairy at times, but I’m here, and I’m whole again. And I’m good, and things are poised to come together and really make a big splash. This is the one that I have waited for. When this assignment hits, it’s going to hit big Allie! If I can finish what I’ve got going, then no more dodging bullets, no more getting thrown off bridges, no more calling you at three in the morning to come get me out of jail.”
“No more beating my shop door down at seven in the morning?”, she asked sarcastically.
“No more beating your shop door down at seven in the morning.”, I replied.
“I’ve worried so about you!”, she said, as her face wrinkled up, and she began crying, throwing her arms around my neck and squeezing me. She kissed my cheek three times, before stepping back, keeping her hands at my neck. “What the hell was I supposed to do if something happened to you?”, she whined, still crying.”
“I’m okay! I’m sorry, Allie! “, I replied. “I should have gotten a message to you some way. It’s just, I was staying pretty busy, just trying to stay alive, and get back here.”
“And wooing her?”, she asked tilting her head toward Lori.
“I wouldn’t say wooing. She kinda fell in my lap, and as it worked out, it was better for us to stick together to get back to New Orleans. She’s actually a piece of the solution to the assignment.”, I said.
She dropped her hands from my neck, and said, “Oh I bet she’s a piece alright!”
As could be expected, Lori took offense to the remark, and immediately took a step forward, and interrupted, “Look bitch! I don’t know who the hell you are but…”
I stepped between them and held a hand up in the face of each. “Stop!”, I shouted.
“Ali, that was uncalled for!”
“Given your history, Tagg, I think you should have expected it.”
“Tagg! Tagg?”, Lori yelled. Your name is Tagg?”
Allie addressed Lori, “Lori, I apologize. I didn’t mean that comment as a slight to you. I just met you. I meant it as a cut toward my wayward brother, but I shouldn’t have phrased it that way.”
“Tagg? Brother! “, Lori yelled again.
Then Allie started again, “This is what I mean Tagg. If you’ve given this girl a false name, I think that explains why you have her with you.”
“Brother?”, Lori yelled.
I began to try to tame the situation by addressing them both, “Allie you don’t understand. Lori, please just calm down.” It didn’t work. Both of the women began talking simultaneously. I couldn’t understand what they were saying, except both of them were talking at me; at least I assumed they were. Stepping between them again, I held up my hands again, yelling, “Stop!” Amazingly, they both hushed immediately. I couldn’t believe it. I was two for two. “Let’s sit down, and I will explain to both of you, what you need to know, and what you want to know.
“Good!”, Lori said and headed for one of the chairs.
“I’ll get coffee. “, Allie said, heading toward the back room.
“Black.”, Lori said.
“The same.”, I said.
When Allie returned with coffee, and we all had taken a sip, I started, “Hello. My name
is Taggert Stanly Hill, and I’m hooked on solving big, expensive, crimes. This is my big sister, Allie, whom I love very much, and who loves me very much, although sometimes it looks and sounds to the contrary. This is my...”, and I didn’t know what word to use to define my relationship with Lori.
The silence was embarrassing to me, and I imagined to Lori. Then suddenly it came to me, that a single word wouldn’t do, but that an explanation was needed. “She is my, new acquaintance, who has evolved to be a trustworthy companion, and someone that I have come to admire greatly, and respect deeply. And, I seriously hope, my new, steady girlfriend.” Lori had been looking serious and not impressed, but with that last phrase, she smiled sweetly at me.
Allie spoke, “Be careful, Lori. He has a reputation with the ladies. Hence my earlier comment, for which I deeply apologize again. It was meant solely as a barb toward Tagg, and not to disparage you. You seem like a nice young lady. I can’t imagine how you managed to land in his lap.”
“Apology accepted”, said Lorie, “and by the way, it’s a pleasure to meet you, and quiet a surprise. Sorry about the bitch thing too.” She scowled at me.
“So”, Allie began, “Tagg, tell us all there is to know about the last six months.”
“And”, Lori added, “I’ve got some questions that go outside of that frame.” I smiled at these two women, trying to put me on the hot seat.
“Tagg, I’ve a store to open in an hour and a half.”, Allie said, and waved her hand at me to start. I gave Allie the short version of my last six months and of course totally skipping over any mention of sexual situations. Allie could always read between my lines though, even lines with no hints. “When I had finished, Allie said that she had a couple of questions.
“Tagg, what is the dollar mark that this assignment is expected to hit.”, she asked.
“At this point, I am conservatively estimating one hundred million. Lori has some evidence that I haven’t seen yet, but supposed to tie in several other companies, and maybe additional out of state resources. So, it could go as high as two, three hundred mil or more. But, for my purposes, I can validate just over one hundred mil.”, I finished.
“And you are in for your usual fee?”, she queried further.
“No”, I replied, “I couldn’t get the feds to go for that, so it’s reduced by several percentage points.”
“You sell yourself to cheaply Tagg.”, Allie responded, “I always told you that, and it’s true.”
“It’s still going to make me a wealthy man, Allie. And it’s going to stop a whole lotta bad.”, I told her.
“That’s if you live to see it, and spend a dime of it.”, she replied.
“Okay, enough big sistering”, I said. “What else do you want to ask.”
“The same thing I always asked Tagg.”, she said.
Lori interrupted and addressed Allie, “Can I ask for you?”
“Go right ahead dear.”, Allie responded, smiling at her. Then turning to share the smile with me, she said, “She’s got your number Tagg! Go ahead dear.”
Lori looked at me seriously, and asked, “What is it you want Tagg?”
It was strange hearing Lori call me anything but Cowboy. But, I looked Lori in the eyes and answered her seriously, “I want you Lori.”
“That’s sweet, Cowboy.”, she said. “Now answer her question, that I just asked you.” I looked at Allie, and smiled.
“Yeah”, I said, “she’s got my number.” “I don’t want anything this time Allie.”, I said.
“But what is it that you need Tagg?”, Allie fired back.
“I retract that last statement.”, I said. “I do need something, and want something too. I want to take this young lady to Wasserman’s for breakfast, but she refuses to go, dressed as she is, despite how beautiful she looks dressed in anything. I need you to help in remedying that situation.” Allie cut her eyes at Lori, and then back at me.
“Her, I will help. As far as convincing her to go with you? You, are on your own.” Then turning her eyes back to Lori, she stood and began talking, “Follow me, Lori.”
“I’ve got questions for you later, Cowboy! “, Lori said trying to sound ominous.
Then Allie interrupted, “Let’s see. This is a breakfast date at Wasserman’s, so you want to be fashionable, but not over done, I think I have something right back here that will compliment your lovely skin tone. Let’s see, shoes too, and I have the perfect clutch purse to go with it. Do you have hose? Never mind, I have something that will coordinate perfectly. Size seven shoe? Oh, and I’ve got a little make up kit in the back and a nice lighted mirror. I can’t imagine the horror of having to throw yourself at the mercy of my brother. I hope that he has treated you proper.” As I slipped into the back for another cup of coffee, I could hear them all the way across the store.
I don’t know how to describe women’s fashion, except whether it was a dress or pants, and a close description of what the color was. Allie and Lori took a bundle of stuff into the back of the store. In a while they returned and I almost slid out of my chair. I just thought that I had seen Lori looking hot before. She was beyond goddess class now!
Her dress was what I would call turquoise, or teal, and just clung to her curves, showing them off, and then the lower part flowed around her legs, in a way that called attention to them, as if they needed it. The top dipped on her chest to show just enough cleavage to drive a man insane. She was wearing really classy, matching high heels, and carrying a clutch purse. And, I will say, her legs made the hose that encased them, look fabulously sexy. If I had not already been infatuated with her, I would have been hopelessly so now, and was.
“Sis”, I said to Allie, “You are a genius! I knew no one could improve on her perfect beauty, that it could only be complemented, and you’ve certainly done it!
“Thank you!”, Allie said, and curtsied. Lori beamed at me.
“I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in all of my life!”, I said. Lori blushed.
“She’s a keeper Tagg.”, Allie said. “It’s time to hang up the skirt chasing, and lock on to this one.”
“I’m not arguing, Sis!”, I answered.
“Tagg, as much as I’m glad to see you, I know, and you know, that you need to get out of here. There are too many eyes on this street that recognize your face.”, Allie reminded me.
“On my way sis! But first, maybe you can save me the cost of a throwaway phone. Are you still seeing Steve?”
“Every night Tagg”, she responded, as though she knew that I damn well knew the answer to the question, and I did.
“I need to get what he’s holding for me.”
“Hold a sec.”, she said, pulling a flip phone from her dress pocket, and turning, she walked into the back room.
When she came back, she simply said, “Okay. His new law office is just a block and a half from Wasserman’s. He said he would get it to you.” Allie put her arms around me, and hugging me said, “Now, get out of here!” Then she turned and hugged Lori, and kissed her on the cheek. “Take really good care of my new sister!”, she admonished me. Lori grabbed Allie and hugged her back and kissed her cheek.
“Allie thanks for everything! And, especially the advice!”, she said. Both of them grinned at each other.
“You’ll be fine!”, Allie called after us. “Both of you!”
“Thanks Sis! I’ll message you!”
“I’ll hold my breath!”, she called after us.
When we got out of the truck at Wasserman’s, men were all but falling all over themselves, ogling at Lori. As we entered the door, she said to me, “Tagg, I don’t think this camouflage is working.”
“That’s okay “, I told her, “this is home. These are friends. Well, mostly anyway.”, I added.
Lori was shocked at the opulence of Wasserman’s. The waiter’s in their formal livery, the mahogany paneled walls, the crystal chandeliers, the posh furniture, the formal lay of silver on the tables, all are impressive, and overwhelming the first tim
e one is exposed to it all in one sweep.
“My God! Cowboy, this is one of those places that gives you fancy, real cloth, napkins, and too many damn forks, isn’t it?”
“Yes, Sweetheart”, I answered, “It’s one of those. In fact, it’s the place.”
“Oh shit! Cowboy, why did I let you talk me into this?”
“Just relax and be yourself, Sweetheart. You’ll be fine, and you’re going to love this!”
The maître d’, greeted us, “Ah, Mr. Hill! It’s good to have you with us again! “Would you like your usual table? I believe that it is available.”
“Yes, Brandon, that would be wonderful.”, I replied. He nodded and proceeded to lead the way toward the back of the dining room.
“You come here regular?”, Lori whispered to me.
“Sometimes.”, I answered. Brandon, pulled out Lori’s chair and helped her with it. I don’t think that she had ever experienced that before. As soon as he had wished us well and departed, the waiter arrived and introducing himself, left menus in our hands.
“Cowboy, what are these odd numbers after the entrees? Eggs and Toast 20., like is it a foot note?”
“Price.”, I quipped. She whispered at me in an excited hiss, “Twenty fucking dollars for eggs and toast!” I reached over and gently took the menu from her hands.
“You also get juice of choice, and unlimited coffee with that.”, I told her. I motioned to our waiter and when he arrived, I asked him to bring a guest menu for my date. He promptly produced one from under his arm, and bowed, taking away the one that I handed him. “It tastes better if you order from this menu.”, I explained to Lori.
She took a quick look in the menu and said to me, “Cowboy, there’s no prices on this menu. “That’s why it tastes better!”, I answered.
“Cowboy, can you afford this?”, she asked me, with a worried look on her face.
“Trust me, Lori.”, I replied. “If I couldn’t, we wouldn’t be here. I want you to enjoy this. Please order any, and everything, you want. I certainly plan to!”
After coffee and juice were served, and we had placed our orders, Lori asked me, “Cowboy, what you were telling your sister about this assignment being worth millions to you, were you just bullshitting your sister? What’s really going on?”